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Thursday, July 21, 2016

Impact Review 7/21/2016


A new night. Same weirdness.

 

As Jeff Hardy is goaded to jump over the site of his leg injury be Matt Hardy, we ask is this is where our finances basically go.

 

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Lashley ready to go Commando about this whole Mike Bennett/Moose stuff. He says he destroys people, and wants to face him. Bennett says he brought Moose to beat Lashley up, and brings him out. Lashley tells Moose he just needs to walk over to fight. As Moose emerges to fight, he is attacked by TNA X-Division Champion Eddie Edwards. All four are fighting. Because of this, Dixie interrupts and says the main event will have no interference, or Bennett will lose his job. Even though it’s supposed to be Jeff facing Bennett, Matt interrupts, and shows the result of the jump. Jeff missed. Matt informs Jeff he will be winning the playoff. Guess what Jeff will do in August-Early September. Matt’s Drone now composes music, we can get rid of the guy that saw nothing in Taylor Swift.

 

The battle sees Bennett pick the injured Jeff apart, and use a cutter to end the match. Matt berates Jeff after the match. Matt is ready for his match against James Storm.  Last year’s psycho against this year’s psycho. Both men lock-up before Matt uses headbutts. Storm uses a surge to get Matt set-up for a superkick, but Matt rolls out. Storm rams into Matt’s groin with the Boozer Cruiser going into break. Back from break, and Matt is attacking Storm inside the ring, and sends him outside. Matt sets up the steps, and attempts a powerbomb before getting a BAAAAAAACK BODY DROP! Storm flies over to attack Matt. After Storm gets Matt into the ring, he hits a lungblower. As Storm prepares for a superkick, Reby uses a hammer to hit him in the leg. Matt uses a twist of fate to end the match.

 

A recap of the first segment brings us to Edwards talking about how tonight is a second-chance to become TNA Champion.

 

A package about Ethan Carter III presents his accomplishments and training as he looks to win the playoff.

 

That 70’s Show ad brings memories.

 

Bennett tries to explain he needs Moose to not get involved tonight.

 

EC3 explains how he felt empty about how his reigns ended, and he pland to become Champion again at Bound For Glory. Drew Galloway says unlike EC3, he was asked to wrestle here, he brings up main eventing every PPV since arriving. Don’t laugh. Drew highlights they may wrestle in the finals. Bringing EC3 to agree. They decide they want to fight now, but TNA King of the Mountain Champion Eli Drake interrupts. After running through his promo calling both men dummies, he says he will defeat EC3. Both EC3 and Drake grapple and exchange momentum. EC3 wins reversing Blunt Force Trauma.

 

Maria says to Allie to stop kissing her ass. No, this is not WOWEFA.

 

A Tyrus package.

 

Lashley says everyone should see he needs a ring and a referee.

 

Maria first hears from Allie, then Jade, Then Gail Kim, who gives her the idea of having to wrestle the division if she wants any shot at the TNA Knockout Championship. After Jade refuses, she brawls with Marti Belle. Madison Rayne turns.

 

Bram is getting in his gear as Rosemary says he’ll win. Seems like she may be turning, or in her case, staying the same.

 

Mahabali Shera attacked randomly be the Tribunal.

 

Drew and Bram starts trying to out-grapple each other. Drew tries for an early future shock, but Bram reverses. Drew manages to get Bram cornered, and take things outside. As both men brawl, Drew throws Bram into the steps. When Drew goes to fly, Bram jumps back up, and they brawl until Bram hits the mat, and Drew crotches on the rope. They get up in a yay/boo before Drew goes for a Northern Lights suplex, followed by a belly-to-belly. Drew looks to hit his Claymore, but Bram prevents it. Bram gets Drew into the corner, but is hit with a super future shock, leading to Drew winning.

 

Next week sees EC3 wrestle Matt, and Drew wrestle Bennett.

 

Drew tells Bennett to focus on keeping his job.

 

Lashley facing Edwards, who attacks before the match. Lashley however throws him at the structure. Once inside, Lashley brings his power onto Edwards, including a neckbreaker followed by a suplex attempt. Lashley bashes once again when Edwards uses his speed, including a powerbomb into the cage going into break. Back from break, Lashley has Edwards in a headlock, but it’s reversed. This finds brutality as Lashley bashed Edwards against the wall. After a suplex, Lashley tries for several pins that are not enough to put Edwards away. Edwards keeps fighting, but Lashley keeps powering his way ahead by punching Edwards and locking in a camel clutch-like hold. Edwards fights out of a torture rack, but is hit with a spinebuster. Lashley aims for a spear, but Edwards sends him into the cage. After a dropkick, Edwards tries again, but is his with a clothesline. Several moves see each man exchanging thee driver’s seat. Lashley, starting to bleed from his arm, pursues Edwards on top of the cage, but is hurricarana’ed. Edwards hits the Boston knee party, but only gets two. Lashley throws him out of desperation. After a press slam opens the door, Edwards has to get back inside in order to get a pin or submission, but he’s speared to the ground. Lashley gets him back inside, walks over, and grabs the TNA Championship belt. Edwards hits him with a second Boston knee party, but only two. Edwards goes up the cage, but Lashley sends him down with a superplex. He then hits the spear twice to win. After the match, Lashley tries to continue the assault, but EC3, Matt, Drew, Bennett, and Moose brawl like the 1997 intro to RAW.

 

First time back on Thursday was good. Hope the ratings stay good until the next sport season starts. Until next week.

Impact Review 7/12/2016


We may end up with the Harris brothers asking what it is we do. If they watched last week, they’d know. Heck, we may have to do more than Mobile Strike.

