Follow Blue Bar Cage!

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Creative Locks: Survivor Series

Tonight won’t be stopped a few unfavorable groups we are not going to acknowledge, but due to a meeting with network dummies, we are breezing through these quickly. So here we go.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Tyler Breeze
Breeze will be facing his future. As any opening feud with a new heel, this will see him go over before losing the final meaningful match.
Winner: Tyler Breeze

WWE Diva Championship: Charlotte vs. Paige
After the remark that was totally Charlotte’s idea, but don’t go talk to TV or radio people, she logically should beat Paige half to death. Though we are going to get the “You mocked my family, so I will lock in my figure four while I bridge my torso”. Seems this match will either be justice for her, or the end of the attempt to save the Diva Revolution.
Winner: Charlotte

The Brothers of Destruction vs. The Wyatt Family
This is The Undertaker’s farewell tour. As such, we expect WWE to anger fans tonight before “Making it so worth it” by disappointing everyone later. Because this is the case, we should be expecting a Wyatt victory, but there will be a win by the brothers before one of them gets attacked. Undertaker will be off TV until his WrestleMania match with Strowman, and Kane can feud Strowman before then.
Winners: Brothers of Destruction

WWE World Heavyweight Championship
 We have decided to look at all three matches as one match. Roman Reigns will defeat Alberto Del Rio to look strong, and Dean Ambrose will defeat Kevin Owens with a slim margin. There are three was this match will go: Reigns turns on DA, DA turns on Reigns, or they both remain friends. We think the last one applies, as Reigns will need to avenge his best buddy after said buddy is beaten up by Sheamus for his gold. All about making Roman look really strong.
Winner: Dean Ambrose

Well those are our predictions, we hope to fair better at being sure about these matches than we are with this meeting. Have a good night.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Impact Review 11/18/2015

Another week toward the end… Of this tournament. This week, it’s on the bubble week. As we get closer to the actual tournament, many look to secure places.

A recap of last week’s misadventures, good matches, and other assorted action.

TNA Ghost Brooke vs. Awesome Kong starts the show. Brooke evades the power moves early on like we evade debt collectors, but Kong is able to throw her like Bram on a date. She then bends Brooke’s injured hand by twisting and stepping on it. Becky Lynch approves of this disarming. Brooke tries to get offense in after ducking a blow. Brooke now tries for a submission, but it is the power of Kong that helps her to kickout. Once Kong misses a splash, Brooke hits a butterfacemaker, but it only gets two. Brooke gets chokeslammed to give Kong 3 points. 6 points overall. Kong makes it in the tournament.

Matt Hardy and Ethan Carter III, both in better houses than many, talk about advancing. Matt says he faced three of the greatest wrestlers around to get here. EC3, with a photo of himself and Dixie says Matt wasn’t in a group of former TNA World Heavyweight Champions. Matt says he’s not afraid, and wants to face EC3. He adds there will be no controversy. EC3 speaking in a way Nick Bockwinkel would be proud of when he berates Matt and his family. EC3 adds he wants to face Matt. EC3 says he will be watching it burn. Likely means this place.

Eric Young says TNA Ghost James Storm shouldn’t show up here, and that he’s a shell. Guess someone hates not going with him.

A recap of EC3 going nuts means their interviews will be done separately.

TNA X-Division Champion Tigre Uno vs. Manik starts off as a brawl from the ring to the ramp. They return to the ring, where Manik stomps on the arm. We hear there’s a big announcement about YouTube. Geuss where this show will broadcast. Manik uses the Three Amigos, then a backbreaker. Tigre Uno fights through a submission attempt, but is in another one right away. Tigre Uno finally gets some traction, leading to an assault on the legs of Manik. An attempt to go off the top leads to a desperation his by Manik. Many quick reversals leads to a lungblower by Manik. This time Tigre Uno stops a splash, he then gets a quick pin to go to 3 points. 6 points overall. This leads to what is essentially a reverse elimination match.

A quick video highlights Group TNA Originals and the matches they’ve had so far.

TNA Big Red Belt Champion Bobby Roode posts a video from his phone about how he’ll beat Abyss. This was likely done while going to GFW’s office/Jeff Jarrett’s garage.

