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Saturday, July 25, 2015

Bad PPV Summer Bash at the Beach 2000

This is the finale of WCW Month of Bad PPV Summer. For this, we go with the last Bash at the Beach. We are deep in the booking of Vince Russo. Get yourself something strong, this will be a while.

WCW Commissioner Earnest “The Cat” Miller emerges from a limousine. He says The Filthy Animals and the Misfits in Action are barred from ringside during the WCW Cruiserweight Championship match. He’s then attacked by the Jung Dragons. Apart from Jamie Noble being a part of this group, best we go to the next part.

The credits, which look more like a softcore porn film show us that Hulk Hogan is not completely scrubbed from history. He faces WCW World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Jarrett for the Belt. This will be a match remembered for a long time. In other action, Kevin Nash faces Goldberg, who turned heel for “The shocks”, in a match for Scott Hall’s WCW contract. Chris Master’s finishing move sponsors this whole event. Tony Schivone welcomes fans, and says thy are locked in for 3 hours. Guess that’s how fans will watch a WCW 2000 show.

WCW Cruiserweight Champion Lt. “Chavo” Loco vs. Juventud Guerrera. Juventud walks out wearing the belt despite not being Champion. Not a bad idea, one of the few in this time. Konnan cuts a promo, we think. He says something about Juventud hving gold, and winning tag team gold next. Loco is led down by Major Gunns, Sgt. “Didn’t get the joke behind Private” Stash, and General Rection. So four boobs, Cpl. Cajun, and Chavo. After both groups say good luck, the match begins. Loco starts by punching away, but Juventud starts with flying around, his offense is short-lived, and he’s sent outside the ring. Juventud goes up the ramp to get a breather. After faking out several times, Juventud enters the ring when Loco goes after him. After trying to bring Loco in, Juventud is reversed and sent outside. Loco then jumps after him. Loco gets Juventud back in, but after showboating, Juventud reverses by sending him into the turnbuckle. After a 10-punch by Juventud, Loco reverses momentum, and brings Juventud down with an armlock. He then uses a headscissor and powerslam for two. He then chops Juventud before trying to Irish whip him. After a double clothesline, both men are down. Both men get up before a thrilling sequence leads to Loco going over the top on Juventud, who is on the outside. Juventud’s group, the Filthy Animals wear masks to try and interfere and there’s a nearfall. Sadly not the mask many want Rey Mysterio Jr. to wear. After this, a brief brawl outside between the two men gets back inside. Where Juventud shines with high-flying offense. When Juventud goes for the People’s Elbow, the MIA emerge wearing masks. Mainly to distract so Major Gunns will distract the referees. This only gets a nearfall. DeMott makes Republicans feel bad for Bill Clinton given his mask. After some nearfalls, Loco retains after a tornado DDT. Great match. Non-sensical interference.

In Cat’s office, he congratulates the Jung Dragons for Thunder. Jarrett, wearing a non-Crumrine Big Gold and interacting with an opera lady, wants to know where Hogan is. He’ll find out soon enough. Tony asks about the storyline. We know what’s next.

WCW Hardcore Champion Big Vito vs. A mystery opponent. We see a recap of Thunder. Hey, it’s on Wednesday. So… Are… We. Vito used the fake ECW Championship to beat up Terry Funk. Somehow, he’s still alive. Vito talks about facing a mystery opponent. Norman Smiley w/Ralphus emerges. Vito says he can face both of them. Vito starts by beating Ralphus with a kendo stick, he then brawls with Smiley along the entranceway before handing the belt to the referee. Once backstage, Smiley uses multiple weapons to show why he is a World Heavyweight Champion in backyard wrestling. Ralphus returns, and hits Vito with a trashcan. After this, Smiley rides Vito. No wonder Vito will wear a dress. After throwing Vito into a dumpster, Smiley directs Ralphus to hit Vito. After this, Vito starts hitting Smiley with a trashcan lid before they brawl in an elevator. After the elevator door closes on Smiley, Vito turns his attack to Ralphus. Bringing him to the ring before stomping on him, and using a kendo stick to bash a trashcan lid laid on Ralphus. Vito puts him on a table, and splashes him for a win while Smiley walks down. Good for what it was, but typical hardcore match for the time.

