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Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Impact Review 6/28/2016


The bout with three guys who can pass Wellness… Maybe. Will TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Lashley, Drew Galloway, or Ethan Carter III walk away as the man? We find out tonight, 18 years after The Undertaker and Mick Foley almost ended each other.

 

EC3, Lashley, and Drew walking leads to a recap of the tag team win and angle last week, Jeff Hardy’s win, and Dixie’s feuding the bald Billy over a raw deal.

 

TNA X-Division Champion Mike Bennet makes it clear he intends on using Option C to become Heavyweight Champion. This brings out Lashley, who then belittles Bennett’s name, and his size. He says he’ll beat him like he will EC3, but forgets Drew. This leads next to Bennett saying he doesn’t care if the three men destroy themselves, he will be the next Champion. EC3 is out to say he takes back the Championship. Lashley says that EC3 may be entertaining, Lashley is tougher. Bennett again says he will use his belt to face the winner. EC3 says Bennett doesn’t deserve it, and calls him a piece of s---. Billy then emerges to play a heel and say he thinks Bennett deserves it. EC3 then proposes a multi-man man match tonight. Bennett however argues against it. Billy makes the “Battle Royale”. Not sure we have the insurance, then a brawl between all four men leads to Drew Galloway running down as well, and accidentally hits EC3 with a Claymore.

 

 

Buy some of Jeff’s art. Or don’t.

 

A recap of just now leads to EC3 and Drew arguing.

 

Before TNA Knockout Champion Sienna, who looks like a chicken with all those feathers, defends against Gail Kim, Allie says Sienna will retire Gail. The match begins when with both wrestlers exchanging holds. Gail uses a headscissors that Rebel will study. Gail’s speed and crucifix are countered by Sienna with a Samoan Drop. Sienna argues with referee Earl Hebner while Allie attacks. This leads to Sienna using a chinlock. Gail reverses when it goes to the corner. Leading to both down. The overbooking sees Jade try to piledrive Allie, Marti Bell attack, Allie try to interfere only to get hit by Gail, and Sienna use the silencer to win.

 

A recap of Jeff’s win sees Matt and family. Matt uses an even more ridiculous accent to say this is not over. If this does not win the Gooker, it will be a shame.

 

Drew and Bennett exchange words about who is going to be Champion. This seems like it will be a great feud soon.

 

TNA King of the Mountain Champion Eli Drake hosts Fact of Life, where after trolling, he talks about eating dinner with his dad, and mashed potatoes. He then introduces James Storm. After mocking Storm, Drake then talks about himself for a bit before Storm saying the fans say Drake sucks. Drake presses his Dummy button a lot. Storm then make a drinking game with the button. Drake notices the fans boo water. This leads to Drake saying he’s the greatest host, and King of the Mountain Champion. Asking about Storm’s belt leads us to remember we have his beer drinking Championship. Drake spams the button a bit. Storm threatens to arrack Drake if he presses the button one more time. Drake ends the show, and starts throwing beer. Bastard. Storm, after the button is pressed, kicks him.

 

Jeff says he may not have answers for Matt, but he hopes to in the ring.

 

 

After a possible Tyrus vignette, we see Bram’s beating last week. This leads to Rosemary trying to get the man with the most multi-year contracts to join her. Trust us. Bad idea.

 

Matt acts drunk… Er than normal. Matt says he’s the reason the Hardys were successful as he’s wheeled around the outside of the ring. He talks about the areas where Jeff broke him. This leads to Jeff walking out to confront him. Matt is likely faking. The injury, not the drunkenness. Jeff wants this to end. Trust us, we all do. Jeff asks what Matt needs. Matt needs what Christian needed in 2011. Matt then wants the stipulation that the winner gets the rights to the name T, we mead Hardy. Jeff alludes to Daniel Bryan before we see a Donald Trump supporter. No, not Lashley. After this is the attack by Matt. After bashing with chairshots, Matt uses a twist of fate. Matt says the match is next week, in Matt’s home. Get the nightstands ready.

 

Bennett’s out to see who is winning the #1 Contender battle royal. Jeff’s stuff again. Tyrus again. Eddie Edwards, The Helms Dynasty, Rockstar Spud, Braxton Sutter, and DJZ. Edwards eliminates Spud. After a brawl, Trevor Lee next eliminates someone we aren’t sure who. DJZ is next to fall to the team. Sutter whoops away as Bennett goes off the headset, enabling Lee to eliminate Edwards. Sutter is teamed against, but eliminates the team. Sutter gets assaulted by Lee, Andrew Everett, and Helms right before Bennett gets in to wrestle. He tells referee Brian Hebner that the match is now. After demanding the bell is rung, he waits a while, almost getting pinned with a roll-up. The match ends with a Miracle in progress.

 

Grado tells Mahabali Shera he has a partner to battle Al Snow and The Tribunal.

 

Grado goes to introduce their partner, who he calls a fixer. After he is attacked, we see it is Tyrus. After Tyrus sends The Tribunal outside, he pursues Snow. Shera throws Basille Baraka before tagging in Grado. Baron Dax tags in, but Grado handles him for a bit. Dax gets a few moves before tagging in Snow, who suplexes Grado, and tags in Baraka. After a few quick tags, Tyrus is in and suplexing away. After destroying Snow, Tyrus pins Baraka.

