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Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Impact Review 9/30/2015

We have a PPV on Sunday. Anyone else find out today? Well, this is the go-home show before then. Will the show generate interest, or will tonight be just another slide to WWE’s video library? Let’s find out.

A recap of Drew Galloway becoming #1 contender leads to TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ethan Carter III talking about getting rid of Jeff Hardy, and how Dixie supports Drew. He demands she walk down to explain her decision. This brings her down. She says EC3 has been a great Champion as a wrestler, but not as a person. That Drew gets talked about because he saved TNA, and that EC3 didn’t even care. She asks how he sleeps at night, to which he says he sleeps pretty well, and that Drew can’t beat him. This brings Drew down. After Drew stares down EC3 and Tyrus, he tells EC3 to shut up. He says everyone hates EC3 because he’s arrogant, and he turned his back on the promotion. Drew yells about loving the promotion, and that he will tear EC3 apart. EC3 tells Drew about all the men he beat, and that Drew will be facing an undefeated Champion. Drew says he may not be a savior, but he will be Champion.

James Storm then blathers on like a Bray Wyatt impression minus the WrestleMania match that was ignored to put over Taker vs. Lesnar 2.

EC3 tells Dixie he will end Drew’s career, and hopes of being Champion. Not even Taryn Terrell could do that.

A video of Mahabali Shera turning face on Storm leads us to Storm vs. Shera no DQ. Storm attacks Shera on the ramp, but Shera brings Storm into the ring. A low-blow helps Storm get Shera down for a series of punches. Shera is able to battle out, and use a fall away slam on Storm. Storm regains momentum with a lungblower before getting two chairs. Storm then gets Shera ready for a superplex, but Shera punches away. Storm has to pull him down onto the chairs. When Storm goes for a table, Shera battles out, Leading to Storm getting a beer. Smart man. When Shera moves out of the way of the sprayed beer, Referee Earl Hebner gets hit. He cannot count, this leads to Storm using an eye of the Storm, but only gets two. Storm breaks the bottle in order to stab like he was New Jack. Abyss and Manik emerge. After acting like they are with Storm, they attack him. This helps Shera to win with a sky high.

TNA King of the Mountain Champion Bobby Roode says he takes pride in being Champion. He thinks we’ll pay him extra to say that.

Dixie says since EC3 is confident in his chances, if he or Tyrus lose tonight in their tag team match against Drew and Matt Hardy, Matt will be added to the main event at BFG. There will be a surprise no matter what.

Roode is out next to talk about being KOTM Champion, and being asked what it means. He says it means professional wrestling, and everything it stands for. He says he’ll show respect by defending it at BFG in an open challenge. Bobby Lashley then accepts the match early. Lashley says he has respect for Roode. He adds he came to TNA to face the best, adding Roode is one of them, and that he wants to win Championships. Lashley asks for “ONE! MORE! MATCH”! Which Roode accepts.

Taryn Terrell tells The Dollhouse to kill The Beautiful People. If firing Russo didn’t do that, you guys have no shot.

DJZ vs. Ravishing Tommaso Ciampa vs. Trevor Lee. After a brief brawl with all three, DJZ gets Lee down inside the ring, but Ciampa pulls him out and brings him down. Lee flies out at Ciampa, who ran from Full Sail. Both Ciampa and Lee battle until DJZ takes them both on. When Lee throws DJZ out, Lee goes for a German suplex, but only gets two. Another big cluster then leads to Lee pinning DJZ. Ciampa’s 0-2 tonight.

Madison Rayne channels Jerry Seinfeld when she breaks down The Dollhouse. Angelina Love talks about uniting against a common enemy. And Stone Cold Velvet Sky talks about the time she and Gail Kim broke Taryn’s hand and had their way with fallen Taryn. We may have made that last one up.

Boy Destination America even has Bigfoot in ads.

Brooke talks about representing women in wrestling. At least she improved compared to a certain twin.

EC3 calls Matt a weed that keeps popping up. He says Matt will not be in the main event BFG, and that Drew will lose at BFG as well. EC3 says the wrinkle as Dixie calls her surprise won’t matter.

The Dollhouse vs. The Beautiful people starts as a brawl outside. Once inside, Velvet throws Marti Bell around the ring. Velvet tags in Madison, who gets two on Marti. After a quick move, Marti tags in Jade. Madison proceeds to chop away, then kicks. After working over Jade some more, Velvet tags in. Velvet gets distracted by Jade and Rebel, enabling Jade to kick away. They team assault while referee Brian Stifler is distracted. After a double clothesline, Velvet tags in Madison while Jade tags in Marti. Madison quickly attacks, and rolls out of the way to cause Marti to hit Rebel. Velvet and Jade brawl outside while Rebel uses powder to help Marti get the pin.

Eric Young wants to fight someone, anyone. This Sunday, he should face Orange is the New Bram.

TNA Knockout Champion Gail Kim talks about how she and Awesome Kong have defined the division, and she will be winning at BFG.

Young comes out saying he only lost last week because he was assaulted by others. Robbie E tries to shut him up, but is assaulted. Chris Melendez is next. Young back suplexes him and goes for a chair. When Melendez gets the chair, Young rolls away. Mr. Anderson then brings himself out to tell Young everyone wants to beat Young up. After they brawl, Young eats all three finishers from all three faces.