A shot of Goldberg with Hall’s contract leads to Mean Gene Okerlund asking Nash about his match tonight. Nash says it’s no secret he hasn’t been himself, then starts swearing a few times. He basically says he intends to win. Gene introduces a video for the next match.

Daffney vs. Miss Hancock in a wedding gown match. Boy Stacy Keibler’s gimmick really is hot lady. To think that in Storyline that David Flair’s been with them both. First Hancock emerges with David walking with her. We’d say greatness skipped a generation in Ric Flair’s family, but his 14-year old daughter is quite an athlete. Someone needs to see if they can get her into wrestling. David and Hancock kiss before Daffney emerges. We are really sorry with what our management will do to her. She low-blows David before brawling with Hancock. David helps Hancock, who then hits an elbow in the corner. Shaking her ass however gives Daffney the strength to take her down, and try to smash her in cake. Suddenly, Daffney and Hancock beat up David and referee Slick Johnson respectfully. They pants both of them. And yes, Johnson tucks his shirt in his underwear. Both women are clothed when David hands Hancock a trimmer to shave Daffney’s head. Crowbar makes the save, and takes his pants off. After assaulting David, he chokes him with his pants. Daffney goes to shave David’s head, but Hancock strips to give Daffney the win. Instead of shaving him, Daffney shoves Hancock in cake before the brawl sees them all covered in it. Whatever this was, it was ridiculous.

Cat walks around backstage before we see the Jung Dragons follow him around. Then the commentators talk about if Hogan will be at the event. Russo, we know what you’re doing. All while people clean up cake. They talk about how this event saw Hogan both debut in 1994, and form the nWo in 1996. Don’t you dare Russo.

WCW World Tag Team Champions The Perfect Event (Shawn Stasiak and Chuck Palumbo) vs. Kronic (Bryan Adams and Bryan Clarke) Palumbo and Adams start this one with a tie-up. Eventually, Adams sends both members of The Perfect Event out. Outside, the two men argue with each other, and fans, before entering. Clarke gives Palumbo the finger before a tie-up with Stasiak. After an attempt to go off the top, Stasiak is send crashing to the mat like meat. Adams tags in and boots him. This results in Palumbo tagging in, and is whooped until Stasiak tags back in. After Adams is sloppily sent out of the ring, The Perfect Event crush him. Stasiak goes for a pin, but only gets two. Stasiak tags in Palumbo for a double team move. Adams is in a sleeper hold, which causes fans to rally for Adams. Stasiak tags in, and starts hammering with forearms. Another sleeper hold, this time by Stasiak. Adams fights out, and both men double forehead. Both teams tag in the fresh man. Clarke wears down Palumbo while Adams takes care of Stasiak. Clarke tries to finish it, but Palumbo counters, and tags in Stasiak. After a quick brawl inside, and outside, Stasiak attempts to be the winner, but only two. As The Perfect Event use a team assault, Adams recovers, and after sending Palumbo out, he F5’s Stasiak. Some more team-up moves occur before Kronic overcomes Stasiak’s Lex-Flexer. After a Kronic powerbomb tope rope clothesline combo, Kronic win the belts. Not a bad match, but no one clicked.

Cat again is being followed by the Jung Dragons. And Jarrett wants Hogan. This is Russo. We just know it. The Jung Dragons attack Cat.

Positively Kanyon vs. Booker T. Much like Stasiak trying to be Curt Hennig, Kanyon is trying to be Diamond Dallas Page. Again, Russo. Booker is currently the most popular wrestler not to be WCW Champion. As the fans go “Booker T”! The match begins with a tie-up, but Booker uses a kick to send Kanyon both out of his hair, and the ring. Once Kanyon returns to the ring, he uses several rights to stumble Booker. Though Booker uses his agility to regain momentum. Booker rips the DDP shirt off of Kanyon, and opens up Kanyon’s Book of Truth to reveal a brick. After this, Booker brawls with Kanyon outside the ring. After sending him back in, Booker hits a clothesline off the top. After taking a break, Booker is sent outside by Kanyon, who sends him into the railing and steps. Kanyon comes off the apron, smashing a chair into the steps that are on Booker. Kanyon stretches Booker along the ringpost, and dropkicks him. When Booker goes to get in the ring, Kanyon uses the ropes for a suplex, but only gets two. Frustrated, Kanyon grabs a chair, and wedges it in the corner. Booker is able to use this time to rally, and goes to send Kanyon into the chair, but Kanyon is able to Alabama slam Booker for only two. Kanyon uses a reverse Boston crab, but Booker powers out, after a see-saw pin, Booker hits a clothesline, sends Kanyon into the chair, and spinebusters him. When the referee takes the chair from Booker, Kanyon hits Booker with the book. However, it has no brick. Booker spinaroonies up, and uses a scissor kick before hitting a Book end. Only two. Booker goes to hit a top rope move, but Jarrett breaks guitar 2,000. Kanyon hits a Kanyon cutter to end the match. A fun match, and the finish sets up later tonight.