 

A recap of Sutter being attacked leads to hearing Bennett talking about his win, and hinting at him losing. We also get the announcement about the Hardys’ match.

 

Lashley vs. EC3 vs. Drew is the main event. EC3 and Drew seem ready to destroy each other, but decide for not to attack Lashley. Both men take turns stomping before they argue. EC3 and Drew then get back to attacking until EC3 goes for a pin. After Drew breaks it up, Lashley they kicks EC3 for a bit before offering his hand to Drew, who responds with a headbutt. Drew then proceeds to chop before going for a shoulder tackle. Lashley moves out of the way, sending Drew out for a while, and Lashley gets EC3 into a fall away slam. Drew returns and assists with a German suplex. Lashley then powerslams Drew, but only gets two. EC3 helps Drew send Lashley outside, then Drew jumps out after Lashley. EC3 then goes off the top on Lashley when Lashley is recovering. Drew wants EC3 in the ring. Both men exchange punches, then chops. EC3 and Drew aren’t able to put any major damage, but eventually, EC3 goes for a 1%er, but Drew reverses into a future shock. Lashley makes the save, suplexes EC3, and sets up for a spear. EC3 reverses and goes for a 1%er, but Drew Claymores EC3. Lashley spears Drew, then EC3 to get the win.

 

Another night of action. Only major problem is the booking seems to lack that special something. Hence why it is we drink. Until next time.

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Impact Review 6/21/2016


Well after the push of Roman Reigns takes a month off, you may be ready to watch Impact.

 

Putting over the match between Matt Hardy and Jeff Hardy in a cage leads to Drew Galloway demanding to talk to Ethan Carter III after last week. EC3 says he had no intention of costing him the match, and apologize. s. Drew says he wants to fight EC3 because he intended to cost him the match. EC3 says Drew was overworked during his reign, and should not have wrestled. Both men argue about defending the TNA World Heavyweight Championship. Drew says EC3 got to where he is because of connections. EC3 decides it’s go time. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Lashley gloats about how they are arguing like children. Lashley says he talked to management about a tag tram match playas. If EC3 and Drew win, they get a shot, but if they lose, TNA King of the Mountain Champion Eli Drake gets a shot. Drake emerges to gloat about defeating Drew and EC3, then defeating Lashley. The match starts with EC3 and Lashley fighting with destruction on their minds. Though after Drew and Drake tag in, Drake gets separated and teamed against. Lashley’s distraction helps Drake take over against EC3, and make frequent tags between them. As both Drake and Lashley brutalize EC3, Lashley also knocks Drew off the apron to help keep EC3 away from salvation. After both EC3 and Lashley knock each other down, Lashley recovers quickly, but EC3 recovers desperately. Drew gets the tag in, and cleans up. Drew attempts to hit a claymore, but Lashley uses the ribs to his advantage. After EC3 hits Drake with a 1%er, he’s pushes into a spear, but pins Drake to win.

 

TNA World Tag Team Champions The Decay ask Rosemary who she talked to. We image it’s someone who’s re-signed.

 

A replay of Drew’s win leads to Drew smiling, until Lashley says he decides who gets the shot first, but Drew challenges him to a fight whenever. Lashley reminds Drew he can beat him anytime as he leaves.

 

The Decay are in the ring. Rosemary talks about how she wants to offer Bram something. Is it a multi-year deal is anyone’s guess. Rosemary tells The Decay to trust her. Bram is confused about the whole deal. She says she knows many have tried to fix him. The police reports prove it. He says he doesn’t need help. After she says that isn’t the answer she wanted, The Decay assaults him.

 

EC3 tells Lashley he’s coming for him. Lashley says he’ll decide tonight who gets the shot next week. He’s giving them a Raw Deal.

 

Jade battles Marti Bell. Both women start by brawling. Marti runs to the outside, but it’s no escape. Marti gets Jade down when she rolls out of the way of an elbow flurry. Though before she is able to do much, Jade gets Marti on the steps, and almost uses the nightstick Marti has. Once the action returns to the ring, Jade uses several suplexes Marti several times. Marti sees an opportunity be avoiding the piledriver, running Jade into the buckle, then hits a bicycle kick. Using slaps and kicks, Marti then sends Jade outside. After they brawl, Jade sends Marti into the apron, and mashes her face into it. Jade goes to fly, but Marti uses the nightstick to get the pin.

 

Mike Bennett and Maria tell Dixie to be in the ring next. Remind us not to anger him.

 

Dixie tells Lashley that next week is a triple threat. Lashley takes this in stride.

