Impact Review 9/9/2015

A few weeks left. A few bridges to burn.

 

A recap of last week’s invasion, and TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ethan Carter III getting Jeff Hardy’s services.

 

EC3 starts the show with Tyrus holding a bag. EC3 briefly talks about the invasion before saying he doesn’t care about it. We don’t either. EC3 berates the crowd in regards to Jeff, then brings Jeff out to the ring. EC3 orders the music stop for Jeff, so Jeff walks to the fans yelling his name. EC3 asks Jeff to bring two bottles of water to the ring. EC3 jokes about the water’s temperature before giving Jeff an EC3 sign for him to hold. After giving him some head, EC3 tells Jeff to introduce him. Jeff is forced to read the praises of EC3 to the Champion’s delight. EC3 then says that he and Tyrus will take on Matt Hardy and Rockstar Spud. Guess Bobby Roode forgave the big Austin Aries stuff.  The match has EC3 quickly tag in Tyrus. Matt slugs away, but gets jumped by Tyrus. When EC3 tags back in though, Matt uses a legsweep to get two. We get to say EC3 will be in Jim Ross’ show. Bah Gawd. Spud tags in and takes the fight right to EC3, but EC3 sends him out to be destroyed by Tyrus. After EC3 dismantles him some more, Tyrus tags in, and uses several power moves to wear Spud down. EC3 tags back in as Jeff says he will not help EC3 win the match. Matt tags in, and uses a side effect to get two. Tyrus tags in, but Matt and Spud get him down. Once Matt and EC3 are outside, another debate about getting involved. All this while Tyrus pins Spud.

 

A recap of a multi-man assault for the TNA World Tag Team Championships shows Drew Galloway getting The Wolves hyped.

 

Taryn Terrell keeps repeating “I hate Velvet Sky” like Meat Loaf’s corpse is right in front of her. She orders The Dollhouse to attack one of the Beautiful People. Then we get a plug for yet another Bigfoot show.

 

Next, a recap of this stable war brings a brawl that sees Angelina Love get hit by a chair to explain why she’s not wrestling for 9 months.

 

Jeff Jarrett says the usual Global Force Wrestling bit before asking TNA King of the Mountain Champion Bobby Roode to walk out. Jarrett demands the Not-Not-WCW Championship back. Roode acts too much like a face when he says no. Jarrett demands one more time before Karen Jarrett tells them to stop like they’re petulant children. We can’t all be Seth Rollins. Jarrett seems to be hinting at a turn.

 

Eli Drake leads Kenny King an Jesse Godderz to argue against Drew. This leads to Drew bringing in TNA X-Division Champion Tigre Uno, Robbie E, and Micah to brawl with them The Rising vs. The Beat Down Clan once again. Tonight has been Russo Random.

 

EC3 punishes Jeff by making him sell shirts. Should’ve made him sell Bram shirts.

 

Robbie, Tigre Uno, and Micah vs. Jesse, Drake, and King. The faces dominate  early on before Micah gets backed into a corner. The team assault helps Jesse to wear down Micah before bringing King in. King’s brief flying assault leads to Drake tagging in. Micah remembers he’s Micah, and brings them both down before tagging in Tigre Uno. Tigre Uno’s flight is stopped early by Jesse. A brief beating by King is stopped with a DDT. Robbie tags in, and his attacked by King. We then get an everyone hits their move before Robbie uses a boom drop to pin Jesse. The match was not bad, but confusing.

 

TNA Knockout Champion Brooke vs. Gail Kim is next up. They start by locking-up before Brooke gets her in a chinlock. Gail gets out, leading to a chop-off before Gail is sent outside. When Brooke goes to fly out after her, Gail catches her, and sends her back inside. Brooke tries a desperation pin, but gets two. Brooke continues to his moves until Gail donkey elbows her. Gail then uses an armbar before both attempt a pin. Brooke counters into an inverted STF. As Gail goes for ropes, Brooke releases to try something else. Both hit a crossbody. Lei’D Tapa walks down and grabs the gold. This leads Brooke to head out and assault Tapa. After Brooke gets distracted, she’s nailed in the back with her strap. This then leads to Tapa destroying them both before Awesome Kong cleans her clock. Kong then grabd the Championship.

 

Jarrett promises GFW he has a gift for them. Boy it better not be a “Rolecks”.

 

Drew tries to get Jeff on his side before EC3 tells Jeff to scrub his gear. Drew or Jeff will be Championship soon.

 

TNA World Tag Team Champions Trevor Lee and Bryan Myers is next on. The Wolves attack Lee and Myers to start the match. Even flying outside of the ring three times in under a minute. Davey Richards uses several powerful moves before Myers stops him. With Eddie Edwards legal, Lee takes advantage before tagging in Myers. Lee and Myers keep Edwards isolated before Eddie sends Myers outside, and Edwards rolls over to tag in Davey. Davey is able to superplex Lee to get two. After a quick team assault by the Wolves, they again send Myers outside. A few more moves are hit before Myers gets back in the ring. Now with Edwards isolated again, he sends Myers back outside. The Wolves have it before Sonjay Dutt attacks referee Brian Hebner. This leads EARL F---ING HEBNER to attack Dutt. One tombstone later, and new Champions.

 

Chris Melendez says Eric Young has not won the war. Yep, this is still a thing.

 

Melendez makes it clear despite losing his prosthetic leg to Young, he demands Young come down. This brings Young down to mock Melendez some more. He also says he’s the reason Kurt Angle is at home. Not because we can’t pay him and WWE can’t use him. Melendez then brings one more challenge to Young. Young accepts, then knocks him down. What this is, we can’t say.

 

Drew says he will get revenge on Chris Mordetzky. Hopefully he leaves Karen alone.

 

Josh Mathews interviews Mahabali Shera about his time here. Shera says James Storm is very bad like something out of Seinfeld, then he has a promo for what is going to air in India.

 

Drew vs. Mordetzky in a lumberjack match main events. Drew says he wins tonight, and will also win next week. Basically, instead of lumberjacks, they are the other members of the teams in action next week. Both men brawl to start the big match. So naturally we go to break. From @WheelerDeeler: “At least it wasn't an Ad during a f---ing Promo”. Back from break, Drew sends Mordetzky into the turnbuckle. When Mordetzky gains momentum, the teams almost fight. Drew uses a kick, then sends Mordetzky outside. Bobby Lashley takes no liberties sending Mordetzky inside. As Mordetzky regains momentum, he uses a camel clutch. When Drew gets out, Drew poke him in the eye. Mordetzky stomps away before letting drew up. Drew reverses a clothesline to send them both out. They brawl outside before Mordetzky reverses a future shock. Once Drew hits it, GFW drags him out. TNA makes the save before Jarrett goes to hit Drew. Young stops him, and turns for the 99^th time by usinbg the guitar on Drew to help GFW get the one man advantage.

 

We have a few broadcasts left, and frankly, we don’t like our chances. Safe booking only works when neither the booking around the matches, nor the management, are dumb as rocks. Sadly, we don’t see either one getting any better. This feels more like the end more than anything before. Until next week, Achieve better.