After a recap of Drew becoming #1 contender, we get Drew and Matt talking about how Both want to be Champion, but they are ready for Sunday.

A recap of Young getting destroyed results in him yelling at Dixie. She tell both Young and fans he will at BFG face Kurt Angle.

EC3 and Tyrus vs. Matt and Drew main event the show. After Drew and EC3 stare a hole through each other, Tyrus tags in. Tyrus uses his power to counteract Drew’s punches, but after Matt tags in, they both assault him. Matt punches away until Tyrus gets a quick hit in. Tyrus wears Matt down before tagging in EC3. EC3 is not able to be on offense until Tyrus hits from behind. EC3 gets two before tagging in Tyrus. Tyrus uses a nerve hold to keep Matt on the mat as we hear several wrestlers will be in a #1 contender match at BFG. Tyrus slugs away in the corner before EC3 chokes Matt on the rope. EC3 uses the rope some more before break. Back from break, and Tyrus brings Matt back to the ground before EC3 tags in. EC3 is on offense before getting hit with a side effect. Drew tags in and hammers away. Drew then goes off the top before EC3 uses a jawbreaker and tags in Tyrus. Drew doesn’t know and tries to pin. Tyrus goes on the attack. But Matt evens things up. After a twist of fate by Matt, and a dropkick by Drew, Drew gets the pin to help Matt be in the match. Dixie then walks out and says the main event will be fair. She says that Jeff will be the guest referee. All these odds, you’d swear Drew and Matt aren’t the faces.

So ends another week of Impact. We are not even sure if there will be anything taped for next week, but we’ll be there if there is any. See you next week if there is going to be any show.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Impact Review 9/23/2015

Once again we are going to broadcast until the end of the year, which means we either will see how far we are allowed to go before the network blows their top, or we just do as we normally do. Either way, Bound for Glory will be soon. Enjoy the show.

A recap of last week’s main event brings us to Dixie with the roster around the ring, She thanks the team that saved the promotion. Drew Galloway says wrestling is their passion, and that TNA is their platform. Drew adds that he is not a leader, everyone is equal. Dixie then announces the winning team faces off in a #1 contender match. @WheelerDeeler with the line of the week: “PLEASE TELL ME BRAM WINS… PLEASE” Dixie demands Eric Young come out. Young, hearing “You Sold Out”, is told he will be punished. He’s surprised to hear that after everything he’s done. He says he has an iron-clad contract. 2013 Big Show proves that’s not a good thing, as Dixie says he will first answer to the man who Young has taken the leg of, Chris Melendez. She makes the lumberjack match between them after the break.

Young starts by attacking Melendez from behind. He stays on him with punches and stomps. He then uses a back suplex. Despite brief offense early on, Melendez is sent into the corner. Melendez makes it out only to get sent back in. Once he gets out, he clotheslines Young and suplexes. Young uses the prosthetic leg off the head to gain the advantage. Young tries to superplex, but Melendez pushes him down, and dropkicks him to win. After Melendez is carried around, he puts the leg back on. At least that angle is over.

A video hypes the upcoming match between TNA Knockout Champion Gail Kim vs. Jade. There is a reason we have them facing off. No, not that.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ethan Carter III reminds Jeff Hardy that if he wants to stay employed, he will hit Rockstar Spud if he’s ordered to.

A recap of Dixie’s statement about the #1 contender’s match leads to Bobby Lashley talking about being ready to fight last week. He says he’s going after the gold.

Gail vs. Jade is next up. At BFG, she faces Awesome Kong. Jade attacks Gail to start. Jade uses her leg to choke Gail in the corner. Gail briefly takes over, but a German Suplex puts Jade back in this. Jade uses an elbow to put Gail down, then chops her in the corner. Gail uses several quick moves to get back in this. Gail is able to use her figure-four on the ringpost. After action returns to the ring, Gail attempts eat defeat, but Jade reverses into a powerbomb. Gail however, is able to hit the move to retain. During the pin, Josh Mathews references the failed angle that is the #DivaRevolution after a match that was nothing special. This leads to the Dollhouse attacking before being run off by the Beautiful People. This then leads to Kong staring Gail down.

Spud says that Jeff wants to get paid, but Spud wants to be Champion more. Someone still wants to be TNA Champion.

TNA X-Division Champion Tigre Uno vs. Ring of Honor’s Kenny King. Tigre Uno tries to lock-up, but King is too powerful. Tigre Uno uses his agility to get serious offense in, but King uses the strength to beat down Tigre Uno. Tigre Uno is able to swing things his way with a crossbody. He then uses a head-scissor to keep the driver’s seat. King however, is able to use an exploder suplex to get back in this match. Tigre Uno uses a DDT to create the moment he needs by springboard frog splashing King to win.

