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Wednesday, April 22, 2015

NXT Review: April 22 2015

No, we have not made a hostile takeover. Justin just saw we had no work 3 weeks out of the month, so he decided to bring us on for $50 & half a case of malt liquor. Truth be told, that is 1.5 times what we make at our other gig. While this blog is the Blue Bar Cage, we like to think our review is more like the LockDown 2007 Cage. Anyway, we will be reviewing the best WWE show, NXT, as well as letting you know what we were thinking with our own broadcast. We would take another 20 minutes to let you know, but this isn’t the opening to RAW, so onward to NXT.

We start with Finn Balor vs. Tye Dillinger. Balor is the most dangerous thing out of Ireland since Guinness tried an American-style beer. Dillinger got a brief bit of offense before falling victim to a Sling Blade (Mmm Hmm) and Coup de Grace. Good for a Squash, but not a lot of action. Afterwards, Tyler Breeze shows up on the NXTitantron wearing a vest made out of a bear Adam Rose hunted in a past life. Breeze makes it clear Balor he is challenge with this video threat.

Cut to the back, where Devin Taylor interviews Dana Brooke. Seems that Triple-H came to realize her as a one dimensional face isn’t going to work, as Brooke cut a narcissistic muscle head promo that makes her less like Beth PhoeniXXX: A Parody, and more like LeXXX Luger: A Parody. For some reason she keeps petting Taylor on the head. We’re not sure if Brooke thinks Taylor is a child or is holding back the urge to throw her like a lawn dart. Either way, not many fans would disagree with her.

Back from commercial, Devin now interviewing NXT Champion Kevin Owens. Owens first asks if she can feel a chill in the air. basically says Alex Reilly will never be NXT Champion. To which many online thanked Lemmy.

Triple Threat action in a #1 Contender’s match. Bayley, the woman that seems like she took her boyfriend’s role play idea way too far vs. Becky Lynch, the talented read haired woman in WWE vs. Charlotte, the only thing Bram currently misses about NXT. Bayley and Charlotte have a good exchange before a commercial for The Marine 4. The only time R. Lee Ermey has ever cursed anything associated with the Marines. When we come back Becky is dominating Bayley, Bayley selling a leg injury for most of this match. Bayley is pinned by Lynch while Charlotte has Bayley in a bridging figure four. To which Bram asked why we were smiling. We will have security escort us tonight. Great match that lasts as long at least 6 divas matches. And an interesting finish to boot.

Hideo "Kenta" Itami is next on CJ Parker's farewell tour. Parker dominates early on. Parker seems to enjoy the heel role on this stage which makes it strange to watch knowing he’ll be plying his craft elsewhere. Itami makes a WWE2K15-level comeback before finishing Parker off with a shotgun kick. The more we watch, the more we think Itami could be the next Daniel Bryan for all the right reasons. We just hope the put him in the Royal Rumble, AND have him win.

Becky is shown backstage taking off her boots before she has an argument with NXT Womens Champion Sasha Banks about who will win they’re match. Becky’s laugh needs a segment. Becky is still kind of a heel, but her turn is far more interesting that Naomi’s or either Bella. Of course listening to Jumpn’ Jeff Farmer cut a promo is more interesting than either Bella.

Jericho interviews Steph later this month. Hope he doesn't have to take care of her new dog
Rhino faces an unnamed victim. We will call him Johnny Doe. The crowd chants "ECDub." We were bummed out there were no TNA chants. after all, we let him burn a replica. Anyway, like the opener, not much to say as Rhino breaks Doe like a flower pot.

We fade to Carmella’s cleavage. Didn’t know our creepy cameraman jumped ship. Enzo Amore and Colin Cassady chase off NXT Tag Team Champions Wesley Blake and Buddy Murphy. Enzo does not like Colin comparing the crooning Blake and Murphy to Frank Sinatra. We personally are more angry Colin actually spoke. Enzo hates seeing Carmella wearing the gifts Blake and Murphy bought her. If he hates it that much, he should have The Godfather steal them like they were an urn.

Main event sees Owens vs. Reily. Brief offense is killed deader that a Zack Ryder push thanks to Owen smashing his head into the stage shortly before commercial. This Cena vs Rusev really cuts out the unintentionally inappropriate screenshot of the 2 of them. Back from commercial and Owens completely dismantles Riely for the win. Just when Owens goes to powerbomb him on the apron, Sami Zayn runs in to save the day. Zayn broke the protocol of waiting for the heel to kill before having your music hit. THEN you’re allowed to save the day. After an attempt by the locker room to stop this brawl, Zayn clears house off the top rope. Thankfully, neither man has back-up that will need to be kept out by a cage that won’t keep anyone out.

So ends a night of NXT action. While this one was slower than their usual broadcast, it certainly doesn’t leave one feeling as tired and unsatisfied as RAW. We will be back for a review of Friday’s Impact. Don’t facepalm at the screen like that. Until then, we return the reigns to the man that let us have the keys for an hour. Hope he doesn't ask for a security deposit back.

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