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Thursday, September 8, 2016

Impact Delete or Decay Review 9/8/2016

Fighting the bastards like a commando.
Perhaps the two greatest stars we have, Senor Benjamin and Vangaurd 1 warn everyone before a recap is shown, then we get some more strange goodness from “Broken” Matt Hardy.
Mike Bennett and his wife, TNA Knockout Champion Maria hit the ring to be pissed at Moose. Bennett says his mother warned him not to bite the hand that feeds him. Here it’s the hand that feeds barely. He says Moose should’ve been happy to be paid. Problem is he works here. Bennett wants to be TNA World Heavyweight Champion, this brings outgoing TNA President Dixie. After they bicker, Dixie says she has an idea. Bennett assumes it means he’ll be added to Bobby Lashley vs. Ethan Carter III, but instead, she makes Bennett vs. Moose. After Moose tries to strike, Maria provides a distraction that help Bennett escape.
Gail Kim and Jade vs. Sienna and Allie. Before it begins, Dixie says Bennett’s bout will stand, and Maria is no longer in charge of the division. Next week decides the #1 Contender Guess who she defends against. When the match starts, Gail goes straight to Sienna, who has to tag to the kayfabe non-wrestler. Sienna then plays the heel be saying Allie wanted in. When Sienna tags in, she dominates as fans want Allie. Gail battles through, but her opponent keeps dominance before pretending to tag Allie, but doesn’t. Sienna hits a Samoan drop before looking for an AK-47. Gail gets out and hit a desperation move. Gail then tags in Jade, who uses more kicks than an experience online multiplayer. Allie accidentally tags in, and is hit with a silencer by Sienna. Jade uses the moment to pin. After the match, the faces help Allie up.
Jeremy Borash needs a scoop from Billy, who denies the request like it’s a singles bar. Though Billy say he has an announcement.
BFG ad sees Matt talking about his zoo. He thinks George Washington is a Giraffe and Joe Frazier is a kangaROOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. He jokes about TNA X-Division Champion DJZ, Madrews, and The Young Bucks as spot (literal) monkeys, and says Genghis Khan is a tiger.
Billy reveals the TNA Impact Grand Championship, which was supposed to be the new TNA Championship belt. Drew Galloway interrupts. Drew wants the belt. Billy says there are new rules, which has a video explaining the rules. We do those a lot. Basically, 3 rounds of three minutes where you can win at any time, but judges may decide. This will eitherbe great or the AWF. After they argue, Aron Rex says he will send Drew back at Scotland. Billy says Rex will debut next week and Drew wrestles in a tournament match once back from break.
Unusually Thicke. Imagine the segue.
Drew will face Braxton Sutter. Both engage in a feeling out before Drew suplexes and chops away. After Drew hits a big boot, he goes to pin, but only two. We keep hearing this is being scored. After the first ends, Drew wins it. Drew begins round 2 by brutalizing some more through the first half, then Sutter gets Drew with a superplex and goes to pin for two. Both chop away before Sutter brings Drew down and punches away. After a powerslam, Sutter stays on him to end round 2. As we begin round 3, we realize this is the opposite of the Broken Matt/Brother Nero angle. Drew piledrives Sutter, and locks in the iron maiden to win. Presentation is similar to the Cruiserweight Classic, but the wrestling is too different and needs to find soul.
During break, Rockstar Spud attacked Sutter.
A drunk guy doesn’t like 1979, but likes Rosemary. When the guy wants to sex her up, TNA World Tag Team Champions The Decay attack, and possibly Heidenrape him and steal his whip.
EC3 and Lashley both ready to sign in a segment from earlier this week. EC3 tells Lashley he’ll be at BFG to fight, and Lashley brings up how TNA is under fire, and needs someone who defends wrestling. EC3 says he may not be the most dominant, but he will kick the ass of the most dominant. Lashley says EC3 is hype, and he’ll be training harder to win. Afterwards, both men brawl. Normal signing.
Slammiversary on DVD. Almost never made it to PPV.
We see the brawl continues. Lashley’s pissed there’s no poster of him. He then wants a garage door opened so they brawl outside. They may see Olive Oyl if they go by the park.
Jesse Godderz wants to win the Grand Championship. Seems like he has a match.
Speaking of which, he wrestles Eli Drake. They start be tying up before Jesse shows surprising mat work. Drake uses an armdrag, but the round seems to belong to Jesse. He keeps using a mat based game to win the first. In the second, Drake brawls his way ahead. These matches seem to be WWE’s 50/50 booking in one match. Drake uses a powerslam to dominate through to the second half, where Jesse surges to lock in the Adonis lock to bring the round to an end. Jesse is 2 to 0 as he starts the third on fire, but Drake begins to get in gear with his offense, and breaks the Adonis lock before it’s too late. Jesse may be ahead on points, but Drake manages to hit Blunt Force Trauma, bringing him a win. Matches aren’t bad, but the points are emphasized too much, bringing PS1 level slowdown.
We again see Tyrus’ ad. We should hire him.
A recap of Drew and Rex brawling, and the announcement of the newish belt. This sees an angry Rex, who says he’s not thinking. That’s what goes into most Tosh.0 videos.
Next week sees more Grand Championship action as we see Rex vs. Trevor Lee, and Eddie Edwards vs. Mahabali Shera.
Senor Benjamin digs fast. Voyeurism has Matt interrupt going into break. Back from break, The Hardys use Roman Candles like they were AA-12’s to send The Decay running. This sees Matt and Jeff head on as Reby protects Maxel. Abyss uses Skarsgard briefly as a shield before “Brother Nero” Jeff Hardy kicks him away. Senor Benjamins sees Joseph Park before tasing him. Jeff fights brutally with Crazzy Steve in a pool before seemingly killing him, but is pulled back in. Senor Benjamin tries burying Abyss, but is stopped. Matt then begins pursuing Rosemary, but is stopped by Abyss, who has Janice. Matt is saved by Jeff, who may be dead, or at least as Brother Nero. Vangaurd 1 becomes every bit of a cyber protector as later Arnold Schwarzenegger is, as he stops Rosemary from whisking Maxel away. Sadly, he dies from brutal mist, which has no effect on Matt. The Decay heads off as we see Jeff and Senor Benjamin are hurt.
An average week that sees the great sequel. See you guys next week.

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