A video of Jeff as EC3’s assistant and Spud making his own challenge. This brings us to EC3 vs. Spud. EC3 pretends like he’ll shake Spud’s hand, but he roughs up his hair. Spud goes after EC3. Sending him arounds all of the corners punching him. Spud stops, which allows EC3 to clothesline Spud, then mounted punch him. EC3 goes to pick up Spud, but Spud jawbreakers him. Spud runs into EC3 several times before sending him outside. Spud flies out after EC3, then brings him back inside. Spud uses a flying forearm off the top. Spud goes for an underdog, but EC3 reverses into a powerbomb for only two. EC3 believes it to be over, and goes for a 1%er. Spud however, bites EC3 before hitting two enziguris. Spud goes for another underdog, but EC3 reverses to try a TKO. Spud gets out, but is still hit with a 1%er to win. EC3 orders Tyrus to heart punch Spud. EC3 orders Jeff to end his career with a twist of fate. Jeff is likely confused as to why that will end him, but begins getting ready to do it. Jeff yells no. EC3 orders Tyrus to attack Jeff, but Matt Hardy runs in. Tyrus grabs Matt, and EC3 orders Jeff to hit Matt. Matt low-blows Tyrus, and Jeff hits EC3.

After the recap, EC3 says he’ll fire Jeff.

James Storm talks about how he’s lost faith in people, mainly those that failed him in his fight with Mahabali Shera. This leads to Abyss turning face at the most random moment. Storm says Abyss is worthless. Abyss goes over how he’s been here from day 1. Awesome there Prince Justice. Abyss says he made himself, and that he is going to do what he wants. He then leaves the group. Storm orders Abyss to return to the ring, but Abyss leaves. Manik next turns when he refuses to say Khoya’s “governmet name”. Again, Manik says Storm didn’t make either of them before he removes his own mask. After he too leaves, Shera then walks out to tell Storm that he will fight him right now. Storm initially says yes before telling our next overpushed guy sorry about his damn luck.

Drew meets with TNA World Tag Team Champions The Wolves. Basically, they all say they are great wrestlers, and hope to find out who the better wrestler is. We’re surprised Davey Richards remembered his promo after the last few weeks.

Matt tells Jeff he’s sorry about all of this, Jeff’s not worried. There’s a good chance he wasn’t getting paid anyway.

Bram vs. Davey vs. Eddie Edwards vs. Drew vs. Lashley. Everyone starts brawling. Drew and Bram exchange punches before Drew’s sent outside. After Lashley and Bram brawl, Davey and Eddie try to stop him. We really shouldn’t have made Bram look really strong. The Wolves finally get Bram alone and beat him up for a bit before they finally they beat Bram down enough to eliminate him. Thankfully he did not eliminate anyone. We see the remaining four ready to fight before going into break. Back from break, Drew and Eddies are brawling outside while Lashley dominates Davey. Despite Eddie and Drew kicking Lashley, Lashley still delays his suplex. Lashley waits too long before Eddie saves Davey. The Wolves get the other two men down and put them in dueling submission moves. After breaking the holds, The Wolves decide to chop each other. After a thrilling sequence, Lashley spears Davey, and Drew future shocks Eddie to eliminate them. Down to Drew and Lashley. Drew brings the fight early, but Lashley’s power gets him in position to dominate in the corner. Lashley uses a suplex to get only two. Lashley then uses a chinlock on Drew. Once Drew gets to his feet, Lashley breaks the hold to keep using his arsenal of power. Lashley then sends Drew to Suplex City before Drew gets out of the way of a spear before dropkicking Lashley, and getting the win. Both men shake hands.

EC3 goes over different social media ways to talk about what he’ll do. As long as it’s not Chat Roulette.

Drew puts over his opponents before talking about becoming Champion.

EC3 says he will give Jeff one last chance. After Jeff gets in the ring, he asks why EC3 won’t fire him now given they both inspire. EC3 holds over him the financial issues before telling Jeff he’ll have to kiss the gold like it’s a ring. Jeff says he quits. This angers EC3 enough to tell fans stop yelling for Jeff given he doesn’t work here anymore.

This week had a less offensive episode than usual. We really couldn’t edit Bram out, but at least Davey and Eddie sent him out right. In any instance, we look to next week, on the dirt road to BFG. Have a good week.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Creative Locks: Night of Champions

Tonight is Night of Champions, which is now to SummerSlam what Extreme Rules is to WrestleMania. For new fans, that means loads of meaningless rematches and many of you part-time heroes won’t be seen. This is where we predict which wrestlers are going to walk out winners, and which ones walk out Zack Ryder post February 2012. Here are our predictions as to who is who.

Pre-show Match: Neville and The Lucha Dragons vs. Stardust and The Ascension
This is likely a new theme where Stardust keeps teaming with guys management forgot even works there. Not much to say except that usually faces win here, and that’s what is going to happen. Stardust will keep losing to the point where he snaps back into being Cody Rhodes. This is just his way of finishing what he started.
Winners:  Neville and The Lucha Dragons

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The New Day(C) vs. The Dudley Boyz
Simply put, The New Day are too good, and the Dudleys’ final reign is too big to have either one happen here. This needs to be saved for December, where the Dudleys can win the gold in a match they helped to innovate. Houston fans, “Don’t you dare be sowa”!
Winners: The New Day

Dolph Ziggler vs. Rusev
This angle has destroyed three great wrestling stars and Summer Rae. While it is likely that Ziggler, spinning his wheels until a surprise heel turn, we think that it will wait until next month. Until then, Rusev will win in a weird manner that makes everyone still look like jokes
Winner: Rusev