 

The Bennetts are next. Bennett says no one understands love. We do, it’s a s---ty NetFlix show. Anyway, Bennett says Dixie assaulted Maria, who says she doesn’t know why Dixie slapped her. This brings out Dixie and Billy. Dixie refuses to apologize, which angers Maria. Dixie’s apology is refused, and Maria wants Dixie to step down. Billy seems to agree with them. That’s right. Billy Corgan. Is a heel. In a wrestling promotion. We hope NXT is hiring. After Dixie reluctantly takes a week off, Bennett is angry that he lost to EC3 at Slammiversary, but wants a shot at the TNA Championship. Because Destination X is soon, he wants a shot at the TNA X-Division Championship. Billy looks weird as he says the match with TNA X-Division Champion Eddie Edwards will happen now. Edwards starts by using his agility to wear Bennett for a bit. Though the power of Bennett helps briefly. The fans are cheering for Edwards as Bennett backs him into the corner. Bennett kicks away, and uses a straight right hand to stop a brief rally. After attempting to fly at Edwards, Bennett misses big. This results in Edwards hitting a Hurricarana. Maria distracts Edwards long enough to enable Bennett to hit a cutter that gets two. Edwards keeps kicking out despite the assault by Bennett. Edwards uses his quickness to slide under Bennett, and uses his high flying brutality to weaken. Once Edwards gets Bennett back into the ring, he hits a blue thunder bomb. Edwards then goes to fly, but Bennett recovers enough to attempt a superplex. Edwards avoid it, and a Miracle in Progress. However, it was using the ropes that enables Bennett to become the new X-Division Champion.

 

Robbie E steals Jesse Godderz’s magic iPad, and sees Jesse talking to Raquel. They seem like they’re talking about something sexual, but it may end up innocent.

 

Braxton Sutter wrestling a local wrestler when Rockstar Spud interrupts and interjects. He makes himself Sutter’s opponent. As fans “Braxton” support gets louder, Spud talks about his accomplishments. This leads to Sutter bringing the fight straight to Spud. Spud regains his composure, and uses a chinlock. Sutter uses strength to break the hold, then uses several powerful moves before Spud rakes the eyes. Though Sutter hits the flatliner to be the winner. After Sutter goes for a handshake, Spud feigns being proud before giving a low-blow, then using his belt to whip Sutter, and spitting on him.

 

TNA Knockout Champion talks about her accomplishments, and moves like the AK47, as she faces off with Gail Kim next week.

 

Matt and Jeff wrestle in the cage in the main event. Matt has new music, and it really should be in the Gooker induction. Jeff attacks when Matt tries entering the ring. Despite the early assault, he is driven into the cage by Matt, who tries a pin early going into break. Back from break, Matt uses a weapon as a ladder, and goes for a pin. Matt then uses several fists before getting a table. Before he turns completely around, he is hit with a chair. Jeff then attempts to fly, but Marr rolls out of the way. Matt then attacks Jeff and attempts more, butt Jeff hits a jawbreaker. Jeff then uses a whisper in the wind to knock both men down. After a brief yay/boo, Matt goes for a twist of fate. But Jeff uses two low-blows and two twist of fates. Jeff hits a Swanton bomb, but Matt kicks out. Jeff keeps hitting major moves, but Matt sells less than a recently suspended Samoan wrestler. Jeff traps Matt between two tables, and climbs a ladder he sets up on the cage, and hits a chair-assisted Swanton bomb into Matt to win.

 

An interesting night. Some good, some stupidity. Until next week.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Impact Review 6/14/2016-6/14/2016


Hope to make you laugh after a rough weekend. Especially with the third paragraph.

 

After a Slammiversary that saw Ethan Carter III let off some steam against Mike Bennett. Bobby Lashley, Sienna, and Eddie Edwards win gold. And the Hardys have a good match despite one’s use of Twitter. We turn to tonight.

 

We start with technical difficulties. Fitting to be honest. After 14 minutes of the same New Kids on the Block, That 70’s Show, and Celebrity Name Game ads, we get different commercials. Back from break, THE SAME GOD D--- COMMERCIALS! Oh, Jeff Hardy is wrestling TNA King of the Mountain Champion Eli Drake. Back to commercials. Did we pay our production people? Damn. At 9:21, Lashley appears. Back to commercials. This is like Dave Attel’s time travel. Lashley says anything can happen on live TV. No s---.  Now it’s choppy. And back to commercials. This would be so funny if we get paid. We see EC3 and Drew Galloway before going back to commercials. Already had more action than the 2010 and 2011 post BFG shows. PopTV is apologizing on Twitter. Don’t worry, short of New Jack wrestling Michael Ian Black, this is getting the best ratings we can get. This keeps going, so we drink NyQuil. Donna Pinciotti keeps saying she has the biggest hands in the world. We should a making Taylor Schilling the happiest woman in the world, but Dixie is blowing a gasket. Still going an hour past the start. We have seen the bad guy of Robocop now more times than Bram has re-signed. Going on one hour, fifteen minutes. We should’ve unplugged and plugged back in. An hour in, and the network apologizes and says they will air it from the beginning. We may be too drunk to give a proper review. Already 10:30. Still nothing apart from briefly showing a test pattern. Now why does Taimapedia have to be down! 10:49, and we finally begin. After recapping EC3, Jeff, and Lashley’s wins, we start with Lashley walking out. Lashley gives the fans a few seconds to yell, then says he told everyone he would be TNA World Heavyweight Champion. He says he is better than anyone else in wrestling. He then says he destroyed the guys the fans like. Lashley says that tonight’s Gold Rush is everyone leaving to not face him. Possibly. EC3 interrupts, to which fans are happy. EC3 wants to have a Championship match tonight. Lashley says EC3 isn’t real. After saying EC3 is the last hero left, Drew is next out. He wants a rematch, but Lashley says he’s beaten up. Drew says Lashley didn’t break him. Lashley says he is better than Drew, and everyone knows it. He says neith man will beat him. After Drew goads him some more, he gets his match.

