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Sunday, July 12, 2015

Bad(ish) PPV Summer Beach Blast 1993

We know we promised Hog Wild, but we noticed that Beach Blast is up for review. We are not going to let a tag match with Sting and The British Bulldog vs. Sid Vicious and Vader pass by. Hoping these mini-movies were worth someone possibly losing their job.

We are welcomed by graphics that were cutting edge for their time, but seem fit for a late 1990’s Cinemax movie. WCW Television Champion Paul Orndorff defends against Ron Simmons. We dare not mock Orndorff, given we suspect he can still whoop someone. Rick Rude, another certified badass (And you can’t teach that), faces Dustin Rhodes in an ironman match for the vacant WCW United States Championship. NWA/WCW World Tag Team Champions The Hollywood Blonds defend against Arn Anderson and Paul Roma. ¾ ain’t bad. An Ultimate Power Match pits Sting and Davey Boy against Sid and WCW World Heavyweight Champion Vader. This is the match where everyone remembers the build-up. And we find out Ric Flair is in a match for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship. We don’t hear who Barry Windham is his opponent. Great idea for a WHC match to not say the other guy’s, namely the Champion’s, name. “ATM” Eric Bicshoff and “Beach Blanket Bimbo” Missy Hyatt welcome us to the show on a set that looks like a shoreline, they talk about a few of the matches before Tony Schivone and Jesse Ventura take over the announcing for tonight’s blast. Tony looks like he wants to go through the offices with an “implement”. Jesse, looking like a Superstar in his tye-dye, is hanging out by a bar with two women. He finally walks over with 4 women. 3 look under 30. After 4 minutes, we finally start with matches.

Orndorff vs. Simmons starts the show. If Orndorff is DQ, Simmons is the new TV Champion. Simmons tries to dance while wearing FSU-style gear. Orndorff seems angry about this bout’s stipulation. We hope no one angers him. Fans are referring to him as Paula. To be fair, in 1993 no one was as nice about L, B, G, OR T. Simmons strikes him before the match begins. Jesse will not be angered this much by a punch until the alleged Chris Kyle stuff. Orndorff takes a break outside before returning to the ring. After Orndorff reverses a knucklelock, Simmons is able to take over in this match. Orndorff I able to briefly use punches before Simmons powers his way back in. Orndorff uses a sleeper into a back suplex to exhibit more brief offense. Simmons again regains momentum, and attacks Orndorff’s left leg before Orndorff brings the fight outside. After sending Simmons’ head into a monitor, Orndorff brings him back in, and uses a reverse chinlock. After a little over a minute, Simmons gets out and uses a few shoulder tackles. Before Orndorff powers his way back in. Another Chinlock Randy? by Orndorff leads to a quick brawl. Simmons takes back things with a powerslam. But Orndorff is able to rally back into the match. After Orndorff misses a dropkick, Simmons starts to battle back in this match. An eye poke by Orndorff goes unnoticed. When Orndorff goes for a piledriver, Simmons reverses into a back body drop over the top rope. Orndorff wins by DQ. Orndorff goes to swing the belt like a whip, but Simmons takes it off of him to at least end the segment with his head held high. Decent match, screwy finish, but both men look strong.

Tony and Jesse go over the other matches on the show. We find out Sting and Davey Boy were offered tickets wherever by Harley Race. Maybe they should’ve said yes.

2 Cold Scorpio & Marcus Bagwell enter. We call this team 2 big dicks. They’re facing Tex Slazenger and Shanghi Pierce. These 2 hope to show Scorpio and Bagwell they’re no slop farmers. Tex and Pierce remind us of the late AWA tag team the Texas Hangmen. Not a good sign. We hear Michael Hayes is taking calls. Dear God, don’t disappoint. After quick playing to the crowd, Bagwell and Pierce start off. A quick feeling out leads to Bagwell and Scorpio uses fast paced moves to take the fight outside of the ring. After the match gets back into the ring, Scorpio and Tex are now in the ring. Scorpio dancing leads Tex to go after the bullrope. Guys, keep it TV-PG. Tex uses a few strikes to get Scorpio on the top turnbuckle. Scorpio however, uses this time to move as quick as a flash. After some high flying moves. We get Bagwell and Pierce back in the match. After gaining ground, Pierce tags out. Tex is able to get Bagwell in a hammerlock. Bagwell uses a sunset flip for two, but Tex retakes the advantage as Jesse says “Texanians”. Tex uses a double team move behind referee Nick Patrick’s back. The ref’s not a heel yet. Bagwell is dissected as Scorpio waits to tag in. Bagwell dodges Pierce, and tags in Scorpio. Scorpio uses more agility as he dropkicks Tex over the top rope. Jesse notices, Tony explains. Scorpio wins with a 450. Decent match.

Missy interviews Orndorff, with a man known as the Equalizer, think a fat Arn with a skullet, about Orndorff’s match. Orndorff almost say the WWF as he says Simmons knew he would lose. Orndorff says many will feel the wrath or the Equalizer. Not many judging by how long he lasts.

