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Thursday, February 9, 2017

Impact Review 2/9/2017

Many are snowed in, which means those watching are freezing in hell. Arnold has not steered us wrong.
First, the bouts of last week, but this week starts after the DCC enter in their gear. James Storm talks about having a mission, and they will hurt whoever gets in the way. Eli Drake enters. Tyrus says they’ll wrestle the three on them, despite what Drake is implying. Tyrus mock the three of them until a brawl breaks out. Tyrus gets the better of Eddie Kingston until Storm gives the low-blow going into break. Back from break, Tyrus beats up Kingston on a 3-on-2 match. Bringing in Drake off the tag, Drake leave an opening to have Bram tag in. Before Bram takes things his way, Drake uses a powerslam and punches. A suplex by Drake gets him two, so he brawls before tagging Tyrus into the match again. Tyrus and Drake use a distraction to use a team assault on Bram. Drake tries for an elbow, but Bram rolls out of the way and tags in Storm, who tries the last call, but Drake falls back to tag in Tyrus. Storm tries to get Tyrus to dance, but gets elbowed. Drake inexplicably walks away. Tyrus holds his own until the last call to end the match.
We see Bobby Lashley’s win in July to unify both the TNA World Heavyweight & X-Division Championships to hype a final fight.
Brandi Rhodes intends to call out TNA Knockout Champion Rosemary. This will be a beautiful disaster.
Braxton Sutter and Allie meet over water before Maria bellows to her to bring her coffee and now whiskey coffee, that’s ours. Then she tells Sutter to propose to Laurel Van Ness.
Brandi calls Rosemary vile, and wants to set things straight. After a standard-CAW promo, then The Decay emerge with Rosemary licking the belt. Rosemary adds Brandi should’ve tasted her sickness. This is still a family show. But then Rosemary uses the choke until Moose destroys both of the men in the group.
Aron Rex again shows wrestling should be as accepting as wrestling fans.
Don West is better than half the commentators.
Recap of Moose saving Brandi has Moose threatening The Decay before Brandi challenges Rosemary to wrestle her & Not-Cody.
Rex appears to set the LGBT image back 50 years. We hear this is supposed to be the real him. The real him will be happy to get a Gooker Award nomination. He still has Rockstar Spud proceed to sing before Robbie E stops this. Robbie E looks like he stole Johnny Mundo’s gear, but Rex takes over early on, but each time he’s hit. There is a hysterical scream. The battle heads outside, where Spud attacks and sends Robbie E back into the ring. A missed knee by Rex sees Robbie E piece together a series of moves before Rex grabs Spud. Robbie E goes to hit Spud, but is hit with Rex’s ring hand to end the match. This gimmick won’t die fast enough.
Next is TNA World Tag Champion Broken Matt Hardy assuring both Reby and “Brother Nero” Matt Hardy that the Seven Deities would not steer him wrong. That means he’ll be defeating Bray Wyatt at Summerslam.
We see Eddie Edwards winning the belt in October, then Edwards is seen with his wife, Davey Richards, and Angelina Love-Richards. Try to guess who will be on his side in the ending.
Mike Bennett tries to calm Sutter about this stuff with Laurel. Trust us, she’s better with us.
The Hardys are next up. Matt says he’s gotten broken pieces of his expedition, but now it’s clear after Vanguard 1 was updated for teleportation. Basically, this is too messed up not to be the absurdist hit of wrestling. Matt talks about winning different Tag Team Championships. Jeff asks Matt to simplify it. This leads to Matt saying they will touch Vanguard 1 teleport them. Possibly to ROH to battle The Young Bucks, or to “MeekMahan”. Soon. Then, they teleport to Tijuana. This is getting so wonderfully messed up, WWE will try to get another Gooker Award-nomination.
Don again. Nice.
Finding the battle involving Edwards and Lashley to be near.
TNA-Impact-Grand Champion Drew Galloway defends against Mahabali Shera, who shows he’s improved a little bit, but Drew won’t go so easy, even going to fly, but he’s thrown off the top. Shera goes to follow, but Drew sends him down outside. Drew begins to chop, and sends him on the rail. Once inside, Shera uses some bland clotheslines and a sky-high, though Drew’s saved by the bell. Once the seconds begins, Drew hits like he was injected with pure adrenaline. He throws Shera around. Shera tries, but is hit with the Claymore, and future shock to end the match.
Laurel wants lights. Trying to not say red ones. Sutter does the person misinterprets what he’s saying.
Gregory Shane Helms introduces TNA X-Division Champion Trevor Lee. He says, basically, that he’s the best of the division, and his team. But then Helms takes Andrew Everett to task for not making the most of his opportunities. Everett says he’s made sacrifices for the team, but they didn’t need Helms. This sees him beaten up by Helms & Lee.
Lashley and Edwards talk about Lashley’s brutal offense. Edwards says he will overcome this, and Lashley boasts he will retain.
The Hardys interact with fans before an ad for next week’s bout with Psicosis & Super-Crazy.
Lashley and Edwards main event. Lashley starts with a slight advantage, and goes to harass Mrs. Edwards, but Edwards flies out and brawls while chopping brutally. One back inside, Lashley delivers a spinebuster going into break. Back from break, after Lashley bashes the head of Edwards, he goes for a pin, but nothing. Lashley then stops away as we notice Davey’s nowhere. Edwards uses a desperation move before chopping both in & out of the corner. When Edwards goes to fly, he is set up for a powerbomb, but Edwards sends them both outside. Then Edwards then gets back in & flies. Bashing with the elbow, Edwards is then caught, and hit with the dominator. Lashley then looks to Mr. Edwards, and blows one kiss before taking the belt. Davey appears to grab it, leading to the blue thunder bomb by Edwards, But once again the battle goes outside. Edwards goes to the well one too many times, as he is suplexed. Once back inside, Edwards ducks the spear, and hits the Boston knee party. This sees the turn by Davey, who pulls referee Brian Hebner out of the ring as Angelina hits Mrs. Edwards. Lashley hits the spear to end the match. Afterwards, Angelina holds Mrs. Edwards while Davey attacks Eddie, who at one point asks what is wrong with Davey. This sees Davey use his belt to choke Edwards to end the show.
The turn everyone anticipated happened. The promos won’t do well, though the matches should be nice.

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