 

We see Drake, Edwards, and TNA World Tag Team Champions The Decay before a recap from last night of Jeff and Drake yelling. Now they have a match. Josh Mathews says to set your DVR. Well things may be better next week. After a minute, both men feel each other out. Drake gets an early advantage because of Jeff’s match last night. Jeff takes advantage briefly, and sends Drake outside, though Drake gets him down on the outside. After getting Jeff on the rail, Drake gets inside. After Jeff gets back in and gets attacked, he won’t be pinned. Drake then uses a chinlock that Jeff gets out of. Drake then gets elbowed by Jeff, but pushes Jeff on the turnbuckle. Jeff avoids the superplex, and hits a whisper in the wind. Jeff then hits several moves of doom before going for a twist of fate that Drake gets out of and hits a powerslam. Drake tries for blunt force trauma, but Jeff reverses for a twist of fate. Jeff then hits a swanton bomb, but Matt Hardy attacks for a DQ win for Jeff.  This angle won’t die.

 

EC3 wonders if Drew should wrestle tonight. EC3 better remain face. Back in the ring, Jeff says “Brother Moore” better get in the ring. This leads to Matt standing at the stairs Jeff swanton bombed him from. Jeff says he is angry at Matt right now, to which Matt says Jeff won’t be waking up from this nightmare. Fans want to wake up. Matt rambles on about Jeff having no remorse, and wants Jeff deleted. What is he smoking. They yell about meeting on the stairs, and Jeff runs there. Jeff grabs a table, but  Matt says not to use it. They brawl before Reby sprays Jeff with a fire extinguisher. Matt then slides Jeff on the banisher onto a table.

 

Matt now wants to wrestle Jeff inside of a cage.

 

Edwards defends the TNA X-Division Championship against Trevor Lee, who attacks to start the match. Despite this, Edwards keep kicking out. After the assault, Edwards strings together offense that sees Gregory Shane Helms try to stop things twice. The first time is successful, but the second one is not Edwards has Lee prime for the Boston knee party, which helps him retain.

 

A recap of past Hall of Famers, some are still here.

 

BroMans plug Big Brother by spying on Raquel. Ok.

 

A recap of Drew getting his match leads to EC3 and Lashley arguing about #1 Contendership.

 

Dixie is out to announce who is going into the Hall of Fame. After thanking everyone, she puts over the person by saying she sets the bar. Well she needs a day job. It is announced that it is Gail Kim. Dixie gives Gail the mic to thank everyone. Gail adds she got in wrestling because she loves it, and she has loved it for 16 years. She then thanks everyone again.

 

Rosemary talks about bringing someone in. Ok.

 

Jeremy Borash talks to Marti Bell, who cost Jade the TNA Knockout Championship. Marti says Jade betrayed her, which leads to Jade attacking really well.

 

The Decay defend against BroMans, Grado and Mahabali Shera, and The Tribunal. Shera throws Judge Baron Dax around before tagging in Grado. Robbie E tags in to face Grado, who gets a few hits in before Robbie ducks. Crazzy Steve tags in against Robbie. While Robbie attacks early on, Steve gets on offense before Basille Baracka (We think that’s it’s spelling), tags in. He gets Robbie in trouble, but Robbie is able to tag in Jesse Godderz, who clears house before Abyss tries his hand. Jesse puts the big man down. BroMans use the BroDown and Adonis crab before Abyss leads top everyone coming in. Grado briefly holds off Steve, but Abyss provides the assist so Steve will end the match.

 

We get Maria yelling about Gail, and Jeff accepting Matt’s challenge. Interesting.

 

The Bennetts are in the ring. Bennett says no one gets that TNA needed him. He says they need to appreciate him, which leads to Maria, who’s arm is in a brace because of injury, saying that he was destined to be here, and no one listens. Bennett wants his loss stricken. Billy then is out. He says that they may be the future, this is not the way to go about getting what they want. They demand to see Dixie like they haven’t been paid. Well she does walk out. After being scolded for saying Dixie should listen to her, she talks about going in the HOF. Dixie exchanged words towards Maria. Dixie then slaps Maria. This isn’t RAW.

 

After a recap of the last segment, nothing happens.

 

Lashley and Drew main event with EC3 on commentary. Lashley then attacks ribs with several major hits. Drew starts to battle out going into break. Back from break, that was quick, Drew has Lashley reeling on the outside. Though Lashley uses the ribs again in order to get Drew on the ground. Lashley waits too long, because Drew uses a sunset flip to basically get two. Lashley however, uses his power to dominate. As both men go outside, Lashley tries taunting EC3, but Drew prevents any more happening. Lashley gets Drew back inside, and rips the protection from Drew. Lashley then goes for a spear, but Drew reverses into a Kimura. Lashley makes it to the ropes, which has EC3 laying it on that he may end up wrestling Drew, who then attempts a tombstone, though he uses a piledriver. Drew then gets Lashley up top to hit a super-Celtic-cross, but Lashley kicks out. Drew attempts a Claymore, but referee Brin Hebner accidentally gets it. Lashley then spears Drew. Lashley hits a second one before getting a chair. EC3 pulls it from him, and attacks Lashley. EC3 now has the chair, and aims to hit Lashley, but after Lashley gets out of the way, a recovering Drew is hit. Lashley then hits a spear on EC3, and uses a head and arm triangle choke to retain by a referee stopping.

