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Saturday, July 18, 2015

Bad PPV Summer Hog Wild

Welcome to another edition of Bad PPV Summer. This week in WCW Month, we look at the first, and only, Hog Wild. We say this because Harley Davidson did not like WCW using the word Hog. Some sort of trademark issue. Anyway, this event took place in the middle of a field in Sturgis, where none of the bikers paid to be there. Say what you will about how much money a promotion nowadays pisses away, none of them have intentionally had a non-charity PPV where they made no money. At least until WrestleMania 31. Well enough of this banter. On to the show.

We start with a view of varying South Dakota landmarks before showing us as safe for work of footage as Bike Week has. Then, we get Tony Schivone welcoming us to the show. After showing drunks, we get Tony, looking like a butch, Dusty Rhodes, dressed like Dusty, and Bobby “The Brain” Heenan dressed like a 1980’s coke kingpin. They talk about WCW World Heavyweight Champion The Giant vs. Hollywood Hulk Hogan later tonight.

We start with a match with WCW Cruiserweight Champion Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Ultimate Dragon (With Sonny Onno). What a match to give these guys that aren’t interested in the undercard. After a brief bit from Mike Tenay, and Tony telling the TBS audience to order the event, we start with the match. After a tie-up, Dragon works the arm. This is before Rey had his big weakness. Rey gets out, and the feeling out continues. Rey manages a reverses Indian Deathlock, but Dragon rolls into a pin. After Rey kicks out, Dragon works Rey over with chinlocks. Sonny is dressed like Tony for some reason. The fans chant “USA”. Likely knowing Rey’s from San Diego. Rey uses his quickness very well to take over. Tenay puts over the division, while the fans sometimes wake up. Dragon is able to use an elbow to take advantage, and the hits a running powerbomb before using a figure-four. Listening to Dusty being both excited, AND making sense makes us miss that type of announcing. Tenay wishes Jushin “Thunder” Liger a speedy recovery following cancer surgery. Knowing that he still wrestles makes this an unusual thing to hear. Dragon uses a rack attack, followed by a surfboard. The fans are starting to be lively. Rey avoids being thrown out of the ring, and dropkicks Dragon out of the ring. Rey jumps out after Dragon, and gets him back into the ring. Rey then hurricanrana’s Dragon before trying to springboard off the rope. Dragon dropkicks Rey out of the ring. Dragon follows Rey out of the ring, and brings him back so he can German suplex him. Dragon then moonsaults, but only gets two. Dragon tries the running powerbomb again, but Rey gets out. Now dominating, Rey Frankensteiners Dragon to get the win. A good opening match, but those attending brought things down a bit.

Mean Gene Okerlund plugs his hotline. This version censors the number on the screen, but not when he says it. After this, Tony talks about Bike Week, which we imagine Eric Bischoff had a reason to choose this place.

Scott Norton vs. Ice Train is next. FIRE AND ICE EXPLODES! Dusty says “God help me”, He knows this match is bad. We see a sign that says WCW vs. nWo. So we know not all those are drunk bikers. After a feeling out, Ice Train attacks with his good arm. Norton is able to sway things by hitting the left arm. Norton sends Ice Train unconvincingly into the post. Still attacking Ice Train’s arm, Norton is able to withstand a bodyslam. Norton eventually forces Ice Train’s head down. There’s a joke here, but we don’t want to get into trouble. Ice Train chops his way back into this, but Norton again works on the arm. Ice Train starts getting back in with strikes and a near-fall, but Norton is able to armbar for a submission win. Not a great match, but something to fill the show.

A recap of Ric Flair talking about the nWo’s attack on Arn Anderson. Flair says he thought the nWo and the Four Horsemen could co-exist, but the assault shows the Horsemen need to work with WCW against the nWo.

After talking more about Bike Week, Jimmy Hart talks about the merchandise. Again, number not shown, but spoken.

Madusa vs. Bull Nakano (With Sonny) in a Battle of the Bikes. Nakano wears a leather jacket while Sonny rides in on a Honda crotch rocket. Madusa rides in on a Harley wearing American flag gear. Guess we know who the face is. Nakano uses a set of nun-chucks to attack early on. It was acceptable at the time. Nakano drives Madusa face first into the mat while the fans yell “USA”. Madusa is able to string together offense to take over briefly. Nakano uses a Scorpion crosslock. We don’t hear “THIS IS MY HOUSE”! Nakano locks in a sleeper, but the fans will Madusa back up. Madusauses a hurricarana for two. Before Madusa is able to kick, Nakano strikes with an elbow for two. Each wrestler uses a suplex into a pin, but only get two. Madusa goes for a sunset flip, but gets two. When Onno goes to sledgehammer Madusa’s bike, she takes it off of him and shows she’s the original Paul Heyman wrestler to cause vehicular damage. She will take this destruction to her later career as a monster truck driver. Decent match mean’t to fit with the show.

We see The Steiner Brothers going on the internet. We imagine they’re looking at Steiner yelling at a fat person.

