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Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Impact Review 6/24/2015

Well there are rumors about Jeff Jarrett returning tonight. We hope he takes us out of here. In any instance, this is a go home show tonight. Strangely, not so much for the PPV. Try to watch anyway.

Ethan Carter III brags about finding a legacy to face TNA World Heavyweight Champion Kurt Angle. We finally signed Ted DiBiase Jr.

Angle says he can’t wait to shut EC3 up next week. Guess Sunday is too early. He wants to know EC3’s choice, prompting the challenger to come out. EC3 says that Angle is only the best for now. Angle says two things will happen: Next week EC3 taps, and his opponent taps. EC3 then says he’s beaten everyone put in front of him, and he’s just getting started. Angle says ego goes too far. Should've warned Dixie. EC3 says he’ll never tap, and reveals Angle will face Matt Hardy.

Low-Ki vs. Tigre Uno vs. Grado. The graphics are green, like the belt we had painted. As the action starts, Josh Mathews hypes the new belt. He may have it on his podcast. Tigre Uno tries to lift Grado, but like Bill Dauterive in a trap, he’s too fat. It isn’t long however before he is eliminated by Low Ki. The pace quickens with the lighter wrestlers facing off. Tigre Uno takes over early on, and prevents Low Ki from getting any sustained offense. Tigre Uno wins in a quick, but exciting match. Christy Hemme tries to get a few words, but we don’t speak Spanish.

Jeremy Borash tries to get a few words in before Bram interrupts and issues another open challenge. Afterwards, Borash has a Mastadon-sized hand on his shoulder. Borash saying “It’s time” only means one thing.

TNA Knockout Champion Taryn Terrell is angry at the Dollhouse. We imagine she’ll get in trouble again. At Slammiversary, we get them vs. Brook and Awesome Kong. First match announced.

Angelina Love vs. Velvet Sky is next. If Velvet wins, she gets her job back. Velvet starts by beating Angelina like she owed her money. Though a lot of people owe the roster money. Velvet throwes her around before Angelina uses a dropkick to the outside to gain momentum. Angelina brings Velvet back into the ring to work her over with several strikes. When Angelina attempts to go off the top, Velvet takes the opportunity to comeback in this match. Angelina briefly takes over before missing with the Botox Injection, and getting hit with the rock boob stunner for the win.

The Dirty Heels in a choppy segment. talk about how they did not learn to wrestle with weapons. The image of Eddie Sharky, Val Venis, or Shane Sewell swinging a chair during training is funny for some reason.

MVP in a choppier video talks about having a strategist’s mind. We hope he has a strategy for fixing the video.

The Wolves vs. The Dirty Heels in match #4 of their series. The Wolves use the rules to their advantage, as they double team early on with chairs, and their own moves.  The Dirty Heels brainstorm outside, and use a ladder to cut off the offense from the Wolves. Tweet of the night comes from @dbooth513: Still buffering. When we come back, the Dirty Heels are dissecting the Wolves. At some point, the Heels go with another Chinlock Randy. They keep the advantage with chairs and trashcan lids. Too much showboating however leads to a reversal by the Wolves. Now they again use the weapons of this match to take the match their way. The Wolves hit three suicide dives to the outside to put the Dirty Heels down. Once back inside, the Wolves use chairs to put Austin Aries down to try to get the pin, but Bobby Roode makes the save. Eddie Edwards gives Davey Richards a chain to put on his shinpad. Before he can use is, Aries rolls him up and tries last chancery. Edwards makes the save. After this, the Dirty Heels team up against Edwards. The Dirty Heels use a dropkick into a powerbomb through the table. Even that only gets two. After a quick brawl, the Wolves then use a double Van Terminator on Aries. When the Wolves go to finish the match, Roode low blows and gets the win. All tied up for the last match.

Borash talks with Matt, who says that he accepted the match not for EC3, but to have a match with the Champion. EC3 says Matt has to kiss the ring for a shot. Matt retorts by asking what EC3’s legacy is if he taps.

Feigning surprise by The Pope means Jeff Jarrett and Karen are in the ring for Superclash III. Jarrett, after saying basically “Global Force is a pretty big deal”, he announces he’s taking part in a king of the mountain match at Slammiversary. These match announcements would be a lot better had management spaced them out over several broadcasts. Jarrett brings up the great wrestlers we’ve had, some of which still work here. Karen’s got the mic. RUN! She tries to act human when she goes over the process of approving this match in what seems like he’s appearing at the last show. Jarrett talks about winning the match. Which we imagine may be for the Championship, and basically says Toby Keith told him to win. At least our possible last PPV will be interesting.

Bram vs. Vader. Despite his Vic Grimes gear, Vader looks ready. After a feeling out period, Vader out-brawls Bram. This feels like Kane and The Big Show dominating in 2015. Bram is able to battle back and pull the mask off. Bad move. Now we have to hope he doesn’t see us staring at how he looks old. After Vader tries a Vader bomb, Bram rolls out and gets a turnbuckle to brain Vader with like Kane did in 1998. Matt Morgan makes the save, which means we’ll hear his “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! YOUAWAKEN! A SLEEPING GIANNNNNT”! music one more time.

Eric Young vs. Chris Melendez is next up. Young brawls early on shouting Melendez doesn’t belong here. Honestly, few belong here. Young throws Melendez all around the ring for a good three minutes. As Josh makes an awkward plug, Young tries to pull the leg off. After a few more minutes of the squash, Young gets the win. Not much to note. Seems like Melendez wanted money. As in some money.

Back from break, and The Rising and the Beat Down Clan brawl. Which leads us to once again say that like the Patriots, we have Homicide and Hernandez. He helps the BDC stand tall after the brawl.

Angle vs. Matt is the main event. 2 WWECW originals face off. Matt starts off targeting the knee and back, but a quick suplex gives Angle the battle early on. Angle is in charge before Matt uses a legsweep to take advantage. After a yay boo spot, Angle delivers more Germans than a European mail order bride service. However Matt uses an opening for a side effect. We find out Aries and Davey will face off Sunday. Another great PPV match wasted. Angle locks in the ankle lock, but Matt gets out and tries a pin. When Angle takes over, more Germans. Matt again gets out and hits three more side effects. Angle still won’t stop. After an attempt at a twist of fate, Matt is able to hit it. Angle still kicks out. Angle is able to block Matt’s offense, and use an ankle lock to win. After EC3 tries to assault Angle, Matt makes the save before eating a Samoan spike by Tyrus, who eats an Angle slam. EC3 tries to attack, but gets ankle locked.

So ends the last Impact before both Slammiversary, and Bell to Bell. While the legends will likely be at the PPV, this was more of a go home show for next week. Not a good sign as to where the priorities lie. Until next week, we wish you well.

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