Pages

Follow Blue Bar Cage!

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Impact Review 9/29/2016


We may be done, but that hasn’t stopped us from having our usual TV. Just be sure to talk about. the hilarious. We’ll power through like Arnold

 

Before Lethal LockDown, Ethan Carter III and who may be the last or penultimate TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Lashley say their teams. Lashley selects Drew Galloway, Mike Bennett, TNA KO Champion Maria. EC3 selects Aron Rex, Moose, Gail Kim. They exchange that they will be winning. Ethen than tells Lashley he wants to start against him, and they will start.

 

The first bout is between TNA X-Division Champion DJZ and Eddie Edwards. Both men start slow, but get in gear with Edwards striking away. DJZ uses his speed advantage to fly around the ring, until Edwards flies to the outside. Edwards uses a backpack stunner, but only two. Every time Edwards goes to power, DJZ kicks out. DJZ nails a desperation kick, and a DJT to win. After the match, The Helms Dynasty attack. Guess what match it will be.

 

 

Allie has to help Laurel Van Ness. We’re sure this segment won’t anger the internet.

 

May be the last BFG.

 

Josh interviews Bennett and Moose. The former says the latter didn’t do his job. Moose says he taught guys like Bennett a lesson.

Madison Rayne battles Laurel. Laurel uses underhanded tactics while mocking Allie. Yep. Gail gets the belt while a new star battles a debuting wrestler. Madison tries for several pins, but Larual uses a boot to the head to win.

 

Lashley promises a shot to whoever takes EC3 out. What if they dent his car.

 

Drew wants to talk to Rex. Drew talks about saving TNA, but Rex says he’s delusional. He may be right. Drew plays the independent star deal before delivering a piledriver.

 

Bram’s death is mentioned by Rosemary, then back from Break, We see a package about The Hardy's. This angle saved nothing. Well now it will be Rosemary vs. Reby. The match starts with Reby attacking, but Rosemary licks her. The fans being in this match does not hide the inexperience of Reby, who goes for a pin, but a distraction leads to a mist by Rosemary, and a brawl. There is a Jeff/Steve brawl along stairs, followed by Rosemary delivering a side effect on Reby through a table.

 

Lashley has the advantage in War Games.

 

Another BFG ad sees Jeff and Steve go at the eyes as Matt and Abyss, who’s on after the show, fight over music. Jeff wanders as Matt is Tyson and Abyss is Holyfield. Jeff is in a chair as Abyss shocks Matt’s nuts like Kane.

 

Boy Cody Rhodes picked a bad time to leave.

 

Gail and Maria talk about facing-off. BFG may be the last time to see this match.

 

Tyrus and Eli Drake talk about teaming. Tryus decides it’s a bad idea. Both men in that battle royal at BFG.

 

One last look at the last matches.

 

EC3 talking to his team before this last match… Of the night. They give a “Woah Bundy”.

 

A Lashley battling EC3 video is shown before tonight’s main event. EC3 wants to start, but it’s Bennett he’s battling instead. EC3 exchanges with Bennett. EC3 delivers a suplex, but Bennett scurries up. As EC3 tries to splash, there is a maneuver by Bennett, who kicks away and sends EC3 around as he yells “shut up” to fans, but EC3 battles out and hits a TK3. As the next wrestler is Drew. As Drew stomps away before chopping going into break. Back from break, Bennett stomps away before Rex emerges and goes at Drew. It’s now an elbow of distinction. The faces bash away at the heels until Lashley heads to war. As Lashey brings everyone near him down, until Moose gets in and destroys whoever’s left. They all brawl until Maria stays out until the predictable Gail appearance. Once that happens, they’re all brawling, plus in play going into break. Back from break, they all brawl, well, the four guys. Lashley directs the assault until Drew hits the corner. After this, every face beats up Lashley. EC3 goes to use a pipe, but Bennett takes most out until a Moose dropkick. After a spear by Lashley on Rex, Lashley takes a moment either to set up a save by EC3, or is shaking webs. EC3 sends him off the structure walls before grabbing a Kendo stick. After some fast blows, Lashley locks EC3 in a submission hold until EC3 has to tap. After winning, Lashley names the match as “NO HOLDS BAAAAARED”!

 

Whether this is the last ever, the last Impact, or just another week, we’ll still be on Twitter, and may expand to talking about wrestling news. Bring this place back.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Impact Review 9/22/2016

We see the major angles, this will be a great event Junior.
 
TNA Impact Grand action (Yay) as Drew Galloway starts against Eddie Edwards. Surprisingly even handed early on, Edwards takes the fight outside. Drew gets the match back inside, where Drew keeps trying to end the match, but Edwards ends the first by being unbeatable. In the second, Edwards begins with a brutal clothesline followed by a yay/boo. When it gets up to, Edwards gets Drew in a tree of woe, but Drew uses is strength to stop it. Drew tries for a Claymore, but is hit with a Boston knee party that sends him outside. Edwards uses a dive to end the second. The third begins with a quick brawl, but Drew remains dominant before locking in the Iron Maiden, which Edwards reverses, which Drew reverses to try a tombstone, which Edwards reverses out of. Another yay/boo of brutal chops until a quick series ends in Drew making a near fall with a future shock. This goes to judges after break. Back from break, Drew wins. Now we know who he’ll face in the finals. After this match, Drew says it doesn’t matter. After everything, down comes Ethan Carter III, who tries to calm Drew down, but Drew says he thinks Bobby Lashley will still be TNA World Heavyweight Champion (Assuming we make it that long). EC3 says he would beat Drew anywhere. Lashley brings himself out, but Mike Bennett sneak attacks. Moose emerges to make a save, but the heel team does well for themselves.
 