 

A recap of the match WWE tried to rip off leads to Matt Hardy naming his dilapidated boat, and getting a shirt from his drone. Well, a freely basic ladder match match begins. It starts with a war even before DJZ and The Helms Dynasty are ready. Rockstar Spud tries early on, but DJZ pulls him down and slugs him before going after anyone within reach, including Mandrews. Braxton Sutter focuses on Spud, but a recovered Lee stopping him. This enables Spud to grab the ladder, but he, and Andrew Everett are send out, leaving Sutter and Mandrews to send Lee out. Spud’s return sends everything all over the place, as everyone gets one move before being hit. At the end, DJZ is alone, though his attempt sees him hurricarana Gregory Shane Helms. When Everett tries, Lee gets DDT’ed, and Everett is sent out. All from the winner, DJZ. After the match, Jeremy Borash interviews DJZ, who gets attacked by Mike Bennett

 

Ethen Carter III says he is dressed for a fight with Drew Galloway tonight. We are dressed to drink.

 

New, possibly unpaid, McKenzie Mitchell finds out from Dixie we have a new Bound For Glory deal.

 

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Lashley tells TNA X-Division Champion Eddie Edwards that he has only angered the destroyer, which leads to Edwards saying he has not, and will not, back down. He says he will anger Lashley by taking the TNA Championship. Lashley say it won’t happen. Adding he will be the best that TNA has ever seen. Edwards starts to respond, but is assaulted by the TNA Champion, who gets a chair before Davey Richards stops him. Who’s side is he on we’re asking.

 

TNA World Tag Team Champions The Decay yammer about something. Maybe Bram’s new contact.

 

Matt has a party where he shows the match while no one reacts. We got that by showing them the new Ghostbusters. Then they have to applaud.

 

TNA World Tag Team Champion Abyss against Bram. Abyss starts by throwing Bram around and scaring the referee. Bram tries several times to bring Abyss down, but is sent outside where Crazzy Steve attacks. Bram is sent back inside, where he starts to feel a surge and battle impressively, leading to a desperation chokeslam from Abyss. Rosemary walks down and says something to Bram, who rolls up Abyss to win.

 

TNA Knockout Champion Sienna finds a battle to defend with her opponents Gail Kim, Jade, and Marti Bell. Sienna and Gail brawl while Jade and Marti try to win. This leads to Sienna dominating inside. Marti gets Sienna down, and goes for a pin, though Gail stops it and is sent out. After all four brawl, Gail and Jade begin chain wrestling. Sienna interrupts, leading to everyone hitting a finishing move. Sienna gets the win using a silencer.

 

Back to batshit, Matt sounds like Keanu Reeves as he yaks about green beans, hating mustard, and deleting Jeff Hardy after break.

 

A recap of Davey seemingly saving the day, Lashley says about Edwards he will break! Son of a bitch. Him! Son of a bitch. In half! Son of a bitch. He invites Davey to watch the match.

 

A recap of last week’s main event leads to Matt emerging. Matt hams this up as he says last week he was in the greatest match in wrestling. Matt says he will bring Jeff out one last time. This leads to Jeff without music. This leads the word obsolete for some reason. Matt says Jeff is no longer employed here, and says he will not be able to wrestle elsewhere, and makes him a slave. This is going too long, and seems pointless. Won’t top the match itself.

 

DJZ wants to face off with Bennett. This may not end well for him.

 

Bennett battles DJZ. Bennett starts by blitzing DJZ and booting him in the face. Despite this, DJZ keeps trying, using a dropkick to knock him down. Bennett gets DJZ downed a few times, and sets him up top. When DJZ reverses, this leads to a battle outside. Bennett goes to leave, but the X-Division stop him, forcing him inside, and he gets pinned. Bennett yells a bit.

 

Drew says neither he nor EC3 want to settle this peacefully.

 

Someone pointed out we have a mouse pointer on the screen. Only us.

 

Bennett yells about someone needing to get here. Well you may bet your sweet Billyclub who it may be.

 

Drew says that because we are not making the match, he wants EC3 right now. EC3 says he respects Drew, but the battle is on. Both men brawl their way to the outside. Drew tries to suplex EC3, but EC3 reverses it. This leads to Drew getting a chair, but EC3 grabs it and throws it. Drew then throws EC3 into the rail, and then they slug up the ramp, leading to a Drew headbutt. Drew pushes EC3 to the back, where everyone splits them up.

 

Davey tapes Eddie’s fists before the match, saying he wishes he could be in the match, but he is supporting him.

 

A reminder next week are some sort of playoffs. Wha, PLAYOFFS!

 

Lashley vs. Edwards is the main event. Both men start by showcasing power, and speed. Lashley’s power leads to a shoulder in the corner to Edwards by Lashley, before Lashley powers out of a sleeper hold. When Edwards tries to fly at Lashley outside, there is a brief advantage by Edwards. As Lashley brings his power back into this, he goes to spear Edwards on the steps. Edwards reverses, but is given a spear going into break. Back from break, and Lashley bashes Edwards while choking him on the rope. Lashley then throws Edwards around, and puts him in a chinlock. When Edwards gets out, Lashley clotheslines him. Lashley then elbows Edwards before setting him up on his shoulder. Edwards then uses his speed to get out of the attempt, send him outside, and fly several times through the rope. Once back inside, Lashley’s elbow does little to stop Edwards, who then elbows Lashley, and gets him up on the turnbuckle. Edwards delivers a hurricarana, sending Lashley to the mat. A ref bump sees Lashley grab his gold. Davey helps to get Lashley to the ground. When Edwards goes for a pin, this leads Bennett and Moose attacking everyone. Dixie says Lashley will be wrestling Edwards in a cage next week.

