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Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Impact Review 9/16/2015

We are going to resume NXT reviews in January. Until then, we have the only other show where no one watches football instead.


After a video promoting the lethal lockdown match later tonight, we get Jeremy Borash talking about being here from day one. He may be turning soon. He introduces the Jarretts and Dixie to sign the papers. After Borash talks about the implications of the match, he says the papers will be given to the winner. He opens the floor to both of them. Dixie says she never removed Jeff Jarrett. Guess Jeff removed Jarrett. She says the thanks the wrestlers that chose to stay, so she stands with them. Karen Jarrett tries to speak, but is put down by Dixie. Jarrett says tonight settles how wrestling moves. He then says Eric Young stands with him, and that Jarrett put the first dollar in the promotion. He adds that tonight is about Global Force Wrestling, and that Dixie will be on the outside of wrestling after tonight. Despite the Jarretts grabbing the case, Borash says it will be safe. This results in Jarrett with the worst worked punch since Surge.


TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ethan Carter III rides in with Jeff Hardy driving him and Tyrus. EC3 mocks Jeff before telling him to wear something from a garment bag.


A video talks about how TNA reached new heights before. We so hope to go somewhere that will again.


After a video about Mahabali Shera’s feud with the Revolution, we get Shera vs. Abyss. Along the way, we see a person wearing a Bigfoot suit. We hope it’s Bigfoot in a Bigfoot mask. Abyss attacks Shera during his dance. Stomping him and sending him outside. They brawl along ringside before Abyss sends Shera into the steps. Once back inside, Abyss uses his power to keep Shera down. Shera battles back, and uses a shoulder tackle, bringing Abyss down. It is brief, as Abyss uses a chokeslam. Abyss then brings out Janice. After Abyss acts like he got Janice stuck, Shera uses a chokeslam. This begins a sequence where James Storm botches interference, leading to Shera winning. Not especially bad.


EC3 is shown watching videos on his phone. When asked about tonight, he says he will party hearty with Jeff Hardy. Well played.


Jarrett is shown with his team talking about how important tonight is while we see Young with him.


EC3 comes out singing along with his music. EC3 says he makes the TNA Championship look good before introducing Jeff. Again, no music. Jeff wears a suit with EC3’s face on it. EC3 continues to make Jeff feel uncomfortable by ordering Jeff to tell the fans not to chant for Jeff. After Jeff says no, EC3 tells him he needs the job. After Jeff agrees, he then get the fans to be louder. EC3 says there’s nothing Jeff is able to do to stop him. This brings out Rockstar Spud. Spud notices he was in the same spot Jeff is in. Spud says he also needed a job, but he was only starting out. Adding that Jeff shouldn’t have to do this, and that Jeff is everything EC3 wishes he could be. After Spud says EC3 is garbage, EC3 goes over everything he’s done, then punches Spud. As EC3 heads to the back, Spud quickly attacks before Tyrus attacks him. EC3 orders Jeff to hit Spud. Again, Jeff refuses. After EC3 yells several times, Jeff becomes crying Big Show and punches Spud. Decent segment. Boring ending.


Another video about Dixie vs. Jarrett brings us Drew Galloway and Jarrett arguing about 5 wrestlers on GFW’s team.  Also, EARL F---ING HEBNER is in the Hall of Fame.


TNA Knockout Champion Brooke vs. Gail Kim vs. Awesome Kong vs. Lei’d Tapa. The power wrestlers quickly take the others out before attacking each other. Gail and Brooke help take out Tapa going into commercial. Back from break, and Gail’s 619 is blocked by Tapa. Brooke runs into a wall named Kong. Kong then jumps off the ring onto Tapa. Gail then takes out Kong before Brooke takes out Gail. After this, both Kong and Tapa brawl to the back. Brooke and Gail then wrestle on their own. After a brief bit of offense by Brooke, Gail clotheslines her. Kong and Tapa return and accidentally take out Brooke. Gail takes out Kong, but is thrown around by Tapa. Gail tries flying, but Tapa stops her. After Tapa superplexes Gail, Kong splashes Tapa, then Brooke elbows Kong. We then get flurries of offense by all women involved. Tapa sends Kong outside, followed by Brooke sending Tapa out. When Gail goes for eat defeat, Brooke reverses to a sunset flip. However, Gail reverses for a pin to win the match.


Drew hypes up his team for the big main event, then we see a preview for the network’s next supernatural mess.


A recap of EC3 making Jeff hit Spud sees EC3 telling Jeff he better help him win against Spud next week. Hope you like what we do.


The final video for the battle up next. We hope it’s the last one.


TNA vs. GFW. TNA World Tag Team Champion Davey Richards starts against Sonjay Dutt. Davey starts be bringing the strong style straight onto Dutt. Dutt sterts battling out, but Davey fights like a man trhat is unaware of what’s going on. Dutt’s brief offense is cut off by Davey. Davey slingshots Dutt before Young comes out. Young attacks Davey, but is quickly in a cloverleaf. Dutt is able to stop him, and enable Young sends Davey into the turnbuckle and stomping him. Dutt uses a half Boston crab. Next out is Drew. Drew takes out Dutt and stomps Young into commercial. Back from break, Brian Myers is in the match helping to keep the advantage. Bobby Lashley is next out, and he destroys everyone in short order. TNA keeps everyone down until Chris Mordetzky emerges next. Mordetzky helps Myers take down Lashley before Myers focuses on Drew. Mordetzky battles with Lashley, but is suplexed by Lashley. TNA World Tag Team Champion Eddie Edwards is next out. The Wolves take out Dutt, and team up on Myers. Drew sets up Myers for The Wolves to attack in the corner. Jarrett is the last GFW wrestler to enter. Jarrett uses quick punches on the TNA wrestlers. Myers sends Edwards into the cage several times before they focus on Drew. The final TNA wrestler to be locked into the cage is Bram. Fitting. To be fair, it’s not like we could Hernandez this match. After yet another break, we get a staredown. Mordetzky is crotched on a rope, Jarrett is stomped, The Wolves team up on Mordetzky, and Bram looks for a sharpened toothbrush. Jarrett uses a trashcan on Lashley. Funny to hear Bram standing up for Dixie. After Dutt and Myers accidentally kick Myers. After TNA takes out GFW, Jarrett tries to escape. He is sent into the cage. Lashley superplexes Jarrett. A quick everyone hits their finisher spot then sees The Wolves go coast to coast against Jarrett. Bram and Mordetzky take each other out before Drew future shock’s Myers to win the match. TNA stand as heroes while GFW limps away. Drew holds the briefcase as Dixie walks out to thank Drew and the rest of the team. They’ve kept the lights on through the end of the year.


Well tonight was decent enough. There was sadly no way to avoid Bram giving us one of the last LOLTNA moments if not ever, then at least all year. Well that is enough for this week. We are staying with the ship until is sinks. So we’ll see you next week.

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