Paula Poundst… Paulshock interviews Mike Awesome, who was hitting on Jarrett’s singing lady. We think he talks about his match.

WCW United States Champion Scott Steiner w/ Midajah vs. Awesome is up next. No one says this, but the Steiner recliner has been storyline banned. Steiner starts by brawling with Awesome through the stands. Awesome uses a plastic trashcan to regain momentum. After they return to the ringside, Steiner uses a chair and steps. The match returns to the ring, where Steiner clotheslines Awesome. Awesome regains composure with a kick, but an attempt to go off the top results in a belly-to-belly superplex. Steiner then goes to suplex Awesome, but Awesome reverses and sends Steiner outside. Steiner is sent into the rail by Awesome, who then uses a ring bell on Steiner. As Awesome sends Steiner into the apron and rail, he follows up by slingshotting Steiner in the ring. Awesome hits a clothesline off the top as Cat walks down. Steiner manages to reverse a suplex, and follows up with a belly-to-belly suplex. When Steiner goes for the Steiner recliner, Cat stops him, but gets beat up. Awesome takes advantage with an Alabama slam, and a splash off the top. When Awesome goes for an Awesomebomb, Steiner gets out. After a ref bump, Steiner avoids a kick by Cat, and uses a Steiner recliner in front of Cat, and as a result, is DQ’ed. Cat strips Steiner of the belt. Steiner attacks Cat, and T-bone suplexes Awesome. Decent match, but overbooked to death.

Still talking about Hogan not being there. Not a good sign.

The Damon w/Aysa vs. Vampiro in a graveyard match. Asya may have a future as a porn version of Chyna. Demon looks for Vampiro. This is like an Undertaker segment, if it sucked. Demon finds Vampiro, and they brawl in mostly darkness, we think about how bad it was not to put any lights up. Demon throws Vampiro in a grave, but Vampiro drags him in before crawling out. Vampiro then goes after Asya, when Demon crawls out and follows. They bring up how to win, one has to get to the arena. As both men now fight in a river, we see Vampiro go after Asya again. The referee gets Demon out of the water, then another pursuit begins. Demon sees Asya next to a casket. When he goes to check, Vampiro spits water on him, hits him with a tombstone, as in an actual grave marker, puts him in the casket, dumps it in a grave, then throws a torch on it. Somehow, Vampiro wins. To say that was a match is like saying Jenna vs. Sharmell is a match. We’ll leave it at that.

Gene interviews Shane Douglas, future Target Manager, about his match with Buff Bagwell, future prostitute. Gene says tonight will prove if Douglas carried Bagwell in their Tag Championship reign. Douglas says that he’s made few guarantees, and he guarantees he will win.

A contest to be Goldberg’s guest manager. We will be like Paul Heyman compared to the management WCW offers. One has to show they ordered the event. Few will enter, few will win.

Douglas vs. Bagwell is the next match. After Bagwell chooses to lead chants of “Franchise sucks”, Douglas pushes him. Then Bagwell sends him outside. Bagwell kicks Douglas, and sends him into the rail. Douglas is able to take over, and peel the mat off the arena floor for a piledriver outside. Bagwell reverses into a back body drop. Bagwell gets him back in the ring. After a swinging neckbreaker, Bagwell taunts. Douglas brings him outside, and sends him crotch first into the post. Douglas then uses a chair to keep Bagwell beaten. After a brief camel clutch, which is what a Steiner recliner is, Douglas brings him back inside. Douglas wears Bagwell down. Torrie Wilson walks down to distract, and slap, Douglas. Bagwell gets two. Torrie stands on the apron to distract Bagwell. She predictably low-blows him. Only two. Bagwell gets a pin, but two. When Bagwell pushes Torrie down, Douglas uses the distraction to hit the Franchiser to be the winner. Boy this overbooking is getting bad the further this event goes.