Allie is on the phone trying to get a tomato can as both Aron Rex and Eli Drake talk about their match next.
 
BFG is not far away. Stay with us.
 
Lashley tells Bennett there is no friendship. Not even a friendzone, damn.
 
Drake battles Rex in more Grand action. Drake starts by berating everyone, to which Rex briefly channels Sandow to bring up Drake in a bedtime tale than ends the Sandow promo. Drake starts by grappling Aron down, but Rex is able to get out several times. This leads to him using a flurry of offense before Drake escapes. Once back in the ring, Drake briefly dominates before Rex attempts a submission to end the first. Basically, Rex has the first. To begin the second, Rex’s submission attempts lead to Drake brawling and using the rope to choke Rex. After using a quick neckbreaker, Drake goes for a pin, but Rex uses the rope. After a near-fall by Rex, Drake uses a DDT, and attempts Blunt Force Trauma, but Rex has to be slammed. Drake takes too long to pin, and brawls to end the second. The third begins with Drake attacking the head before being hit with the discus elbow called the revelator to secure Rex the win.
 
Well now TNA World Tag Team Champions The Decay get a message from Senor Benjamin. This is not going to be normal, as it shouldn’t be.
 
A recap of Rex’s win has another match signed for BFG. And Rex tells Drew to expect a hospital.
 
We now have Cody Rhodes. No, he’s not going to be Red Reign.
 
The Decay promise to destroy The Hardys.  This leads to “Broken” Matt Hardy interrupting. Matt says he will delete their reign. This leads to “Brother Nero” Jeff Hardy, who acts like he did before 2011. After lights go out, Abyss and Crazzy Steve are tied up, and Reby, now with gray hair attacks, but Rosemary runs. We are not sure if they know what the ending will be.
 
EC3 and Moose talk about beating the Lashley/Bennett team. Moose may get a shot at gold soon, unless Rhodes wants it.
 
TNA X-Division Champion DJZ defends against Trevor Lee. DJZ starts by brawling with Lee, but Lee is able to bring the Champion down. Lee sends DJZ into the turnbuckles, but once the fight is outside, DJZ dominates outside, and brings things back inside as he flies higher that a stoner pilot. DJZ uses a Frankensteiner, and a DJT to win. After this, Andrew Everett attacks until Edwards runs them off and asks for a microphone. Through his thick Boston accent, Edwards asks the Fighting-Champion for a shot on the go-home show next week. DJZ accepts it.
 
Allie again is berated by TNA Knockout Champion Maria. Boy we hope it will be her ending the reign.
 
A Tyrus based package. He’d still here.
 
Allie introduces this segment that starts with Sienna in the background and Maria yelling. After more of this yammering, we realize the most over person in Gail vs. Maria is Allie. The unnamed wrestler I sneak attacked, and this segment bores on until another person, a masked person acting like a ninja, appears. After this person out-wrestles Maria, she is revealed to be Gail. Sienna stops the assault, but is given eat defeat. Boy this is probably the lease offensive thing we’ve done.
 
Finding that BFG has one great match.
 
EC3/ Moose vs. Lashley/Bennett. As Lashley begins the match alone as Bennett avoids tagging in going into break. Back from break, Bennett hits a cutter on EC3. Lashley then tags in and targets the torso of EC3. After this, a tag in the match by Bennett sees him also bash the ribs until EC3 fights his way out of the corner. EC3 tags in Moose, who goes straight at Bennett. When Lashley tries to make the save, he gets kicked by Moose. Both large men brawl outside as EC3 gets the pin with a sunset flip. The brawls continue after the bout is over. As Lashley brawls with EC3, the X-Division try to break it up before Billy comes out and says next week sees both teams in Lethal Lockdown.
 
Decent build-up. Maybe next week helps.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Impact Review 9/15/2016

So is last week the top? Well you decide.
 
 “Broken” Matt Hardy reassembles his commandos by putting “Brother Nero” Jeff Hardy in water, he’s 2010 Jeff minus the problems at first, but Nero’ed again. He was better the other way.
 
TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Lashley talks about beating Ethan Carter III, so there is no BFG main event, and mocks Jeremy Borash. Grado tries to help in this problem, but Lashley makes it clear he will hurt them both. Grado tries to tell Lashley he’s human, and gets destroyed. After saying no one is able to stop him, Moose emerges. With that, the fight is on. Moose sends the Destroyer outside, and says he will defeat him tonight.
 
Aaron Rex says Drew Galloway was handed everything so far here. No, he’s not being ironic.
 