 

Well to say this was a rough start is an understatement. After all of that, the network will air it again Wednesday night at 9:00 PM Eastern-Time. We do suggest watching
for yourself if you are able to.

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Impact Review 6/7/2016


Will tonight be as ridiculous as last week? Only one way to find out.

 

A recap of last week’s mess leads to Matt Hardy walking toward the ring. He says that Jeff Hardy is now out of his life for stopping him from becoming TNA World Heavyweight Champion. He says he aims to regain the Championship, and challenges Champion Drew Galloway. Drew says Matt has lost his mind, but Matt says he has evolved, and deserves to be added to Drew against Bobby Lashley. Drew say that this is already over. Matt wants the match anyway. Drew says he’s defended around the world, but the answer is still no. Drew then says he will defend tonight against Matt.

 

TNA Knockout Champion Jade will observe the #1 Contender match between Madison Rayne and Sienna. An ad for Slammiversary this Sunday. Sienna begins by powerfully attacking. Despite this, Madison tries to topple the beast. Sienna battles ahead with a suplex. Madison uses repeated strikes before hitting a northern lights suplex, but is hit with an AK-47. No, this is not Commando, that’s Sienna’s move. After winning, Sienna is attacked by Jade.

 

Mike Bennett and Maria talk about how they’ll defeat Ethan Carter III and Gail Kim.

 

After a strange Willow thing, it gets worse. TNA King of the Mountain Champion Eli Drake is on a mountain to introduce Fact of Life. He says he will defeat Bram at Slammiversary. He then introduces TNA World Tag Team Champions The Decay. Drake puts over the Tag Champions as a methodical insanity. Rosemary says they believe in what everyone says doesn’t exist. Crazzy Steve says they have embraced crazy. Abyss says beautiful. This brings BroMans and Raquel out. After a quick exchange, Grado and Mahabali Shera for some reason. Drake refers to them as dummies. Grado and Shera are attacked by The Tribunal. This leads to a brawl where Bram attacks Drake. This leads to a 10-man tag team match. Shera throws Drake around as Bram tags in. Bram now faces Abyss, who gets an early edge as Al Snow blows a whistle. Bram rebounds against both Decay members and tags in Robbie E. Steve is able to tag in Judge Baron Dax, who tags in his partner frequently. Robbie is beaten up a bit before Jesse Godderz tags in and hits a BroDown, leading to Abyss chokeslamming him, Shera sends him outside. The Tribunal his a double chokeslam. Bram sends them away, and Drake low-blow’s Grado to get a pin.

 

Gail says Maria cannot hide, and EC3 says the game is over.

 

A recap of Drew accepting Matt’s request for a match leads to Bobby Lashley telling Matt he won’t stand for Matt threatening him. He will not let anyone stand in his way.

 

Bennett and Maria emerge with a bag of some sort. This leads to a weigh-in erupting in a brief brawl. Gail and EC3 are next up. Maria announces Allie will be wrestling in her place. Allie tries to admonish EC3, but gets Gail. Who beats her up as EC3 brawls for a bit with Bennett. When both men run off to fight, Allie tries a suplex, but is pinned. After the match, Sienna attacks.

 

A video for Drew vs. Matt is interrupted by Willow again. Damn.

 

An ad for the Best of the Asylum. No, not Sharknado Asylum.

 

We see Braxton “Pepper Parks” Sutter.

 

TNA X-Division Champion Trevor Lee vs. Eddie Edwards starts with a brawl. After Edwards proceeds to chop Lee outside, the match goes inside. Lee utilizes Gregory Shane Helms’ distraction, but Edwards slides outside to go after Helms, even countering Lee. Once the match goes back inside, Lee tears at Edwards, and sends him into the corner. Edwards sees an opening, and uses his speed to get Lee outside, and twice launches himself at Lee. Edwards gets him, back inside, and goes to backpack stun him, but Lee reverses out and gets a two. Lee then picks up Edwards, but is sent into the corner. When Lee goes to run, he is reversed for two before kicking out. Edwards goes to fly, but Andrew Everett pushes him off. This only gets two. This leads to DJZ taking out Everett, but Helms hits Edwards with the X-Division Championship belt. Lee uses tights to be sure.

 

Lashley wishes Drew luck tonight, and says he will win Sunday. Drew says he made Kurt Angle submit, and will do the same to him.

 

Next week is live. We need more NyQuil.

 

Gail is storyline injured. Seems likely who’s going to win.

 

Sutter wrestles against a brightly-dressed opponent. After a tie-up, Sutter basically chops away. Any offense his opponent mounts is brought to an end by Sutter, who gets a win using a flatliner. Afterwards, Jeremy Borash congratulates him. Sutter thanks him and the fans. He adds he hopes to be at Slammiversary, and says it’s no BS.

 

Another f---ing Willow segment. This time, he speaks. This may mean he’s a two-time Gooker contender.

