Follow Blue Bar Cage!

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Creating New Monsters in WWE

So Big Show's about to feud for the next few weeks with Roman Reigns, and that seems likely to be a match for Extreme Rules. Who knows; Payback's only three weeks after; maybe they'll stretch the issue there as well. Kane, for his part, is now bullying Seth Rollins and seems to be on the verge of a face turn, which will probably lead to him re-donning the mask and playing loss-du-month en route to SummerSlam. Kane getting a World Title match in 2015, that's what we all clamored for.

Show and Kane are part of a serious problem: Vince loves his monsters, and accordingly loves pushing them as the roadblocks and attractions they can be at their best. Vince has always run a 'big man' territory, and Show and Kane are just examples of Vince adhering to his instincts. But what story haven't these two told? Tito Santana was pretty reliable as a jobber-to-the-stars, but even he had a shelf life. If everyone gets over on Tito, then beating him means nothing. Just as every babyface polishing off Kane and Show in purported heroic fashion means nothing now. It meant nothing five years ago. They're staler than stale.

The crux of the problem is that seven footers don't fall out of the sky. Since Great Khali proved to be a colossal disappointment, how many call-ups have been at least 6'7" and had a menacing enough presence to conceivably play the Show/Kane ogre-under-the-bridge role?

You may have forgotten Eli Cottonwood and Jackson Andrews, both 7'0 and 6'11 respectively. Cottonwood, dumb name and all, was a casualty of NXT in the game-show days of the brand name. Andrews appeared briefly as Tyson Kidd's bodyguard in late-2010 before vanishing, and ended up getting an ignominious mention as part of a formal complaint of assault by Rosa Mendes, whom he was purportedly once engaged to. The combined air-time on the main roster for Cottonwood and Andrews was roughly six weeks, and is what an old high school buddy of mine would call "a severe waste of height".

Big Cass (6'10) and Baron Corbin (6'8) seem to each have a better presence about themselves in NXT, with Cass a fountain of personality and Corbin splendidly icy (like a muted version of Leonard Smalls). Chances are they'll fare better on the main roster, although Cass lacks the imposing bulk needed to make Kane and Show expendable. Right now, he looks like an NBA center, albeit with some considerable muscle tone required in the WWE world. Corbin, with some seasoning, could pull off the Kane-like role of stalk-and-kill, even if he is a bit shorter than what WWE demands of its leviathans.

Aside from them, Sheamus is the closest thing they have to a killer monster that can still move, and he may need to press on his toes to reach 6'7. The forced punk-rock mohawk and Albano-rubber bands are good for cheap heat, and I'd reason he's better as a heel anyway. Sheamus' matches always deliver, because he's physical and untamed, and if he could still do all of that on a 6'10" frame, he'd have been made lead monster long ago.

It's so damn hard to create that definitive, iconic monster. It's why the creaky models are still hanging around.

No comments:

Post a Comment