Lashley will not fight Moose because it’s bad for Moose’s health.
 
Rex battles Trevor Lee in the AWF World Heavyweight Championship tournament. Rex dominates the first half with grappling, Lee manages to break this with general brutality. Rex has a streak of strikes to end the first. Bringing the judges, Rex won the first. In the second, Lee starts off with punches, kicks, and clotheslines, but Rex his elbow of di… unhappiness, then a discus clothesline to get a win.
TNA Knockout Champion Maria doesn’t want to be outshined at BFG by Gail Kim by moving her induction to later in this show. What does this mean.
 
BFG ad leads Broken Matt procuring Vangaurd 1. His "MENDOZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"! Moment sees the drone return after going over his time with Senor Benjamin.
 
Maria’s back to be pissed off, so she’s hotshotting Gail’s induction. We see nothing wrong happening as this goes on. Nosiree Bob. After a video that shows Maria beating up Gail, no use of Gail’s move we marketed as the happy ending. Allie has a gift for Gail, but Maria smashes it. Dixie is out now, and goes back to last week, when Maria was told she had no power. Gail will get inducted at BFG, AND is in the #1 contenders match. Who’s surprised.
 
A recap of Rockstar Spud attacking Braxton Sutter is the reason for an empty arena match. Which is different from our quarter-full arena matches.
 
This match will have to padding on the turnbuckles. They brawl on the ramp to start the bout before going into to empty stands. They make there way to seats that usually may have fans to brawl. As Sutter uses a belt to whip Spud without the use of a safe word, they make their way to the cheaper than free seats, where Sutter also yells at Spud, who needs a low-blow to bring him down. Once in the ring, Spud punches away. Sutter shows turnabout is fair balls. Sutter sends Spud into the buckles, which hurts the latter enough to get a pin.
 
Vangaurd 1 finds Senor Benjamin, and Matt says there will be weapons brought to his house.  We know a few guys.
 
Moose makes it know he will still demand a fight.
 
Last week’s main event is shown in HIGHlights.
 
The Hardys are now in the ring to talk about winning the TNA World Tag Team Championships from The Decay. We haven’t decided if they should win them or have Jeff turn on Matt. Well anyway, Rosemary is near the hard camera, and says Maxel deserves a better place. He will be in NXT in 2030. She says Bram was destroyed. Well then who’s signing his deals! Abyss says The Hardys will not win. Next to be out is Crazzy Steve, who says they offer destruction. Matt is not scared. Jeff says he will make them obsolete. Matt then says they will fight in a great war. But Woodrow Wilson said there would be no war. This ends up being a brawl that sees the default faces emerge as winners.
 
We have another One Night Only, no World Title Series this year.
 
Mike Bennett tries to get Lashley to accept, but is not successful.
 
Jade starts off with an even exchange with Laurel Vaness, who looks to be Chelsea Green. Once Sienna’s in, they both attack Jade. Gail is next. Gail fights, but the heels resume until Marti Bell hits the ring. Marti is impressive until Raquel enters. This match is Tough Enough. Everyone is attacking everyone until Madison Rayne emerges. Madison wails on Marti going into break. Back from break, Sienna downs Gail, and is bashed by Raquel, which sees an everyone hit their move. Laurel eliminates Madison and Marti after the latter does so to Jade. Sienna reverses a sleeper hold into eliminating Raquel. Sienna argues with Maria as Allie accidentally eliminates Laurel. Sienna works on Gail, and tries to eliminate her, but Gail holds on despite the stomps and powerbomb attempts. Gail tries a sunset flip to a pin, but only gets two. Gail avoids the silencer to predictably get her shot at BFG.
 
 
Eddie Edwards has to help Mahabali Shera in this tournament match. Both exchange holds before the clothesline from Shera, leadind to Edwards having to move fast to bring the big one down and sent him outside. After Edwards dives out at Shera, he gets him inside to kick and hits the Boston knee party, which is not sold to end the first. Needless to say, Edwards has the lead. In the second, Edwards tries moving fast despite having apparently hurt his ribs. Shera’s power has Edwards reeling through the round to end the Second. No shock, Shera wins the second. Edwards starts the third with kicks, but Shera uses power until Edwards gets the win using a half Boston crab. The matches tonight show more speed, though more is needed.
 
Lashley is here to make his decision about Moose. After Lashley begins saying everyone wants this, he says it won’t happen. He says he’s a businessman, so he wants to fight at BFG, knowing the man already has a match. Moose says he won’t be waiting, and they brawl. Lashley throws Moose into the guardrailing, but Moose isn’t downed. Both do everything to stop the other, though there is little give between them. Bennett tries to deliver hits on Moose, but needs an eye poke, leading to Lashley delivering his spear to Moose. EC3 enters, and they brawl. That is the end of tonight.
 
Decent wrestling this week, though there is one angle fans truly bring their cheers with. Until next week.

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Impact Delete or Decay Review 9/8/2016

Fighting the bastards like a commando.
 