 

EC3 says Ave Maria. He may be killing a referee to steaa his gear, and get close to Bennett.

 

A video for Drew against Lashley brings us to the main event. Running a bit late. Not sure it will end well. After a tie-up, Josh Mathews forgets neither of the Hardys team up anymore. Drew sends Matt outside. Both brawl outside as Drew sends Matt against the apron. Drew is his in the stomach, and given a side effect on the steps. Matt gets Drew inside and sends a boot up Drew’s stomach. Drew will not be pinned. Despite Matt’s repeated pinning attempts, he only gets two. A bit of a yay/boo leads to Drew kicking out again. Matt starts biting Drew and locks him in a submission maneuver. After Drew gets out, another yay/boo leads to Drew chopping away. Matt gets out, and tries to fly, but is his with a Celtic Cross. Drew tries superplexing, but Matt headbutts. Drew finds strength to send Matt down. Drew gets ready, and almost hits a Claymore, but Lashley attacks. Drew sends him outside, and the two men brawl to the backstage part of the studio. The lights go out, and a Willow laugh. When they are back on, fans are wearing masks. Then several Willows. Short of Reigns on PCP killing someone and starring in the Ghostbusters remake, The Gooker is ours. Jeff emerges as Jeff, and brawls to end the show.

 

Well, this angle is not done. See you next week.

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Impact Review 5/31/2016


Because we now have Angle going against Cody Rhodes somewhere, we’re angry it isn’t us. Either way, we fully take both Slammiversary, and being on this TV network, in stride.

 

Dixie’s giving someone power. Oh boy. We see a recap of last week’s action. Including Ethan Carter III’s attempt at going in a commando-like war. This leads to Mike Bennett asking who she put in charge. But it’s EC3, who then makes EC3 vs. Bennett at Slammiversary. He then gives him the night off… Of wrestling. After EC3’s announcement, there is an announcement that there is a new janitor. EC3 then tells Maria that she’s going to have a job evaluation. Those are like weddings. After a refusal to have the ring vacated, EC3 makes a threat, to which Bennett says he’s leaving because he wants to. The fans sing “Kiss Him Goodbye”. Bobby Lashley is next out. He wants to fight EC3, but TNA World Heavyweight Champion Drew Galloway picks the opponent. An ad for Slammiversary in a few weeks. Hope it’s worth it. EC3 makes Bennett clean the toilets. We feel bad for using a trash-bin for a urinal. Anyway, Drew announces TNA King of the Mountain Champion Bram. After a feeling out, where they exchange hits, Lashley starts punching away. Bram sees an opening, and hits Lashley for a bit before launching him outside. This however sees Lashley whoop away and sends Bram inside for a suplex. Lashley then uses a chinlock that Bram escapes from. Bram hits a few forearms, bringing Lashley to a daze. Lashley is able to get Bram down with several lariats of his own. Bram remains defiant, seeing Lashley grab a chair, and hit Bram to get DQ’ed. Lashley then spear’s Bram back to Charlotte. Drew makes the save, but the damage has been done. Eli Drake says to referee Earl Hebner, you’ll see him again, he wants to use his Feast or Fired briefcase, but Bram kicks out. Drake knees away at Bram before shoulder thrusting in the buckle. Drake then makes it a bad 2006 for Bram.

 

The BroMans are with Raquel, who again goes with the escort vibe. This may be a plan that won’t go well.

 

EC3 introduces Bennett to Hebner, who somehow was using the bathroom while refereeing. EC3 says Bennett is refereeing next.

 

We see Matt Hardy invited Jeff Hardy to his house to seal the deal.

 

A recap of the last two matches brings us to an see Drake having a drink to celebrate his win. He’s like us.

 

Matt talks about inviting his brother. This is still a thing.

 

EC3 has Bennett referee Rockstar Spud and Tyrus vs. BroMans with Raquel. Jesse Godderz uses his power early on, and even a bit of agility, against Spud. Robbie E tags in, and notices a slow-count by Bennett. Tyrus tags in, and uses power against Robbie. He then uses a T-Bone suplex before tagging in Spud. Despite Robbie’s attempt to gain momentum, Tyrus uses Bennett’s lack of enthusiasm to referee. Raquel attempts to get some man-dinosaur action while BroMans bring him down. They hit Spud with a Hart Attack, well, a Man Down, then an Adonis crab. Bennett reluctantly rings the bell.

 

EC3 interrupts Maria, and tells her the evaluation with Gail Kim is next. We think it will go well.

 

Jeff still is on his bike. Run.

 

EC3 belittles Allie and Sienna and tells them to leave. He then asks is Maria thinks she’s doing well. He then introduces Gail. Maria says no one should be speaking. EC3 says attacking Gail would be grounds for dismissal, but asks Gail what she wants. Gail says she wants a match against Maria at Slammiversary. EC3 likes this, and there is a protest by Maria. EC3 announces that this fight will happen at Slammiversary. Maria says she will win. EC3 then makes Gail and TNA Knockout Champion Jade vs. Sienna and Allie. EC3 tells Maria to sit next to him. Gail starts against Allie, who has to act untrained as she is punched all over the place by Gail. Sienna tags in, and begins clobbering Gail until Gail regains her composure, and tags in Jade. EC3 keeps Maria confined as Sienna is able to out-power Jade, who has to tag Gail back in. Sienna uses a suplex that only gets two. Sienna goads Jade to get opportunity. Bet you never thought you'd hear a New Kids On The Block reference in 2016, but Josh Mathews does one. Once a tag is made, Sienna is reeling thanks to Jade, who has to tag in Allie. Sienna tries to stop this, but eats defeat while Jade hits the package piledriver to end the match.

