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Saturday, July 4, 2015

Bad PPV Summer Great American Bash 1991

This week begins WCW Month on Bad PPV Summer. We begin with the 1991 Great American Bash. Ric Flair was supposed to defend the NWA/WCW World Heavyweight Championship against WCW United States Champion Lex Luger. However a litany of issues with WCW Executive Vice President Jim Hurd resulted in Flair taking the Big Gold Belt with him to feud with WWF Champion Hulk Hogan. Well Barry Windham will have to step into Flair’s boots tonight.

We start by showing excited fans. Must be the wrong show. They even make the cameramen buy tickets. One for them, one for the cameras. Gary Michael Cappeta welcomes us as we see a “Where’s Flair” sign. He was the CM Punk of the day.

P.N. News and Bobby Eaton vs. WCW Television Champion Steve Austin (With Lady “Drink Your Tea Before It Gets Stone Cold” Blossom) and Terry Taylor. Jim Ross and Tony Schiavone. Despite this being a scaffold match, the way to win this one is to capture a flag. News looks like he doesn’t want to fall. Given he is alleged to have been beaten up by a one-armed Rick Rude, this is nothing. Eaton and Taylor start, only for Austin to tag in. Still waiting for them to do something. This match is like an Authority promo. GET TO THE POINT! Finally, they start to fight. Austin trying not to fall while the commentators discuss the rules of this match. Austin inches to the other side before News tags in. Taylor next joins this mess, and moves slightly while in a knucklelock. Austin starts to slug him before News fights back. Eaton and Taylor move across to the other side. Austin stomps a mudhole in News before Taylor comes over to help. Eaton moves slowly to help News. He grabs the flag and hits Austin. Eaton is about to walk it across, but for some reason returns to the first side. Likely to get sprayed by a spraycan Blossom gave Austin. We hear a muffled announcement from GMC that Eaton won for his team. The brawl continues. Finally, some action. Boy did that match suck.

JR and Tony put over Luger vs. Windham for the WCW Championship in a match with an imposing cage. They talk about Flair leaving. Though they don’t mention him taking Big Gold to the WWF. Though we suspect Windham’s nephew is watching with his imaginary sister.

Eric Bischoff interviews Paul E. Dangerously, the advocate of Arn Anderson. No, he does not rip Bischoff apart about stealing talent. Instead, looking great in a trackjacket, he says he’s not scared of their opponents, Rick Steiner Brother and Missy Hyatt. Arn lets them know the AA here is aggravated assault.

JR and Tony talk about Luger and Windham once again. This match will define the show. We also hear about Sting vs. Nikita Koloff in a Russian Chain Match. El Gigante vs. One Man Gang. A.K.A Giant Gonzales vs. Akeem. Ricky (Now Richard) Morton vs. Robert Gibson.

Diamond Dallas Page accompanies The Diamond Studd. Strange to think DDP and Scott Hall would reunite decades later. Thank you DDP. Studd faces Z-Man Tom Zenk. All three men were in the AWA. Z-Man starts by attacking Studd. This ends when DDP pulls down the rope before Z-Man can go off the rope. This enables Studd to throw Z-Man over the railing. After taking Z-Man inside, Studd outbrawls Z-Man while Nick Patrick is standing up to Studd. We won’t see that again. After a series of chops by Studd, he uses an abdominal stretch to wear down Z-Man. When the referee is distracted, Studd uses the rope for leverage. Eventually, Z-Man reverses into a hip toss. But Studd uses his strength to chokeslam Z-Man and goes for a pin. Z-Man reverses for two. Studd resumes the assault before missing his clothesline. Z-Man then gets Studd outside, and sends him over the railing. When Z-Man gets Studd in the ring for a pin, DDP slaps him behind the referee’s back. Studd uses Z-Man’s attack on DDP to use a back suplex for a pin. Decent match, and you can see Scott Hall’s potential.

JR and Tony talk about Oz vs. Ron Simmons. A second member of the Kliq in action.