Hogan is walking around the arena as Gene interviews Jarrett, with the fake Big Gold. Gene says he knew Hogan would be there. Jarrett talks about Hogan making enemies. Gene asks what that means. He’s still in kayfabe mode.

A video for Hogan vs. Jarrett that lasts longer than what we think the match will last. We see a drunk buxom woman during Michael Buffer’s intro. Jarrett’s music plays, but he doesn’t walk out. Instead, Russo walks out with a baseball bat. Jarrett, in Bono mode, finally walks out with his casting of the Belt. Hogan is next out. A sign says “Hogan and Outsiders made WCW”. They also kill it. Russo stares at Hogan. Hogan says he chooses to powerbomb Jarrett for Nash. Jarrett slowly gets in the ring. When the bell rings, Jarrett lays down. Hogan stares at him while Russo throws the fake Belt in the ring. Hogan asks for a microphone as Russo leaves. "Thats why this company is in the condition it is because of s--- like this" Hogan says as he pins Jarrett. Jarrett then gets up and walks away. Tony tries to talk about this as a shoot, though with Russo, everyone knows it’s Russo.

Vampiro walks by Hogan and a kid holding Big Faux. He then walks out to finish his match from earlier. After saying that the cycle is complete, he says he killed Demon, and destroyed Sting. No goof, that’s our and WWE’s job. Fans want Sting. Which causes Druids. Well they needed something to do now that The Undertaker is a biker. The citizens of Druidia reveal a man with a Sting mask in the casket. He beats up Vampiro, and puts him in the casket. Well that was different.

Gene and Goldberg talk about the match tonight. Goldberg is apparently pissed at Nash, and will rip up the contract after he wins. Decent promo.

Russo’s out now to deliver the biggest screw-up of plans until “Wildcard Bitches”! And here is what he said.

“Three weeks ago I left WCW. Three weeks ago I left WCW and quite frankly, I didn’t know if I was gonna come back. And the reason I didn’t know if I was gonna come back or not is because from day one that I’ve been in WCW, I’ve done nothing, nothing, but deal with the bulls--- of the politics behind that curtain. The fact of the matter is I’ve got a wife, I’ve got three kids at home and frankly the fact of the matter is I don’t need this s---. But let me tell you the reason why I did come back. I came back for every one of the guys in this locker room that week in and week out busts their ass for WCW. I came back for the Booker Ts. I came back for every single guy in MIA. I came back for the Animals, I came back for Jarrett. I came back for the guys behind that curtain who give a s--- about this company. And let me tell you who doesn’t give a s--- about this company that god-d---ed politician Hulk Hogan. Because let me tell you people what happened out here in this ring tonight. All day long I’m playing politics with Hulk Hogan because Hulk Hogan tonight wants to play his creative control card and to Hulk Hogan that meant that tonight in the middle of this ring when he knew it was bulls--- he beats Jeff Jarrett. Well guess what- Hogan got his wish, Hogan got his belt and he went the hell home. And I promise everybody else or else I’ll go in the god-d--- grave you will never see that piece of s--- again!

But I also, I sat in the people just like you and I know you paid good money to be here tonight and nobody is gonna be ripped off here tonight. So Hulk Hogan now has the WCW belt. And Hulk let’s refer to it as the Hulk Hogan memorial belt cause from here on in that belt don’t mean s---! Because there will be a new WCW belt and as far I’m concerned that belt still belongs to the one guy that busts his ass week in and week out in the middle of this ring and you people can love him and hate him and he don’t screw anybody back there and that’s Jeff Jarrett! Now hold on a minute- Jeff Jarrett is still the official WCW champion but he will defend in this ring tonight. And he will defend that title against the son of a bitch back there who for fourteen years has been busting his ass for WCW and can’t get a god-d--- break because of the Hulk Hogans and I’m talking about Booker T. Booker T and Jeff Jarrett are the two reasons why I’m in this damn stinkin’ business to begin with! So tonight in this ring for the WCW Title two deserving guys Jarrett and Booker will compete for the WCW belt and they’ll tear this god-d---ed house down! And Hogan you big bald son of a bitch- KISS MY ASS!”