Perhaps the two greatest stars we have, Senor Benjamin and Vangaurd 1 warn everyone before a recap is shown, then we get some more strange goodness from “Broken” Matt Hardy.
 
Mike Bennett and his wife, TNA Knockout Champion Maria hit the ring to be pissed at Moose. Bennett says his mother warned him not to bite the hand that feeds him. Here it’s the hand that feeds barely. He says Moose should’ve been happy to be paid. Problem is he works here. Bennett wants to be TNA World Heavyweight Champion, this brings outgoing TNA President Dixie. After they bicker, Dixie says she has an idea. Bennett assumes it means he’ll be added to Bobby Lashley vs. Ethan Carter III, but instead, she makes Bennett vs. Moose. After Moose tries to strike, Maria provides a distraction that help Bennett escape.
 
Gail Kim and Jade vs. Sienna and Allie. Before it begins, Dixie says Bennett’s bout will stand, and Maria is no longer in charge of the division. Next week decides the #1 Contender Guess who she defends against. When the match starts, Gail goes straight to Sienna, who has to tag to the kayfabe non-wrestler. Sienna then plays the heel be saying Allie wanted in. When Sienna tags in, she dominates as fans want Allie. Gail battles through, but her opponent keeps dominance before pretending to tag Allie, but doesn’t. Sienna hits a Samoan drop before looking for an AK-47. Gail gets out and hit a desperation move. Gail then tags in Jade, who uses more kicks than an experience online multiplayer. Allie accidentally tags in, and is hit with a silencer by Sienna. Jade uses the moment to pin. After the match, the faces help Allie up.
 
Jeremy Borash needs a scoop from Billy, who denies the request like it’s a singles bar. Though Billy say he has an announcement.
 
BFG ad sees Matt talking about his zoo. He thinks George Washington is a Giraffe and Joe Frazier is a kangaROOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. He jokes about TNA X-Division Champion DJZ, Madrews, and The Young Bucks as spot (literal) monkeys, and says Genghis Khan is a tiger.
 
Billy reveals the TNA Impact Grand Championship, which was supposed to be the new TNA Championship belt. Drew Galloway interrupts. Drew wants the belt. Billy says there are new rules, which has a video explaining the rules. We do those a lot. Basically, 3 rounds of three minutes where you can win at any time, but judges may decide. This will eitherbe great or the AWF. After they argue, Aron Rex says he will send Drew back at Scotland. Billy says Rex will debut next week and Drew wrestles in a tournament match once back from break.
 
Unusually Thicke. Imagine the segue.
 
Drew will face Braxton Sutter. Both engage in a feeling out before Drew suplexes and chops away. After Drew hits a big boot, he goes to pin, but only two. We keep hearing this is being scored. After the first ends, Drew wins it. Drew begins round 2 by brutalizing some more through the first half, then Sutter gets Drew with a superplex and goes to pin for two. Both chop away before Sutter brings Drew down and punches away. After a powerslam, Sutter stays on him to end round 2. As we begin round 3, we realize this is the opposite of the Broken Matt/Brother Nero angle. Drew piledrives Sutter, and locks in the iron maiden to win. Presentation is similar to the Cruiserweight Classic, but the wrestling is too different and needs to find soul.
 
During break, Rockstar Spud attacked Sutter.
 
A drunk guy doesn’t like 1979, but likes Rosemary. When the guy wants to sex her up, TNA World Tag Team Champions The Decay attack, and possibly Heidenrape him and steal his whip.
 
EC3 and Lashley both ready to sign in a segment from earlier this week. EC3 tells Lashley he’ll be at BFG to fight, and Lashley brings up how TNA is under fire, and needs someone who defends wrestling. EC3 says he may not be the most dominant, but he will kick the ass of the most dominant. Lashley says EC3 is hype, and he’ll be training harder to win. Afterwards, both men brawl. Normal signing.
 
Slammiversary on DVD. Almost never made it to PPV.
 
We see the brawl continues. Lashley’s pissed there’s no poster of him. He then wants a garage door opened so they brawl outside. They may see Olive Oyl if they go by the park.
 
Jesse Godderz wants to win the Grand Championship. Seems like he has a match.
 
 
Speaking of which, he wrestles Eli Drake. They start be tying up before Jesse shows surprising mat work. Drake uses an armdrag, but the round seems to belong to Jesse. He keeps using a mat based game to win the first. In the second, Drake brawls his way ahead. These matches seem to be WWE’s 50/50 booking in one match. Drake uses a powerslam to dominate through to the second half, where Jesse surges to lock in the Adonis lock to bring the round to an end. Jesse is 2 to 0 as he starts the third on fire, but Drake begins to get in gear with his offense, and breaks the Adonis lock before it’s too late. Jesse may be ahead on points, but Drake manages to hit Blunt Force Trauma, bringing him a win. Matches aren’t bad, but the points are emphasized too much, bringing PS1 level slowdown.
 
 
We again see Tyrus’ ad. We should hire him.
 
A recap of Drew and Rex brawling, and the announcement of the newish belt. This sees an angry Rex, who says he’s not thinking. That’s what goes into most Tosh.0 videos.
 