Storm vs. Young starts with Young attacking Storm at the start going into break. Back from break, and Young is still on him. Boy this seems to be edited out of spite. Young brings him back in and works a submission hold before Storm tries getting out, but is sent back outside. As Storm battles out, he kicks Young in the head, neckbreakers him, then knees him in the head. Young ducks a superkick, but his piledriver attempt is reverses into an eye of the Storm. After a few moves, we get a ref bump, a and a piledriver from Young. Young goes to 3 points. 6 points overall. Storm’s run ends like that. At least he’s in NXT now.

Matt’s back, and says he wants to shove EC3’s words down his throat, and that he knows he is the one keeping EC3 up. He adds he knows he will be Champion again. We hope to have him win in our re-writes. Matt is asked who is winning the main event, he responds Roode, and hopes to face him in this tournament. We’ll see about writing it.

Aiden O’Shea vs. Mahabali Shera. This match is really happening. Aiden tries to use power on Shera, but Shera keeps throwing him into chinlocks. Aiden offers Shera a smoke. After it’s refused, Aiden attacks and stomps away. After Shera tries battling out, Aiden uses a flurry of punches. When Shera finally does take things back, Aiden attempts an eye-rake. Shera reverses to a sky high to get 3 points. 9 points overall. At least that’s over.

Young goes off about how he’ll keep winning. Honoring Charlie Sheen he is.

Eli Drake vs. Crimson. Crimson can’t move ahead, but he uses power early on to try and play spoiler. Drake takes advantage of Crimson’s shoulder. The way Drake attacks the shoulder leads to EC3 wanting his interview, and leaving when denied. Crimson fights out, and uses several power moves before Drake goes at the arm again. Going for an armbar, which gets him 3 points. 7 points overall.

EC3 says he’s not ok with not having the Championship, but he will be ok when he wins. EC3 says he takes the “theft” of his Championship, and is more obsessed with defeating the man that took his gold. When asked about who is winning between Bobby Lashley and TNA Ghost Austin Aries, he basically says he doesn’t care, and will be winning the tournament.

The Pope doesn’t think Micah will go on. He will be missed.

Abyss vs. Roode is the main event. The fans want Roode as both men figure out their strategy. Several moves reversed leads to Abyss taunting, and Roode mocking the taunt. Roode uses several quick moves, but Abyss’ power leads to a chokeslam attempt. Roode attacks the legs, but is Samoan dropped going into break. Back from break, Abyss sends everything outside. Abyss and Roode brawl for a bit before Abyss wedges a chair in the turnbuckles. Boy he uses weapons to a major fault. Roode rolls him up to get two. Roode manages to get out of a submission hold with 5:00 remaining. Roode uses three clotheslines to get Abyss off his feet. Abyss ends up going into the chair, leading to Roode attempting a chokeslam. Roode does use a Cri*Redacted*er Crossface, but Abyss reaches the ropes. Roode Attempts a Roode bomb, but Abyss uses a chokeslam to get two. Abyss decides to get, three guesses, Janice. His gimmick seems to be running hardcore into the ground. Abyss does the get Janice stuck, leading to a Roode spinebuster to get 3 points. 6 points overall.

We are closer to the end of this mess. We’re not sure we’ll be on TV in 2016, but at least it’s not as bad an end as we thought it would be. Until next time.

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Nick Bockwinkel: 1934-2015


Another unfortunate departure has fallen on the wrestling world. It has been reported that yesterday, Nick Bockwinkel passed away. In his time, he was a true total package, known for both his technical abilities, and his articulate mic work. The latter he attributed to a pocket dictionary he would study often. While many young fans may not have seen his matches, older fans know quite a bit about his journey through the ropes.

After a knee injury forced off of the football field of the University of Oklahoma, Bockwinkel trained under both his wrestler father, Warren Bockwinkel, and legendary NWA World Heavyweight Champion Lou Thesz. He would wrestle through the territorial landscape while occasionally appearing on Hollywood Squares, Hawaii Five-O, and The Monkees. It was in 1970, when he would join the American Wrestling Association. It was there where he would form a well-known heel tag team with Ray “The Crippler” Stevens. Managed by Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, the duo would hold the AWA World Tag Team Championship three times.

