Tonight is WWE's Hell in a Cell. Back in 1997, this type of match let you know you were seeing war. Now, it lets you know it's October. We are going to answer some of the big questions. Who is going to walk out of the cage? Who will accept John Cena's challenge? What lengths did Randy Orton take to avoid wrestling Braun Strowman? Who decided to book a feud where Kane fighting for the gold is not the same Kane who's job is on the line? On to the predictions.
Pre-Show Match: Dolph Ziggler & Cesaro & Neville vs. Rusev & Sheamus & King Barrett
This match features 6 of the guys WWE either thinks are lazy, or keeps down because they weren't supposed to be over. Ziggler found himself ready to be relieved of a Gooker-worthy angle, but is pulled back in thanks to the latest NXT guy on the firing line, Cesaro being the most well known athlete to find an old guy has lost it since Don Mattingly, And Neville narrowly avoided being Mighty Mouse. While Rusev allegedly may be in the doghouse for acting like Vince never said what the wrestlers on TV is more of a storyline instead of reality, Sheamus has not become a major face despite being the face of the first attempt to marginalize Daniel Bryan, and Barrett has had the one gimmick that got him over almost entirely ripped away. That being said, the heel team has the only guy WWE currently wants out of all this: Sheamus. He's the only guy to not ride the jobber bus to jobber hell because he has the Money in the Bank briefcase, and you just know he'll be primed to be the guy Cena beats for reign #16 or Roman Reigns spears toward glory.
Winners: Rusev & Sheamus & King Barrett
WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Kevin Owens vs. Ryback
Owens is getting over by being the kind of heel champion that doesn't need help to win matches. something that is truly rare nowadays. His string of victories will still require him to destroy jobbers while cheating against more established guys. There will likely be an IWC dream feud brewing given Daniel Bryan is on the way back. Because of this, we expect Owens to be the one hitting crotch shots tonight.
Winner: Kevin Owens
WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The New Day vs. The Dudley Boyz
Before, WWE would act like The Dudleys were nowhere for 10 years, now, only WWE's main roster act like The Dudleys were nowhere for 10 years. Both teams will blow-off this feud in December. Until then, there will be more New Days for The New Day as Champions, with a stop against The Dudleys and whoever they can find for Survivor Series.
Winners: The New Day
WWE Diva Championship Match: Charlotte vs. Nikki Bella
The match that can break the entire division if botched. Thankfully, there are rumors WWE is not happy that Cena is trying to do things outside of WWE. This means that not even things that have touched his DNA are safe. As bad as Charlotte has been booked so far, we know that the only way WWE thinks will get her feud with Paige over is if that ridiculous belt is on one of them. No flowers, just the knowledge this will continue to be bungled.
Winner: Charlotte
WWE United States Champonship U.S. Open Challenge Match John Cena vs. Someone
As much as fans want Heath Slater to finally ascend, there is a different matter. Cena's taking time off, Dean Ambrose has no match unless they let him team with Drake Wuertz against Luke Harper and Ogr... Braun Strowman. So hopefully here, they combine these. As much as DBryan winning it would be great, we imagine he'll go for the other gold he never lost. Until then, Ambrose will seek asylum in being U.S. Champion.
Winner: Dean Ambrose
Hell in a Cell: Roman Reigns vs. Bray Wyatt
Reigns has been winning back fans lately. This means he will be made to look strong en route to a likely WWE World Heavyweight Championship win at WrestleMania 32. Though whether he beats Sheamus or even Cena, he'll need a new feud to keep him busy. Here is where Reigns finally puts Wyatt behind him. Wyatt can always Deus Ex Machina himself a new feud and not look weak doing so, for now.
Winner: Roman Reigns
WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match: Seth Rollins vs. Kane
Despite winning the WWE World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania 31, 2015 has not been a good year for Rollins, having be revealed he's cheating on his now ex-fiance with an alleged Nazi Sympathizer, retaining the Championship after a reversed finish, then being lucky enough to grab it, then having The Undertaker decide to be the 1 to beat the 1, then having a Jon Stewart help him retain in a semi-unification match. His reign makes Magnus' reign seem, well, still bad, but not-so-lonely as the worst booked reign in years. Kane may have one more good run after making this split personality less stupid, but unless they have Greg Gutfeld help Kane win, leading to Stewart vs. Gutfeld at WrestleMania 32, Rollins will find a way to slip bu with the gold.
Winner: Seth Rollins
Hell in a Cell: Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker
Summerslam was an apology to Taker fans, and Hell in a Cell will be an apology to Lesnar fans. Given the rumors that The Rock may attack Lesnar to set up a match between them, we think that's only a possibility given Vince waffles so often, we have taken to calling his decision making Smothered And Covered. Though that brings us to our final point. Taker is likely calling it a career at WrestleMania 32. So whoever he's facing will likely be making it pretty clear they want to face off against Taker.
Winner: Brock Lesnar
Well those are our predictions. We hope to not be so wrong, but given what promotion we're talking about, that is still likely. Enjoy the show tonight.
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