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Thursday, August 25, 2016

Impact Turning Point Review 8/25/2016

Boy tonight is like Total Recall, we may have found ourselves.
As a meeting between Ethan Carter III and Drew Galloway, which shows our new presentation, has them meet with whisky, for this, both men are cool. We then see a recap of how we got here. Strangely, it’s not entirely aping Lucha Underground.
TNA World Heavyweight Champion of the World Bobby Lashley is ready to talk about the new #1 Contender saying they should give up. Not a bad idea. BroMans prance down followed by Eli Drake, The Tribunal (Who are Legionnaires without any Snow), Grado dances his way before his buddy Mahabali Shera shuffles over, Mike Bennett brings his Moose down, and Eddie Edwards. Starts of the standard mash as Drake gloats briefly. Lashley picks Robbie E to win, but says it doesn’t matter. We imagine he’s not using sarcasm. Baron Dax finds Basil-Flavored Baracca is less a friend here than NXT. Moose eliminates Sherra, the man who’d have become TNA Champion, going into break. Back from break, everyone’s still brawling as Lashley takes brutally effective jabs at everyone. He’s like Dean Ambrose as both Robbie E and Baraka is gevin a fatality. By this point, Lashley mocks Grado being tossed. Bennett kicks Jesse Godderz before Moose chokes him. Drake avoids elimination until he’s sent by Edwards. Bennett stands behind his man, but the last four brawl. Moose sends Jesse to the floor. Because of the disadgantage, Edwards fights like his pay’s at stake. Edwards and Moose are fighting, but Bennett eliminates them both to end this match. Two heels may not be the best option, but when has that stopped us.
We see Ethen and Drew drink, and Aron Rex entering the arena. Strangely, some drink just before entering.
“Broken” Matt Hardy’s BFG ad and Tyrus’ will both never not be hilarious.
Moose wants to kill Bennett, we are on decent terms with him though.
Matt, the man who may save the show, is next. He talks about how he will restore the TNA World Tag Team Championships, this sees “Brother Nero” Jeff Hardy walk out next, confusing Matt. When asked about why he’s here, Jeff says he’s there to win for himself, and his fans. Matt talks about deleting TNA Tag Champs The Decay. This leads to the Champions seeing the bats--- signal, and talking about decay. They try out-psych’-ing Matt. Only here sees Rosemary keep up. When Matt tries to see who Jeff will defeat, fans want all of them. Abyss demands to face Jeff, who attacks going to the break. Back from break, Abyss is dominating as Matt tells Jeff to delete, which briefly helps before Matt looks into space. Jeff is able to sway things his way as fans support him. Matt tells Jeff not to fly, but Jeff flies at Crazzy Steve, and sends him in the ring. Steve reveals a weapon, being a chain, but as Steve is forced out, Jeff uses it on Abyss. After this, Abyss uses a chokeslam, reminding us he was supposed to face Taker. Before Steve Abyss can mist Jeff, he hits Abyss. Matt says he thinks Steve will attack his family. This brings a strange deal where Matt bites Steve, and Rosemary helps Abyss win. Matt sees maybe he needs to be crazier. He says he will delete them, and Jeff needs to learn.
Maria’s pissed TNA Knockout Champion Sienna may face more than one wrestler. This is step one in Billy f---ing the belt.
Lashley tries intimidating Bennett, as Lashley brings doubt about Moose’s loyalty.
Sienna has to face Marti Bell, Madison Rayne, Allie, and Jade. Guess who’s going to win. Jade brawls with Marti as Sienna destroys Madison. Allie wants to help, but it’s as effective as a Taser against Haku. Marti is in, but Sienna repeats the assault, this time on her. Allie again plays millstone as Sienna attacks Jade. Allie hits a move on Marti, and celebrates into an everyone hits a signature. Allie accidentallt hits Sienna with a club. This leads to Allie accidentally winning by pinning Madison. Even though we like Cherry Bomb winning the gold, the fact she’s, in kayfabe, a non-wrestler, is a bad idea.
Rex talks about deciding who faces Lashley is shown with Ethen and Drew drinking. Seems random.
A One Night Only tomorrow. It may be X-Division, but we should have Tyrus on there, like in his next ad.
A recap of the last match sees Allie happy until she knows Maria will be pissed.
Ethen and Drew are drinking and talking about wrestling. That’s our job right now. They agree they will be hitting harder. Given the amount they drank, they’ll feel nothing.
Lashley offers Moose better representation. Needs whiskey.
Drake talks about the TNA X-Division Championship, the belt Billy botched. Rockstar Spud tries to mock Braxton Sutter, but is called a crybaby for braces. B.A. Star is already long dead. After they all argue, DJZ cuts a promo that proved someone should’ve beat him for it. After Drake spams the “Dummy, Yeah” button, a brawl starts. DJZ stands tall.
Next week sees Ultimate X for the X-Division belt, and Lashley battles Bennett.
Ethen vs. Drew is tonight’s main event. Both toss the other around as Rex tries keeping order. Each one still in a feeling out until Drew slaps Ethen. They then knock themselves down going into break. Back from break, Drew chops Ethen before Ethen sends him outside. Ethen goes to fly, but Drew elbows him in the cane. Both men brawl outside until Drew hits an emerald fusion on the steps. This all now has Rex begin counting, but both men get in. Drew stomps Ethen like he owes him a paycheck. Drew uses different attacks to the head, but Ethen rolls out of it. This sees Ethen using an array of offense, but is sent with a belly-to-belly. Ethen uses a desperation legsweep onto the turnbuckle. His attempt to fly is interrupted like Gaburick’s PornHub session. A few near pins sees Ethen got kicked with a slight-Claymore, which does not end the match. Ethen starts a yay/boo with chops as the fans “Woo” along. Drew does attempt to go for a win, though there are several kicks. After a tombstone by Drew, a quick sequence that ends in EC3 pinning Drew, and focusing whoever is the TNA Champion. Afterwards, Drew unsurprisingly attacks Rex. Sending him outside, and slamming him into the steps before walking on him. Not bad.
Now that we’ve found us, we may not get every one on the site in the proper week

