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Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Impact Destination X Review 6/10/2015

Quite a week here at TNA. Ratings have sustained, we get ready for the most anticipated new Champion in company history, and we may see a return by Havok in the near future. Though tonight is Destination X. You remember that, it was a PPV, then someone’s dad decided to stop paying for it. Well we will see how things fare after tonight.

A video about the X-Division welcomes us, though we haven’t built them up much for this.

When the now-unemployed Christy Hemme starts to announce the participants for the first match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship, Ethan Carter III decides to cancel the show tonight. Guess he was called a dummy too. This brings out the Champion, Kurt Angle. Angle says fans don’t want to see a whiny little bitch. Seth Rollins may not like to hear that. After Angle threatens to break his ankle, EC3 chooses to leave. This brings out Rockstar Spud, who last week chose to exercise Option C for this match. Angle starts by out-grappling Spud in a manner taught to him by the late Dave Shultz. Spud is showing himself more as an underdog in this match. Everything Angle gives to Spud is match by Spud giving back. He may not have the mat-based solution, but he makes up for it with agility. Using the buckle to jump off on the neck of Angle. When Angle superplexes him, this creates an opening for Angle to ankle lock the challenger, but after a reversal, Spud gets a two-count with his finishing move, the underdog. After a brief bit of offense, Spud falls to a second ankle lock. This time, Angle grapevines the leg. Angle gets the win by submission in a great match that sets the pace tonight. After this, Mr. Back Pay in the Bank Austin Aries comes out to remind Angle of his second match later tonight.

TNA Knockout Champion Taryn Terrell comes out to tell Awesome Kong that in order for her to get a match, she’ll have to accept it as a lingerie pillow fight. Billy Corgin tries to kill the division like Eric Bischoff before him.

We now have Low Ki vs. Manik vs. Crazzy Steeve. Josh Mathews asks The Pope if Steve talks with a horn. No, he’s not Sideshow Mel. Manik seems to be wrestling the whole match, as he rarely seems to take any sort of break in this match. That’s weird to say given as quickly as it starts, Low Ki gets the win by pinning Manik. Decent match that should’ve had more time.

Grado look to show how he’s been training by jumping over a box. At least someone is trying.

We see a recap of last week, when James Storm murdered Mickie James. Billy has out Russo-ed Russo. Though she wasn’t actually murdered. We finally hear she’s ok.

Tigre Uno vs. Mandrews vs. DJZ. They’re wasting little time. Mainly, because they have less than little time. Mandrews takes an early advantage against DJZ before Tigre Uno starts fling like a botch-free Sin Cara. The action spills outside when Mandrews takes Tigre Uno to the outside. DJ takes a risk and flies out of the ring. His move was more life threatening than our management not paying for his surgery. After the action returns inside, Tigre Uno sends DJZ back outside, and pins Mandrews to win. After the match, Jesse Godderz comes out and starts to unload on DJZ. The Pope likes this attitude adjustment. Wrong wrestler.

Grado then asks Tigre Uno about exercises he can do. We imagine f--- off is not an exercise.

Taryn promises to get the blood pumping in what will either be a great segment, or the subject of a section in RD Reynolds’ next book. Kong walks out in her ring gear, and slaughters Jade and Marti Belle. After this, Brooke comes out to say Taryn’s brought the division to a new low with her behavior. She should’ve said that to Billy. Brooke then challenges Taryn to match. After it is refused, Brooke rips Taryn’s robe off around the bed. Is this Impact or WOWEFA? Taryn is embarrassed that her lingerie is exposed. The same lingerie she intended to expose earlier.

Bobby Roode gives Aries advice about his Championship match later in the evening. If anyone knows about losing to Angle when you shouldn’t, it’s him

Tweet of the night goes to @ReBourneAgain: Ya know, this X-Division themed show is not as X-Division heavy as one would think it would be

Jeremy Borash lets Grdo know the slogan of the X-Division only after the man strips down to make weight. Jerk.

Kenny King vs. Cruz vs. Grado. Before the match starts, note we’re taping shows up until Slammiversary. Don’t let that spoil anything. King has a strength advantage that allows him better control over Grado where Cruz can’t bring him to Suplex City. Grado fights back against King’s offense, and is able to tossd him out of the ring and pin Cruz. We now have our X-Division Championship match.

Bram has killed a cameraman, and stolen his camera. He says he hates The X-Division. He seems ready to show a bit of flair.

Bram is now in the ring talking about how much he hates the past. So did Dixie when it came time to talk about Hulk Hogan. He then makes an open challenge to any former TNA wrestler to face him. So which start will be his opponent? Crimson. Don’t laugh. Bram brutalizes Crimson while asking “Who’s stupid now?” We dare not answer. Bram keeps hurling Crimson around the outside until he brings him back inside. Crimson starts to battle back, even using the rings of Saturn. Once Bram gets out, he regains momentum through biting to win.

Angle explains we may see match of the year up next. Don’t tell John Cena or Kevin Owens.

EC3 is asked about the main event, he however makes it clear that intends to be Champion. He may even be the last Champion.

Main event sees Angle defending again. This time it’s Aries getting the shot. Angle is able to stay a few steps ahead of Aries early in the match. Aries is able to negate the mat wrestling with a few strikes and well-placed high flying moves. Using the ropes as much as possible. However, Angle is able to use his Harley Race-like knowledge of Suplexes to take over. Just as quickly as he does, Aries tries for last chancery. Angle is able to block before going for an ankle lock. Aries is able to get out and come back . But his comeback is brief. Another ankle lock, a German suplex, and an Angle slam all nearly get the pin. He then goes for a moonsault. Aries rolls out of the way, and takes advantage to put Angle in last chancery. Angle has to crawl several excruciating inches to make it to the ropes. When Aries goes for a 450, Angle makes two attempts to stop him, but Aries is able to fight back and hit the move. Only a two-count. Angle and Aries proceed to slug each other. After a blocked Angle slam, Aries hits two discus forearms and a brainbuster. Only two. Aries then uses an ankle lock of his own on Angle. Angle rolls into an ankle lock. Aries rolls through and sends Angle outside. He then attempts a suicide dive, only to have Angle roll out of the way. After Angle drags him inside, he attempts another Angle slam. Aries reverses to try to get a pin, but ends up in one more ankle lock. This time Angle grapevines the leg to get the submission. Right after the match, EC3 runs in to attack Angle. He then holds the Championship belt in the air to end the show.

So ends Destination X. Solid wrestling with meh everything else. Basically, it’s a glorified version of our regular show, which is still better than a glorified RAW of a WWE PPV. Until next time.

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