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Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Impact Review 5/17/2016

Well there is no Saturday show, and the network may not renew. Morale is High.


Bringing final hype for TNA World Heavyweight Champion Drew Galloway facing Bobby Lashley. Both men got a raw deal from WWE. They are shown brawling earlier in the day.


“Willow” appears. Dressed in a black bodysuit, he says he’s resurrected while sounding like someone hit the pitch button all the way high. Jeff Hardy says that Willow is not this fraud. Bringing this up, Jeff asks a strange series of questions. They have a “match”, that sees them going for the twist of fate before Jeff hits it to win. When Jeff goes to unmask him, a second Black Scorpion assaults before a third one that totally isn’t Matt Hardy delivers a cryptic promo going into break. N ad for possibly our last Slammiversary. Back from break, Matt unmasks to talk about how Jeff betrayed him. Multiple versionms of a Gooker Award nominee, rapid gimmick change, this is a Gooker Award nominee. Matt says Jeff should’ve finished this. But that’s what fans have said to WWE since June 2002. Matt delivers a literal kiss of death before rambling some more. After the two other guys beat eff up some more, Matt proceeds to choke Jeff. At the end, Matt goes to the back as the fans are silent.


Velvet Sky is told by Cherry Bomb, who is now a woman named Allie, that she’s facing Sienna. Velvet scares her, and finds out her job is on the line. Guess who got WWE to hire his girlfriend.


Jeremy Borash is talking to Dixie about the Drew/Lashley issue. Morale is High enough to get wrestlers in a lumberjack match.


Velvet vs. Sienna starts with Velvet trying to pin the latest monster of the division, but Sienna uses her power to kick Velvet around. Velvet goes for a pin, but Sienna takes the fight outside. After reversing an Irish whip, Velvet brings things inside. Velvet then tries her Stunner knockoff, but Sienna finishes her, and her time here. Given how long we have left, this may be the last time you see her.


Mike Bennett is talking earlier in the day at a hotel about Ethan Carter III and becoming Champion, but Maria is swimming. Tough to say what we should be focusing on.


Speaking of which, Bennett says he understands fans don’t believe in him, saying that believing in themselves is something they don’t do. He then says he devised the road to redemption EC3 is on. Bennett challenges Earl Hebner. Seems like we have EC4. Bennett has referee Brian Stiffler walk out to referee the match. Bennett then punches Hebner, but there’s a kickout. When Bennett argues, Hebner low-blows. When this leads to Maria arguing, Bennett strikes, and gets a pin. After this, a second assault is interrupted by EC3. Benett respects the action, but says tonight EC3 wrestles in a last man standing match with Tyrus, who attacks from behind going into break. Back from break, EC3 gets out of a nerve hold. Despite this, Tyrus uses his power to recover, then grabs a chair. EC3 battles back, but a thumb to the eye helps Tyrus buy some time. After setting up the weapon in the corner, he is sent into it by EC3. After a series of splashes, EC3 goes up top. He nails Tyrus with a crossbody, then brings into the ring a table. EC3 then wallops Tyrus with chair shots. Tyrus males it up, and sends EC3 into chairs. EC3 is back up as Tyrus sets up the table. Tyrus uses a Tongan death grip, then puts EC3 on the table. When Tyrus goes to fly, EC3 mounts a comeback by powerbombing him into the table. Tyrus now has a comeback, and uses a Becky Lynch-approved exploder suplex, followed by the ICU. It sends the match outside. Tyrus sends him down onto the ramp. EC3 amazingly gets up. Tyrus grabs a rail, but EC3 Samoan drops him onto it. EC3 then put the steps on Tyrus, and hits it with chair shots several times before going back into the ring while pressing down with his foot. Because of this, EC3 wins.


A second hype video for Drew/Lashley. This one shows the superhuman exercise Lashley puts in. Actually, because of this, we may be careful about what is a joke here.


AJ Styles, Who Faces Off For Gold Soon.


A recap of the opening mess leads next to Jeff saying he will defeat Matt at Slammiversary.


The Helms Dynasty(What sort of name is that) vs. Eddie Edwards and DJZ. Edwards starts against TNA X-Division Champion Trevor Lee. Both men quickly tag out, leading DJZ to move fast against Andrew Everett, but Lee knees DJZ, leading to Everett to assault DJZ before Lee briefly tags in. Once Everett is back in, DJZ uses desperation hits, and tags in Edwards. Once in, Edwards uses a backpack stunner to get two. After both Edwards and Everett brawl, Edwards tags in DJZ, who then jumps om Lee, and we then get a fast-paced sequence that sees Edwards take out Lee, and DJZ pins Everett.


We see Drew training as he says he will keep going as Champion. He says Lashley will never break him.


Eli Drake hosts Fact of Life. The fans are into him pressing the Dummy button.  He refers to TNA King of the Mountain Champion the Re-Signed Bram as a dummy. Someone get 911 handy. Bram likes his belt, and the fact he’s signed so many deals, he will end up paid for by WWE. He says Drake is not dangerous, to which Drake says his Feast or Fired briefcase makes him dangerous. After hearing the offer to just hand the belt over, Bram threatens him. This leads to Drake leaving while Bram mocks him. Drake attempts to walk away, but Bram brawls with him briefly.


A recap of EC3’s win leads to him wanting his rematch now. He finds out however he has to wrestle Matt next week. Be careful not to get stupidity here.


We also see Grado vs. Al Snow, and an Ultimate X match. That match can both be good and hilarious.


Drew vs. Lashley is the main event. Both men feel-out to begin before Drew starts punching and kickimg. Lashley blocks a kick, and we get a sequence where Drew’s outside, but we don’t see what happens because of break. Back from break, Lashley has Drew in the corner with a boot, then chokes him on the rope. Lashley stomps away before sending him outside. The heels attack Drew before sending him inside. Lashley stomps and brutally chokes Drew before sending him into the turnbuckles and shoulder tackles him. Both men struggle to suplex before Lashley neckbreaker’s Drew. Drew runs into an elbow, then is grabbed with the hair. The Pope says Drew is like John Wayne toilet paper: Takes crap from nobody. Drew battles up and tries a future shock before giving a neckbreaker all his own. When Drew tries running off the ropes, he is slammed. Lashley tries running at Drew, but Drew uses a Celtic cross. Drew intends to use the claymore, but the lumberjacks are brawling to a no-contest. Hope you’re now amped to watch the Royal Rumble.


There were good moments, but the bad is like Russo never left. Hope next week isn’t going to drive us to drink more than usual.

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