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Impact Review 8/18/2016

Boy wrestlers are falling against wellness like random guys falling  against Arnold Schwarzenegger. Well you're not going to find a policy like that here.
A recap of Bobby Lashley becoming TNA World Heavyweight, X-Division, and King of the Mountain Champion brings us to Lashley staring at Aron Rex. This may be a feud.
James Storm is out. Storm demands Brian Hebner come out. Storm tells him they are friends, but Hebner to answer for not doing his job at the start of the match. Storm says after the match started, he had Lashley pinned, and should be Champion. Storm wants a rematch, but Billy has a different idea. Storm doesn’t want to be touched. Smart move. Storm demands a rematch once again, but Billy refuses to give him the match while pushing him by saying maybe he can’t win the big match. This leads to Storm threatening Billy with a hammer. After tearing parts of the ring apart, Storm tells guards not to touch him. Storm lambasts Billy, and says he stayed for fans. But when a guard touches Storm, he strikes him. Billy tries to say to talk trash, not realizing this man almost murdered Mickie James. Storm is suspended like he did things with Eva Marie.
Mike Bennett hypes Moose while saying he will become TNA Champion.
A Bound For Glory ad.
A recap of Storm being suspended leads to Storm angry at everyone.
Eddie Edwards vs. Moose starts things off tonight. Moose starts by using his power to keep Edwards grounded until the match goes outside. Bennett provides the distraction, enabling Moose to powerbomb Edwards on the apron. Once inside the ring, Moose delivers snake eyes, but only gets two. As Moose uses a chinlock, Edwards powers up to use a jawbreaker. But Moose dominates once again. When there is an attempt to fly by Moose, a dropkick by Edwards leads to a series of moves that would’ve lead to a win, but Bennett distracts referee Earl Hebner. After this, Moose tries a pin, but nothing. A few quick moves sees Edwards Frankensteiner Moose, and leap toward Bennett. Once back in however, he is hit by Moose with the go to Hell to end the match.
Maria tells Jade she needs to win tonight if she wants a future shot at the TNA Knockout Championship.
Before the match, Gail Kim talks about beating the whole division, Jade is put over for talking about domestic abuse. Guess who goes over. After a feeling out early on, Jade downs Gail with a hurricarana. She then uses brutal chops, kicks, and punches that have Gail have to take the fight outside. Despite Gail’s flight, a gut-check by Jade forces both of them to return to the ring. Gail uses a BAAAAAAACK BODY DROP! And then a series of fast offense before going to pin. Gail tries to fly again, but Jade rolls out of the way. Same when she tries. Bringing Gail down again with a kick, this leads to a near double pin. Jade tries to kick, but Gail hits eat defeat. TNA Knockout Champion Sienna uses the AK-47 on Gail, and the silencer on her opponent. This somehow means Gail won’t her shot. Which means she will get her shot.
After Lashley bashes the X-Division verbally, one gets the feeling we’ll actually have them defeat him, but that makes too much sense.
DJZ vs. Mandrews vs. Rockstar Spud vs. Braxton Sutter. As the three faces brutalizes Spud, they try to get a pin. Mandrews then flies onto Sutter, and DJZ hits them all. Spud teases flight, but decides not to. DJZ and Spud are in the ring brawling before Mandrews hits a Northern Lights suplex on DJZ. This leads to Mandrews and Sutter exchanging moves before Sutter is attacked by Spud. As Spud attempts a literal curb stomp like he’s Edward Norton using the rope, Mandrews makes the save. DJZ then uses a double DDT to win.
A recap of Drew Galloway’s challenge to Ethan Carter III leads to EC3 saying he will answer in the ring.
Dixie tells Billy the that what he did was not right, and they need to tell Lashley what’s up.
EC3 wants Drew in the ring to hear his answer. After joking about Drew’s anger, EC3 says Drew will be surprised. Drew says he thinks it will be no because EC3 can’t beat Drew, and that EC3 thinks he did nothing wrong. Drew adds he’s lost three matches to get the gold back, and wants one more. EC3 tells him challenge accepted. Aron interrupts, and talks about how stuff like this is why fans are watching TNA. He adds they are seizing opportunity. Seems like one of these three men will be turning soon. Well anyway, Aron says he will be the referee in this match.
Eli Drake says he wants another shot at his King of the Mountain Championship. After exchanging a few words against Lashley. After this, Lashley jokingly looks at Sienna’s belt.
Matt Hardy tells Jeff Hardy, now using a Jake “The Snake” Roberts lens in his right eye, and one of Kane’s in his right, not to use ladders. Boy this angle seems more like we should test them.
And Matt’s ad is back.
Next week sees EC3 vs. Drew.
Drake talks about not being on the show last week, and mocking Storm. Drake then talks about how he’s talked to Lashley, who he says owes him a match. This brings Mahabali Shera, who demands a match. Shera uses his power to throw Drake around several times before a low-blow brings a brief bit his way. Drake uses a few quick moves, but when he gloats a bit, Shera takes the opportunity to hit several moves, but is hit with Blunt Force Trauma, bringing an end to this match.
Lashley says he doesn’t need to tell Billy or Dixie what he’s doing. His attitude may see us evolve our’s just a bit here. Be ready for a new us. No, we’re not stopping our heavy drinking.
Lashley emerges with two guys to carry the lesser belts. After saying he has all the gold, he demands Dixie and Billy to the ring. As Lashley brags he’s made them more money, they try to tell him he is the top wrestler, but he says he aims to unify them with the TNA Championship. They tell him he is not going to do that. Lashley then throws down the two lesser Championships one at a time before leaving the ring. After basically s---ing on the X-Division Championship without reprisal by the division, he will however defend the TNA Championship against the winner of a battle royal next week. Don’t worry, after the tapings, the trashing belts is not done yet.
Billy talks about the X-Division Championship, but not the other one.
The Hardys vs. BroMans vs. The Helms Dynasty vs. The Tribunal in A ladder match to main event. The teams brawl going into break. Back from break, Jeff is in the ring, trying to go up, but The Tribunal stop him. Matt tells Matt to fight, but both men make it tough. They then attack Matt as BroMans brawl with Trevor Lee over the ladder. The action is divided between the two teams outside, and the two teams inside. Lee is attacked by Matt, and Andrew Everett gets attacked as well. Matt brutalizes BroMans before getting slapped by Raquel. BroMans make the save, and then they aim to get the shot. The Tribunal bring them down, and then they try. Jesse Godderz stops their attempt as they hit Baron Dax with the BroDown. Matt is attacking everyone near him outside as Everett sends Robbie E outside. Again we see Matt being crazy, and funny as Lee and Everett eliminate BroMans for now. Matt hits Lee with a side effect on a ladder before getting hit by Everett. Jeff stops Everett’s attempt. Matt then wins the match for his team. Afterwards, Jeff flashes a look that perhaps says he may not be as broken as Broken Matt thinks.
Tonight’s action was good, but again, Billy’s writing shows us we should be ready to go elsewhere. Whoever hires us will find the best drunk team ever. Until next week.