 

Jeff enters Matt’s White Castle of Fear. Matt acts weirder than normal.

 

EC3 tells Bennett he lied about no match. James Storm is his opponent. Storm uses the Boozer Cruiser to chase Maria, but is attacked going into break. Best of better days. Back from break, Storm stomps away and throws Bennett. Storm puts his sunglasses on Bennett, who sneaks an eye rake to alter how this match goes. Bennett uses a chinlock before being hit in the stomach. Bennett then chokes him on the buckle and hits a suplex. He then puts another hold on before punching away in the corner. Storm is then able to punch away several times before hitting Bennett in the back of the head. Storm then hits a legsweep, and an Eye of the Storm, but a kickout. Storm hits a few more of his moves, but Maria distracts with beer, which leads to a roll-up. EC3 then says the match is on, and will burn Bennett’s church down. This gives Storm enough time to hit a superkick. He may not have won the match, but he wins the fight.

 

The Legio… The Tribunal video leads to Al Snow introducing them. Not sure the reason the video was made. They are dressed like the Spirit Squad, which explains Triple-H sending them here in a trunk. After they speak about stuff with an accent. Snow shows the finish from last week to say he did not need a weapon, which brings out Grado and Mahabali Shera. Grado shows the unedited video to show how it really happened. That’s when the promo starts to suck, then becomes a brawl. Snow uses a chair to help his guys gain an advantage. At least this segment has ended.

 

A new guy named Braxton Sutter. Looks a bit like someone thought she signed Randy Orton.

 

A review of what matches you will see at Slammiversary. Again, hope it’s worth your interest.

 

Matt shows Jeff a ring, as in the kind you wrestle in. Where’s The Freight.

 

Drew finds out from Lashley he is facing all of TNA World Tag Team Champions The Decay. They are now random heels that faces wrestle. They will face both The Undertaker and Kane in a tag team match at this year’s Survivor Series. The Decay try attacking Drew, but only gain any ground when Drew does not hit Rosemary. He does throw Crazzy Steve. Drew’s decision not to hit her again gives Abyss the edge. Drew is sent into the ringpost, and is attacked by Steve. Once Abyss tags in, and works on Drew, who gets out of a chinlock, and brings both men down. Drew attacks Steve at the buckle, sends Abyss down, and hits Steve with a suplex. Drew goes to future shock Rosemary, but has to attack Steve. Drew goes to hit his Claymore, but is chokeslammed by Abyss. Rosemary tries to get Janice and Lashley accidentally spear’s Abyss. This leads to Drew hitting the Claymore to win.

 

Meanwhile, at the WCW mini-movie, Jeff almost gets in Matt’s ring, but then signs. Reby throws Jeff a doll, and Matt side effects him through a nightstand. Gooker’s all Billy’s.

 

12 nights until Slammiversary, and only one angle is a mess. Improvement.
 

 

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Impact May Mayhem Review 5/24/2016


Thinking about Owen today, it was 17 years ago yesterday.

 

Well there is hope for our show. The network hasn’t heard about our new offices, and may be with us for a good amount of time.

 

A recap of last week’s main event going the way they usually do, and hype for tonight’s brutal wars leads to Matty Todd, The Demon Barber of Orlando talking about evolving with a Boston accent even Eddie Edwards says is too thick. He talks about being in a full metal mayhem match as his accent becomes British. This Gooker may go to Billy. Rockstar Spud and Tyrus emerge. Spud talks about how dedicating himself to Matt has made him better, but Matt is not himself. Matt says he’s going to delete Jeff Hardy, then asks Tyrus how he feels. Tyrus basically says he does what is good for him, and agrees with Spud. Matt then says Jeff should face both Spud and Tyrus in a ladder match in order to wrestle Matt. Adding if Jeff wins, they are not to follow him. This bring s his opponent Ethan Carter III. An ad for Slammiversary.  EC3 and Matt exchange momentum quickly as this match starts. EC3 then suplexes Matt, and throws him around before Matt battles out.  As Matt then kicks EC3 and stomps him, fans are shown not to be into this new gimmick at all. EC3 kicks out, but is punched in the corner before a bulldog. Matt sends EC3 outside, where the fight sees both men attacking each other before getting back into the ring. EC3 then takes some more abuse before getting an Arnold-like second wind. This brings out Mike Bennett, who after a few moves by EC3, assaults him. EC3 was supposed to win by pinfall or submission. Good thing that the announce team mentioned this more often. Bennett says EC3’s redemption came to a halt. He says EC3 will not get his rematch before a literal mic drop.

 

Bennett explains what he did was art, and implies he played Billy. If Billy sees this, Bennett played himself.

