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Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Impact Review 5/31/2016

Because we now have Angle going against Cody Rhodes somewhere, we’re angry it isn’t us. Either way, we fully take both Slammiversary, and being on this TV network, in stride.


Dixie’s giving someone power. Oh boy. We see a recap of last week’s action. Including Ethan Carter III’s attempt at going in a commando-like war. This leads to Mike Bennett asking who she put in charge. But it’s EC3, who then makes EC3 vs. Bennett at Slammiversary. He then gives him the night off… Of wrestling. After EC3’s announcement, there is an announcement that there is a new janitor. EC3 then tells Maria that she’s going to have a job evaluation. Those are like weddings. After a refusal to have the ring vacated, EC3 makes a threat, to which Bennett says he’s leaving because he wants to. The fans sing “Kiss Him Goodbye”. Bobby Lashley is next out. He wants to fight EC3, but TNA World Heavyweight Champion Drew Galloway picks the opponent. An ad for Slammiversary in a few weeks. Hope it’s worth it. EC3 makes Bennett clean the toilets. We feel bad for using a trash-bin for a urinal. Anyway, Drew announces TNA King of the Mountain Champion Bram. After a feeling out, where they exchange hits, Lashley starts punching away. Bram sees an opening, and hits Lashley for a bit before launching him outside. This however sees Lashley whoop away and sends Bram inside for a suplex. Lashley then uses a chinlock that Bram escapes from. Bram hits a few forearms, bringing Lashley to a daze. Lashley is able to get Bram down with several lariats of his own. Bram remains defiant, seeing Lashley grab a chair, and hit Bram to get DQ’ed. Lashley then spear’s Bram back to Charlotte. Drew makes the save, but the damage has been done. Eli Drake says to referee Earl Hebner, you’ll see him again, he wants to use his Feast or Fired briefcase, but Bram kicks out. Drake knees away at Bram before shoulder thrusting in the buckle. Drake then makes it a bad 2006 for Bram.


The BroMans are with Raquel, who again goes with the escort vibe. This may be a plan that won’t go well.


EC3 introduces Bennett to Hebner, who somehow was using the bathroom while refereeing. EC3 says Bennett is refereeing next.


We see Matt Hardy invited Jeff Hardy to his house to seal the deal.


A recap of the last two matches brings us to an see Drake having a drink to celebrate his win. He’s like us.


Matt talks about inviting his brother. This is still a thing.


EC3 has Bennett referee Rockstar Spud and Tyrus vs. BroMans with Raquel. Jesse Godderz uses his power early on, and even a bit of agility, against Spud. Robbie E tags in, and notices a slow-count by Bennett. Tyrus tags in, and uses power against Robbie. He then uses a T-Bone suplex before tagging in Spud. Despite Robbie’s attempt to gain momentum, Tyrus uses Bennett’s lack of enthusiasm to referee. Raquel attempts to get some man-dinosaur action while BroMans bring him down. They hit Spud with a Hart Attack, well, a Man Down, then an Adonis crab. Bennett reluctantly rings the bell.


EC3 interrupts Maria, and tells her the evaluation with Gail Kim is next. We think it will go well.


Jeff still is on his bike. Run.


EC3 belittles Allie and Sienna and tells them to leave. He then asks is Maria thinks she’s doing well. He then introduces Gail. Maria says no one should be speaking. EC3 says attacking Gail would be grounds for dismissal, but asks Gail what she wants. Gail says she wants a match against Maria at Slammiversary. EC3 likes this, and there is a protest by Maria. EC3 announces that this fight will happen at Slammiversary. Maria says she will win. EC3 then makes Gail and TNA Knockout Champion Jade vs. Sienna and Allie. EC3 tells Maria to sit next to him. Gail starts against Allie, who has to act untrained as she is punched all over the place by Gail. Sienna tags in, and begins clobbering Gail until Gail regains her composure, and tags in Jade. EC3 keeps Maria confined as Sienna is able to out-power Jade, who has to tag Gail back in. Sienna uses a suplex that only gets two. Sienna goads Jade to get opportunity. Bet you never thought you'd hear a New Kids On The Block reference in 2016, but Josh Mathews does one. Once a tag is made, Sienna is reeling thanks to Jade, who has to tag in Allie. Sienna tries to stop this, but eats defeat while Jade hits the package piledriver to end the match.


Jeff enters Matt’s White Castle of Fear. Matt acts weirder than normal.


EC3 tells Bennett he lied about no match. James Storm is his opponent. Storm uses the Boozer Cruiser to chase Maria, but is attacked going into break. Best of better days. Back from break, Storm stomps away and throws Bennett. Storm puts his sunglasses on Bennett, who sneaks an eye rake to alter how this match goes. Bennett uses a chinlock before being hit in the stomach. Bennett then chokes him on the buckle and hits a suplex. He then puts another hold on before punching away in the corner. Storm is then able to punch away several times before hitting Bennett in the back of the head. Storm then hits a legsweep, and an Eye of the Storm, but a kickout. Storm hits a few more of his moves, but Maria distracts with beer, which leads to a roll-up. EC3 then says the match is on, and will burn Bennett’s church down. This gives Storm enough time to hit a superkick. He may not have won the match, but he wins the fight.


The Legio… The Tribunal video leads to Al Snow introducing them. Not sure the reason the video was made. They are dressed like the Spirit Squad, which explains Triple-H sending them here in a trunk. After they speak about stuff with an accent. Snow shows the finish from last week to say he did not need a weapon, which brings out Grado and Mahabali Shera. Grado shows the unedited video to show how it really happened. That’s when the promo starts to suck, then becomes a brawl. Snow uses a chair to help his guys gain an advantage. At least this segment has ended.


A new guy named Braxton Sutter. Looks a bit like someone thought she signed Randy Orton.


A review of what matches you will see at Slammiversary. Again, hope it’s worth your interest.


Matt shows Jeff a ring, as in the kind you wrestle in. Where’s The Freight.


Drew finds out from Lashley he is facing all of TNA World Tag Team Champions The Decay. They are now random heels that faces wrestle. They will face both The Undertaker and Kane in a tag team match at this year’s Survivor Series. The Decay try attacking Drew, but only gain any ground when Drew does not hit Rosemary. He does throw Crazzy Steve. Drew’s decision not to hit her again gives Abyss the edge. Drew is sent into the ringpost, and is attacked by Steve. Once Abyss tags in, and works on Drew, who gets out of a chinlock, and brings both men down. Drew attacks Steve at the buckle, sends Abyss down, and hits Steve with a suplex. Drew goes to future shock Rosemary, but has to attack Steve. Drew goes to hit his Claymore, but is chokeslammed by Abyss. Rosemary tries to get Janice and Lashley accidentally spear’s Abyss. This leads to Drew hitting the Claymore to win.


Meanwhile, at the WCW mini-movie, Jeff almost gets in Matt’s ring, but then signs. Reby throws Jeff a doll, and Matt side effects him through a nightstand. Gooker’s all Billy’s.


12 nights until Slammiversary, and only one angle is a mess. Improvement.


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