Next week sees more Grand Championship action as we see Rex vs. Trevor Lee, and Eddie Edwards vs. Mahabali Shera.
 
Senor Benjamin digs fast. Voyeurism has Matt interrupt going into break. Back from break, The Hardys use Roman Candles like they were AA-12’s to send The Decay running. This sees Matt and Jeff head on as Reby protects Maxel. Abyss uses Skarsgard briefly as a shield before “Brother Nero” Jeff Hardy kicks him away. Senor Benjamins sees Joseph Park before tasing him. Jeff fights brutally with Crazzy Steve in a pool before seemingly killing him, but is pulled back in. Senor Benjamin tries burying Abyss, but is stopped. Matt then begins pursuing Rosemary, but is stopped by Abyss, who has Janice. Matt is saved by Jeff, who may be dead, or at least as Brother Nero. Vangaurd 1 becomes every bit of a cyber protector as later Arnold Schwarzenegger is, as he stops Rosemary from whisking Maxel away. Sadly, he dies from brutal mist, which has no effect on Matt. The Decay heads off as we see Jeff and Senor Benjamin are hurt.
 
An average week that sees the great sequel. See you guys next week.
 

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Impact Review 9/1/2016

We'd be pumping iron, but few of our guys know what a gym is.
 
We see the Brother Nero angle singing before Senor Benjamin is trusted to guard the place.
 
Mike Bennett talks himself up about battling Bobby Lashley for the TNA Impact Wrestling Heavyweight World Championship of the World. He asks Moose to head out. Instead, Lashley walks out and says Moose wants nothing to do with Bennett. Lashley then brings up the wrestlers he beat, and wants to throw out the rules. Well he is a WWECW original. Lashley then says the match should be no DQ. After Bennett hears this, he says Moose is his friend, and wouldn’t eat with Lashley. We think dinner with Lashley would be the next great wrestling item. Basically, both wrestlers feel they’re bold enough to win. Moose is out now. He says he knocks others on their ass, and basically says Lashley’s working a psych job. He then says he’s not letting Bennett off, and he will decide who is winning tonight. A standard promo that sells a match. Strange.
 
A recap of Ethan Carter III defeating Drew Galloway, and Drew attacking Aron Rex. We may get a decent promo about it later.
 
“Broken” Matt Hardy, with “Brother Nero” Jeff Hardy, battles TNA World Tag Team Champion Crazzy Steve, with no-one, in a nut-off. Matt bites Steve’s arm, but Steve battles out. Matt tosses Steve, but Steve kicks away, and dominates briefly. Matt battles ahead as fans bellow “Delete”. We may have found success as Matt delivers a side effect. Jeff even hits Steve with a BOOT BEFORE Matt wins with a twist of fate. Steve then says “King” Maxel belongs to Rosemary. Bram would’ve had a son.
 
Stars of the X-Division talk about innovating. WWE aped from us. And we aped from WCW.
 
Between a BFG ad with Matt, and a recap of Steve’s proclamation, Matt tries phoning them, but no answer.
 
Trevor Lee and DJZ start the “Gauntlet” Ultimate X match. DJZ starts by whooping Lee with a wide array of aerial maneuvers, even stopping Lee from getting to it. We see the other wrestlers waiting either to enter or get paid. Lee gets hope in the form of Andrew Everett, who helps him with a team attack. DJZ stops Everett from winning, but Lee strikes. DJZ briefly hits a few moves, but it’s all The Helms Dynasty, until Mandrews enters, and brutalizes the team every time they try to stop him going into break. Back from break, basically, the ring is empty as Rockstar Spud enters. He’s fought by Braxton Sutter. At this point, we are not sure we can describe the action well enough. Several wrestlers fly, and Sutter throws around Lee before going to grab it. Spud hits him in the hip with a chair before he’s kicked by Mandrews. As Lee and Everett try going for it, they both unhook the belt, but DJZ grabs it to win. A psycho trip that yields gold. Like our trip to Vegas.
 
EC3 talks about the main event before being interrupted by Eli Drake, who is confident he will be winning.
 
Drew tells the person trying to interview him that the person will not be the one to hear his answer. We do like his sinister Scot approach.
 
A recap of Allie winning. Just wait.
 
Drew is wearing a hooded sweatshirt as all new heels have to wear. Drew does what all TNA heels will do now, blame the promotion. Well, publicly blame the promotion. Drew says Rex is trying to be him, and Drew will put him in the hospital. Sadly, Billy’s here to talk. As Billy says he was asked not to suspend Drew, it angers Drew that Billy is a puppet, but Billy say Rex was the one. Rex strikes before security tries to stop him. Soon, both men brawl before referees, wrestlers, and maybe the Broncos, end this.
 
Moose has to decide, but even that is nothing compared to Matt seeing Rosemary is in the house.
 
See, Suicide is not in the Cruiserweight Classic.
 
A recap of the fight brings an unrelated match. EC3 vs. Drake. Both taunt before locking-up in the corner. Drake is first with strikes, but EC3 shows glimpses of power before throwing Drake outside. Both brawl outside, even having EC3 chopping with Drake, who takes things his way once inside the ring. Both use repeated quick moves. But every time Drake is leading, he tells fans his name. As each one punches away, EC3 reverses into a TK3. EC3 uses his moves of doom. Feeling bold, EC3 wins using the 1%er.
 