 

Allie introduces Maria, who goes over the job she in a sense bestowed upon herself as fans ask to see Velvet Sky. Gail Kim emerges angry. She says she sounds like a broken record when she talks about how Maria is the problem. After both argue about wrestling, Maria says neither one are able to fight, but despite Gail challenging her, this leads to Gail’s job on the line against an opponent not named. Gail wants Maria, but gets Sienna. Both women brawl before Gail is sent outside.

 

Grado tells Mahabali Shera he doesn’t want help to face Al Snow, as he has a chain underneath a turkey leg. This angle is still going, and still painful.

 

BroMans talk on the phone nearby in a fairly funny segment until they know they’re nearby.

 

Gail says she will not let Maria defeat her.

 

A video of Grado and Snow’s feud shows us how bad our promotion has reverted to 2003. Snow says fans will not see him use weapons, obviously heeling due to his recent weapon use. He waits for Grado, who somehow doesn’t know Snow’s waiting to beat him up. Snow beats him all the way to area ring. The brutal destruction is interrupted by a plug for the network’s other show. Snow misses a moonsault, and gets his own powder thrown at him. Shera bring weapons that Grado uses before handing him Chekov’s leg. Grado uses the chain and goes for a pin before the former Legionnaires help Snow get a win. We’ve become the place you’re bumped down to when you are released from NXT. Perhaps you will get Crowe and Zahra.

 

Matt is sitting there as Reby and Maxel try to reach him. He’s fried, like this angle.

 

Jeremy Borash is talking about the destruction about last week’s main event before Bobby Lashley, wearing a certain MMA shirt, interrupts and demands the TNA World Heavyweight Championship. This brings out it’s Titleist, the reigning and defending TNA World Heavyweight Champion Drew Galloway, who says he almost won, and there’s nothing between them but ropes and air. We believe it’s are and a toothy-boy. Lashley demands the gold again before Dixie next interrupts. She says they will wrestle at Slammiversary in a match where in order to win, one has to either knock their opponent out, or make them submit. The MMA fighter is in his element as he calls the Champion a bitch. They brawl inside the ring with each other and security. Each man hitting their finishing moves. Lashley then proceeds to choke Drew with a cord, leaving everyone else on the ground. This segment and feud are well done. Are we sure this is 2016.

 

Ultimate X is set up quickly as TNA X-Division Champion Trevor Lee defends against Edwards, DJZ, and Andrew Everett. An ad for Best of better days DVD. Edwards starts by taking out Everett as DJZ sends Lee flying. As DJZ tries to grab the gold, Edwards stops him. When Edwards has to deal with Everett, Lee tries stopping DJZ again. This sets up Edwards to face off with Lee as Everett initially tries for it, but then is told to help Lee. DJZ works on both men, but the fend him off. Edwards is able to deliver a double hurricarana to both of the Helms Dynasty. Edwards tries grabbing the gold, but Lee recovers, and sends Edwards down onto Lee’s knee. DJZ uses his fast-paced offense to Everett, but Lee dropkicks. Edwards kicks Lee away and goes for it. Gregory Shane Helms distracts the referee. Even though Edwards has the X-Division Championship belt, but Lee grabs it to retain. Billy is a moron.

 

Sienna says she will rip Gail’s heart out. Haku says but can you do that literally.

 

 

EC3 says he will be making a phone call. We’re not going to let him down.

 

Gail vs. Sienna in an important match. The ability to get paid to wrestle is important, but Gail wants to stay here. Both wrestlers brawl as Maria and Allie watch. Gail’s agility sends Sienna reeling, and outside. Gail kicks Sienna, but is distracted by Maria. Sienna sends Gail down across the guardrailing. Once back inside, Sienna uses her power to throw Gail around until Gail uses a reverse DDT. Gail attenpts to fly, but Maria pulls her down when referee Earl Hebner is distracted. Despite this, Gail rolls-up Sienna to win. After the match, Gail attacks, but Sienna helps Maria wail away.

 

Spud seems wired as he tells Tyrus they need to win. Reby and Maxel say they need to get it done tonight. This angle is going to be a strong Gooker nominee.

 

BroMans find that basically, we repackaged Raquel into a TV-PG personal trainer. Interesting.

 

Next week sees Drew and Lashley picking the other’s poison.

 

Jeff vs. Spud and Tyrus main events. Jeff’s giving fans some of Bram’s multi-year contracts and Tyrus attacks him to start this match. Jeff holds him off with a chair before grabbing a ladder going into break. Back from break, Jeff uses some moves of doom on Spud, but is sent into the ropes by Tyrus when going for a ladder. Both men beat Jeff down in the corner, but Jeff sends Spud into Tyrus’ splash. Tyrus uses his power to deliver a Big Ending, and looks to end this match. His attempt to scale it proves to be a problem when he breaks the ladder. Jeff delivers a twist of fate. When Spud tries, he gets one as well. Jeff secures his match in a few weeks. Matt watches, but Jeff is ready.

 

A night of interesting action. But again, Billy is not worth much of his pay.

Sunday, May 22, 2016

Quick Picks Extreme Rules

We have to now book 8 weeks of shows in 3 days. Here are a few quick ones.

Corbin ends this feud. New Day rock, No tapping by Charlotte, Rusev prepares to lose to Cena, DA sends Y2J away, Club puts their bullet in Usos for now, Miz escapes, Reigns wins to boos.