We have a period of time not disclosed by info as to who’s in the match on our network feed. We imagine it has to do with Dean Malenko’s opponent: Chris Benoit. Benoit is walking down with Woman, and Elizabeth. Benoit talks trash before shooting the legs. Malenko is able to fight out of the corner, but Benoit takes momentum. Malenko however, uses a suplex for two. Back on offense, Malenko uses a chinlock. Benoit gets out, and talks more trash. Benoit chokes Malenko with the rope before going for a pin. Malenko gets out, but Benoit stays on him. After a see-saw pin series, Malenko uses a hip-toss into an armbar. Malenko hold on until Benoit powers out. After an elbow, Benoit uses a snap suplex. When Malenko goes off the ropes, Benoit uses an abdominal stretch. After we get a shot of the audience, we see that both men are in a yay boo that the fans don’t seem to be bothered to care about. Knowing how the world remembers him, Benoit using the diving headbutt is disturbing. Malenko gets out of whatever Benoit’s planning, and tombstones him. Malenko goes for the Texas cloverleaf, but Benoit rolls up for two. Both men brawl until they end up outside of the ring. Malenko reverses an attempt to send him into the post, and puts Benoit into it instead. Once the action returns to the ring, Benoit stops Malenko from going off the top turnbuckle by superplexing him. After a desperation German, Malenko finds his offense is brief. Though Malenko manages to resume momentum with a clothesline. Despite all of this, Benoit is able to use a German of his own to get two. After bodyslamming Malenko, Benoit uses a Boston crab while bikers act like it’s a Bella match. When Malenko goes for a breather outside, Benoit pursues and keeps on him. After both men return to the ring, Malenko gets a quick pin attempt. After going off the ropes, Malenko attempts a pin, followed by Benoit attempting one of his own. After a powerbomb, again we see an attempt to go off the top by Benoit. This is countered by a superplex. As the time nears the end, we actually hear fans begin to countdown. The match initially ends in a draw before they are given five minutes. This starts with brutal offense by Benoit, who then uses a Texas cloverleaf of his own. Malenko tries to get to the rope before Benoit pulls him into the center of the ring. After frustration over Malenko not giving up, Benoit releases. Malenko hits a desperation DDT before we see both men’s heads hit. Malenko is selling a bad knee while Benoit targets that knee. Malenko fights desperately to overcome the submission moves and strikes to his knee. After Malenko uses a roll-up again, five extra minutes. This time, the bikers are loving this. Malenko now has an injured knee that HE can take advantage of. After kicking out of a Tiger suplex, Malenko is able to take over, and lock in the Texas cloverleaf before using an STF. Malenko breaks the hold to fend off Woman, which allows Benoit to get the pinfall victory in this match. While we feel much differently about him than we did in 1996, Benoit had a great match. That’s the only credit we’ll give him for now.

WCW World Tag Team Champions Harlem Heat vs. The Steiner Brothers. Scott Steiner looks different without all the tattoos and chainmail. Sherri wears a pantsuit that makes her look like a crazy version of Hilary Clinton. After giving time to Harlem Heat to heel it up with the crowd, Scott starts against Booker T. After Booker turns his back, Scott attacks without sympy. He powerbombs Booker, and suplexes Stevie Ray. Scott uses the agility lent to not yet being a genetic freak to move quickly in the ring, even 10-punching Booker. Col. Rob Parker seems like he wants to take a shot at Scott. Your funeral. After Stevie tags in, he starts wearing Scott down with kicks and elbows. Scott however, is able to suplex his way to dominate. Scott tags in Rick Steiner, who gets Stevie down long enough for a double team on Stevie. Booker is able to tag in, and build momentum before Scott belly-to-bellys him and tags in Rick. Rick’s dominance ends when Stevie hits him behind the referee’s back. Booker dominates before tagging Stevie back in. Stevie uses a chinlock to wear Rick down before Booker tags back in. A leap frog attempt leads to Rick powerslamming Booker.  When Booker reverses an Irish whip, Stevie sends Rick outside. Stevie, and even Sherri, uses referee Randy Anderson being distracted to strike. Even through all of this, Rick kicks out. Harlem Heat uses a team up to wear Rick further. Rick manages to get out of a choke, but despite a missed elbow, Booker spinaroonie’s his way back into the match. After Stevie tags in, he continues the assault before Booker tags in and misses a knee drop. Scott gets the tag and clears house. After Sherri and Parker accidentally hit both legal men with powder, Parker hits Scott with his cane to secure a win. Decent tag match that gave everyone time to shine.

We see different WCW wrestlers on bikes. Sting, Mongo and Pepe, Paul Orndorff, who could take some of the fans, Big Bubba, and Diamond Dallas Page among others. Then we see footage of the week. Some of it should not be seen by humans.