WWE Diva Championship Match: Nikki Bella(C) vs. Charlotte
Goldberg should’ve beaten Triple-H when it mattered. It doesn’t matter that he will be winning at the September PPV, the moment is as wasted as WWE’s booking team allegedly is.
Winner: Charlotte

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match:  Ryback(C) vs. Kevin Owens
Ryback has done a whole lot lately after finally facing The Big Show and The Miz. He’s had non-title matches against Seth Rollins and talked about his reading. Owens has been talked about highly for his winning the first match of a three match feud with John Cena. Between them, they don’t have a lot of support from the back, but Ryback has reigned for what is looked at by modern WWE as being a Savage reign, so we imagine Owens will get his turn “bringing prestige back to the Intercontinental Championship”.
Winner: Kevin Owens

Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose and A Mystery Partner vs. The Wyatt Family
While it would be nice to see The Rock give another awkward rub, that won’t happen for some time. Until then, we expect either a local guy that they can call named Mark Henry, or maybe even Chris Jericho gets himself called to job to Ogre, Braun Strowman. 2/3 of The Shield will get a win eventually, but they need to make someone else look really strong.
Winners:  The Wyatt Family

WWE United States Championship Match
Seth Rollins(C) vs. John Cena
Given Cena will have new shirts for his U.S. Championship reign, and he will need to be busy until January, where WWE sets up him vs. Reigns, there’s only two ways this ends: Cena wins by pinfall or Cena wins by submission.
Winner: John Cena

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match
Seth Rollins(C) vs. Sting
One’s in a situation where they need to win, the other’s in a situation where they can’t lose. Despite WWE having Sting win two matches in 20 minutes, they need to keep giving Rollins matches where he barely wins just so he is the fact who stands up to Triple-H while Steph is busy running both the Divas division, and charity into the ground. Prepare for Rollins next defense, it’s a doozy. Oh, and Sheamus will try to use his case, but will fail, looking stupid in the process.
Winner: Seth Rollins

Well those were fun. Maybe we should be doing this writing thing more often. Good luck tonight, and don’t get mad, get dangerous.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Impact Review 9/16/2015

We are going to resume NXT reviews in January. Until then, we have the only other show where no one watches football instead.


After a video promoting the lethal lockdown match later tonight, we get Jeremy Borash talking about being here from day one. He may be turning soon. He introduces the Jarretts and Dixie to sign the papers. After Borash talks about the implications of the match, he says the papers will be given to the winner. He opens the floor to both of them. Dixie says she never removed Jeff Jarrett. Guess Jeff removed Jarrett. She says the thanks the wrestlers that chose to stay, so she stands with them. Karen Jarrett tries to speak, but is put down by Dixie. Jarrett says tonight settles how wrestling moves. He then says Eric Young stands with him, and that Jarrett put the first dollar in the promotion. He adds that tonight is about Global Force Wrestling, and that Dixie will be on the outside of wrestling after tonight. Despite the Jarretts grabbing the case, Borash says it will be safe. This results in Jarrett with the worst worked punch since Surge.


TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ethan Carter III rides in with Jeff Hardy driving him and Tyrus. EC3 mocks Jeff before telling him to wear something from a garment bag.


A video talks about how TNA reached new heights before. We so hope to go somewhere that will again.


After a video about Mahabali Shera’s feud with the Revolution, we get Shera vs. Abyss. Along the way, we see a person wearing a Bigfoot suit. We hope it’s Bigfoot in a Bigfoot mask. Abyss attacks Shera during his dance. Stomping him and sending him outside. They brawl along ringside before Abyss sends Shera into the steps. Once back inside, Abyss uses his power to keep Shera down. Shera battles back, and uses a shoulder tackle, bringing Abyss down. It is brief, as Abyss uses a chokeslam. Abyss then brings out Janice. After Abyss acts like he got Janice stuck, Shera uses a chokeslam. This begins a sequence where James Storm botches interference, leading to Shera winning. Not especially bad.


EC3 is shown watching videos on his phone. When asked about tonight, he says he will party hearty with Jeff Hardy. Well played.


Jarrett is shown with his team talking about how important tonight is while we see Young with him.


EC3 comes out singing along with his music. EC3 says he makes the TNA Championship look good before introducing Jeff. Again, no music. Jeff wears a suit with EC3’s face on it. EC3 continues to make Jeff feel uncomfortable by ordering Jeff to tell the fans not to chant for Jeff. After Jeff says no, EC3 tells him he needs the job. After Jeff agrees, he then get the fans to be louder. EC3 says there’s nothing Jeff is able to do to stop him. This brings out Rockstar Spud. Spud notices he was in the same spot Jeff is in. Spud says he also needed a job, but he was only starting out. Adding that Jeff shouldn’t have to do this, and that Jeff is everything EC3 wishes he could be. After Spud says EC3 is garbage, EC3 goes over everything he’s done, then punches Spud. As EC3 heads to the back, Spud quickly attacks before Tyrus attacks him. EC3 orders Jeff to hit Spud. Again, Jeff refuses. After EC3 yells several times, Jeff becomes crying Big Show and punches Spud. Decent segment. Boring ending.


Another video about Dixie vs. Jarrett brings us Drew Galloway and Jarrett arguing about 5 wrestlers on GFW’s team.  Also, EARL F---ING HEBNER is in the Hall of Fame.