After Stevens turned face, Bockwinkel would set his sights on the AWA World Heavyweight Championship. At 40 years old, Bockwinkel would win the crown from longtime AWA Champion, and the promoter, Verne Gagne. It was the first of four times he would be AWA Champion. In his first reign, he faced a who’s who for wrestling. Everyone from Billy Robinson, to a young Hulk Hogan, to WWWF/WWF Heavyweight Champion Bob Backlund, would all challenge Bockwinkel, who’s first reign was ended by Gagne in Gagne’s last full-time match. Before Bockwinkel’s final reign as AWA Champion, he would face NWA Champion Ric Flair at the AWA’s last Winnipeg, Manitoba show in 1986, before that city fell under the World Wrestling Federation’s control.
His final reign with the AWA Championship happened as a result of the controversy with Stan Hansen. As a result of Hansen quitting the AWA, and running the belt over with his truck, #1 contender Bockwinkel was awarded a new belt. He would reign until 1987. At age 52, Bockwinkel lost it to Curt Hennig, after Larry Zybszko handed the challenger a roll of coins when the referee was distracted. Bockwinkel would get a measure of revenge in one of his last full-time matches by defeating Zybszko when he defeated him after hitting him with a roll or coins.

Bockwinkel would wrestle two times after his retirement. First was a 1992 match against Billy Robinson in the Japanese shoot-style (scripted matches designed to look realistic) Union of Wrestling Forces International promotion, and a 1993 match at World Championship Wrestling’s Slamboree against Dory Funk Jr. The rest of his time in wrestling saw him work as a road agent in the WWF, an on-air authority figure in WCW and several independent promotions, and as the president of the Cauliflower Alley Club from 2007, until 2014, when he had to give up the seat due to health reasons. His appearances in the WWF/WWE include occasional commentary, his 2007 induction in the WWE Hall of Fame, and as a part of a Legends Lumberjack match between Christian, and Ted DiBiase Jr.

Nick Bockwinkel was a rare diamond that shined as both a main event wrestler in regional, as well as national, eras. His legacy will not be forgotten any time soon.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Impact's Going To Hell Tour Review: 11/11/2015

We haven’t been canceled yet, so let’s look at the show that made Taryn Terrell find Jesus.

After a recap of last week’s show, the announcements of tonight’s match then bring he commentary team that makes fans yearn for Rob Bartlett.

Before Gail Kim vs. Madison Rayne, we get a video of Madison in Ninja Queen. She starts acting like a ninja. You know Madison hiding behind a houseplant will be the big image in the WrestleCrap induction. After Madison works a chinlock for what seems like 2 minutes, there are multiple near-falls. Josh Mathews says he’s blown-up watching this. That’s because he’s punching the Josh to his wife right now. Gail starts flaying aroiund going into break. Back from break, Gail is thrown outside. Madison goes out after her, but then gets sent into the steps. She should be careful, she’s not Davey Richards. Gail then uses a Dragon Sleeper before Madison reverses into a backbreaker. After a quick yay boo. Madison gets angry she isn’t able to keep Gail down. Shortly after this, Gail rolls Madison to get 3 points. 6 points overall.

After a recap of the last match, we get an interview with Matt Hardy. He’s on via Skype. Good thing we don’t have Sunny. Matt talks about hoping to go undefeated while there is a beepinng. Someone better change the batteries on that alarm. Matt also says he had to do the right thing because of Ethan Carter III, TNA World Tag Team Champion Eddie Edwards will truly be a challenge, and that he hopes to face EC3 in the finals. Boy that match will be great if we taped that.

Eli Drake talks about being a little bit better than Jesse Godderz. Take Whatever will fact being there is. Jesse says Drake will be on a milk jug, while Jesse will be on a cereal box. Good thing he doesn’t reference a man named Bruce. After a long, drawn out opening part, they finally use a Greco-Roman knucklelock. We get a few quick instances of power between both men. One can see Jesse has improved a bit, but Drake has better moves. Drake targets the knee, so Jesse’s the default face. A few quick pin attempts then sees Drake and Jesse attempt dirty pins repeatedly before Drake crotches Jesse on the top turnbuckle. Drake then uses the ropes to get 3 points. 4 points overall.

EC3 is seen outside the place Finn Balor and Jason Jordan were near recently. He says he has a package to deliver. This is part of our attempt to have TNA TnA on Playboy TV: Soon with 90% less of the stuff you want.

Drake then rattles off about “beating keister”. It’s like The Rock had to go TV-PG.

We hear “awards” for all these matches. Matt’s MVP, Wolves have match of the series, Mahabali Shera is the most improved? TNA Ghost James storm wins for most disappointing? And Bobby Lashley vs. TNA Ghost Austin Aries win for the biggest match not seen yet.