 

Well things are moving, so you may see these late.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Impact The Final Deletion Review 7/5/2016


A special day after America has it’s birthday bash. The Hardys fight over a name.

 

We start with a tape of a strange birthday party where Matt Hatdy talks about facing Jeff Hardy. Short of Reigns killing his hookup while quoting Schwarzenegger, we may have the Gooker.

 

TNA X-Division Champion Mike Bennett emerges to proclaim him the greatest ever X-Division Champion. He says hi near-perfection is leading him to invoke Option C. This brings Dixie out. Bennett says it’s nice to see Dixie after she assaulted his wife. She says he’s disrespecting the X-Division, and he will be defending his Championship against the X-Division in an Ultimate X match. Eddie Edwards goes right to Bennett as DJZ leaps unintentionally after them. As Rockstar Spud tries to grab it, Braxton Sutter stops him, and looks to have possibly accidentally hit him accidentally in the face. Both Sutter and Bennett fight for the belt as Trevor Lee suplexes DZ to the ground. Bennett stops The Helms Dynasty, and at some point is alone in the ring. Bennett tries for it, however Edwards uses high flying offense to bring him down. Edwards then jumps out Gregory Shane Helms and Anrdrew Everett, leading to many others following. As Mandrews goes for it, Everett tries stopping him to no avail. Mandrews then jumps on almost everyone. This then leaves Bennett going for a ladder, but Edwards kicks him. This leads to a race where Edwards knocks him off, and grabs the gold to win.

 

A recap of last week’s main event brings us to a brawl between the challengers. Sure we SHOULD use both of them as invaders elsewhere, but that takes effort from Dixie.

 

TNA King of the Mountain Champion Eli Drake defends against James Storm. The match starts with Storm blitzing Drake, and giving him a He also uses a 10-punch. Drake uses an opening to get on a tear of offense before Storm briefly battles out. This sees Drake try to use his Championship, but Storm persists, using a lungblower, then a superkick. Drake ends up outside,, where he hit’s Storm with his Championship belt to get DQ’ed.

 

We see some of the Hardys’ match. We have become a backyard wrestling promotion.

 

Marti Bell taunts before her street fight with Jade.

 

A recap of the first bout leads to Edwards thinking about Option C.

 

Jade and Marti’s brawl starts outside before Marti throws weapons into the ring Jade takes her down in the ring before Marti hits her with a baking sheet while Josh Mathews ponders why many in a street fight wear jeans. He’s like a hipster Andy Rooney minus the genius. Marti hits Jade with a kendo stick, but that gets her mad. Jade gets Marti into a trash can, where she hits it with the stick, and kicking it. Jade goes for her package piledriver, but a BAAAAAACK BODY DROP! Results in both getting weapons. Jade’s nun-chucks beat Marti’s club. One package piledriver later, and Jade ends it.

 

Jeff needs a human mower.

 

Jeff is mowing his lawn, and playing guitar when wither Security-Concepts or Sky-Net attacks. All while Matt destroys the lawn. Just how high are they!

 

Bennett is raging about earlier. This leads to Billy, looking like Agent 47 got really sick. He seems perplexed. Dixie’s next to emerge. Dixie’s being asked to leave. Sadly, she refused. Bennett demands to get a Championship match or he leaves, Dixie is about to say no as Maria yells like she’s on blow, and Billy yells like a mother in K-Mart. This leads to Bennett saying he won’t quit, but that they made an enemy. He intends to ruin Destination-X. We already have that part.

 

More of this bizarre Hardy mess.

 

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Lashley tries to intimidate Edwards when asked about him.

 

Before BroMans battle TNA World Tag Team Champions The Decay, Jesse Godderz show’s Bram signing a multi-year deal of love with Rosemary. The Decay dominate for a bit, but seem shaken by what they saw. Jesse is whooped by Abyss, but launches himself out of desperation. Robbie E and Crazy Steve tag in. After Robbie dominates, he tags in Jesse, who locks in the Adonis Lock, but Rosemary breaks it. Raquel sends her outside, and a cluster begins that sees BroMans win using the BroDown.

 

Edwards makes his decision. He talks about being X-Division Champion again, and is about to decide as Lashley brings himself out. Lashley begins putting Edwards over before then saying he ends careers. Edwards says he’s not scared. He talks about wrestling hurt. Lashley then proposes both Championships will be defended next week. Edwards says it may be smarter not to go for the shot, but for all the X-Division guys, Both the TNA Championship, and the X-Division Championship will be decided. They both brawl briefly before Edwards grabs both Championship belts.

 

We see another ad for what may save the show.

 

A recap of earlier brings Ethan Carter III and Drew Galloway speaking about being suspended. EC3 says Drew should blame himself for last week. Drew says he gets respect for his wrestling. EC3 says Drew did not win. Drew says EC3 is in Drew’s way of gold. EC3 says he will be ready next week.

 

Matt tells the referee he’s only there to count a pinfall or submission. Jeff rides in on an ATV going into break. Back from break, they feel each other out before Jeff superplexes Matt. Jeff gets some sort of netting as a weapon and uses it. Matt hits a twist of fate that only gets two. Matt hits Jeff with a kendo stick before getting a ladder. Matt proceeds to push it in Jeff’s throat andthrow him around. Jeff reverses a side effect into a twist of fate. A swanton bomb gets two, and Jeff sets Matt onto the ladder. Jeff ascends another one, and swanton bombs off a tree. Matt hits Jeff, and uses fireworks. Jeff finds more, and they brawl near a lake. After they go in, Jeff disappears, and Willow emerges to choke Matt with an umbrella, and gets tased. Matt then pins what is revealed as a faux Willow. They brawl in dirt before Jeff uses a sleeper near a giant Hardy symbol. After showing scenes of this mess, Matt burns it, and gets a pin. Unless Jeff is going back to WWE, we suspect this will get stranger.