TNA Knockout Champion Brooke vs. Gail Kim vs. Awesome Kong vs. Lei’d Tapa. The power wrestlers quickly take the others out before attacking each other. Gail and Brooke help take out Tapa going into commercial. Back from break, and Gail’s 619 is blocked by Tapa. Brooke runs into a wall named Kong. Kong then jumps off the ring onto Tapa. Gail then takes out Kong before Brooke takes out Gail. After this, both Kong and Tapa brawl to the back. Brooke and Gail then wrestle on their own. After a brief bit of offense by Brooke, Gail clotheslines her. Kong and Tapa return and accidentally take out Brooke. Gail takes out Kong, but is thrown around by Tapa. Gail tries flying, but Tapa stops her. After Tapa superplexes Gail, Kong splashes Tapa, then Brooke elbows Kong. We then get flurries of offense by all women involved. Tapa sends Kong outside, followed by Brooke sending Tapa out. When Gail goes for eat defeat, Brooke reverses to a sunset flip. However, Gail reverses for a pin to win the match.


Drew hypes up his team for the big main event, then we see a preview for the network’s next supernatural mess.


A recap of EC3 making Jeff hit Spud sees EC3 telling Jeff he better help him win against Spud next week. Hope you like what we do.


The final video for the battle up next. We hope it’s the last one.


TNA vs. GFW. TNA World Tag Team Champion Davey Richards starts against Sonjay Dutt. Davey starts be bringing the strong style straight onto Dutt. Dutt sterts battling out, but Davey fights like a man trhat is unaware of what’s going on. Dutt’s brief offense is cut off by Davey. Davey slingshots Dutt before Young comes out. Young attacks Davey, but is quickly in a cloverleaf. Dutt is able to stop him, and enable Young sends Davey into the turnbuckle and stomping him. Dutt uses a half Boston crab. Next out is Drew. Drew takes out Dutt and stomps Young into commercial. Back from break, Brian Myers is in the match helping to keep the advantage. Bobby Lashley is next out, and he destroys everyone in short order. TNA keeps everyone down until Chris Mordetzky emerges next. Mordetzky helps Myers take down Lashley before Myers focuses on Drew. Mordetzky battles with Lashley, but is suplexed by Lashley. TNA World Tag Team Champion Eddie Edwards is next out. The Wolves take out Dutt, and team up on Myers. Drew sets up Myers for The Wolves to attack in the corner. Jarrett is the last GFW wrestler to enter. Jarrett uses quick punches on the TNA wrestlers. Myers sends Edwards into the cage several times before they focus on Drew. The final TNA wrestler to be locked into the cage is Bram. Fitting. To be fair, it’s not like we could Hernandez this match. After yet another break, we get a staredown. Mordetzky is crotched on a rope, Jarrett is stomped, The Wolves team up on Mordetzky, and Bram looks for a sharpened toothbrush. Jarrett uses a trashcan on Lashley. Funny to hear Bram standing up for Dixie. After Dutt and Myers accidentally kick Myers. After TNA takes out GFW, Jarrett tries to escape. He is sent into the cage. Lashley superplexes Jarrett. A quick everyone hits their finisher spot then sees The Wolves go coast to coast against Jarrett. Bram and Mordetzky take each other out before Drew future shock’s Myers to win the match. TNA stand as heroes while GFW limps away. Drew holds the briefcase as Dixie walks out to thank Drew and the rest of the team. They’ve kept the lights on through the end of the year.


Well tonight was decent enough. There was sadly no way to avoid Bram giving us one of the last LOLTNA moments if not ever, then at least all year. Well that is enough for this week. We are staying with the ship until is sinks. So we’ll see you next week.

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Impact Review 9/9/2015

A few weeks left. A few bridges to burn.


A recap of last week’s invasion, and TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ethan Carter III getting Jeff Hardy’s services.


EC3 starts the show with Tyrus holding a bag. EC3 briefly talks about the invasion before saying he doesn’t care about it. We don’t either. EC3 berates the crowd in regards to Jeff, then brings Jeff out to the ring. EC3 orders the music stop for Jeff, so Jeff walks to the fans yelling his name. EC3 asks Jeff to bring two bottles of water to the ring. EC3 jokes about the water’s temperature before giving Jeff an EC3 sign for him to hold. After giving him some head, EC3 tells Jeff to introduce him. Jeff is forced to read the praises of EC3 to the Champion’s delight. EC3 then says that he and Tyrus will take on Matt Hardy and Rockstar Spud. Guess Bobby Roode forgave the big Austin Aries stuff.  The match has EC3 quickly tag in Tyrus. Matt slugs away, but gets jumped by Tyrus. When EC3 tags back in though, Matt uses a legsweep to get two. We get to say EC3 will be in Jim Ross’ show. Bah Gawd. Spud tags in and takes the fight right to EC3, but EC3 sends him out to be destroyed by Tyrus. After EC3 dismantles him some more, Tyrus tags in, and uses several power moves to wear Spud down. EC3 tags back in as Jeff says he will not help EC3 win the match. Matt tags in, and uses a side effect to get two. Tyrus tags in, but Matt and Spud get him down. Once Matt and EC3 are outside, another debate about getting involved. All this while Tyrus pins Spud.


A recap of a multi-man assault for the TNA World Tag Team Championships shows Drew Galloway getting The Wolves hyped.