Brand new TNA Knockout Champion Allie is planning her own celebration. Boy we hope Billy hasn’t booked something dumb.
 
Reby decides she wants to battle Rosemary. Linda Hamilton may inspire her.
 
DJZ is happy to be X-Division Champion again. Strangely the happiest anyone is here.
 
Allie is out here. Guess how this ends. If you guessed Sienna runs out angry, is told by Maria she has the night off, berates the new Champion, makes her lay down to become Champion, and even make her announce the winner, you’re right, and are wondering why LOLTNA is down.
 
Moose is reminded for TNA, Brady is represented by Bennett. After handing him a pipe, we imagine Moose is Aaron Hernandez.
 
Reby finds Rosemary flies, disappears, and goes everywhere. Taker has another child.
 
Lashley vs. Bennett is the main event. Lashley backs Bennett into a corner, and dominates with shoulder-checks. Bennett tries to be quicker, but Lashley’s power proves to be too brutal. Moose brings his pipe going into break. Back from break, Bennett is now surging in the match. As Lashley battles, Maria proves to be challenging. Despite this, Lashley is still going. Being back, Lashley now uses his power to put Bennett in a torture rack, but Bennett is out into Lashley’s dominator. Lashley tries for a spear, but Maria interrupts, leading to Bennett delivering a cutter, but Lashley’s up. Moose feigns giving the pipe, but leaves Bennett hanging for a spear, leading to Lashley emerging the winner. Bennett demands Moose get in the ring. After berating, slapping him, Bennett is laid out.
 
Next week is The Final Deletion 2: Delete Or Decay.
 
Interesting night, but next week might be much better. See you next week.

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Impact Turning Point Review 8/25/2016

Boy tonight is like Total Recall, we may have found ourselves.
 
As a meeting between Ethan Carter III and Drew Galloway, which shows our new presentation, has them meet with whisky, for this, both men are cool. We then see a recap of how we got here. Strangely, it’s not entirely aping Lucha Underground.
 
TNA World Heavyweight Champion of the World Bobby Lashley is ready to talk about the new #1 Contender saying they should give up. Not a bad idea. BroMans prance down followed by Eli Drake, The Tribunal (Who are Legionnaires without any Snow), Grado dances his way before his buddy Mahabali Shera shuffles over, Mike Bennett brings his Moose down, and Eddie Edwards. Starts of the standard mash as Drake gloats briefly. Lashley picks Robbie E to win, but says it doesn’t matter. We imagine he’s not using sarcasm. Baron Dax finds Basil-Flavored Baracca is less a friend here than NXT. Moose eliminates Sherra, the man who’d have become TNA Champion, going into break. Back from break, everyone’s still brawling as Lashley takes brutally effective jabs at everyone. He’s like Dean Ambrose as both Robbie E and Baraka is gevin a fatality. By this point, Lashley mocks Grado being tossed. Bennett kicks Jesse Godderz before Moose chokes him. Drake avoids elimination until he’s sent by Edwards. Bennett stands behind his man, but the last four brawl. Moose sends Jesse to the floor. Because of the disadgantage, Edwards fights like his pay’s at stake. Edwards and Moose are fighting, but Bennett eliminates them both to end this match. Two heels may not be the best option, but when has that stopped us.
 
We see Ethen and Drew drink, and Aron Rex entering the arena. Strangely, some drink just before entering.
 
“Broken” Matt Hardy’s BFG ad and Tyrus’ will both never not be hilarious.
 
Moose wants to kill Bennett, we are on decent terms with him though.
 
Matt, the man who may save the show, is next. He talks about how he will restore the TNA World Tag Team Championships, this sees “Brother Nero” Jeff Hardy walk out next, confusing Matt. When asked about why he’s here, Jeff says he’s there to win for himself, and his fans. Matt talks about deleting TNA Tag Champs The Decay. This leads to the Champions seeing the bats--- signal, and talking about decay. They try out-psych’-ing Matt. Only here sees Rosemary keep up. When Matt tries to see who Jeff will defeat, fans want all of them. Abyss demands to face Jeff, who attacks going to the break. Back from break, Abyss is dominating as Matt tells Jeff to delete, which briefly helps before Matt looks into space. Jeff is able to sway things his way as fans support him. Matt tells Jeff not to fly, but Jeff flies at Crazzy Steve, and sends him in the ring. Steve reveals a weapon, being a chain, but as Steve is forced out, Jeff uses it on Abyss. After this, Abyss uses a chokeslam, reminding us he was supposed to face Taker. Before Steve Abyss can mist Jeff, he hits Abyss. Matt says he thinks Steve will attack his family. This brings a strange deal where Matt bites Steve, and Rosemary helps Abyss win. Matt sees maybe he needs to be crazier. He says he will delete them, and Jeff needs to learn.
 
Maria’s pissed TNA Knockout Champion Sienna may face more than one wrestler. This is step one in Billy f---ing the belt.
 