 

Well that happened. Not sure who to blame except Matt, Jeff, and Billy. Until next week.

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Impact Review 6/28/2016


The bout with three guys who can pass Wellness… Maybe. Will TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Lashley, Drew Galloway, or Ethan Carter III walk away as the man? We find out tonight, 18 years after The Undertaker and Mick Foley almost ended each other.

 

EC3, Lashley, and Drew walking leads to a recap of the tag team win and angle last week, Jeff Hardy’s win, and Dixie’s feuding the bald Billy over a raw deal.

 

TNA X-Division Champion Mike Bennet makes it clear he intends on using Option C to become Heavyweight Champion. This brings out Lashley, who then belittles Bennett’s name, and his size. He says he’ll beat him like he will EC3, but forgets Drew. This leads next to Bennett saying he doesn’t care if the three men destroy themselves, he will be the next Champion. EC3 is out to say he takes back the Championship. Lashley says that EC3 may be entertaining, Lashley is tougher. Bennett again says he will use his belt to face the winner. EC3 says Bennett doesn’t deserve it, and calls him a piece of s---. Billy then emerges to play a heel and say he thinks Bennett deserves it. EC3 then proposes a multi-man man match tonight. Bennett however argues against it. Billy makes the “Battle Royale”. Not sure we have the insurance, then a brawl between all four men leads to Drew Galloway running down as well, and accidentally hits EC3 with a Claymore.

 

 

Buy some of Jeff’s art. Or don’t.

 

A recap of just now leads to EC3 and Drew arguing.

 

Before TNA Knockout Champion Sienna, who looks like a chicken with all those feathers, defends against Gail Kim, Allie says Sienna will retire Gail. The match begins when with both wrestlers exchanging holds. Gail uses a headscissors that Rebel will study. Gail’s speed and crucifix are countered by Sienna with a Samoan Drop. Sienna argues with referee Earl Hebner while Allie attacks. This leads to Sienna using a chinlock. Gail reverses when it goes to the corner. Leading to both down. The overbooking sees Jade try to piledrive Allie, Marti Bell attack, Allie try to interfere only to get hit by Gail, and Sienna use the silencer to win.

 

A recap of Jeff’s win sees Matt and family. Matt uses an even more ridiculous accent to say this is not over. If this does not win the Gooker, it will be a shame.

 

Drew and Bennett exchange words about who is going to be Champion. This seems like it will be a great feud soon.

 

TNA King of the Mountain Champion Eli Drake hosts Fact of Life, where after trolling, he talks about eating dinner with his dad, and mashed potatoes. He then introduces James Storm. After mocking Storm, Drake then talks about himself for a bit before Storm saying the fans say Drake sucks. Drake presses his Dummy button a lot. Storm then make a drinking game with the button. Drake notices the fans boo water. This leads to Drake saying he’s the greatest host, and King of the Mountain Champion. Asking about Storm’s belt leads us to remember we have his beer drinking Championship. Drake spams the button a bit. Storm threatens to arrack Drake if he presses the button one more time. Drake ends the show, and starts throwing beer. Bastard. Storm, after the button is pressed, kicks him.

 

Jeff says he may not have answers for Matt, but he hopes to in the ring.

 

 

After a possible Tyrus vignette, we see Bram’s beating last week. This leads to Rosemary trying to get the man with the most multi-year contracts to join her. Trust us. Bad idea.

 

Matt acts drunk… Er than normal. Matt says he’s the reason the Hardys were successful as he’s wheeled around the outside of the ring. He talks about the areas where Jeff broke him. This leads to Jeff walking out to confront him. Matt is likely faking. The injury, not the drunkenness. Jeff wants this to end. Trust us, we all do. Jeff asks what Matt needs. Matt needs what Christian needed in 2011. Matt then wants the stipulation that the winner gets the rights to the name T, we mead Hardy. Jeff alludes to Daniel Bryan before we see a Donald Trump supporter. No, not Lashley. After this is the attack by Matt. After bashing with chairshots, Matt uses a twist of fate. Matt says the match is next week, in Matt’s home. Get the nightstands ready.

 

Bennett’s out to see who is winning the #1 Contender battle royal. Jeff’s stuff again. Tyrus again. Eddie Edwards, The Helms Dynasty, Rockstar Spud, Braxton Sutter, and DJZ. Edwards eliminates Spud. After a brawl, Trevor Lee next eliminates someone we aren’t sure who. DJZ is next to fall to the team. Sutter whoops away as Bennett goes off the headset, enabling Lee to eliminate Edwards. Sutter is teamed against, but eliminates the team. Sutter gets assaulted by Lee, Andrew Everett, and Helms right before Bennett gets in to wrestle. He tells referee Brian Hebner that the match is now. After demanding the bell is rung, he waits a while, almost getting pinned with a roll-up. The match ends with a Miracle in progress.

 

Grado tells Mahabali Shera he has a partner to battle Al Snow and The Tribunal.