Oz has a castle for his entrance. The Great Wizard is the name of his manager. The Grand Wizard was already taken back in the 1980s. Oz looks really weird with a mask with a beard. Simmons emerges next. No doubt “Damn” was the first word he thought when he saw Oz’s entrance. After a feeling out, Oz has a hold locked in. Seeing Kevin Nash dressed like this is weird. Simmons breaks the hold, and we get bith men trying to knock the other down. After Oz knocks Simmons down with a kick, JR makes an Al Bundy reference. We now demand Al Bundy appear. After a sequence of power moves that gets a “Boring” chant from a fan. Simmons sends Oz over the top. When Oz get back in, he holds his hand up for a knucklelock. When Simmons is outpowering him, Oz uses kicks to get Simmons down. This match is a little too slow. Simmons tries to solve this be reversing into a suplex. Oz however is able to end the rally, and attack Simmons’ back. After a sidewalk slam, Oz only gets two. He then sends Simmons outside, where Wizard attacks. When Oz tries to pull Simmons into the ring, Simmons uses a sunset flip to gain momentum. Simmons uses three shoulder tackles to win. A little too slow in areas. And you can tell Nash is not yet the man that will main event in both the WWF and WCW. In fact, both men would become WCW Champion.

After JR and Tony talk about Morton vs. Gibson, we get the top WCW 10. The top wrestlers in WCW Chmpionship contention is a mix of weird gimmicks, and decent athletes. 10 is Johnny B. Badd (Pre-Sable), 9 is Simmons, 8 is Studd, 7 is El Gigante, 6 is Arn, 5 is Eaton, 4 is Austin, 3 is Sting, 2 is Windham, 1 is Luger. Now why do we tell you this? We don’t know either.

Gibson walks out in a trenchcoat he stole from a hobo. JR says Bischoff will talk with Missy Hyatt. Goddy. Morton, walking out with Alexandra York, does not have Mr. Hughes. Damn. He is still dressed like he always is. For a sellout who sold this sumbitch out, he has weird taste. A brawl starts this match off as JR talks about their Tag Championship reigns. York uses her speak and spell while Tony talks about their victory over Koloff and the future Smash. Gibson reverses Morton and sends him outside. Morton takes his time before he returns to the ring. After stalling, we get a shot of Gibson’s weird eye. Gibson sends Morton to the corner several times. We noticed Bill Alphonso is refereeing this. Haven’t seen this much stalling since WMXX. Finally some action as Morton sends Gibson into the turnbuckle. When Morton attacks Gibson’s leg, we see Bill Apter snapping away. Gibson tries to fight back on his hurt leg, but Morton takes advantage. Given the rumors many tanked their matches on purpose tonight in honor of Flair, this slow pace may be intentional. Morton rips away at Gibson’s tights to get to the knee brace. Gibson goes for a pin out of desperation, but only gets two. Morton uses a series of punches and stomps to keep Gibson on the ground. Morton uses a figure-four. The edit from showing a few fans yelling “Morton sucks” back to the action is a little gaffy. Gibson fights to get to the ropes, but Morton is able to keep him in the middle. Gibson powers his way however into reversing the hold. Morton releases the hold, and resumes the attack on the knee. Every time Gibson battles back, Morton goes back to attacking his knee. Gibson is able to strike Morton in the face. JR almost says he’s a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. Morton is able to keep on the knee. For a match with one of he best tag tams of all time, it’s worse than the last match. Gibson DDTs Morton, then back body drops him. After an attempt at a dropkick, Morton blocks. Again, on the knee. Though an inverted atomic drop is used. Gibson prevents Morton from going off the buckle, and even enziguri’s him. After brawling on the outside and dropkicking each other, York distracts the referee so Morton will be able to use the giant calculator to win. JR says the audience is angry. We imagine he’s describing the whole show.

Dustin Rhodes and The Young Pistols are interviewed by Bischoff about their non-title elimination match with WCW World 6-Man Tag Team and United States Tag Team Champions the Fabulous Freebirds and Badstreet. Full of energy, but not a lot of substance.