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Impact Review 8/11/2016

Here we go with a “live” show. Will it be good, or will it be RAW? Let’s find out.


A recap of last week’s main event fights brings us to Ethan Carter III talking about his #1 Contender status. After leading chants for EC3, and “Next World Champ”, he talks about how he needs a moment of perfection. He says being TNA World Heavyweight Champion means being the best, and he’s Bound For Glory. This brings out TNA World Heavyweight and X-Division Champion Bobby Lashley, who says he is the best because he has both Championships, and that EC3 is not the man to beat him. EC3 does put over his accomplishments, then TNA King of the Mountain Champion James Storm to remind them tonight is his match as his microphone dies. Well he makes a challenge to Lashley, and both fight. EC3 gets assaulted by the predator of Mike Bennett and his buddy Moose, until EC3’s tag team partner tonight, Eddie Edwards, makes the save. Edwards says the match happens now. Both teams brawl going into break. Back from break, EC3 and Bennett rapidly exchange the driver’s seat. Frequent tags by EC3 and Edwards have Bennett reeling in the early portion of this match. Once Moose tags in, he quickly exchanges momentum with Edwards before dropkicking him outside. Moose then tags Bennett in, who this times joins Moose with frequent tags before Edwards makes a desperation tag to EC3. EC3 out-powers Moose, and throws Bennett. Mouse is sent outside after a tag is made to Edwards. Both Edwards and EC3 fly at their opponents. Once they get Moose back in, Edwards hits a huricarana, but Bennett makes the save.  After knocking EC3 down, Moose hits the go to hell, but Bennett tags in to get the pin. Moose may have an October opponent.


Handel’s “The Messiah” is playing. Who has signed? No, not Jim Neidhart.


An ad for BFG has Matt Hardy going nuts as usual.


Storm talks about becoming TNA Champion, and how he’s waited to get to this point.


The former Damien Sandow, now known as Aron Rex, emerges with a much shorter beard. He’s put over as the biggest star in years to sign. Rex says TNA did what others were scared to de by letting him speak. He then implies it’s not about WWE. Like Drew Galloway, he begins his run here by saying it’s about the fans. He says he was considered to entertaining to get World Heavy Weight Championship matches. But Cena gave him one. He then throws shade on guys like Roman Reigns being pre-ordained. He says he’s here to seize opportunity. He makes a reference to his Sandow gimmick when thanking fans, who are calling him a genius. He says his new home is here. While the shoot has been overdone, he actually cranked that sumb---- out of the park.


Maria tells Gail Kim about the next match she’ll win because management wants her husband to invest. This sees Marti Bell attack. Guess who’s winning.


Edwards yells at both Bennett and Moose, and gets a match with the latter next week.


Gail and Marti is no Disqualification. Both brawl outside, but Allie distracts Gail long enough for Marti to assault her and get her back inside. Marti kicks away both on the ground and in the corner. Missing a hip bomb is a mistake by Marti, but Allie again distracts. The fight goes outside as Marti blasts Gail into the rail and sending her inside. Both knock each other down with an elbow. Gail then blitzes Marti until Maria tells Allie to attack Gail with Marti’s club. Gail sends Allie into Marti, and uses a small package to, no surprise, win. After Marti attacks, Jade makes the save, sends Allie out, and is booked in a lose to Gail match.


