Boy tonight is like Total Recall, we may have found ourselves.
As a meeting between Ethan Carter III and Drew Galloway, which shows our new presentation, has them meet with whisky, for this, both men are cool. We then see a recap of how we got here. Strangely, it’s not entirely aping Lucha Underground.
TNA World Heavyweight Champion of the World Bobby Lashley is ready to talk about the new #1 Contender saying they should give up. Not a bad idea. BroMans prance down followed by Eli Drake, The Tribunal (Who are Legionnaires without any Snow), Grado dances his way before his buddy Mahabali Shera shuffles over, Mike Bennett brings his Moose down, and Eddie Edwards. Starts of the standard mash as Drake gloats briefly. Lashley picks Robbie E to win, but says it doesn’t matter. We imagine he’s not using sarcasm. Baron Dax finds Basil-Flavored Baracca is less a friend here than NXT. Moose eliminates Sherra, the man who’d have become TNA Champion, going into break. Back from break, everyone’s still brawling as Lashley takes brutally effective jabs at everyone. He’s like Dean Ambrose as both Robbie E and Baraka is gevin a fatality. By this point, Lashley mocks Grado being tossed. Bennett kicks Jesse Godderz before Moose chokes him. Drake avoids elimination until he’s sent by Edwards. Bennett stands behind his man, but the last four brawl. Moose sends Jesse to the floor. Because of the disadgantage, Edwards fights like his pay’s at stake. Edwards and Moose are fighting, but Bennett eliminates them both to end this match. Two heels may not be the best option, but when has that stopped us.
We see Ethen and Drew drink, and Aron Rex entering the arena. Strangely, some drink just before entering.
“Broken” Matt Hardy’s BFG ad and Tyrus’ will both never not be hilarious.
Moose wants to kill Bennett, we are on decent terms with him though.
Matt, the man who may save the show, is next. He talks about how he will restore the TNA World Tag Team Championships, this sees “Brother Nero” Jeff Hardy walk out next, confusing Matt. When asked about why he’s here, Jeff says he’s there to win for himself, and his fans. Matt talks about deleting TNA Tag Champs The Decay. This leads to the Champions seeing the bats--- signal, and talking about decay. They try out-psych’-ing Matt. Only here sees Rosemary keep up. When Matt tries to see who Jeff will defeat, fans want all of them. Abyss demands to face Jeff, who attacks going to the break. Back from break, Abyss is dominating as Matt tells Jeff to delete, which briefly helps before Matt looks into space. Jeff is able to sway things his way as fans support him. Matt tells Jeff not to fly, but Jeff flies at Crazzy Steve, and sends him in the ring. Steve reveals a weapon, being a chain, but as Steve is forced out, Jeff uses it on Abyss. After this, Abyss uses a chokeslam, reminding us he was supposed to face Taker. Before Steve Abyss can mist Jeff, he hits Abyss. Matt says he thinks Steve will attack his family. This brings a strange deal where Matt bites Steve, and Rosemary helps Abyss win. Matt sees maybe he needs to be crazier. He says he will delete them, and Jeff needs to learn.
Maria’s pissed TNA Knockout Champion Sienna may face more than one wrestler. This is step one in Billy f---ing the belt.
Lashley tries intimidating Bennett, as Lashley brings doubt about Moose’s loyalty.
Sienna has to face Marti Bell, Madison Rayne, Allie, and Jade. Guess who’s going to win. Jade brawls with Marti as Sienna destroys Madison. Allie wants to help, but it’s as effective as a Taser against Haku. Marti is in, but Sienna repeats the assault, this time on her. Allie again plays millstone as Sienna attacks Jade. Allie hits a move on Marti, and celebrates into an everyone hits a signature. Allie accidentallt hits Sienna with a club. This leads to Allie accidentally winning by pinning Madison. Even though we like Cherry Bomb winning the gold, the fact she’s, in kayfabe, a non-wrestler, is a bad idea.
Rex talks about deciding who faces Lashley is shown with Ethen and Drew drinking. Seems random.
A One Night Only tomorrow. It may be X-Division, but we should have Tyrus on there, like in his next ad.
A recap of the last match sees Allie happy until she knows Maria will be pissed.
Ethen and Drew are drinking and talking about wrestling. That’s our job right now. They agree they will be hitting harder. Given the amount they drank, they’ll feel nothing.
Lashley offers Moose better representation. Needs whiskey.
Drake talks about the TNA X-Division Championship, the belt Billy botched. Rockstar Spud tries to mock Braxton Sutter, but is called a crybaby for braces. B.A. Star is already long dead. After they all argue, DJZ cuts a promo that proved someone should’ve beat him for it. After Drake spams the “Dummy, Yeah” button, a brawl starts. DJZ stands tall.
Next week sees Ultimate X for the X-Division belt, and Lashley battles Bennett.
Ethen vs. Drew is tonight’s main event. Both toss the other around as Rex tries keeping order. Each one still in a feeling out until Drew slaps Ethen. They then knock themselves down going into break. Back from break, Drew chops Ethen before Ethen sends him outside. Ethen goes to fly, but Drew elbows him in the cane. Both men brawl outside until Drew hits an emerald fusion on the steps. This all now has Rex begin counting, but both men get in. Drew stomps Ethen like he owes him a paycheck. Drew uses different attacks to the head, but Ethen rolls out of it. This sees Ethen using an array of offense, but is sent with a belly-to-belly. Ethen uses a desperation legsweep onto the turnbuckle. His attempt to fly is interrupted like Gaburick’s PornHub session. A few near pins sees Ethen got kicked with a slight-Claymore, which does not end the match. Ethen starts a yay/boo with chops as the fans “Woo” along. Drew does attempt to go for a win, though there are several kicks. After a tombstone by Drew, a quick sequence that ends in EC3 pinning Drew, and focusing whoever is the TNA Champion. Afterwards, Drew unsurprisingly attacks Rex. Sending him outside, and slamming him into the steps before walking on him. Not bad.
Now that we’ve found us, we may not get every one on the site in the proper week