Dustin and the Young Pistols vs. the Freebirds, lead down by Oliver “Big Daddy Dink” Humperdink. Jimmy Garvin says it’s not their fault. We imagine he means the booking. Dustin starts off by dancing to taunt Hayes. Dustin then bodyslams Hays and Garvin. Dustin stays in charge until Garvin uses a kick. This then leads to everyone in the ring. Tracy Smothers gets in the ring next. He allows the Freebirds to pose out of respect for their flag. Strange to think Goldust, Dok Hendrix, and Freddy Joe Floyd are in the same match. Smothers uses several dropkicks and elbows before Badstreet tags in. Brad Armstrong. Great wrestler, bad gimmicks. Badstreet is dominated before tagging in Hayes. After a few moves, he tags in Garvin. Smothers is sent out by Badstreet, who is on the apron. Dink clotheslines him. Hayes send the full blooded Italian back outside. Referee Randy Anderson seems as lost as most fans. Garvin apologizes again for this event. Badstreet and Hayes team up as JR says May 19th. Watch out. Hayes locks in a sleeper hold, and then begins chopping. Despite a 10-punch attempt by Smothers, Hayes gets out and tags in Garvin. Smothers is again in a sleeper. After Garvin releases, Badstreet “tags” in, does a few moves, then Hayes is back in. After Smothers reverses a DDT, he tags in Steve Armstrong. Dustin and Garvin brawl outside as Hayes clotheslines Steve, and does a double DDT with Badstreet for the pin. Hayes’ joy is ended when he sends Smothers over the top rope. Apparently, that’s a DQ. So Hayes is off to the bar. Badstreet enters, and double teams briefly. Smothers tags in, but now the referee needs to see it. As Dustin goes back, another double DDT, and Smothers is out. Dustin comes in and quickly eliminated Garvin. These eliminations would be better over the match. Dustin quickly uses a bulldog to win. Not bad, but not great.

JR says he hopes we are enjoying the show. We are sad to say no JR. We next hear about The Yellow Dog vs. Badd in a mask bounty match.

Dog, who’s Brian Pillman, comes out with a dog. Badd (Marc Mero in blackface) comes out with Teddy Long. No chance of anone going one-on-one with The Undertaker or a tag team match. We see Vlad the Super Fan. This version of the show seems to be missing Pillman “Johnny B. Gay”. We also get a “Scene Missing” deal. Likely where Pillman says it. After a tie-up, JR refers to Dog as Pillman. We get an exchange of flying moves before Dog uses a hip toss. After Badd stalls, he tries for offense, but is sunset flipped for two. He however does gain momentum. At least until he talks to Teddy. When Dog goes to attack Teddy, Badd attacks from behind. Badd Gets Dog into the ring, and goes for a sunset flip off the top for two. Badd tries to remove the mask, but gets a jawbreaker for his troubles. When Badd tries for a punch, he gets a back suplex. He should be glad it’s not his future ex-wife’s future husband doing that. Dog uses some quick offense before he goes to win. Teddy runs in for a DQ. After Dog fights him off, Badd Tony Danza’s him.

Bischoff goes to interview Missy. Bischoff’s future buddy Jason Hervey sends Hyatt a good luck card. We see this is a men’s locker room. As an FSU shirt is around. Bischoff goes into the showers without permission. Good thing JBL’s not there.

JR and Tony tell us it’s a lumberjack match between Big Josh and Blackblood. Oh no.

Josh, who is the future Doink. Blackblood, who is Billy Jack Haynes, emerges with an incredibly fake mask. Blackblood punches Josh and sends him outside. The heel side assaults. Something JR is not happy about. After Josh is lightly brought in by the faces, he promptly comes back with a dropkick. Josh sends Blackblood to the heels, who let him in. Josh sends him back out as the faces throw him in. After a 10-punch by Josh, Blackblood battles back and sends Josh to the faces. We then get a quick brawl after Blackblood suplexes Josh in. After several knees and legdrops by Blackblood, Josh battles back. We see Josh mutter instructions before another brawl. Blackblood goes to use his fake axe. Dustin stops him, and Josh rolls him up. Whatever that match was, we’re glad it’s over.

After talking about El Gigante vs. OMG, we hear there’s more action.

OMG is lead by Kevin Sullivan. OMG looks like a refugee of Class of Nuke ‘Em High. Sullivan ramble about death wagons and OMG. El Gigante is lead to the ring by little wrestlers. Tough to think one’s a former UWF Champion, and the other is a streak victim. The short men attack OMG before the match begins. Once it does, OMG finds El Gigante too large and immobile to bring down. A hip toss by El Gigante is a full extent of his moves. Fonzie is distracted, so OMG uses a wrench. OMG keeps using the wrench when the referee’s back in turned. When the referee is busy with OMG, Sullivan attacks. Boy we hope this ends soon. OMG splashes, El Gigante gets out. El Gigante prevents OMG from going off the top. El Gigante uses a suplex on OMG, then iron claw’s Sullivan. When OMG tries to use powder. El Gigante kicks it in his face and gets the win. Finally off to next match.

