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Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Impact Review 9/1/2016

We'd be pumping iron, but few of our guys know what a gym is.
We see the Brother Nero angle singing before Senor Benjamin is trusted to guard the place.
Mike Bennett talks himself up about battling Bobby Lashley for the TNA Impact Wrestling Heavyweight World Championship of the World. He asks Moose to head out. Instead, Lashley walks out and says Moose wants nothing to do with Bennett. Lashley then brings up the wrestlers he beat, and wants to throw out the rules. Well he is a WWECW original. Lashley then says the match should be no DQ. After Bennett hears this, he says Moose is his friend, and wouldn’t eat with Lashley. We think dinner with Lashley would be the next great wrestling item. Basically, both wrestlers feel they’re bold enough to win. Moose is out now. He says he knocks others on their ass, and basically says Lashley’s working a psych job. He then says he’s not letting Bennett off, and he will decide who is winning tonight. A standard promo that sells a match. Strange.
A recap of Ethan Carter III defeating Drew Galloway, and Drew attacking Aron Rex. We may get a decent promo about it later.
“Broken” Matt Hardy, with “Brother Nero” Jeff Hardy, battles TNA World Tag Team Champion Crazzy Steve, with no-one, in a nut-off. Matt bites Steve’s arm, but Steve battles out. Matt tosses Steve, but Steve kicks away, and dominates briefly. Matt battles ahead as fans bellow “Delete”. We may have found success as Matt delivers a side effect. Jeff even hits Steve with a BOOT BEFORE Matt wins with a twist of fate. Steve then says “King” Maxel belongs to Rosemary. Bram would’ve had a son.
Stars of the X-Division talk about innovating. WWE aped from us. And we aped from WCW.
Between a BFG ad with Matt, and a recap of Steve’s proclamation, Matt tries phoning them, but no answer.
Trevor Lee and DJZ start the “Gauntlet” Ultimate X match. DJZ starts by whooping Lee with a wide array of aerial maneuvers, even stopping Lee from getting to it. We see the other wrestlers waiting either to enter or get paid. Lee gets hope in the form of Andrew Everett, who helps him with a team attack. DJZ stops Everett from winning, but Lee strikes. DJZ briefly hits a few moves, but it’s all The Helms Dynasty, until Mandrews enters, and brutalizes the team every time they try to stop him going into break. Back from break, basically, the ring is empty as Rockstar Spud enters. He’s fought by Braxton Sutter. At this point, we are not sure we can describe the action well enough. Several wrestlers fly, and Sutter throws around Lee before going to grab it. Spud hits him in the hip with a chair before he’s kicked by Mandrews. As Lee and Everett try going for it, they both unhook the belt, but DJZ grabs it to win. A psycho trip that yields gold. Like our trip to Vegas.
EC3 talks about the main event before being interrupted by Eli Drake, who is confident he will be winning.
Drew tells the person trying to interview him that the person will not be the one to hear his answer. We do like his sinister Scot approach.
A recap of Allie winning. Just wait.
Drew is wearing a hooded sweatshirt as all new heels have to wear. Drew does what all TNA heels will do now, blame the promotion. Well, publicly blame the promotion. Drew says Rex is trying to be him, and Drew will put him in the hospital. Sadly, Billy’s here to talk. As Billy says he was asked not to suspend Drew, it angers Drew that Billy is a puppet, but Billy say Rex was the one. Rex strikes before security tries to stop him. Soon, both men brawl before referees, wrestlers, and maybe the Broncos, end this.
Moose has to decide, but even that is nothing compared to Matt seeing Rosemary is in the house.
See, Suicide is not in the Cruiserweight Classic.
A recap of the fight brings an unrelated match. EC3 vs. Drake. Both taunt before locking-up in the corner. Drake is first with strikes, but EC3 shows glimpses of power before throwing Drake outside. Both brawl outside, even having EC3 chopping with Drake, who takes things his way once inside the ring. Both use repeated quick moves. But every time Drake is leading, he tells fans his name. As each one punches away, EC3 reverses into a TK3. EC3 uses his moves of doom. Feeling bold, EC3 wins using the 1%er.
Brand new TNA Knockout Champion Allie is planning her own celebration. Boy we hope Billy hasn’t booked something dumb.
Reby decides she wants to battle Rosemary. Linda Hamilton may inspire her.
DJZ is happy to be X-Division Champion again. Strangely the happiest anyone is here.
Allie is out here. Guess how this ends. If you guessed Sienna runs out angry, is told by Maria she has the night off, berates the new Champion, makes her lay down to become Champion, and even make her announce the winner, you’re right, and are wondering why LOLTNA is down.
Moose is reminded for TNA, Brady is represented by Bennett. After handing him a pipe, we imagine Moose is Aaron Hernandez.
Reby finds Rosemary flies, disappears, and goes everywhere. Taker has another child.
Lashley vs. Bennett is the main event. Lashley backs Bennett into a corner, and dominates with shoulder-checks. Bennett tries to be quicker, but Lashley’s power proves to be too brutal. Moose brings his pipe going into break. Back from break, Bennett is now surging in the match. As Lashley battles, Maria proves to be challenging. Despite this, Lashley is still going. Being back, Lashley now uses his power to put Bennett in a torture rack, but Bennett is out into Lashley’s dominator. Lashley tries for a spear, but Maria interrupts, leading to Bennett delivering a cutter, but Lashley’s up. Moose feigns giving the pipe, but leaves Bennett hanging for a spear, leading to Lashley emerging the winner. Bennett demands Moose get in the ring. After berating, slapping him, Bennett is laid out.
Next week is The Final Deletion 2: Delete Or Decay.
Interesting night, but next week might be much better. See you next week.

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