Matt vs. Eddie is next. Both men start with a handshake, then a quick feeling out. After Matt gets out of a chinlock, he sends Eddie into the corner and attempts a pin going into break. Back from break, Matt is dominating until he is sent outside. Eddie flies out after him. We hear The Pope explain a suicide dve. Next week, he explains why it’s called a chokeslam. Matt tries a side effect in the apron, but Eddie uses an enziguri and DDT. Eddie gets Matt back in the ring, and basically chops away. A quick yay boo leads to a double clothesline. Matt recovers first, and attempts a tornado DDT. Eddie reverses to try a backpack stunner, but is sleeperslammed. Matt attempts to go off the top, but is set up for a backpack stunner. Eddie attempts to fly, but we get several quick reversals in a short span. Matt now attempts a superplex. He is initially thrown off, but hits a twist of fate for 3 points. 9 points overall. Roman Reigns wishes he got Matt’s push.

A recap of the Bound For Glory main event, EC3 goes into Dixie’s office, where there are among other things, the 2007-2010 TNA World Heavyweight Championship belt, the NWA-TNA X-Division Championship belt, several baseballs, and a lot of Kurt Angle merchandise.  EC3 begins berating Dixie, he then hands her the fine for attacking John Gaburick. Totally worth it.

A recap of the previous match leads to Matt putting Eddie over as a threat in this series.

Mandrews vs. DJZ up next. Several quick reversals before Mandrews sends DJZ outside. Mandrews flies out and hits DJZ with more offense. Once back inside, Mandrews uses a jawbreaker. When Mandrews tries a standing moonsault, but DJZ kicks him out of the way and takes advantage. After a dominating series by DJZ, Mandrews is able to get back in with several hurricaranas. There is a quick series of near winning by both men. Mandrews tries a shooting star press, but DJZ uses the knees to get 3 points. 6 points overall.

For Mahabali Shera, we get a montage (montage).

Next week sees Erie Young vs. Storm, and whatever name we have for that Big Red Belt this week Champion Bobby Roode vs. Abyss.

Young hears about not being looked at to win. A moment that only occurred a few minutes ago. Young says no one will hear of Storm ever again. Young doesn’t have WWE Network.

Crimson talks about how he’ll defeat Micah. Sadly, the match was an “earlier today”. So you won’t see him rip a man’s appendix out.

EC3 taped a promo from India. He says Mr. Anderson will not be ending his chances at becoming Champion again. This leads to the announcement that the semi-finals will be from Mumbai. Guess this means the series was not planned when all these matches were taped several months before they aired.

Drew Galloway talks about sacrificing everything for wrestling. So forgive him for his recent comments.

Awesome Kong vs. Brooke is also next week.

A video for the big main event shows highlights of EC3 and Mr. Anderson’s recent matches leads to the main event. A war of words leads to Mr. Anderson punching, chopping, and kicking. EC3 briefly battles back before Mr. Anderson sends him rolling to the outside going into break. Back from break, both men are brawling outside. After returning to the ring, Mr. Anderson punches away before baseball sliding Tyrus. Turning his sites back to EC3, Mr. Anderson attacks him on the ropes before attempting a mic check. EC3 reverses, and sends both men outside. EC3 gets in the ring and distracts referee Earl Hebner so Tyrus battles Mr. Anderson. This includes randomly stepping on Mr. Anderson’s hand. EC3 gets Mr. Anderson back into the ring, and suplexes him. EC3 then targets the midsection with knees and stomps before using a sit-out front suplex. EC3 then uses the ropes in his assault on Mr. Anderson. EC3 uses a chinlock with 5:00 remaining. Mr. Anderson gets out, and briefly brings EC3 down before a double clothesline. Both men get up for a yay boo before Mr. Anderson uses several elbows before Mr. Anderson hits a swanton. After an attempt at a mic check is blocked, EC3 goes for a 1%er off the top. When Mr. Anderson hits the Lambeau leap, Tyrus distracts the referee. Mr. Anderson then wallops him with a chair. Mr. Anderson then almost uses a chair to hit EC3, but when the referee takes the chair, EC3 hits a low-blow. This sees several attempts at finishers before EC3 gets a quick pin and 3 points. 7 points overall.

Well at least we know that the winner of this tournament may likely now not be the man we booked before. But if we know anything, Shera will probably win. Until next week.

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Impact Review 11/4/2015

We are back with another edition of the only wrestling show banned by the Geneva Convention. We again go with random matches from before Taker was the 1 that beat the 1 to bring you a possible TNA World Heavyweight Champion.