 

Grado goes to introduce their partner, who he calls a fixer. After he is attacked, we see it is Tyrus. After Tyrus sends The Tribunal outside, he pursues Snow. Shera throws Basille Baraka before tagging in Grado. Baron Dax tags in, but Grado handles him for a bit. Dax gets a few moves before tagging in Snow, who suplexes Grado, and tags in Baraka. After a few quick tags, Tyrus is in and suplexing away. After destroying Snow, Tyrus pins Baraka.

 

A recap of Sutter being attacked leads to hearing Bennett talking about his win, and hinting at him losing. We also get the announcement about the Hardys’ match.

 

Lashley vs. EC3 vs. Drew is the main event. EC3 and Drew seem ready to destroy each other, but decide for not to attack Lashley. Both men take turns stomping before they argue. EC3 and Drew then get back to attacking until EC3 goes for a pin. After Drew breaks it up, Lashley they kicks EC3 for a bit before offering his hand to Drew, who responds with a headbutt. Drew then proceeds to chop before going for a shoulder tackle. Lashley moves out of the way, sending Drew out for a while, and Lashley gets EC3 into a fall away slam. Drew returns and assists with a German suplex. Lashley then powerslams Drew, but only gets two. EC3 helps Drew send Lashley outside, then Drew jumps out after Lashley. EC3 then goes off the top on Lashley when Lashley is recovering. Drew wants EC3 in the ring. Both men exchange punches, then chops. EC3 and Drew aren’t able to put any major damage, but eventually, EC3 goes for a 1%er, but Drew reverses into a future shock. Lashley makes the save, suplexes EC3, and sets up for a spear. EC3 reverses and goes for a 1%er, but Drew Claymores EC3. Lashley spears Drew, then EC3 to get the win.

 

Another night of action. Only major problem is the booking seems to lack that special something. Hence why it is we drink. Until next time.

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Impact Review 6/21/2016


Well after the push of Roman Reigns takes a month off, you may be ready to watch Impact.

 

Putting over the match between Matt Hardy and Jeff Hardy in a cage leads to Drew Galloway demanding to talk to Ethan Carter III after last week. EC3 says he had no intention of costing him the match, and apologize. s. Drew says he wants to fight EC3 because he intended to cost him the match. EC3 says Drew was overworked during his reign, and should not have wrestled. Both men argue about defending the TNA World Heavyweight Championship. Drew says EC3 got to where he is because of connections. EC3 decides it’s go time. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Lashley gloats about how they are arguing like children. Lashley says he talked to management about a tag tram match playas. If EC3 and Drew win, they get a shot, but if they lose, TNA King of the Mountain Champion Eli Drake gets a shot. Drake emerges to gloat about defeating Drew and EC3, then defeating Lashley. The match starts with EC3 and Lashley fighting with destruction on their minds. Though after Drew and Drake tag in, Drake gets separated and teamed against. Lashley’s distraction helps Drake take over against EC3, and make frequent tags between them. As both Drake and Lashley brutalize EC3, Lashley also knocks Drew off the apron to help keep EC3 away from salvation. After both EC3 and Lashley knock each other down, Lashley recovers quickly, but EC3 recovers desperately. Drew gets the tag in, and cleans up. Drew attempts to hit a claymore, but Lashley uses the ribs to his advantage. After EC3 hits Drake with a 1%er, he’s pushes into a spear, but pins Drake to win.

 

TNA World Tag Team Champions The Decay ask Rosemary who she talked to. We image it’s someone who’s re-signed.

 

A replay of Drew’s win leads to Drew smiling, until Lashley says he decides who gets the shot first, but Drew challenges him to a fight whenever. Lashley reminds Drew he can beat him anytime as he leaves.

 

The Decay are in the ring. Rosemary talks about how she wants to offer Bram something. Is it a multi-year deal is anyone’s guess. Rosemary tells The Decay to trust her. Bram is confused about the whole deal. She says she knows many have tried to fix him. The police reports prove it. He says he doesn’t need help. After she says that isn’t the answer she wanted, The Decay assaults him.

 

EC3 tells Lashley he’s coming for him. Lashley says he’ll decide tonight who gets the shot next week. He’s giving them a Raw Deal.

 

Jade battles Marti Bell. Both women start by brawling. Marti runs to the outside, but it’s no escape. Marti gets Jade down when she rolls out of the way of an elbow flurry. Though before she is able to do much, Jade gets Marti on the steps, and almost uses the nightstick Marti has. Once the action returns to the ring, Jade uses several suplexes Marti several times. Marti sees an opportunity be avoiding the piledriver, running Jade into the buckle, then hits a bicycle kick. Using slaps and kicks, Marti then sends Jade outside. After they brawl, Jade sends Marti into the apron, and mashes her face into it. Jade goes to fly, but Marti uses the nightstick to get the pin.

 

Mike Bennett and Maria tell Dixie to be in the ring next. Remind us not to anger him.

 

Dixie tells Lashley that next week is a triple threat. Lashley takes this in stride.

 

The Bennetts are next. Bennett says no one understands love. We do, it’s a s---ty NetFlix show. Anyway, Bennett says Dixie assaulted Maria, who says she doesn’t know why Dixie slapped her. This brings out Dixie and Billy. Dixie refuses to apologize, which angers Maria. Dixie’s apology is refused, and Maria wants Dixie to step down. Billy seems to agree with them. That’s right. Billy Corgan. Is a heel. In a wrestling promotion. We hope NXT is hiring. After Dixie reluctantly takes a week off, Bennett is angry that he lost to EC3 at Slammiversary, but wants a shot at the TNA Championship. Because Destination X is soon, he wants a shot at the TNA X-Division Championship. Billy looks weird as he says the match with TNA X-Division Champion Eddie Edwards will happen now. Edwards starts by using his agility to wear Bennett for a bit. Though the power of Bennett helps briefly. The fans are cheering for Edwards as Bennett backs him into the corner. Bennett kicks away, and uses a straight right hand to stop a brief rally. After attempting to fly at Edwards, Bennett misses big. This results in Edwards hitting a Hurricarana. Maria distracts Edwards long enough to enable Bennett to hit a cutter that gets two. Edwards keeps kicking out despite the assault by Bennett. Edwards uses his quickness to slide under Bennett, and uses his high flying brutality to weaken. Once Edwards gets Bennett back into the ring, he hits a blue thunder bomb. Edwards then goes to fly, but Bennett recovers enough to attempt a superplex. Edwards avoid it, and a Miracle in Progress. However, it was using the ropes that enables Bennett to become the new X-Division Champion.