Matt Hardy’s drone drives Matt to meet with Jeff Hardy. They’re in action next.


Storm talks near what may be his father’s burial site. Winning the gold mean’t a lot to basically his whole family.


The Hardys are in action. Matt says something about scaring the prospective opponents, TNA World Tag Team Champions The Decay. After bringing Jeff out, Matt goes nuts about Jeff’s injury last year. Jeff says he needs Matt to wrestle. Jeff says the fans want The Hardys to be back to normal, but Matt does not want it. This brings out The Tribunal, who praise Matt. Jeff berates everyone, demands a referee, and attacks both Tribunal. Jeff attacks Basile Baraka going into break. Matt’s ad again. Back from break, Al Snow attacks Jeff before Baron Dax brings him back inside. Jeff uses a jawbreaker, and tries to tag in Matt, who refuses. Baraka’s in, and works on Jeff’s arm while Matt “hypnotizes” a fan, then beats Dax up. Jeff hits his moves of doom on Baraka, and Jeff wins using a twist of fate. After the match, Jeff attacks Baraka again with two more twist of fates, followed by one on Dax, even two on Snow. As Matt laughs, Jeff sets up a series of tables. Jeff sends Snow outside, delivers one more twist of fate as he asks if this is good enough. Jeff then splashes through the table. Jeff says only he’s allowed to punish himself, and Swanton bombs the table. This Gooker is ours.


Lashley has noticed Dixie and Billy seem to like Storm. When they say they offered him the chance to speak, he says his actions speak.



The Decay yammer about Bram. They may have written him out if he gets arrested again.


Drew talks about how he’s angered at EC3 for being the reason he’s not TNA Champion. We suspect BFG needs placeholder feuds like 2001-2013 did with Cena. Drew thinks EC3 intentionally cost him his chances to become TNA Champion 3 times. Drew then says because he stayed out of last week’s main event, he demands a match for EC3’s shot.


Storm again says he’s looking to be TNA Champion.


Next week sees The Hardys against BroMans against The Tribunal against The Helms Dynasty, Gail against Jade, and Edwards against Moose.


Lashley battles Storm for three belts. Lashley attacks Storm, but Storm hits a superkick that gets only two. The battles goes outside, where Storm brings Lashley down by clotheslining him, and high-fiving the fans. Storm elbows Lashley and brings him inside before sending him back outside. Lashley then elbows away going into break. Back from break, and Lashley totally brings out a beast by using his power against Storm. Lashley goes to pin, but only gets two. Lashley then hammers Storm while against the middle rope. After using a punishing neckbreaker, Lashley then shoulders Storm in the turnbuckles. After a delayed vertical suplex, Lashley waits until Storm is back up, but Storm reverses where the match is headed. Even after getting his by a crossbody, Storm is able to hit the eye of the Storm, but only gets two. Storm grabs Lashley, who pulls the pad off a buckle, which Storm hits on kick out. Despite a spinebuster and spear, Lashley gets two. Lashley tells Storm to stay down. Storm manages to hit two superkicks, but Lashley gets out at two. Both men are back up, when despite a lungblower by Storm, a spear by Lashley now holds the TNA, X-Division, and King of the Mountain Championships. Rex appears on stage, suggesting he may get a shot.


A fun week that sees a new face bringing interest. Until next week.