A recap of last week’s matches brings us the two matches of tonight worth seeing: TNA World Tag Team Champions Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards face off, and TNA Legendary Global Television King Champion Bobby Roode faces Eric Young

Madison Rayne starts off against Brooke. We hear from Madison first before the match. she does the whole #DivaRevolution thing by saying most of the same things WWE pounded into the ground. They start the match by locking up. We then see a quick feeling out before Brooke starts selling her hand. The old us would make a joke about this, but we’re not going to go there. Brooke’s offense is brief during most of the early part given her hand. Though she is able to go off the top with an elbow. Though Madison is able to battle back, and use a Ram-Paige to get 3 points.

Young starts yelling about everyone trying to stop him, and he’ll make sure Roode doesn’t make it tonight. Sounds like Nowinski’s ready to be calling him.

We next get a video about Roode vs. Young. We notice Samoa Joe and MVP are still in the video. They are sure to be back.

Rockstar Spud vs. Bram. Bram starts by pushing Spud like they were dating. Spud responds with a few punches of his own. Each hit does only some damage to Bram. Though he finally gets him into the corner. Bram grabbing Spud by the throat is funnier than it has any right to be. Perhaps we give him a chokeslam as his new finishing move. Spud tries using his agility, but Bram keeps assaulting him. Bram keeps stomping away, but Spud starts to battle out. Spud goes for the underdog, but Bram gets out and kicks Spud in the stomach. After Bram hits finishing move, he gets 3 points and bail.

Roode says he’s still angry Young attacked him in January, and hopes o end the year with two Championships.

A preview or Jeff Hardy’s interview presents the feel-good moment of the first Sunday of October.

Manik vs. Mandrews is next. They lock-up before staring at each other like it’s a mirror. We take a break from action to tell you to follow Dixie. She doesn’t know how to block you, so go at it like a dog on bacon. Back to action, and these two are really flipping around. Despite the great match, it’s being sold like they don’t know what they’re doing. We imagine that phrase is best used about management. Both men have a sequence where they reverse everything the other guy does. Again, they’re not sold as doing well. Manik hits a Go 2 Sleep-like move to go up to 6 points.

The Wolves talk briefly about how they are friends, but know how important this is. Scary thought that two guys are able to speak nicely bout each other.

Young starts rambling about waiting for Roode. Seems drunk.

Jeff talks about his injury against TNA Ghost James Storm and his revenge. Seems Jeff has these problems before we travel. He also talks about making several dirt bike jumps before we see his submission to Tosh.0.

The Wolves walk for their big match together. Both men then shake hands before their match. Guessing they’ll remain a pack after this hunt. They feel out the other man for a bit before a mirrored knucklelock. A nice pin into submission hold by both men before they both go to kick to take this into break. Back from break, neither man has gained ground in this match. An accidental mention of their ROH name. Eddie starts to pick up the pace as he dominates Davey. 5:00 minutes remaining sees Davey getting chinlocked. Davey is able to battle into this following a superplex. Both men yay boo, or yay and yay here. Eddie uses a back suplex-like move to get two. 2:00 left, and Eddie has Davey ready for a backpack stunner, but Davey gets out. As they battle with seconds left. Davey clotheslines for a draw. The match to beat tonight.

The Wolves talk about how they respect each other, and the fans.

Jeff is now back to talk about how difficult it was seeing Matt Hardy having to vacate after Jeff played Evel Kenievel, and as bad as it was, it was made better seeing Matt going for the top prize. Jeff then talks about the whole thing with Ethan Carter III. He says he didn’t have to wear an EC3 thong Ok… Well he says it was great seeing Matt win the gold at Bound for Glory. A reign that would be a long one.

Roode looks for Young like he’s his dog. Young then says he already has won. He psyched Roode out. So he stood around drinking. He’s not us.

Mahabali Shera vs. TNA Ghost Kenny King. King talks about how he’s going to handle things tonight. Shera backs King into the corner before using power to push him back. Shera battles along as fans root for King. Dixie still thinks she backed the right horse. We hear about how Shera was in India recently. We need him to get those fans to be thinking we’re on the up. The fight goes outside as King uses agility and power to bring things his way. King uses a kick to the back of the head. Shera is able to recover from being essentially Danza Slapped, and sky highs King to go to 6 points.

Recapping key matches from earlier before hearing Matt faces Eddie, Gail faces Madisin, and the technically eliminated Mr. Anderson faces EC3 next week.