Taryn Terrell keeps repeating “I hate Velvet Sky” like Meat Loaf’s corpse is right in front of her. She orders The Dollhouse to attack one of the Beautiful People. Then we get a plug for yet another Bigfoot show.


Next, a recap of this stable war brings a brawl that sees Angelina Love get hit by a chair to explain why she’s not wrestling for 9 months.


Jeff Jarrett says the usual Global Force Wrestling bit before asking TNA King of the Mountain Champion Bobby Roode to walk out. Jarrett demands the Not-Not-WCW Championship back. Roode acts too much like a face when he says no. Jarrett demands one more time before Karen Jarrett tells them to stop like they’re petulant children. We can’t all be Seth Rollins. Jarrett seems to be hinting at a turn.


Eli Drake leads Kenny King an Jesse Godderz to argue against Drew. This leads to Drew bringing in TNA X-Division Champion Tigre Uno, Robbie E, and Micah to brawl with them The Rising vs. The Beat Down Clan once again. Tonight has been Russo Random.


EC3 punishes Jeff by making him sell shirts. Should’ve made him sell Bram shirts.


Robbie, Tigre Uno, and Micah vs. Jesse, Drake, and King. The faces dominate  early on before Micah gets backed into a corner. The team assault helps Jesse to wear down Micah before bringing King in. King’s brief flying assault leads to Drake tagging in. Micah remembers he’s Micah, and brings them both down before tagging in Tigre Uno. Tigre Uno’s flight is stopped early by Jesse. A brief beating by King is stopped with a DDT. Robbie tags in, and his attacked by King. We then get an everyone hits their move before Robbie uses a boom drop to pin Jesse. The match was not bad, but confusing.


TNA Knockout Champion Brooke vs. Gail Kim is next up. They start by locking-up before Brooke gets her in a chinlock. Gail gets out, leading to a chop-off before Gail is sent outside. When Brooke goes to fly out after her, Gail catches her, and sends her back inside. Brooke tries a desperation pin, but gets two. Brooke continues to his moves until Gail donkey elbows her. Gail then uses an armbar before both attempt a pin. Brooke counters into an inverted STF. As Gail goes for ropes, Brooke releases to try something else. Both hit a crossbody. Lei’D Tapa walks down and grabs the gold. This leads Brooke to head out and assault Tapa. After Brooke gets distracted, she’s nailed in the back with her strap. This then leads to Tapa destroying them both before Awesome Kong cleans her clock. Kong then grabd the Championship.


Jarrett promises GFW he has a gift for them. Boy it better not be a “Rolecks”.


Drew tries to get Jeff on his side before EC3 tells Jeff to scrub his gear. Drew or Jeff will be Championship soon.


TNA World Tag Team Champions Trevor Lee and Bryan Myers is next on. The Wolves attack Lee and Myers to start the match. Even flying outside of the ring three times in under a minute. Davey Richards uses several powerful moves before Myers stops him. With Eddie Edwards legal, Lee takes advantage before tagging in Myers. Lee and Myers keep Edwards isolated before Eddie sends Myers outside, and Edwards rolls over to tag in Davey. Davey is able to superplex Lee to get two. After a quick team assault by the Wolves, they again send Myers outside. A few more moves are hit before Myers gets back in the ring. Now with Edwards isolated again, he sends Myers back outside. The Wolves have it before Sonjay Dutt attacks referee Brian Hebner. This leads EARL F---ING HEBNER to attack Dutt. One tombstone later, and new Champions.


Chris Melendez says Eric Young has not won the war. Yep, this is still a thing.


Melendez makes it clear despite losing his prosthetic leg to Young, he demands Young come down. This brings Young down to mock Melendez some more. He also says he’s the reason Kurt Angle is at home. Not because we can’t pay him and WWE can’t use him. Melendez then brings one more challenge to Young. Young accepts, then knocks him down. What this is, we can’t say.


Drew says he will get revenge on Chris Mordetzky. Hopefully he leaves Karen alone.


Josh Mathews interviews Mahabali Shera about his time here. Shera says James Storm is very bad like something out of Seinfeld, then he has a promo for what is going to air in India.


Drew vs. Mordetzky in a lumberjack match main events. Drew says he wins tonight, and will also win next week. Basically, instead of lumberjacks, they are the other members of the teams in action next week. Both men brawl to start the big match. So naturally we go to break. From @WheelerDeeler: “At least it wasn't an Ad during a f---ing Promo”. Back from break, Drew sends Mordetzky into the turnbuckle. When Mordetzky gains momentum, the teams almost fight. Drew uses a kick, then sends Mordetzky outside. Bobby Lashley takes no liberties sending Mordetzky inside. As Mordetzky regains momentum, he uses a camel clutch. When Drew gets out, Drew poke him in the eye. Mordetzky stomps away before letting drew up. Drew reverses a clothesline to send them both out. They brawl outside before Mordetzky reverses a future shock. Once Drew hits it, GFW drags him out. TNA makes the save before Jarrett goes to hit Drew. Young stops him, and turns for the 99th time by usinbg the guitar on Drew to help GFW get the one man advantage.