 

Robbie E steals Jesse Godderz’s magic iPad, and sees Jesse talking to Raquel. They seem like they’re talking about something sexual, but it may end up innocent.

 

Braxton Sutter wrestling a local wrestler when Rockstar Spud interrupts and interjects. He makes himself Sutter’s opponent. As fans “Braxton” support gets louder, Spud talks about his accomplishments. This leads to Sutter bringing the fight straight to Spud. Spud regains his composure, and uses a chinlock. Sutter uses strength to break the hold, then uses several powerful moves before Spud rakes the eyes. Though Sutter hits the flatliner to be the winner. After Sutter goes for a handshake, Spud feigns being proud before giving a low-blow, then using his belt to whip Sutter, and spitting on him.

 

TNA Knockout Champion talks about her accomplishments, and moves like the AK47, as she faces off with Gail Kim next week.

 

Matt and Jeff wrestle in the cage in the main event. Matt has new music, and it really should be in the Gooker induction. Jeff attacks when Matt tries entering the ring. Despite the early assault, he is driven into the cage by Matt, who tries a pin early going into break. Back from break, Matt uses a weapon as a ladder, and goes for a pin. Matt then uses several fists before getting a table. Before he turns completely around, he is hit with a chair. Jeff then attempts to fly, but Marr rolls out of the way. Matt then attacks Jeff and attempts more, butt Jeff hits a jawbreaker. Jeff then uses a whisper in the wind to knock both men down. After a brief yay/boo, Matt goes for a twist of fate. But Jeff uses two low-blows and two twist of fates. Jeff hits a Swanton bomb, but Matt kicks out. Jeff keeps hitting major moves, but Matt sells less than a recently suspended Samoan wrestler. Jeff traps Matt between two tables, and climbs a ladder he sets up on the cage, and hits a chair-assisted Swanton bomb into Matt to win.

 

An interesting night. Some good, some stupidity. Until next week.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Impact Review 6/14/2016-6/14/2016


Hope to make you laugh after a rough weekend. Especially with the third paragraph.

 

After a Slammiversary that saw Ethan Carter III let off some steam against Mike Bennett. Bobby Lashley, Sienna, and Eddie Edwards win gold. And the Hardys have a good match despite one’s use of Twitter. We turn to tonight.

 

We start with technical difficulties. Fitting to be honest. After 14 minutes of the same New Kids on the Block, That 70’s Show, and Celebrity Name Game ads, we get different commercials. Back from break, THE SAME GOD D--- COMMERCIALS! Oh, Jeff Hardy is wrestling TNA King of the Mountain Champion Eli Drake. Back to commercials. Did we pay our production people? Damn. At 9:21, Lashley appears. Back to commercials. This is like Dave Attel’s time travel. Lashley says anything can happen on live TV. No s---.  Now it’s choppy. And back to commercials. This would be so funny if we get paid. We see EC3 and Drew Galloway before going back to commercials. Already had more action than the 2010 and 2011 post BFG shows. PopTV is apologizing on Twitter. Don’t worry, short of New Jack wrestling Michael Ian Black, this is getting the best ratings we can get. This keeps going, so we drink NyQuil. Donna Pinciotti keeps saying she has the biggest hands in the world. We should a making Taylor Schilling the happiest woman in the world, but Dixie is blowing a gasket. Still going an hour past the start. We have seen the bad guy of Robocop now more times than Bram has re-signed. Going on one hour, fifteen minutes. We should’ve unplugged and plugged back in. An hour in, and the network apologizes and says they will air it from the beginning. We may be too drunk to give a proper review. Already 10:30. Still nothing apart from briefly showing a test pattern. Now why does Taimapedia have to be down! 10:49, and we finally begin. After recapping EC3, Jeff, and Lashley’s wins, we start with Lashley walking out. Lashley gives the fans a few seconds to yell, then says he told everyone he would be TNA World Heavyweight Champion. He says he is better than anyone else in wrestling. He then says he destroyed the guys the fans like. Lashley says that tonight’s Gold Rush is everyone leaving to not face him. Possibly. EC3 interrupts, to which fans are happy. EC3 wants to have a Championship match tonight. Lashley says EC3 isn’t real. After saying EC3 is the last hero left, Drew is next out. He wants a rematch, but Lashley says he’s beaten up. Drew says Lashley didn’t break him. Lashley says he is better than Drew, and everyone knows it. He says neith man will beat him. After Drew goads him some more, he gets his match.