A video of the Roode vs. Young feud brings the main event up. As the match starts, Roode avoids Young’s strike, and sends him outside. Young needs to rake the eye like he was Haku on a bar crawl. Young then chokes and chinlocks Roode. Despite this, Roode kicks out. An angered Young gets Enzuguri’ed and sells it like he’s having a stroke. After briefly dominating, Young now facing a renewed challenge. Young pulls referee Earl Hebner in the way to stop Roode. Young then hits a piledriver to get 3 points.

Well that was a fun week. Two great matches, and a lot of material. We hope to be drunk and ready next week.

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Impact Review: A New Direction - 10/28/2015

We decided a few months ago to review Impact as it goes off TV. Sadly, doing a straight-up review of this big dumpster fire would be as depressing as reviewing the AWA Team Challenge Series. Therefore, we shall instead give you a bit of the riffing we’re known for on our Twitter page. Let our exclusive insight, as well as a few Rt’s from some of our followers, give you the kind of look everyone SHOULD be having while this hot garbage fills the airtime that Naked Bigfoot Barbecue will likely need in January. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the sight of a hot mess. No Taryn, not you.

We start with a recap of TNA Ghost Austin Aries getting the win over Mr. Anderson. Don’t worry Mr. Anderson, you’re getting paid something, and Ethan Carter III winning the Taker way.

After the brutal duo of Josh Mathews and The Pope yammer about recent wins, EC3 talks about how he had the guts and nuts to defeat Bobby Lashley.

Matt Hardy vs. Robbie E. Matt gets an entrance. Sure that’s nothing. Matt, wearing pants greener than Eva Marie, gets caught in a hammerlock. He gets out and throws Robbie into the corners. Robbie comes back as we hear about Robbie’s challenge to Rob Gronkowski. We could possibly get a guy that looks like Aaron Harnandez. Matt stops the momentum with a sleeper hold. Robbie gets out, but ends up back in the corner. After Matt launches him, we get a yay boo into a side effect. As Matt goes running into Robbie, he instead eats the turnbuckle, and we get false pins by both men. Matt uses a sit-out powerbomb and an elbow. When Matt goes for a twist of fate, Robbie reverses into a boom drop. Matt kicks out, then spams his signature and stored finisher to get 3 points.

Fem-Cena Gail Kim explains she has “One. More. Match. In order to redeem herself tonight after her loss to Brooke recently. She takes on Awesome Kong tonight.

During the break, we see the Zeus Ball Park ad. We imagine he’ll face the vending machine’s brother in No Holds Barred 2. We also hear @TheChaosBlue tell us: “Hold up was that Izzy the Bayley Superfan in the crowd lmao what” We have arrived!

After the recap, Matt says Robbie was more than he expected, Robbie says he is proud of his fight, and Grado takes a photo with Matt. 2/3 isn’t bad.

After the yammering about Grado, we see his match with Drew Galloway. The first half of a quick look at Drew seems like the video that would’ve aired at Bound For Glory had we paid the production guys. Drew out-grapples Grade, but he can’t out-weigh him. After Grado stomps on Drew’s foot, Drew gets angry and suplexes him. Drew tries to chop, but Grado reverses. This further angers Drew, at least until Grado accidentally low-blows Drew. This low-blow angers Drew. What is it with groin hits lately? Drew’s anger gives him several key moves before Grado Rock Bottoms him and even cannonballs him. Grado goes for a back superplex, but several reversals force him to tree of woe Drew. As is the case in this match, Drew then pushes him away, and uses his running dropkick, now known as the claymore. Fitting he uses a sword name given this place is a carved-up mess.

A quick highlight of Gail and Kong’s feud to hype-up the main event.

A recap of TNA Ghost James Storm and Abyss imploding on Impact recently. More yammering as they talk about Mahabali Shera.

Aiden O’Shea vs. Crazzy Steve is next. The guy that looks like Kane’s non-demon look vs. the guy that looks like Doink joined the Wyatts. Aiden is angered at Steve’s antics and pushes him. We hear Steve’s backstory. Bastards. Steve then blares a horn, causing Aiden to start bashing him about the head. Aiden then pushes Steve into the buckles several times before stepping on his horn hand. Smart man. Aiden then takes the fight outside and throws Steve around the railing and apron. When Aiden goes to punch Steve, he rolls out of the way. Funny fact, one of us avoided a fight in school be ducking the punch, causing him to hurt himself. Despite the injured hand, Aiden clotheslines Steve to get 3 points.