Lashley tries intimidating Bennett, as Lashley brings doubt about Moose’s loyalty.
 
Sienna has to face Marti Bell, Madison Rayne, Allie, and Jade. Guess who’s going to win. Jade brawls with Marti as Sienna destroys Madison. Allie wants to help, but it’s as effective as a Taser against Haku. Marti is in, but Sienna repeats the assault, this time on her. Allie again plays millstone as Sienna attacks Jade. Allie hits a move on Marti, and celebrates into an everyone hits a signature. Allie accidentallt hits Sienna with a club. This leads to Allie accidentally winning by pinning Madison. Even though we like Cherry Bomb winning the gold, the fact she’s, in kayfabe, a non-wrestler, is a bad idea.
 
Rex talks about deciding who faces Lashley is shown with Ethen and Drew drinking. Seems random.
 
A One Night Only tomorrow. It may be X-Division, but we should have Tyrus on there, like in his next ad.
 
A recap of the last match sees Allie happy until she knows Maria will be pissed.
 
Ethen and Drew are drinking and talking about wrestling. That’s our job right now. They agree they will be hitting harder. Given the amount they drank, they’ll feel nothing.
 
Lashley offers Moose better representation. Needs whiskey.
 
Drake talks about the TNA X-Division Championship, the belt Billy botched. Rockstar Spud tries to mock Braxton Sutter, but is called a crybaby for braces. B.A. Star is already long dead. After they all argue, DJZ cuts a promo that proved someone should’ve beat him for it. After Drake spams the “Dummy, Yeah” button, a brawl starts. DJZ stands tall.
 
Next week sees Ultimate X for the X-Division belt, and Lashley battles Bennett.
 
Ethen vs. Drew is tonight’s main event. Both toss the other around as Rex tries keeping order. Each one still in a feeling out until Drew slaps Ethen. They then knock themselves down going into break. Back from break, Drew chops Ethen before Ethen sends him outside. Ethen goes to fly, but Drew elbows him in the cane. Both men brawl outside until Drew hits an emerald fusion on the steps. This all now has Rex begin counting, but both men get in. Drew stomps Ethen like he owes him a paycheck. Drew uses different attacks to the head, but Ethen rolls out of it. This sees Ethen using an array of offense, but is sent with a belly-to-belly. Ethen uses a desperation legsweep onto the turnbuckle. His attempt to fly is interrupted like Gaburick’s PornHub session. A few near pins sees Ethen got kicked with a slight-Claymore, which does not end the match. Ethen starts a yay/boo with chops as the fans “Woo” along. Drew does attempt to go for a win, though there are several kicks. After a tombstone by Drew, a quick sequence that ends in EC3 pinning Drew, and focusing whoever is the TNA Champion. Afterwards, Drew unsurprisingly attacks Rex. Sending him outside, and slamming him into the steps before walking on him. Not bad.
 
Now that we’ve found us, we may not get every one on the site in the proper week

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Impact Review 8/18/2016

Boy wrestlers are falling against wellness like random guys falling  against Arnold Schwarzenegger. Well you're not going to find a policy like that here.
 
A recap of Bobby Lashley becoming TNA World Heavyweight, X-Division, and King of the Mountain Champion brings us to Lashley staring at Aron Rex. This may be a feud.
 
James Storm is out. Storm demands Brian Hebner come out. Storm tells him they are friends, but Hebner to answer for not doing his job at the start of the match. Storm says after the match started, he had Lashley pinned, and should be Champion. Storm wants a rematch, but Billy has a different idea. Storm doesn’t want to be touched. Smart move. Storm demands a rematch once again, but Billy refuses to give him the match while pushing him by saying maybe he can’t win the big match. This leads to Storm threatening Billy with a hammer. After tearing parts of the ring apart, Storm tells guards not to touch him. Storm lambasts Billy, and says he stayed for fans. But when a guard touches Storm, he strikes him. Billy tries to say to talk trash, not realizing this man almost murdered Mickie James. Storm is suspended like he did things with Eva Marie.
 
Mike Bennett hypes Moose while saying he will become TNA Champion.
 
 
A Bound For Glory ad.
 
A recap of Storm being suspended leads to Storm angry at everyone.
 
Eddie Edwards vs. Moose starts things off tonight. Moose starts by using his power to keep Edwards grounded until the match goes outside. Bennett provides the distraction, enabling Moose to powerbomb Edwards on the apron. Once inside the ring, Moose delivers snake eyes, but only gets two. As Moose uses a chinlock, Edwards powers up to use a jawbreaker. But Moose dominates once again. When there is an attempt to fly by Moose, a dropkick by Edwards leads to a series of moves that would’ve lead to a win, but Bennett distracts referee Earl Hebner. After this, Moose tries a pin, but nothing. A few quick moves sees Edwards Frankensteiner Moose, and leap toward Bennett. Once back in however, he is hit by Moose with the go to Hell to end the match.
 
Maria tells Jade she needs to win tonight if she wants a future shot at the TNA Knockout Championship.
 
