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Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Impact Review 7/8/2015

Well RAW will not be a big challenge, but the real question is will the show only marginally suck.

Recap of Ethan Carter III becoming TNA World Heavyweight Champion starts things up.

EC3 makes his way to the ring. He says he is the Undisputed World Heavyweight Champion. He is at least the one not screwed up by booking. He says Dixie put him in charge tonight. Finally some decent management. He says he will defend the Championship 3 times tonight. This brings out Matt Hardy. Matt says he took the match with Kurt Angle a few weeks ago, not for EC3, but to show he belongs. Matt says to get #MattForChamp to trend. A lot of guts to do that a few weeks ago. EC3 refuses, and highlights Matt as not having a tag team partner to face the Dirty Heels tonight.

Matt vs. the Dirty Heels starts off with Matt fighting with everything, but the 2-on-1 advantage begins to be too much. Austin Aries dissects while EC3 mocks Matt. At least until his headset dies like Slammiversary is still going. Matt takes over when he clotheslines them both. Matt is about to his a twist of fate before Bobby Roode stops him. Matt ToF’s Roode, but Aries is able to hold off long enough before Roode is able to trip a suplex attempt, and enable Aries to win.

Drew Galloway says how the Rising was to stop the Beat Down Clan, and he wishes they did. Eli Drake says he’s honored to have teamed with Drew. Foreshadowing is a great tool. Drew says #StandUp is only beginning. EC3 begins to mock him. Yes, we have the whole Seth Rollins thing down. EC3’s even dressed like J&J. EC3 says "This ship has sunk". Take it away. Drew finds out he will have to face Abyss, Manik, and Khoya. Again, The team starts with an assault. We really want to smash Corgan’s pumpkin now. Khoya almost wins the match, but Abyss stops him. This enables Drew to take over and kick Manik in the face to win. We really hope this is the last one.

EC3 changed into his gear quick. As we see Mr. Anderson say he has no match tonight, and wants to face EC3. Again, he has a match against Bram, who has signed a multi-year contract.

 Anderson vs. Bram, who has signed a multi-year contract is next. After a tie-up, Anderson uses arm locks, but Bram gets out and briefly battles back. Anderson regains momentum, something the audience seems to love. Bram uses a chair on the outside to get DQ’ed. He then proceeds to tear Anderson apart, scare a woman on a phone, and beat Anderson with his own microphone. But there is good news. Bram has signed a multi-year contract.

Robbie E vs. Jesse Godderz starts off with a brawl inside the ring, but moves outside real quick. We suspect that Billy is a bald Russo. The street fight sees Robbie use a trashcan lid, and the steps before holding a kendo stick upside-down. Robbie uses a suplex to get Jesse back into the ring. He uses the stick to hit Jesse in the crotch, which somehow Josh Mathews uses to plug another show from a network that hates us. Tweet of the night goes to @WheelerDeeler At least that wasn't Grilling Hyenas-esque transition Jesse then uses a trashcan to take over for a bit. He grinds his elbow into Robbie’s face a few times before Jesse fights back. This results in Jesse uses what The Pope refers to as a Singapore cane. Robbie reverses into a white Russian leg sweep. The rally is then cut off so Jesse will be able to get weapons. Robbie however reverses, and sends Jesse into the trashcan. When Robbie goes for the rope, Jesse sends Robbie down crotch first. Jesse sends Robbie into chairs for two. Jesse then Boston crabs using one chair for some reason to keep Robbie down. Robbie does not submit, but he passes out.

Bobby Lashley is the latest in the not fighting EC3 so the new Champion can squash jobbers like Goldberg series. He will however face Tyrus.

Angle says EC3 has what he needs. We will not make any joke here.

Jeff Jarrett talks about how he wants to have a network or promotions. A national wrestling alliance if you will. He actually intends to use that belt as a World Heavyweight Campionship.

EC3 asks where the fans were on VJ Day. Fun fact: Rhode Island still honors it as Victory Day. Anyway, the first dead jobber is Norv Fernum. Known to many as Pretty Peter Avalon. After a fake handshake, EC3 wins the first match. He next puts over the same networks his aunt refers to as dummies. This leads to the next match being against Shark Boy. After a brief assault by Shark Boy, EC3 gets another quick win. Hogan may have wrestled the Masked Superstar in his first defense, but these were opponents were more interesting. Just as EC3 was likely going to face Dewey Barnes, Angle says this is a farce. He must think he’s back in 2000. Angle says he wants his rematch, and uses the guaranteed match tonight. After this announcement, Lashley walks out to face Tyrus. Already 2 hours and 15 into the show, and Billy has accomplished next to nothing of value tonight.

Lashley starts with his power moves while EC3 complains that Angle has no grounds to use his contract. Tyrus quickly gets Lashley down, but Lashley uses the MMA moves he uses on their jobbers to get Tyrus down. Lashley tries for a body slam, but Tyrus is as big as The Big Show. Tyrus goes for a splash before Lashley reverses. Lashley goes for a spear, but Tyrus rolls out of the way. After only one attempted move off the turnbuckle, Tyrus is in an electric chair drop, and is then speared. We hope we’re not going with Lashley ending it.

Part two of Jarrett’s interview. He says he trusts this promotion. We think we saw him throw up up in his mouth a little bit. Jarrett says he liked working with Angle, AJ Styles, and Samoa Joe. We still have one of them.

Stone Cold Velvet Sky vs. Madison Rayne starts with Madison berating Velvet’s faux metal look before Velvet starts simply throwing her around. Madison uses a shoulder tackle to take over in the match. After a northern lights suplex, Madison uses knees before Velvet uses the worst worked punches since Surge. Velvet then starts no-selling like she’s nailing John Cena. After The Pope references Contra, Velvet uses her version of a stunner to win a match that should’ve been shorter than the first two EC3 matches.

We then get a plug for the network’s new house buying show. It’s not even the Joe Schmoo Show.

We see the wrestlers visit a children’s camp. No joke here.

Angle vs. EC3 main events here. The first possible great match tonight. EC3 starts by rolling out of the ring a few times before Angle brings him back into the ring, and starts kicking him before delivering a suplex. When EC3 tries to leave the ring for a moment, Angle brings him back, and puts EC3 through several Germans. After Angle knocks Tyrus down, he locks in the ankle lock. EC3 hits referee Brian Hebner. Despite EC3 tapping, this then results in a DQ win for Angle. Ange wins the match, but not the Championship.

Dixie’s in the building. Consider yourselves warned.

Ethan announces Dixie is back. Josh references one of the two incidents that got us off of Spike TV. EC3 gloats about his win before Dixie then starts acting like a face. She says hat acting like this hurt her back. Guess that same person kept Russo around. She says TNA doesn’t belong to her. Easier to break something that doesn’t belong to you. She decides to put someone new in charge. Wait until you see who.

Well this week was rather dull. The only good thing we can say is that we didn’t book RAW. Will next week’s surprise be disappointing, or angering? We will find out next week.

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