Abyss says he doesn’t need Storm anymore. That’s good given where he’ll go NeXT. After this, we get a video about both men’s successes. After the voiceover guy says Storm may be put into a black hole, never to be seen again, we say he got it half-right.

We have a Jeff Hardy DVD. No, Victory Road 2011 isn’t on there.

Another highlight of Gail vs. Kong has some of the last you’ll hear of Taz around here. Then a recap of Drew beating Grado. Then Grado does a dead-on Davey Richards impression. Or he’s selling. Either way.

Hyping up Storm vs. Abyss in a Winner gets to go to NXT match is thankfully brief. Storm goes on the microphone to remind Abyss they have been here from the beginning. You know, back when Storm had cap guns and Abyss was Prince Justice. Storm tries to get Abyss to forfeit, but Abyss yells about being a weapon before punching Storm. Storm’s flurries are as brief as his pay as we go into break. Steve Austin should burn the WWE games guy that replaced Mike Tyson with a random bald guy after seeing that WWE2K16 ad. Back from break, Storm bashes Abyss with a bottle. Ok, a water bottle, before throwing him into a ringpost. Storm goes to grab a chair and wedge it in between the buckles. They both try to send each other through it until Abyss finally sends Storm through it. Despite the hit, only two. Abyss then brings Janice in and tries to hit Storm. No surprise the stuck in the buckle spot leaves Abyss open to a cowbell to the head. Amazingly, only gets two. Abyss manages to prevent Storm from going off the top, but his superplex leaves him open to a sunset flip powerbomb. When Storm hits a superkick, he forgot it does nothing nowadays. Same with Abyss and many different versions of chokeslams. Storm manages to find a bottle, a beer bottle this time. He spits the beer in Abyss’ face before finally using a superkick to get 3 points.

A recap of the last two matches brings us to Jeremy Borash interviewing Shera. We actually talked with someone, and the use of “I am” is actually more common in that part of the world than you think. Makes it not very funny to make jokes about that. Oh, and Jeff’s being interviewed next week. Assuming he doesn’t leave before.

A video for the Bobby Roode Eric Young feud leads us to ask if anyone remembers when Roode tuened earlier this year then forgot when he won the Big Red Belt.

Tigre Uno faces DJZ is next. Tigre Uno moves between several moves targeting the arm before DJZ uses the kind of agility that better make him a lot of money after the end. The battle goes outside, where DJZ is able to turn things around. DJZ then thrusts away in the corner like Wicked Pictures was recording it. Despite the abuse he’s given, DJZ still isn’t keeping Tigre Uno down. The commentary talks about how Tigre Uno has “recovered” from his injury at Bound For Glory. DJZ tries twice for a hurricarana, only succeeding on the second one. More flipping leads to a DDT that gets DJZ 3 points.

Highlights of Gail vs. Kong at Bound For Glory. Don’t worry, we’re not showing this match.

Gail vs. Kong starts now. Gail tries to strike quickly, but it proves early on to be as successful as Billy has been booking here. Gail tries to to work on Kong’s shoulder, but Kong sends her outside going into break. Back from break, and Kong takes Gail a-swingin’ into the buckle. Kong camel clutches Gail, in an attempt to develop her Kongy Baby gimmick. Kong steps on Gail, and pushes her around. Kong then goes for a sleeper, but Gail makes it difficult. After a brief submission gold, Gail proves why she’s Big Match Gail. After sending Kong to the outside, she waits for Kong to return before going for an armbar on the opposite arm. Kong uses power to escape, then world’s strongest slams Gail to get two with five minutes remaining. After a desperation hit by Gail, Gail again flies around. We have 2 minutes left until 11:00, so we know we are not getting an overrun. Because of this, Gail gets a quick pin. Thought we’d have to kill the editing guy.

See, it’s not as bad when you can have fun with it. We hope to make these painful hours fly by next week.

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Creative Locks: Hell in a Cell 2015

Tonight is WWE's Hell in a Cell. Back in 1997, this type of match let you know you were seeing war. Now, it lets you know it's October. We are going to answer some of the big questions. Who is going to walk out of the cage? Who will accept John Cena's challenge? What lengths did Randy Orton take to avoid wrestling Braun Strowman? Who decided to book a feud where Kane fighting for the gold is not the same Kane who's job is on the line? On to the predictions.