Before the match, Gail Kim talks about beating the whole division, Jade is put over for talking about domestic abuse. Guess who goes over. After a feeling out early on, Jade downs Gail with a hurricarana. She then uses brutal chops, kicks, and punches that have Gail have to take the fight outside. Despite Gail’s flight, a gut-check by Jade forces both of them to return to the ring. Gail uses a BAAAAAAACK BODY DROP! And then a series of fast offense before going to pin. Gail tries to fly again, but Jade rolls out of the way. Same when she tries. Bringing Gail down again with a kick, this leads to a near double pin. Jade tries to kick, but Gail hits eat defeat. TNA Knockout Champion Sienna uses the AK-47 on Gail, and the silencer on her opponent. This somehow means Gail won’t her shot. Which means she will get her shot.
 
After Lashley bashes the X-Division verbally, one gets the feeling we’ll actually have them defeat him, but that makes too much sense.
 
DJZ vs. Mandrews vs. Rockstar Spud vs. Braxton Sutter. As the three faces brutalizes Spud, they try to get a pin. Mandrews then flies onto Sutter, and DJZ hits them all. Spud teases flight, but decides not to. DJZ and Spud are in the ring brawling before Mandrews hits a Northern Lights suplex on DJZ. This leads to Mandrews and Sutter exchanging moves before Sutter is attacked by Spud. As Spud attempts a literal curb stomp like he’s Edward Norton using the rope, Mandrews makes the save. DJZ then uses a double DDT to win.
 
A recap of Drew Galloway’s challenge to Ethan Carter III leads to EC3 saying he will answer in the ring.
 
Dixie tells Billy the that what he did was not right, and they need to tell Lashley what’s up.
 
EC3 wants Drew in the ring to hear his answer. After joking about Drew’s anger, EC3 says Drew will be surprised. Drew says he thinks it will be no because EC3 can’t beat Drew, and that EC3 thinks he did nothing wrong. Drew adds he’s lost three matches to get the gold back, and wants one more. EC3 tells him challenge accepted. Aron interrupts, and talks about how stuff like this is why fans are watching TNA. He adds they are seizing opportunity. Seems like one of these three men will be turning soon. Well anyway, Aron says he will be the referee in this match.
 
Eli Drake says he wants another shot at his King of the Mountain Championship. After exchanging a few words against Lashley. After this, Lashley jokingly looks at Sienna’s belt.
 
Matt Hardy tells Jeff Hardy, now using a Jake “The Snake” Roberts lens in his right eye, and one of Kane’s in his right, not to use ladders. Boy this angle seems more like we should test them.
 
And Matt’s ad is back.
 
Next week sees EC3 vs. Drew.
 
Drake talks about not being on the show last week, and mocking Storm. Drake then talks about how he’s talked to Lashley, who he says owes him a match. This brings Mahabali Shera, who demands a match. Shera uses his power to throw Drake around several times before a low-blow brings a brief bit his way. Drake uses a few quick moves, but when he gloats a bit, Shera takes the opportunity to hit several moves, but is hit with Blunt Force Trauma, bringing an end to this match.
 
Lashley says he doesn’t need to tell Billy or Dixie what he’s doing. His attitude may see us evolve our’s just a bit here. Be ready for a new us. No, we’re not stopping our heavy drinking.
 
Lashley emerges with two guys to carry the lesser belts. After saying he has all the gold, he demands Dixie and Billy to the ring. As Lashley brags he’s made them more money, they try to tell him he is the top wrestler, but he says he aims to unify them with the TNA Championship. They tell him he is not going to do that. Lashley then throws down the two lesser Championships one at a time before leaving the ring. After basically s---ing on the X-Division Championship without reprisal by the division, he will however defend the TNA Championship against the winner of a battle royal next week. Don’t worry, after the tapings, the trashing belts is not done yet.
 
Billy talks about the X-Division Championship, but not the other one.
 
The Hardys vs. BroMans vs. The Helms Dynasty vs. The Tribunal in A ladder match to main event. The teams brawl going into break. Back from break, Jeff is in the ring, trying to go up, but The Tribunal stop him. Matt tells Matt to fight, but both men make it tough. They then attack Matt as BroMans brawl with Trevor Lee over the ladder. The action is divided between the two teams outside, and the two teams inside. Lee is attacked by Matt, and Andrew Everett gets attacked as well. Matt brutalizes BroMans before getting slapped by Raquel. BroMans make the save, and then they aim to get the shot. The Tribunal bring them down, and then they try. Jesse Godderz stops their attempt as they hit Baron Dax with the BroDown. Matt is attacking everyone near him outside as Everett sends Robbie E outside. Again we see Matt being crazy, and funny as Lee and Everett eliminate BroMans for now. Matt hits Lee with a side effect on a ladder before getting hit by Everett. Jeff stops Everett’s attempt. Matt then wins the match for his team. Afterwards, Jeff flashes a look that perhaps says he may not be as broken as Broken Matt thinks.
 
Tonight’s action was good, but again, Billy’s writing shows us we should be ready to go elsewhere. Whoever hires us will find the best drunk team ever. Until next week.