We have a few broadcasts left, and frankly, we don’t like our chances. Safe booking only works when neither the booking around the matches, nor the management, are dumb as rocks. Sadly, we don’t see either one getting any better. This feels more like the end more than anything before. Until next week, Achieve better.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Impact Review 9/2/2015

Between Seth Rollins finding he’s nailing an alleged racist, a maniac getting shot at WWE’s Performance Center, Bram signing a new bond agreement, and Jimmy Snuka being declared a Superfly-t risk, wrestling has made it so we don’t have to perform. We need to try though if Global Force Wrestling needs bookers. Well we focus on Impact. Tonight, TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ethan Carter III defends against Matt Hardy, who’s also defending his brother, Jeff Hardy’s freedom. Poor use of words after the last few days.


After showing he Hardys and EC3 walking in at different times, we see a recap of Jeff Jarrett’s heel turn last week. Must flee TV. Jarrett walks out with GFW along with him. Josh Mathews says Jarrett should be kicked out of the TNA Hall of Fame. Right, because THAT’S the worst thing a Hall of Famer has done. Jarrett makes it clear he tried to help Dixie by running the show for her. Karen Jarrett adds that she had to mastermind the attacks to help Jeff. Jeff thanks her for setting up an invasion. This won’t end well. Anyway, Jarrett say no one can compete with them. Chris the Adonis says he’s not impressed, and issues an open challenge. Showing it’s 2006, Bobby Lashley accepts.


Lashley starts by throwing Adonis around for a good bit before they lock-up. Adonis takes over with a low-blow. After a brief attack by Adonis, Lashley tries to surge, but Adonis keeps on him with a chinlock. Once Lashley gets him outside, they brawl until Adonis sends him outside. Once Lashley returns, Adonis suplexes Lashley and tries for a pin. Once Lashley gets a few hits in, both men are down. When both are back up, Lashley uses a suplex, followed by a shoulder tackle by Lashley, and a delayed suplex. When Lashley goes for a spear, Adonis moves out of the way, and locks in the Mordetzky loock. Lashley avoids it, and spears Adonis. As Lashley goes for a pin, GFW assaults Lashley. As TNA World Tag Team Champions The Wolves try to help, but are assaulted as well. Jarrett implores Karen to bring her surprise with her.


Karen attempts to use Magnus’ Feast or Fired briefcase for Trevor Lee and Bryan Myers. Guess he couldn’t wait to leave. After referee Earl Hebner refuses, they assault him and make referee Brian Stifler do it. Eddie Edwards keeps kicking out, but the team assault keeps him in the ring. Edwards manges to get Lee in a half crab while Davey Richards has a cloverleaf. After a distraction by Sonjay Dutt causes the holds to be broken, Lee uses the briefcase to hit Edwards and get a pin. Co-Tweet of the night goes to @WheelerDeeler: “Lee & Myers needed a 5+ Minute Gang Attack, A Distraction & A Briefcase to beat The Wolves”... Davey Richards was upset he didn’t tag into the match.


Bobby Roode again says he’s not respected, and that he will beat TNA King of the Mountain Champion P.J. Black.


Recaps of the assaults, then talk about other matches, and our farewell tour.


Jeremy Borash interviews EC3, EC3 says he never read Hardy Boys books. First time that joke was used, but he was more of a choose your adventure guy. And has demands for Jeff.


After showing Dixie looking confused as usual, we get Roode vs. Black. Roode tells Black to look around, and see TNA. Roode’s a TNA wrestler, and he helped to build what Black sees. He says some have loved him, some hated, but they all respect him. He doesn’t know what’s going on with GFW, but “THIS IS MY HOUSE”! Hope he doesn’t turn on one glorified independent to pad another glorified independent’s roster. As the match starts, Roode punches away before going for a “BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK BODY DROP”! The brawl goes outside, where Roode continues to assault as Josh tries to explain why this is one-on-one. After Black takes the match inside, Roode stomps away before Black kicks to battle back. Into the match before break. Back from break, and Roode starts rebounding by taking Black down. We then get a yay/boo before Black misses a springboard. Roode uses a spinebuster, and begins to rally. Roode hits several big moves before thinking about a roode bomb. Black gets out, and gets a pin for two. Black uses a tornado DDT to set Roode up for a springboard moonsault to again get two. Roode battles ahead and locks in his crossface. Dutt tries to get involved, but Drew Galloway takes him out. When Black tries to fly, he’s hit in the Roode bomb to win the GFW World Heavyweight Championship. GFW next walks out and demands to see Dixie.


Dixie again says there was supposed to be a team. Jeff says Dixie let different people fail her. She says she’s been here fighting for everything, and that Jarrett removed himself. Dixie says she learned ego from Jarrett. Jarrett says she is unable to do anything about his ownership. Dixie then challenges Jarrett to assemble a team for a match for ownership of TNA. Jarrett says that it’s not about ego, and that his team proves it. Drew stands up as the team captain for TNA before The Wolves come out next, and then Lashley. The Pope calls Lashley the tank that moves like a sports car. He just described Bray Wyatt. Co-Tweet of the night goes to @ShroomMeister: “Looks like Survivor Series 2001 is coming early”.


After showing Jarrett leading a “Woah Bundy”, we get a plug for a calendar that may outlive us.