Thursday, August 11, 2016

Impact Review 8/4/2015

Another week.
A recap of last week brings Drew Galloway angered at Ethan Carter III. He got a raw deal.
EC3 and Mike Bennett argue before wrestling later. Bennett thanks EC3 for his help last week. After both men somewhat humorously talk about defeating each other, there is a title drop by EC3 bout later. After this, Moose walks out, enabling Bennett to attack from behind.
TNA King of the Mountain Champion Eli Drake speaks like he’s on speed about his match with James Storm. Beer for belt. Followed by a random Bram package.
Storm is ready. AJ Styles is elsewhere. Storm blasts Drake to start, but Drake reverses, and attacks with stops and elbows. After delivering a leg drop with the rope. After a desperation series of moves, Storm targets the head and neck. Drake gets out of the eye of the Storm, but a spinebuster briefly helps Storm, until he is superplexed. After Drake goes for the belt, it’s kicked out of his hand, and he’s hit with eye of the Storm. After Drake accidentally spits beer in referee Brian Stiffler’s face, Drake uses the belt, but only two. Each man blocks each other’s finishers before Drake flied into a superkick. Storm wins the gold, and retains his beer. TNA World Heavyweight and X-Division Champion Bobby Lashley walks out. Lashley says he wants to merely congratulate Storm right now. Lashley talks about sports teams wearing belts. Well, WWE belts. Storm remembers his brief reign at the top, and that he beat Kurt Angle in a minute. They both want to wrestle for both the TNA and King of the Mountain Championships. As Lashley basically gives Storm the option to wrestle or relinquish. Lashley says he’ll get Storm a $500 replica. Storm would rather go for the $600 real thing.
Allie finds out she facing Gail Kim tonight.
Bram wants to leave to sign a new deal if Rosemary won’t say a secret.
TNA Knockout Champion Sienna is added to the match. Gotta make the young Gail look strong. Sienna attacks Gail as Allie wants to tag in. Allie gets whooped until tagging Sienna in, who Samoan drops Gail. Again, Allie is in briefly before having Sienna destroys her some more. This goes on several times before we think football season should start early. Sienna even forces her own partner into a position to tag. Only when Sienna is sent to the ground does Gail destroy. Gail attempts eat defeat, but is hit with an AK-47, which she does not sell. It takes a silencer to Allie to help Gail win. Ramona Reigns wins.
Matt Hardy says he will tell Jeff Hardy a story. We hope it’s him reading Bram’s deals.
Next week is now for three belts.
Matt tells Jeff that Jeff’s injury betrayed Matt, and last week did so as well. Jeff will face off with a tag team and must not fly. Jeff is wrestling JT Dunn and Chuck Taylor. Jeff brawls a bit with Dunn as Matt tells everyone not to chant for Jeff. Dunn gets a few hits in before tagging in Taylor. As Taylor stomps on Jeff, the fans yell for Jeff. Dunn and Taylor double team, but Jeff kicks out. Matt attacks a fan. Hope it’s another wrestler. Jeff is fighting back as Matt fakes an orgasm. Jeff knocks Dunn down, and hits Taylor with a few moves of doom. Jeff hits Taylor with two twist of fates on Taylor, and a BAAAAAAAAAAACK BODY DROP! On Dunn. After Jeff hits Dunn with a twist of fate on Dunn, he hits a Swanton bomb anyway. Matt attacks Jeff, tags himself in, and pins Dunn.
A recap of The Tribunal attacking Mahabali Shera leads to Al Snow hyping his team up.
An ad for WorldCup 2016.
After a lame excuse why Tyrus isn’t here, Snow and The Tribunal assault Grado and keep him from tagging. Basically, they do what life has done to Craigslist. Only after Baron Dax is knocked down does Grado get any offense in as Josh Mathews tries making a connection to Dusty Rhodes. Seems a bit much. After Shera accidentally distracts the referee, Grado’s pin on Snow doesn’t get a win. Shera attacks all three with a full-on assault. Grado helps. Shera pins Snow with a sky-high.
Next up will be the end of this Bram deal from earlier. He signs a new one later.
We find out Bram’s angered Rosemary, and gets attacked by TNA World Tag Team Champions The Decay. Not a good idea.
Ethen hates the mistake last week, but is ready. Bennett is there as well. EC3 says Bennett’s hired gun won’t help.
Tyrus’ ad again.
EC3 and Bennett main event. EC3’s ribs are targeted early on, though EC3 uses as much power as he can given the assault earlier. Despite EC3’s assault, Bennett stays on the ribs. EC3 ducks a clothesline, and hits one before delivering a military press. When EC3 goes to splash, Bennett gets his knees up going into break. Back from break, Bennett is attacking ribs again as EC3 struggles to get air in. After stomping, a wifely assist leads to several brutal moves. A double-crossbody has both men down. A yay/boo is next as EC3 is in the driver’s seat until getting German suplexed twice, but EC3 reverses and delivers one of his own. EC3 hits a flapjack, and almost gets a win. EC3 uses a side-Russian-legsweep into the middle turnbuckle. EC3 goes to fly, but Bennett hits a super-cutter. Amazingly, EC3 kicks out. When referee Brian Hebner sees a Kendo stick thrown by Maria, she’s ejected. EC3 hits a 1%er for two. But before Moose can interfere, Eddie Edwards fends him off. EC3 is hit in the ribs with the Kendo stick by Bennett, but EC3 kicks out. EC3 has a cobra clutch, Bennett rolls up, EC3 kicks out. After several reversals, EC3 hits the 1%er to get to Bound For Glory.
Well not too bad, but we may have a new act next week.

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Impact Review 7/28/2016

A new week in a new era of deletion.


A recap of last week’s action sees Matt Hardy battle Ethan Carter III. Matt starts by berating Jeff Hardy and demanding him to ensure Matt’s win. Jeff says Matt doesn’t need his help. Matt once again demands it. EC3 acts like Matt is nuts, and says Matt knew he’d come. EC3 then berates Matt while putting over Jeff, while telling the man who again is a slave not to get involved. An ad for AJ Styles: SmackDown Star. Both men tie-up before EC3 chops Matt. EC3 uses power early on, and downs him with a dropkick. EC3 begins moving slowly, as he seems injured. Matt targets the injured left leg with kicks and elbows. EC3 sends Matt outside and pursues, though his injury, and Reby grabbing the good leg, helps Matt regain. As Matt goes for a twist of fate, EC3 reverses, and surges as he’s now bleeding, possibly from bites by Matt, who hits a side effect that gets two. EC3 tries getting out for a TK3, but Matt reverses, and undoes EC3’s boot, and attempts biting. EC3 hits a TK3. Matt is given a hemmer by Reby, but a double clothesline sees both men scramble for it. EC3 uses the boot, and a 1%er to win. EC3 does not get a raw deal tonight.


Madison Rayne wants to know from Allie and her boss Maria what she gets if she defeats Gail Kim tonight. She’s told it depends on if she wins.


Jeff says if Matt’s going to punish him, to do so.  Matt speaks like a weirdo.