 

We see Drake, Edwards, and TNA World Tag Team Champions The Decay before a recap from last night of Jeff and Drake yelling. Now they have a match. Josh Mathews says to set your DVR. Well things may be better next week. After a minute, both men feel each other out. Drake gets an early advantage because of Jeff’s match last night. Jeff takes advantage briefly, and sends Drake outside, though Drake gets him down on the outside. After getting Jeff on the rail, Drake gets inside. After Jeff gets back in and gets attacked, he won’t be pinned. Drake then uses a chinlock that Jeff gets out of. Drake then gets elbowed by Jeff, but pushes Jeff on the turnbuckle. Jeff avoids the superplex, and hits a whisper in the wind. Jeff then hits several moves of doom before going for a twist of fate that Drake gets out of and hits a powerslam. Drake tries for blunt force trauma, but Jeff reverses for a twist of fate. Jeff then hits a swanton bomb, but Matt Hardy attacks for a DQ win for Jeff.  This angle won’t die.

 

EC3 wonders if Drew should wrestle tonight. EC3 better remain face. Back in the ring, Jeff says “Brother Moore” better get in the ring. This leads to Matt standing at the stairs Jeff swanton bombed him from. Jeff says he is angry at Matt right now, to which Matt says Jeff won’t be waking up from this nightmare. Fans want to wake up. Matt rambles on about Jeff having no remorse, and wants Jeff deleted. What is he smoking. They yell about meeting on the stairs, and Jeff runs there. Jeff grabs a table, but  Matt says not to use it. They brawl before Reby sprays Jeff with a fire extinguisher. Matt then slides Jeff on the banisher onto a table.

 

Matt now wants to wrestle Jeff inside of a cage.

 

Edwards defends the TNA X-Division Championship against Trevor Lee, who attacks to start the match. Despite this, Edwards keep kicking out. After the assault, Edwards strings together offense that sees Gregory Shane Helms try to stop things twice. The first time is successful, but the second one is not Edwards has Lee prime for the Boston knee party, which helps him retain.

 

A recap of past Hall of Famers, some are still here.

 

BroMans plug Big Brother by spying on Raquel. Ok.

 

A recap of Drew getting his match leads to EC3 and Lashley arguing about #1 Contendership.

 

Dixie is out to announce who is going into the Hall of Fame. After thanking everyone, she puts over the person by saying she sets the bar. Well she needs a day job. It is announced that it is Gail Kim. Dixie gives Gail the mic to thank everyone. Gail adds she got in wrestling because she loves it, and she has loved it for 16 years. She then thanks everyone again.

 

Rosemary talks about bringing someone in. Ok.

 

Jeremy Borash talks to Marti Bell, who cost Jade the TNA Knockout Championship. Marti says Jade betrayed her, which leads to Jade attacking really well.

 

The Decay defend against BroMans, Grado and Mahabali Shera, and The Tribunal. Shera throws Judge Baron Dax around before tagging in Grado. Robbie E tags in to face Grado, who gets a few hits in before Robbie ducks. Crazzy Steve tags in against Robbie. While Robbie attacks early on, Steve gets on offense before Basille Baracka (We think that’s it’s spelling), tags in. He gets Robbie in trouble, but Robbie is able to tag in Jesse Godderz, who clears house before Abyss tries his hand. Jesse puts the big man down. BroMans use the BroDown and Adonis crab before Abyss leads top everyone coming in. Grado briefly holds off Steve, but Abyss provides the assist so Steve will end the match.

 

We get Maria yelling about Gail, and Jeff accepting Matt’s challenge. Interesting.

 

The Bennetts are in the ring. Bennett says no one gets that TNA needed him. He says they need to appreciate him, which leads to Maria, who’s arm is in a brace because of injury, saying that he was destined to be here, and no one listens. Bennett wants his loss stricken. Billy then is out. He says that they may be the future, this is not the way to go about getting what they want. They demand to see Dixie like they haven’t been paid. Well she does walk out. After being scolded for saying Dixie should listen to her, she talks about going in the HOF. Dixie exchanged words towards Maria. Dixie then slaps Maria. This isn’t RAW.

 

After a recap of the last segment, nothing happens.

 

Lashley and Drew main event with EC3 on commentary. Lashley then attacks ribs with several major hits. Drew starts to battle out going into break. Back from break, that was quick, Drew has Lashley reeling on the outside. Though Lashley uses the ribs again in order to get Drew on the ground. Lashley waits too long, because Drew uses a sunset flip to basically get two. Lashley however, uses his power to dominate. As both men go outside, Lashley tries taunting EC3, but Drew prevents any more happening. Lashley gets Drew back inside, and rips the protection from Drew. Lashley then goes for a spear, but Drew reverses into a Kimura. Lashley makes it to the ropes, which has EC3 laying it on that he may end up wrestling Drew, who then attempts a tombstone, though he uses a piledriver. Drew then gets Lashley up top to hit a super-Celtic-cross, but Lashley kicks out. Drew attempts a Claymore, but referee Brin Hebner accidentally gets it. Lashley then spears Drew. Lashley hits a second one before getting a chair. EC3 pulls it from him, and attacks Lashley. EC3 now has the chair, and aims to hit Lashley, but after Lashley gets out of the way, a recovering Drew is hit. Lashley then hits a spear on EC3, and uses a head and arm triangle choke to retain by a referee stopping.

 

Well to say this was a rough start is an understatement. After all of that, the network will air it again Wednesday night at 9:00 PM Eastern-Time. We do suggest watching
for yourself if you are able to.

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Impact Review 6/7/2016


Will tonight be as ridiculous as last week? Only one way to find out.

 

A recap of last week’s mess leads to Matt Hardy walking toward the ring. He says that Jeff Hardy is now out of his life for stopping him from becoming TNA World Heavyweight Champion. He says he aims to regain the Championship, and challenges Champion Drew Galloway. Drew says Matt has lost his mind, but Matt says he has evolved, and deserves to be added to Drew against Bobby Lashley. Drew say that this is already over. Matt wants the match anyway. Drew says he’s defended around the world, but the answer is still no. Drew then says he will defend tonight against Matt.