The one-man Beat Down Clan Kenny King says he no longer wants to sucker punch, or takes part in assaults because he’s a leader. He then says he’s bringing back Open Fight Night. Guess he just gotn here. Bram fresh from jail accepts. After a brief brawl, Bram tries to bring King out. King sends him down, and plancha’s him. When King tries to fly, Bram grabs him by the throat and slams him down. Bram brings him inside and clotheslines him. Outside of kayfabe for a second, hearing live commentary put over how vicious Bram is is creepy after Monday. Back to kayfabe, Bram keeps criminally assaulting King until he wins.


Borash interviews the Hardys. Matt says he’s fueled by the risk for his brother, and the reward of the gold.


Stone Cold Velvet Sky talks about how the division has evolved, and how The Dollhouse is too crazy. She demands Taryn Terrell walk out. Taryn brings it via satellite, and says she’s done more than Velvet, and that Velvet will have to play with her Dollhouse. This leads to Jade, Marti Bell, and Rebel walking out. Velvet starts fighting with them, but there are too many underpaid people before pregnant Angelina Love and Madison Rayne help even things up. After fighting back, the re-united Beautiful People lets everyone know they’re back. Hope Angelina isn’t showing next month.


A video for recent matches and segments between EC3 and Matt highlight the match tonight.


A recap of the challenge between Dixie and Jarrett brings us to Drew asking if Dixie’s sure about this. She says she is. The match will be Lethal LockDown.


EC3 vs. Matt main events. The match begins with both men locking-up.EC3 backs into the corner. EC3 gets Matt into a chinlock before Matt sends him off the ropes. Matt uses elbows and knees to get the first pin attempt. Matt uses a neckbreaker to get two. EC3 battles back, but a “BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK BODY DROP”! and a clothesline send him outside and into the break. Back from break, EC3 is in charge in the match. He goes for an elbow drop, but Matt rolls out of the way. When Matt runs off the ropes, EC3 uses a sleeper hold until Matt jawbreaks him. A yay/boo follows before Matt clotheslines EC3 when EC3 goes to the corner, Matt bulldogs him. After a side effect, Matt gets two. EC3 avoids a twist of fate, leading to a ref bump. Matt hits it, but no referee then leads to a punch by Tyrus, and a hit with the gold. All of that only gets two. Jeff hits Tyrus while Matt rolls EC3 up for two before another attempt for a pin by EC3. Matt headbutts EC3, and hits Tyrus before Jeff hits Tyrus. Matt uses a tornado DDT to get only two. Matt goes for a twist of fate, but EC3 uses a clothesline. EC3 then uses a low-blow, and a sunset flip for a win. EC3 then forces Jeff to be in the ring and raise his arm.


That’s the first of our final episodes on the network. Odds are that the show is not coming back, and the last memories will either be what has been taped, or BFG. In any instance, we hope to keep you informed. Jest be careful about these next several days.

Friday, August 28, 2015

What the Collapse of the Diva Revolution Says About WWE

There is no secret that boatloads of fans have jeered the Diva Revolution angle. And while there known causes for it’s collapse have been brought up, Stephanie McMahon proclaiming herself the savior of the division, the constant reminders that women can actually compete in sports where gravy and gelatin are not part of the playing field, and the promo where Nikki Bella admitted the wins and losses don’t matter, are all factors in why things like #ThingsBetterThanNikkisReign become a trend on Twitter. What hasn’t been talked about is how this angle has come to symbolize all the things that are wrong with the booking in WWE.


Right from jumpstreet, this angle presents evidence that WWE no longer is proactive in seeing what fans want. Fans are tired of WWE ramrodding their usual booking until fans violently reject it. Then make a quick fix without looking to what else may be a problem coming up, or even if there might be a problem with their fix. Fans hated seeing 1-2 minute matches with Wrestler X vs. Bella Y, so WWE has more wrestlers in longer matches. All they changed was the initial problem with the roster and the time they get. The new blood being brought in was not brought in in a way that illustrates who they are.  Fans were not told to be invested in Charlotte, Becky Lynch, or Sasha Banks as individuals with the goal of wrestling the coveted, but condescending belt from Nikki. Rather, they were just part of the same 9 women fighting with no ultimate goal while fans begin raging against a reign possibly in place to spite wrestler turned mixed martial artist CM Punk. We have not seen a group this unstructured since Dixie tried to get Octomom to appear on Impact.


Another problem is how WWE yearns to have mainstream acceptance. Every time Steph said her same “This is me and Ronda Rousey, but mostly me” speech, you almost hear Vince wanting to get on ESPN that night. The repeated ass-kissing makes WWE look less like innovators, and more like imitators.  Other promotions, as well as NXT, don’t go on for 15 minutes about how great their women’s divisions are, they have matches and angles that are often what one would expect for men’s matches.


WWE also seems to prove that only fools rush in. Whether it is giving a group the name Submission Sorority before even thinking it could be used for pornography, or placing images of the women that completed Army Ranger training in a package for women in sports. While the allies are back-to-back World War winners, forgetting to be professional is about the same as forgetting proper use of upper and lower casing. Right now WWE is certainly not helping their Uncle Jack off a horse.


The problems that plague the Diva Revolution are unfortunate, but given the recent track record, they are not surprising. All fans are able to do are shame WWE, and hope Triple-H gets more reign over the show, and soon.