Gail battles Madison with fists and elbows before going for a quick pin attempt. Each one attempts a pin after that, leading to a boot to the head by Madison. Madison delivers a snap suplex, but Gail tries briefly before Madison hits an enziguri. Madison stays on Gail, and sets her up in the ropes for a baseball slide-clothesline. After a brief fight outside, both end up back in the ring. Madison goes for a pin, but Gail uses the bottom rope, enabling Gail to hit a quick eat defeat to end the match.


Mike Bennett praises Moose then asks why Dixie wants him to quit. We hear you man, if you leave, we can’t go back to riding with Borash. He still has vinyl seats.


Bram meets Rosemary, who in her flashback looks the same now as she did at 9. Well she lets Bram know about her lost cat, and her brother is a tree. The NyQuil was really strong when booking this. Bram seems worried by this. She then points to a barn, which may be our office soon.


Moose throws around independent wrestler David Starr. When Starr tries to get offense going, Moose proves too powerful, and gets a win using the game-breaker, a discus lariat. Afterwards, while going off about Moose, there is an interruption to Bennett by TNA World Heavyweight and X-Division Champion Bobby Lashley, who goes straight toward them both. Despite his best efforts, Bennett finds both Moose and Lashley bring their rage. After teasing the match, Bennett says he needs Moose to have his back. As both men leave, Lashley mocks Moose, and says everyone wants his belts, and he wants all of the others. No, not the Knockout Championship. DJZ wants to battle Lashley for his X-Division gold. Lashley says no one is able to do what he can do. Lashley says DJZ has any match he wants, so he picks a ladder match. Lashley says yes. Lashley’s in his gear quickly, and wins the initial feeling out with his power. Lashley uses shoulder thrusts, but DJZ’s speed gets him outside the ring, where he lures Lashley outside, and flies at him. DJZ launches himself off the table going into break. Back from break, Lashley throws DJZ as Josh Mathews forgets WrestleMania 22. Anyway, Lashley bashes DJZ’s fingers with the ladder, and punches away. Lashley bolts up the ladder, but DJZ kicks him off. Instead of going for it, DJZ flies onto Lashley. DJZ now goes for it, but Lashley lifts the ladder off the ground. DJZ low-blows Lashley before setting back up, and going for the gold. Lashley makes it up, and military presses DJZ off the ladder, grabs the X-Division Championship, and retains.


EC3 tells Drew Galloway may face him in the finals. Drew agrees, and says they will be looking to be Champion. They seem to be headed there, depending on if Russ… Mr. ossuR sends his report.


 Bram re-signed nine more times as we see more of Rosemary’s story about lost brutal love. We need the Ghostbusters, the good ones, to end this.


TNA King of the Mountain Champion Eli Drake calls Lashley some sort of Ninja Turtle, says he’s badassery, and gets fans interested in Pokemon. He says no one is brave enough to challenge him. This brings out James Storm. After exchanging words, they argue about championships and beer>water, Storm wants “One more match”. After being refused, Storm makes a mother joke that references potatoes like Roman Reigns wrote it, Drake seems to be asking Storm to put his career on the line. Knowing the “Massive” deal he signed earlier this year, he may be staying. After a brief brawl, Drake hits Blunt Force Trauma before calling him a dummy repeatedly.


Tyrus sells his protection as we see Grado asking him for help again. Mahabali Shera seems angry.


TNA World Tag Team Champions The Decay and BroMans start their bout early. Once in the ring Crazzy Steve uses a kendo stick and throws tacks as Abyss sets up a barbed-wire board nearby. Raquel has to watch as The Decay use a baking sheet, but Jesse Godderz sends most of Abyss into the tacks as Robbie E uses a trashcan on Steve. Jesse uses the baking-sheet to choke Steve before they attack Abyss with chairs. They then send him into the board. Next, Steve is sent into the tacks as Jesse then brutally locks in the Adonis lock. Before Abyss can chokeslam him, Jesse gets out, but is sent onto a table. Abyss introduces Janice, but Raquel neutralizes him with a low-blow. Being the one to now have Janice, Robbie tries hitting Steve, but is chokeslammed onto a piece of the board, leading to The Decay retaining. This feud may never die.


Drew battles Bennett in the main event. Before the match, Moose attacks Drew. Throwing him on the apron.  Once the match begins, Bennett goes for a pin, but Drew kicks out of several. Drew’s brief bursts are negated by Bennett using the injuries Drew suffered. Drew battles out of the corner with a boot, but Bennett uses one of his own. Drew again gets out of the corner with a suplex, and forearms before going to fly, but is in a cutter by Bennett that gets two. The match goes outside, where Bennett looks to throw Drew into the steel under the ring, but Drew reverses, and sends him into it. Once inside, Drew gets only two. Leading to a yay/boo that sees Drew punching Bennett before both men reverse several moves that sees referee Brian Hebner. After Drew hits a future shock, Moose attacks, leading to a sky high. Because the referee’s hurt, it only results in two. EC3 sends Moose into the steps, and accidentally hits Drew before being hit with a game-breaker. After hitting an MIP, Bennett goes to the finals next week.


Between the Hardys and Bram-Rosemary, the aping of Lucha Underground seems to be the new business model. If it works remains to be known.

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Impact Review 7/21/2016

A new night. Same weirdness.


As Jeff Hardy is goaded to jump over the site of his leg injury be Matt Hardy, we ask is this is where our finances basically go.


TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Lashley ready to go Commando about this whole Mike Bennett/Moose stuff. He says he destroys people, and wants to face him. Bennett says he brought Moose to beat Lashley up, and brings him out. Lashley tells Moose he just needs to walk over to fight. As Moose emerges to fight, he is attacked by TNA X-Division Champion Eddie Edwards. All four are fighting. Because of this, Dixie interrupts and says the main event will have no interference, or Bennett will lose his job. Even though it’s supposed to be Jeff facing Bennett, Matt interrupts, and shows the result of the jump. Jeff missed. Matt informs Jeff he will be winning the playoff. Guess what Jeff will do in August-Early September. Matt’s Drone now composes music, we can get rid of the guy that saw nothing in Taylor Swift.


The battle sees Bennett pick the injured Jeff apart, and use a cutter to end the match. Matt berates Jeff after the match. Matt is ready for his match against James Storm.  Last year’s psycho against this year’s psycho. Both men lock-up before Matt uses headbutts. Storm uses a surge to get Matt set-up for a superkick, but Matt rolls out. Storm rams into Matt’s groin with the Boozer Cruiser going into break. Back from break, and Matt is attacking Storm inside the ring, and sends him outside. Matt sets up the steps, and attempts a powerbomb before getting a BAAAAAAACK BODY DROP! Storm flies over to attack Matt. After Storm gets Matt into the ring, he hits a lungblower. As Storm prepares for a superkick, Reby uses a hammer to hit him in the leg. Matt uses a twist of fate to end the match.


A recap of the first segment brings us to Edwards talking about how tonight is a second-chance to become TNA Champion.


A package about Ethan Carter III presents his accomplishments and training as he looks to win the playoff.


That 70’s Show ad brings memories.


Bennett tries to explain he needs Moose to not get involved tonight.


EC3 explains how he felt empty about how his reigns ended, and he pland to become Champion again at Bound For Glory. Drew Galloway says unlike EC3, he was asked to wrestle here, he brings up main eventing every PPV since arriving. Don’t laugh. Drew highlights they may wrestle in the finals. Bringing EC3 to agree. They decide they want to fight now, but TNA King of the Mountain Champion Eli Drake interrupts. After running through his promo calling both men dummies, he says he will defeat EC3. Both EC3 and Drake grapple and exchange momentum. EC3 wins reversing Blunt Force Trauma.


Maria says to Allie to stop kissing her ass. No, this is not WOWEFA.


A Tyrus package.


Lashley says everyone should see he needs a ring and a referee.


Maria first hears from Allie, then Jade, Then Gail Kim, who gives her the idea of having to wrestle the division if she wants any shot at the TNA Knockout Championship. After Jade refuses, she brawls with Marti Belle. Madison Rayne turns.


Bram is getting in his gear as Rosemary says he’ll win. Seems like she may be turning, or in her case, staying the same.


Mahabali Shera attacked randomly be the Tribunal.


Drew and Bram starts trying to out-grapple each other. Drew tries for an early future shock, but Bram reverses. Drew manages to get Bram cornered, and take things outside. As both men brawl, Drew throws Bram into the steps. When Drew goes to fly, Bram jumps back up, and they brawl until Bram hits the mat, and Drew crotches on the rope. They get up in a yay/boo before Drew goes for a Northern Lights suplex, followed by a belly-to-belly. Drew looks to hit his Claymore, but Bram prevents it. Bram gets Drew into the corner, but is hit with a super future shock, leading to Drew winning.


Next week sees EC3 wrestle Matt, and Drew wrestle Bennett.


Drew tells Bennett to focus on keeping his job.


Lashley facing Edwards, who attacks before the match. Lashley however throws him at the structure. Once inside, Lashley brings his power onto Edwards, including a neckbreaker followed by a suplex attempt. Lashley bashes once again when Edwards uses his speed, including a powerbomb into the cage going into break. Back from break, Lashley has Edwards in a headlock, but it’s reversed. This finds brutality as Lashley bashed Edwards against the wall. After a suplex, Lashley tries for several pins that are not enough to put Edwards away. Edwards keeps fighting, but Lashley keeps powering his way ahead by punching Edwards and locking in a camel clutch-like hold. Edwards fights out of a torture rack, but is hit with a spinebuster. Lashley aims for a spear, but Edwards sends him into the cage. After a dropkick, Edwards tries again, but is his with a clothesline. Several moves see each man exchanging thee driver’s seat. Lashley, starting to bleed from his arm, pursues Edwards on top of the cage, but is hurricarana’ed. Edwards hits the Boston knee party, but only gets two. Lashley throws him out of desperation. After a press slam opens the door, Edwards has to get back inside in order to get a pin or submission, but he’s speared to the ground. Lashley gets him back inside, walks over, and grabs the TNA Championship belt. Edwards hits him with a second Boston knee party, but only two. Edwards goes up the cage, but Lashley sends him down with a superplex. He then hits the spear twice to win. After the match, Lashley tries to continue the assault, but EC3, Matt, Drew, Bennett, and Moose brawl like the 1997 intro to RAW.


First time back on Thursday was good. Hope the ratings stay good until the next sport season starts. Until next week.

Impact Review 7/12/2016

We may end up with the Harris brothers asking what it is we do. If they watched last week, they’d know. Heck, we may have to do more than Mobile Strike.