JR and Tony talks about Sting vs. Koloff. May 19th again. Kane’s on his way.

We get a recap of Koloff and Sting attacking each other at different points.

Koloff emerges without Lana. Smart man. Sting is everything WCW, which means if he ever goes to the WWF, he’s screwed. They start with their wrists in the handles. After a feeling out, Sting kicks Koloff and brings him outside to put him across the railing. Sting gets Koloff into the ring, and rams his head into the buckle. When Koloff escapes, Sting pursues. Sting however is now the one being hit with the chain. Sting refuses to go into the railing, and sends Koloff into the post. Sting brings Koloff into the ring, but Koloff uses the chain to regain the advantage. He uses the chain to choke Sting before wrapping it around his elbow. After another elbow drop, Sting rolls out of the way. Sting then battles back before Koloff uses more hits, and attempts to go through the buckles. He gets three, but Sting prevents him from winning. Koloff uses a bearhug. This enables both men to get two. Koloff low-blows Sting before Sting low-blows him. Eventually, both men get three. After a quick brawl, Koloff stops Sting from getting the won. Koloff uses a Russian Sickle. Sting gets a surge of adrenaline, and goes to win, but Koloff gets the win. Sting however, hold his head up high after winning the post-match brawl. This was actually a great match. Sadly, the next two won’t be.

JR and Tony talk about the WCW Championship match. After this, we get a video package for both men. The video shows Big Gold, a Belt that will not be here tonight. Windham’s video looks like drunk Ziggler. Luger’s looks like he’s bored. JR says the cage means we’ll see the better man win. Overshadow much. Tony tries to talk over “We Want Flair” being chanted. Strange that “We Want Flair” has the initials WWF. JR says Luger was recruited by Joe Paterno. That’s like saying you’ve been hired by OJ Simpson. Soon, you won’t be proud of that. The stalling ends, and the match is on.

Windham bo-lieves he will win the regional belt that has a plate that says “World Championship Wrestling” glued onto it. Luger walks down as the longest reigning United States Champion. The “We Want Flair” is officially the original “CM Punk”. Referee Nick Patrick holds the interim belt. After a tie-up, Luger finds Windham is too big to outpower. He tries going off the ropes, but is dropkicked. After a weird handshake, we get “Nature Boy” chants. Luger gets Windham down, but Windham avoids the elbow. They tie-up again, before Windham back body drops Luger. “We Want Flair” again. Luger forces Windham’s head between his legs. Maybe he learned from Paterno after all. Windham gets out, and tries a figure-four. Both men go for a knucklelock. But when Windham goes for a kick, Luger reverses into an atomic drop. Windham shoulder tackles Luger, but Luger catches Windham’s second attempt with a sleeper. Windham gets out, and gets Luger into a sleeper of his own. Luger sends Windham into the buckle, and hits a DDT for two. Luger tries to go off the cage, but Windham sends him flying. Windhamgoes for an elbow, but Luger gets out of the way. After a back body drop, Luger hits three different clotheslines for two. Luger returns to the power game. As Luger has Windham in the torture rack, we realize the fans are into this match, really they should be. Luger goes for a superplex, but Windham sends him off and hits his clothesline. Windham back body drops Luger, then lariats him. Windham hits a dropkick for two. We see Harley Race, the man that actually punched out his high school principal, and Mr. Hughes walk out. Luger uses a piledriver to win. We see WCW decided to turn Luger. Well that will really make Luger’s time as WCW Champion a doozy.

JR and Tony talk about what just occurred, and that’s not even the last match.

Paul and Arn vs. Missy, who’s brown hair makes her look like Miley Cyrus before she went nuts, and Steiner. Before the match, Dick Murdoch and Dick Slater take her away. Missy and two Dicks is too easy a softball. Steiner starts against Arn. A sign says “We Want Flair”. That will be said more often. Paul distracts Steiner, which allows Arn to take advantage. Paul gives a boot to Arn, but Steiner KO’s him with a Steinerline. JR references Paul’s hair status. Rick Steiner Conquers Paul E. Dangerously with a Steinerline. JR’s glad we have no more matches. You and us both.

And that was the show. Most of these matches were really boring, and while the fans did not viciously boo after the WCW Championship match, it was certainly a moment that derailed a great reign before it truly warmed up. Well that’s the review for this week. Next week, we warm up the bikes for an event that earned less at the gate than we do now. Until next time.

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