 

TNA Knockout Champion Jade will observe the #1 Contender match between Madison Rayne and Sienna. An ad for Slammiversary this Sunday. Sienna begins by powerfully attacking. Despite this, Madison tries to topple the beast. Sienna battles ahead with a suplex. Madison uses repeated strikes before hitting a northern lights suplex, but is hit with an AK-47. No, this is not Commando, that’s Sienna’s move. After winning, Sienna is attacked by Jade.

 

Mike Bennett and Maria talk about how they’ll defeat Ethan Carter III and Gail Kim.

 

After a strange Willow thing, it gets worse. TNA King of the Mountain Champion Eli Drake is on a mountain to introduce Fact of Life. He says he will defeat Bram at Slammiversary. He then introduces TNA World Tag Team Champions The Decay. Drake puts over the Tag Champions as a methodical insanity. Rosemary says they believe in what everyone says doesn’t exist. Crazzy Steve says they have embraced crazy. Abyss says beautiful. This brings BroMans and Raquel out. After a quick exchange, Grado and Mahabali Shera for some reason. Drake refers to them as dummies. Grado and Shera are attacked by The Tribunal. This leads to a brawl where Bram attacks Drake. This leads to a 10-man tag team match. Shera throws Drake around as Bram tags in. Bram now faces Abyss, who gets an early edge as Al Snow blows a whistle. Bram rebounds against both Decay members and tags in Robbie E. Steve is able to tag in Judge Baron Dax, who tags in his partner frequently. Robbie is beaten up a bit before Jesse Godderz tags in and hits a BroDown, leading to Abyss chokeslamming him, Shera sends him outside. The Tribunal his a double chokeslam. Bram sends them away, and Drake low-blow’s Grado to get a pin.

 

Gail says Maria cannot hide, and EC3 says the game is over.

 

A recap of Drew accepting Matt’s request for a match leads to Bobby Lashley telling Matt he won’t stand for Matt threatening him. He will not let anyone stand in his way.

 

Bennett and Maria emerge with a bag of some sort. This leads to a weigh-in erupting in a brief brawl. Gail and EC3 are next up. Maria announces Allie will be wrestling in her place. Allie tries to admonish EC3, but gets Gail. Who beats her up as EC3 brawls for a bit with Bennett. When both men run off to fight, Allie tries a suplex, but is pinned. After the match, Sienna attacks.

 

A video for Drew vs. Matt is interrupted by Willow again. Damn.

 

An ad for the Best of the Asylum. No, not Sharknado Asylum.

 

We see Braxton “Pepper Parks” Sutter.

 

TNA X-Division Champion Trevor Lee vs. Eddie Edwards starts with a brawl. After Edwards proceeds to chop Lee outside, the match goes inside. Lee utilizes Gregory Shane Helms’ distraction, but Edwards slides outside to go after Helms, even countering Lee. Once the match goes back inside, Lee tears at Edwards, and sends him into the corner. Edwards sees an opening, and uses his speed to get Lee outside, and twice launches himself at Lee. Edwards gets him, back inside, and goes to backpack stun him, but Lee reverses out and gets a two. Lee then picks up Edwards, but is sent into the corner. When Lee goes to run, he is reversed for two before kicking out. Edwards goes to fly, but Andrew Everett pushes him off. This only gets two. This leads to DJZ taking out Everett, but Helms hits Edwards with the X-Division Championship belt. Lee uses tights to be sure.

 

Lashley wishes Drew luck tonight, and says he will win Sunday. Drew says he made Kurt Angle submit, and will do the same to him.

 

Next week is live. We need more NyQuil.

 

Gail is storyline injured. Seems likely who’s going to win.

 

Sutter wrestles against a brightly-dressed opponent. After a tie-up, Sutter basically chops away. Any offense his opponent mounts is brought to an end by Sutter, who gets a win using a flatliner. Afterwards, Jeremy Borash congratulates him. Sutter thanks him and the fans. He adds he hopes to be at Slammiversary, and says it’s no BS.

 

Another f---ing Willow segment. This time, he speaks. This may mean he’s a two-time Gooker contender.

 

EC3 says Ave Maria. He may be killing a referee to steaa his gear, and get close to Bennett.

 

A video for Drew against Lashley brings us to the main event. Running a bit late. Not sure it will end well. After a tie-up, Josh Mathews forgets neither of the Hardys team up anymore. Drew sends Matt outside. Both brawl outside as Drew sends Matt against the apron. Drew is his in the stomach, and given a side effect on the steps. Matt gets Drew inside and sends a boot up Drew’s stomach. Drew will not be pinned. Despite Matt’s repeated pinning attempts, he only gets two. A bit of a yay/boo leads to Drew kicking out again. Matt starts biting Drew and locks him in a submission maneuver. After Drew gets out, another yay/boo leads to Drew chopping away. Matt gets out, and tries to fly, but is his with a Celtic Cross. Drew tries superplexing, but Matt headbutts. Drew finds strength to send Matt down. Drew gets ready, and almost hits a Claymore, but Lashley attacks. Drew sends him outside, and the two men brawl to the backstage part of the studio. The lights go out, and a Willow laugh. When they are back on, fans are wearing masks. Then several Willows. Short of Reigns on PCP killing someone and starring in the Ghostbusters remake, The Gooker is ours. Jeff emerges as Jeff, and brawls to end the show.

 

Well, this angle is not done. See you next week.