A recap of the match WWE tried to rip off leads to Matt Hardy naming his dilapidated boat, and getting a shirt from his drone. Well, a freely basic ladder match match begins. It starts with a war even before DJZ and The Helms Dynasty are ready. Rockstar Spud tries early on, but DJZ pulls him down and slugs him before going after anyone within reach, including Mandrews. Braxton Sutter focuses on Spud, but a recovered Lee stopping him. This enables Spud to grab the ladder, but he, and Andrew Everett are send out, leaving Sutter and Mandrews to send Lee out. Spud’s return sends everything all over the place, as everyone gets one move before being hit. At the end, DJZ is alone, though his attempt sees him hurricarana Gregory Shane Helms. When Everett tries, Lee gets DDT’ed, and Everett is sent out. All from the winner, DJZ. After the match, Jeremy Borash interviews DJZ, who gets attacked by Mike Bennett


Ethen Carter III says he is dressed for a fight with Drew Galloway tonight. We are dressed to drink.


New, possibly unpaid, McKenzie Mitchell finds out from Dixie we have a new Bound For Glory deal.


TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Lashley tells TNA X-Division Champion Eddie Edwards that he has only angered the destroyer, which leads to Edwards saying he has not, and will not, back down. He says he will anger Lashley by taking the TNA Championship. Lashley say it won’t happen. Adding he will be the best that TNA has ever seen. Edwards starts to respond, but is assaulted by the TNA Champion, who gets a chair before Davey Richards stops him. Who’s side is he on we’re asking.


TNA World Tag Team Champions The Decay yammer about something. Maybe Bram’s new contact.


Matt has a party where he shows the match while no one reacts. We got that by showing them the new Ghostbusters. Then they have to applaud.


TNA World Tag Team Champion Abyss against Bram. Abyss starts by throwing Bram around and scaring the referee. Bram tries several times to bring Abyss down, but is sent outside where Crazzy Steve attacks. Bram is sent back inside, where he starts to feel a surge and battle impressively, leading to a desperation chokeslam from Abyss. Rosemary walks down and says something to Bram, who rolls up Abyss to win.


TNA Knockout Champion Sienna finds a battle to defend with her opponents Gail Kim, Jade, and Marti Bell. Sienna and Gail brawl while Jade and Marti try to win. This leads to Sienna dominating inside. Marti gets Sienna down, and goes for a pin, though Gail stops it and is sent out. After all four brawl, Gail and Jade begin chain wrestling. Sienna interrupts, leading to everyone hitting a finishing move. Sienna gets the win using a silencer.


Back to batshit, Matt sounds like Keanu Reeves as he yaks about green beans, hating mustard, and deleting Jeff Hardy after break.


A recap of Davey seemingly saving the day, Lashley says about Edwards he will break! Son of a bitch. Him! Son of a bitch. In half! Son of a bitch. He invites Davey to watch the match.


A recap of last week’s main event leads to Matt emerging. Matt hams this up as he says last week he was in the greatest match in wrestling. Matt says he will bring Jeff out one last time. This leads to Jeff without music. This leads the word obsolete for some reason. Matt says Jeff is no longer employed here, and says he will not be able to wrestle elsewhere, and makes him a slave. This is going too long, and seems pointless. Won’t top the match itself.


DJZ wants to face off with Bennett. This may not end well for him.


Bennett battles DJZ. Bennett starts by blitzing DJZ and booting him in the face. Despite this, DJZ keeps trying, using a dropkick to knock him down. Bennett gets DJZ downed a few times, and sets him up top. When DJZ reverses, this leads to a battle outside. Bennett goes to leave, but the X-Division stop him, forcing him inside, and he gets pinned. Bennett yells a bit.


Drew says neither he nor EC3 want to settle this peacefully.


Someone pointed out we have a mouse pointer on the screen. Only us.


Bennett yells about someone needing to get here. Well you may bet your sweet Billyclub who it may be.


Drew says that because we are not making the match, he wants EC3 right now. EC3 says he respects Drew, but the battle is on. Both men brawl their way to the outside. Drew tries to suplex EC3, but EC3 reverses it. This leads to Drew getting a chair, but EC3 grabs it and throws it. Drew then throws EC3 into the rail, and then they slug up the ramp, leading to a Drew headbutt. Drew pushes EC3 to the back, where everyone splits them up.


Davey tapes Eddie’s fists before the match, saying he wishes he could be in the match, but he is supporting him.


A reminder next week are some sort of playoffs. Wha, PLAYOFFS!


Lashley vs. Edwards is the main event. Both men start by showcasing power, and speed. Lashley’s power leads to a shoulder in the corner to Edwards by Lashley, before Lashley powers out of a sleeper hold. When Edwards tries to fly at Lashley outside, there is a brief advantage by Edwards. As Lashley brings his power back into this, he goes to spear Edwards on the steps. Edwards reverses, but is given a spear going into break. Back from break, and Lashley bashes Edwards while choking him on the rope. Lashley then throws Edwards around, and puts him in a chinlock. When Edwards gets out, Lashley clotheslines him. Lashley then elbows Edwards before setting him up on his shoulder. Edwards then uses his speed to get out of the attempt, send him outside, and fly several times through the rope. Once back inside, Lashley’s elbow does little to stop Edwards, who then elbows Lashley, and gets him up on the turnbuckle. Edwards delivers a hurricarana, sending Lashley to the mat. A ref bump sees Lashley grab his gold. Davey helps to get Lashley to the ground. When Edwards goes for a pin, this leads Bennett and Moose attacking everyone. Dixie says Lashley will be wrestling Edwards in a cage next week.


Well things are moving, so you may see these late.