We are still here another week. And next week, we’re live.
Show them about exercising their out we will.
Starting the only way to do so. Starting with Dusty. No
better way.
We have a recap of last week, when we had two great matches
on one show. Basically, MITB.
We start with TNA World Heavyweight Champion Kurt Angle and
Ethan Carter III signing their names to be at Bell to Bell, which will not have
spoilers leaked before Slammiversary. ECIII says he’s been preparing for this
moment by hinting at the list of men that Angle has beaten. Most of which left
here when the getting was good. ECIII says that they were all beaten by the
time Angle faced them, and that he’s never been beaten. Angle says he’s signed
for these before, and that big matches are made for him. Angle says that he is
healthy now. We truly hope so. He says ECIII will be haunted by the loss. Mike
Tenay says each man will pick the other’s tune up opponent. Angle chooses Bobby
Lashey. WWECW originals look out for each other.
We get a video about the tag team series that brings us to
The Wolves coming out. Davey Richards says he and Eddie Edwards sacrifice
everything to be the best tag team in the world. There is a group clapping in
disagreement. He says The Dirty Heels want a war, they’re gonna get one. Guess
this means Hogan’s coming back. Bobby Roode says that Austin Aries is not
medically cleared after his match with Angle last week. Edddie says that’s very
convenient, and challenges Roode to face one of them in a match. After teasing
he would, Roode initially says no, then says he will accept on the condition
that the winner chooses the next stipulation in the next match of the series. Davey
wants to accept before Eddie cuts him off and asks if he can to get revenge for
the chair shot. We’d make a Die Hard with a Vengeance pun, but Justin told us
he’ll lock the liquor cabinet. Next week we’re live. What will we do to the
network should be great. When the match begins, Eddie is in control early in
this match, but Roode is able to aggressively come back. Roode asks who the fan
are cheering for. Something many in WWE are asking even as you read this. Edwards
uses the fan support to get out of a chinlock, but Roode stays on him. Edwards
is able to take back momentum, leading to a quick exchange of elbows and chops.
Edwards gets Roode in the corner and chops him in a way Flair approves of. Edwards
then begins his ascent to the top turnbuckle. Roode sees this, and counters
into a spinebuster. After a botched run-in by Aries, Edwards rolls up Roode for
the win. Davey says he wants Tabl… Full Metal Mayhem.
A promo for Lashley. The best MMA fighter not named Brock
Lesnar to fight.
Jeremy Borash interviews Joseph Park. Hey, Joseph Park is
back. Forget he's been Abyss the whole time. He says he lost his law practice
and invested in Tout. That was funny. The unfortunate coincidence or last week
makes his attempted nickname of Hard Times not so funny. He’s facing Bram
tonight, who is shown hunting cameramen backstage.
Drew Galloway in a video hypes #ShowYourImpact Not a good
idea,
Bram cuts off Park’s pre-match promo by attacking him.
Between that, and having a bit of flair, we need to pay him more. Whatever brief
offense Park uses, Bram rebounds. Park, who’s looking more like this is a
one-night match. We hope that’s all it will be. Bram attempts to bring in
weapons. At first, he’s stopped, but he keeps at it. Josh Mathews with a timely Derek Jeter reference.
#ImpactTonight #DestinationImpact After he sends Park through a table, he gets the win.
TNA Knockout Champion Taryn Terrell fresh from what seems
like a 1990s Playboy Channel show says that Brooke and Awesome Kong need to
beat Jade and Marti Belle if either of them wants her in a Championship match.
Again, she sounds like she’s trying to be crazy, but it doesn’t sound right.
“Playtime is over” says the video we have for our latest
hire. We are not sure you’ll like her in the least, but oh well.
A recap of the opening promo leads to Josh and The Pope to
bicker about the match in a few weeks.
That Knockout video is annoying as f---.
Brooke and Kong vs. The Dollhouse. Taryn looks ready to film
a porn parody of Black Swan. Kong uses the Austin thing of showing up for the
tag match after your partner starts the fight. Kong dominated while Josh uses
the word heel without hinting. Ridiculous. After Brooke tags in, she gets
dominated by both Dollhouse members. After Jade misses Brooke, Kong tags in and
clears house. After Kong chokeslams Marti, she tags in Brooke, who gets the win
with an elbow.
We next see the “brilliant” idea of having Eric Young
pulling Chris Melendez’s leg off. We’d say it’s in poor taste, but we were
asked to book a murder a few weeks ago.
A recap of Eddie winning. Not sure why.
Melendez tells Christy Hemme that Young disrespected
America. Not the first time anyone in this promotion disrespected anyone with
America in their name, they’re a dummy. Young briefly puts over Melendez’s
achievements before saying he doesn’t care about any of it. He cuts the type of
heel promo that WWE would make Roman Reigns; opponent cut. Young challenges
Melendez next week. If you guessed anything other than the face accepting, get
out.
Jesse Godderz, fresh with music from a cable news parody,
vs. DJZ. DJZ starts out on fire before getting beaten. We know this is a squash
for the kin of masterpiece, so we will say Magnus is here to address his wife’s
attempted murder. Which one is more of a problem? Jesse wins with a Boston crab.
Jesse says that he’s the reason BroMans won. Tweet of the night for Impact
comes from @IFOWrestling Jessie Godderz CLEARLY exacting revenge for all
Jessies out there who may have been done wrong by DJ Z. Jesse then chokes DJZ
after doing an impression of him looking more like he’s puking. Robbie E runs
in to get revenge. Robbie for years was good wrestler, bad gimmick. Hopefully
now, we get to book him right.
We get a recap of James Storm in the angle that showed Billy
has out-Russo’ed Russo.
Magnus wants to fight Storm. Because that’s how you punish attempted
murder. He then worked shoots by referencing Dixie and Gaburick. We told you.
Out-Russo’ed Russo. Storm then goes over the angle, and acts like he wasn’t
friendzoned. Storm then kidnaps Donovan. Guess the cops will be back at his
house. Magnus proves he doesn’t call 911 by attacking him. Storm kicks the stroller
to reveal the doll Claire Lynch yelled about.
After a recap video, ECIII vs. Lashley. An undefeated
wrestler against an MMA fighter. We feel like we could’ve been humorous here,
but we have no Samoan wrestler to screw up anymore. After stalling, ECIII locks
up with Lashley. He uses the corner to break the hold. After a punch, he finds
that Lashley will show him what being WWE-sanctioned extreme is all about.
Lashley uses his power to throw ECIII around. A staredown between Lashley and
Tyrus leads The Pope to say Tyrus is a dinosaur. He kept up with the man’s
career. Shortly after this, ECIII takes over. Tyrus wedges a random chair into
the buckles as ECII kicks out of a powerslam. Lashley spears the random chair
by mistake. ECIII only gets two. Lashley pushes ECIII off, causing a ref bump.
Tyrus breaks up the pin off of the spear. Lashley kicks out after two bumps and
Tyrus interference. Make him look really strong. Lashley spears Tyrus before ECIII
uses chair strikes and the 1%er to get the win. 598 days and we haven’t screwed
up yet. After the preview for next week, that’s the show.
Another week in the books, and despite not having a home
soon, we beat expectations of how good the show was. What do we have in store
for next week? Well we’re somewhat live, so maybe we may get taken off early.
Until then, have a good night.
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