Pre-Show Match: Dolph Ziggler & Cesaro & Neville vs. Rusev & Sheamus & King Barrett
This match features 6 of the guys WWE either thinks are lazy, or keeps down because they weren't supposed to be over. Ziggler found himself ready to be relieved of a Gooker-worthy angle, but is pulled back in thanks to the latest NXT guy on the firing line, Cesaro being the most well known athlete to find an old guy has lost it since Don Mattingly, And Neville narrowly avoided being Mighty Mouse. While Rusev allegedly may be in the doghouse for acting like Vince never said what the wrestlers on TV is more of a storyline instead of reality, Sheamus has not become a major face despite being the face of the first attempt to marginalize Daniel Bryan, and Barrett has had the one gimmick that got him over almost entirely ripped away. That being said, the heel team has the only guy WWE currently wants out of all this: Sheamus. He's the only guy to not ride the jobber bus to jobber hell because he has the Money in the Bank briefcase, and you just know he'll be primed to be the guy Cena beats for reign #16 or Roman Reigns spears toward glory.
Winners: Rusev & Sheamus & King Barrett

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Kevin Owens vs. Ryback
Owens is getting over by being the kind of heel champion that doesn't need help to win matches. something that is truly rare nowadays. His string of victories will still require him to destroy jobbers while cheating against more established guys. There will likely be an IWC dream feud brewing given Daniel Bryan is on the way back. Because of this, we expect Owens to be the one hitting crotch shots tonight.
Winner: Kevin Owens

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The New Day vs. The Dudley Boyz
Before, WWE would act like The Dudleys were nowhere for 10 years, now, only WWE's main roster act like The Dudleys were nowhere for 10 years. Both teams will blow-off this feud in December. Until then, there will be more New Days for The New Day as Champions, with a stop against The Dudleys and whoever they can find for Survivor Series.
Winners: The New Day

WWE Diva Championship Match: Charlotte vs. Nikki Bella
The match that can break the entire division if botched. Thankfully, there are rumors WWE is not happy that Cena is trying to do things outside of WWE. This means that not even things that have touched his DNA are safe. As bad as Charlotte has been booked so far, we know that the only way WWE thinks will get her feud with Paige over is if that ridiculous belt is on one of them. No flowers, just the knowledge this will continue to be bungled.
Winner: Charlotte

WWE United States Champonship U.S. Open Challenge Match John Cena vs. Someone
As much as fans want Heath Slater to finally ascend, there is a different matter. Cena's taking time off, Dean Ambrose has no match unless they let him team with Drake Wuertz against Luke Harper and Ogr... Braun Strowman. So hopefully here, they combine these. As much as DBryan winning it would be great, we imagine he'll go for the other gold he never lost. Until then, Ambrose will seek asylum in being U.S. Champion.
Winner: Dean Ambrose

Hell in a Cell: Roman Reigns  vs. Bray Wyatt
Reigns has been winning back fans lately. This means he will be made to look strong en route to a likely WWE World Heavyweight Championship win at WrestleMania 32. Though whether he beats Sheamus or even Cena, he'll need a new feud to keep him busy. Here is where Reigns finally puts Wyatt behind him. Wyatt can always Deus Ex Machina himself a new feud and not look weak doing so, for now.
Winner: Roman Reigns

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match: Seth Rollins vs. Kane
Despite winning the WWE World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania 31, 2015 has not been a good year for Rollins, having be revealed he's cheating on his now ex-fiance with an alleged Nazi Sympathizer, retaining the Championship after a reversed finish, then being lucky enough to grab it, then having The Undertaker decide to be the 1 to beat the 1, then having a Jon Stewart help him retain in a semi-unification match. His reign makes Magnus' reign seem, well, still bad, but not-so-lonely as the worst booked reign in years. Kane may have one more good run after making this split personality less stupid, but unless they have Greg Gutfeld help Kane win, leading to Stewart vs. Gutfeld at WrestleMania 32, Rollins will find a way to slip bu with the gold.
Winner: Seth Rollins

Hell in a Cell: Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker
Summerslam was an apology to Taker fans, and Hell in a Cell will be an apology to Lesnar fans. Given the rumors that The Rock may attack Lesnar to set up a match between them, we think that's only a possibility given Vince waffles so often, we have taken to calling his decision making Smothered And Covered. Though that brings us to our final point. Taker is likely calling it a career at WrestleMania 32. So whoever he's facing will likely be making it pretty clear they want to face off against Taker.
Winner: Brock Lesnar

Well those are our predictions. We hope to not be so wrong, but given what promotion we're talking about, that is still likely. Enjoy the show tonight.