It will be that promo that will cause Hogan to be erased from one promotion’s history. The original plan was that Russo would do a similar promo, causing Hogan to take time off until challenging the new WCW Champion. However, after this promo, he will go on to sue Russo. Mainly because the man said he’s bald. Big shock. Regardless, we have a new WCW Championship match later tonight.

Goldberg vs. Nash has to follow that trainwreck. After the video of the dumbest turn in WCW, if not wrestling, and Goldberg eating that contract, and showing the first reason some streaks get ruined, Nash walks by Steiner, and they briefly talk about Scott Hall. More shots of drunk women before Nash walks out. We see a fan in a red hat yelling. He looks so strange, he should work here. Goldberg puts the contract on the commentary table. Nash picks it up, but puts it back down. Not even the strange part. A sign says “Goldberg’s the real ‘Game’”. Now you know why he’ll be buried. After Goldberg uses strikes, Nash takes things his way. Goldberg gets out of Nash’s choke, and gets two. Goldberg then uses punches and a mule kick. Nash however chokeslams him. Steiner and Midajah walk down. Swerve awaiting. Nash uses a boot to the face to bring himself in this. Goldberg misses a spear. Swerve in 3, 2, 1. After Nash sets up Goldberg for the jackknife, Steiner tries to stop him. Nash fights him off, but is speared and jackhammered to fix the finish of Starrcade 1998. Normal Goldberg vs. Nash match, but with a Russo finish.

Gene interviews Booker about the main event. Booker says he will answer the opportunity, and win the match.

Main event next. Jarrett vs. Booker is preceded by talk about the earlier incident. After Buffer introduces Booker and Jarrett, the match begins. Jarrett walks out with Big Gold. The commentators bury Hogan before things start. Booker goes after Jarrett, who goes into the corner. They tie-up, but neither man gains an advantage. A similar sequence has more burial of Hogan as Booker has a chinlock on Jarrett. Jarrett reverses, but Booker sends him along the ropes into a dropkick. Jarrett goes outside for a breather. When Jarrett returns, he uses several right hands before Booker uses a kick and sends him outside. Booker and Jarrett then brawl through the stands. Jarrett almost sends Booker through an exit before Booker sends Jarrett into a wall. Booker drags Jarrett along, but Jarrett throws him over the rail. After a chair shot, Jarrett sends Booker into the commentary table, and piledrives him. Jarrett gets a drink of water before the cameraman has to protect the lens. Jarrett gets Booker back in the ring. Before Booker breaks the momentum, Jarrett uses a sleeper hold. Booker powers out, and gets Jarrett in a sleeper. Jarrett uses a kneebreaker, and gets ready for a figure-four. First attempt is a nearfall for Booker. Second one sees Jarrett lock it in. Booker is trying to reverse, but cannot. Eventually, he gets Jarrett on his stomach. Jarrett breaks the hold, but attacks the leg. Booker moves his leg out of the way, and after a rally, scissorkicks Jarrett. He then spinebusters him to get two. When Booker goes for a kick, Jarrett gets out of the way. Jarrett 10-punches Booker. And after a ref bump, tries to use the Belt. Booker gets a hold of it, and uses it for two. Booker tries to do something else, but low-blow by Jarrett buys him time to wedge a chair in the corner. Booker sends Jarrett into it, but only two. Jarrett then hits the referee with the stroke. He goes to hit Booker with the guitar, but Booker gets him in the Book end to become WCW Champion. Jarrett lost the WCW Championship twice in one night, while Booker got his first reign as WCW Champion After what happened, a great match happened.

The Russo era was not the time where WCW started to die, but it gave fans very little to return to. Overbooked matches, and too many worked instances of shooting drove fans away from great matches like the two Booker wrestled. Well that was WCW Month of Bad PPV Summer. We will now scour all the big places we can to make this last month big. 

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