WCW United States Champion Ric Flair (With Woman and Elizabeth) vs. Eddie Guerrero is up next. Flair as U.S. Champion is much like John Cena as U.S. Champion: Keep him busy until 16. After a shoving match between the two men, we start with a tie-up. Flair eventually gets shoved down several times before rolling to the outside. Once back inside, Flair locks up again. He uses shoulder tackles and a back suplex before exchanging chops with Eddie. Locking up again, Eddie rolls out of multiple pins, and springs back up after a punch. Both men exchange blows before Eddie back body drops Flair. Flair eventually reverses, and uses several rights to send Eddie to the ground. Flair then both chops and punches Eddie in the corner. Eddie reverses and 10-punches Flair before chopping him and sending him to the other buckle. When Flair tries to catch himself on the apron, Eddie dropkicks him. Eddie is able to send Flair outside. Once back in, Flair takes over briefly. Eddie uses a crossbody, and even rolls out of the way when Flair tries to counter a sunset flip. Eddie locks in the figure-four on Flair, but breaks it and uses agility to attempt a pin. Eddie tornado DDT’s Flair, and pins him for two. After Eddie uses Flair’s strut, he goes to elbow in the corner. After this, we get the Flair going off the top attempt. When Eddie tries a sunset flip we see more of Flair than most should see. When Eddie hits a frog splash, he is unable to capitalize. We hear fans yelling for “Eddie” while Flair locks in the figure-four. Flair uses help from both the rope, and Woman to make the pain so unbearable, Eddie loses focus and is pinned with the move. A great semi-main event for this show.

Again, more Bike Week porn before Jimmy Hart tells Hogan no one will catch him when he falls. The Giant talks about being a Hogan fan, until Hogan turned. Giant cuts a better promo than he has in 2015.

The Outsiders vs. Sting and Lex Luger. Sting and Luger get a good 30 seconds of pyrotechnics. Amazing what you can do when you have both good wrestling and near-infinite resources. After Scott Hall and Kevin Nash play rock paper scissors to decide who starts, we have Scott and Luger in a feeling out period. Hall takes over and out grapples Luger. He also seems to outbrawl, but he can’t overcome Luger’s power. Finding Luger is too strong, he tags in Nash. Nash then spits on Sting. As a result, Sting tags in. After Nash uses a bit of power, Sting tries to use speed. Nash eventually is befallen by an eye poke. After Sting tries some offense in the corner, Nash rolls the dice with snake eyes. Hall tags in, and distracts pre-nWo referee Nick Patrick while Nash attacks. When Nash tags in, he knees Sting multiple times. Nash throws Sting around before tagging in Hall. Hall uses a fall away slam, and tries to use his feet on the ropes. Hall starts playing with Sting like a cat does with a mouse before tagging in Nash. Nash chokes Sting with his foot while Luger wants in big time. Sting battles out with punches and kicks before Nash backs him into a corner. When Nash tries a clothesline, Sting reverses and lays him out. Nash recovers long enough to tag in Hall. Hall assaults Sting for a bit before Nash tags back in. Nash doesn’t do much before Hall’s back in to try an Outsider’s edge. Sting reverses, and tags in Luger. Luger 10-punches Hall while Sting Stinger splashes Nash. While Sting has the Scorpion deathlock on Nash on the outside, Luger tries to use the torture rack, but stumbles, enabling Hall to get the win. Ok match. Presents the Outsiders as a tight-knit unit.

Giant (With Jimmy Hart) vs. Hogan main events. Michael Buffer really hypes this match real well, and makes each entrance that much more of an epic moment. Hogan starts by teasing he’ll enter the ring, but keep backing away. Hogan walks away before finally turning around to face Giant. Hogan tries to battle Giant, but he’s too big to be taken lightly. Giant sends Hogan out again. When Hogan tries to chinlock Giant, he gets hit with a back suplex. Giant pulls on Hogan’s hair, which causes a bit of stalling while Hogan yells at fans. Hogan tries a knucklelock, but finds Giant is too much of a knucklehead to be held down. Though he finally gets him down, Giant starts powering out. Hogan knows how to keep wrestlers from getting over him, but Giant is still able to reverse the pressure. With Giant now locking Hogan’s arm, Hogan finds he needs to use the hair. With Hogan now dominating, he starts working over Giant. Hogan’s control is short-lived. Giant keeps powering his way back off the mat, and uses Hogan’s hair. Both men end up outside, where Hogan sends Giant into the post, and rakes his back. Giant refuses to go into the post a second time, and sends Hogan into it. Giant throws Hogan around, and uses a backbreaker for two. Giant bodyslams Hogan, but misses with an elbow. Hogan takes advantage until Giant Hulk’s up. Giant gets ready to chokeslam Hogan, but Hall runs in. Hall gets chokeslamed. Nash tries to use the megaphone, he too is chokeslammed. Then Hogan uses the megaphone to get the win. This then sees Giant sell Hogan’s hit for several minutes while the nWo and the Booty Man celebrate with cake. 2 decades later, and Giant would be part of long winded segments after having eaten cake. Hogan even turns on Booty Man while Giant is sawing logs. They spraypaint Big Gold while Giant sells like he was shot out of a tank. Worst thing to do to that Belt before WWE put their logo on it. Not a great match, and the finish went on too long. A sign of things to come for them.

The matches were not bad, but the mix of fans and bikers, paired up with a gate of $0, were too much to ignore. Though as far as nWo-based PPVs, this did what it was supposed to do. Well that’s it for this week. Join us next week when we find ourselves deep in Russo turf. Until then, we hope your week is better than this event.

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