Erik Watts, who is accidentally identified as his opponent, Lord Steven Regal. When you see each man wrestle, you’ll know there is no confusing them. Regal seems to be angry. We imagine it’s because he saw he’s facing Watts tonight. Fans are chanting “USA”. Nowadays, fans may chant for literal communism instead of Watts. The match begins with each man tying up. Regal takes advantage and works of the left arm. Watts reverses it, but Regal Monkey flips him. Watts doesn’t let go until Regal is able to reverse. Watts gets out, and after some acceptable offense, has an armlock on Regal.Regal finally ends the arm attack with a pin attempt. Watts reverses a knucklelock. All of the arm moves so far are real boring. Regal goes for a flip pin, which Watts somewhat pulls off. Watts is doing moves with little botching, but they don’t have much to them apart from being a basic version of a move. Regal starts working on the leg before using European uppercuts. Watts rolls out of a kneedrop attempt before locking in an STF before Regal hits him in the face. Regal wins with a roll-up with tights. A rather dry match that lacks substance.

An ad for Fall Brawl. Hope we get no more Shockmaster stuff.

Jesse interviews Regal, who says Watts is supposed to be great, but Regal didn’t break a sweat. Regal then quote’s Churchill when he talks about wanting to face Orndorff. Lord helps whoever tries to stop that.

A video shows us Maxx Payne using the Badd Blaster to shoot Johnny B. Badd in the face. Sadly, no bullet time was used to make this feud interesting.

Payne comes out with a guitar named Norma Jean. Who would name their guitar Norma Jean? 
Oh you knew that joke was coming. After playing a few notes, he walks down to the ring. Jesse says Payne is like Hendrix. HEH! Badd wears a mask because of the injury from the Badd Blaster. Guess this means Marc Mero now gets to look white again. Badd takes Payne down and punches repeatedly. Badd jumps at Payne, but Payne rolls out of the way. Now dominating, Payne is reminding Jesse of Ozzy. Really Jess, stop. After a backbreaker, Payne gets two. Payne lock in an armbar called the Paynekiller. Not a good name for a move in wrestling. After Badd gets out of it, Payne continues to work on the arm. Badd reverses into a sunset flip for two. Badd starts flying. Say what you will about Mero, but he was not a bad wrestler. Badd wins with a crossbody. Not a great match, but Badd did his best.

Hollywood Blonds vs. Arn and Roma is next. Roma would not have been bad in the group had they built him up, but he went from a lowercard guy to a Horseman. Really bad idea. Steve Austin looking like he will need to go for his trademark bald head real soon. Austin and Roma start this off. Austin has to stop Brian Pillman from going Loose Cannon 2 years early. Austin stalls for a bit before tying up with Roma. After a brief break, they get back into locking up. Austin then tells Roma he’s #1. This leads Roma to strike with a punch. Austin tags in Pillman. Pillman tells referee Randy Anderson to check Roma. This is so Pillman can hint at a hidden weapon. Arn tags in. Pillman outwrestles Arn early on before Arn grabs Pillman’s hair. After locking up again, Pillman gets out to tag Austin. Austin relentlessly attacks until Arn uses a few well-placed punches to send Austin outside briefly. Austin goes to shake Arn’s hand, only for Arn not to fall for it and attack. Arn tags in Roma. Roma uses a knucklelock to wear Austin down. Austin reverses, but is almost pinned twice. After Roma attempts a crossbody. Austin tags Pillman. Roma uses a power advantage to keep the advantage before tagging in Arn. Pillman battles back, but is sent throat-first across the rope. Pillman acts like his knee is hurt. But he needs to fix the side of his tights riding up his ass. When he goes to fly at Arn, Arn jumps out of the way. This results in Pillman landing outside. When Arn and Pillman return, Roma tags in and sunset flips Pillman in a pin attempt. When Austin gets Roma outside, he sends him off the railing. Austin tags in, and  goes to intimidate Arn. Austin uses stomps and jumping knees to get his team back in the driver’s seat. Pillman tags in briefly, but tags Ausrin back in after a double team. Austin assaults for a bit. Arn tries to get in, but this distracts the referee so the team up continues. Pillman tags in, and both men miss dropkicks at the same time. Arn tags in, and has a brief bit of offense before Austin tags in. Austin stomps and kicks for a bit before tagging in Pillman. Pillman gets Arn in the corner, where Arn tries to battle back. After Austin tags back in, Pillman attacks Arn while the referee’s distracted. After Austin attempts a piledriver on the outside, Arn gets out. They brawl for a bit before Arn attempts a DDT. Austin reverses, and distracts the referee so Pillman can attack. Arn is able to slingshot Austin off the rope, and after Pillman tags in, nearly beats him with a roll-up. Eventually, both men are down. Austin tags in, and back suplexes him on the mat. Austin then attacks Arn’s neck before Arn sends Austin outside. Apparently, both men have to be inside in order for it to be a DQ. Pillman tags in and flying headscissors’ Arn. Austin and Roma tag in. Roma fights both men. Arn Double A’s/Tripl-H’s/Double R’s him. After a quick brawl with both teams. Austin rolls up Roma with tights to retain. A good match.

Bischoff and Missy talk about the Blonds, as well as the ironman match. Missy pitches softballs.

Rude vs. Dustin are next. Rude takes his robe off to do his usual entrance. Both men stare each other down before the match begins. After a lock up that sees them rolling along the top rope, they do it again. We hear the unusual story why the belt is vacant. Rude starts punching Dustin, and even taunts him a little bit. Dustin battles back, and throws Rude around. Dustin uses a reverse chinlock. Dustin breaks the hold and uses Rude’s own taunt. Holding the chinlock again, and we get the taunt again. Another chinlock Dustin? We know you guys are pacing things, but this is slow. Rude finally ends this hold, and clothesline’s Dustin. After an axehandle-like move, Rude hen bearhugs Dustin. Dustin then is in a camel clutch. Dustin uses power to reverse to electric chair drop. When Dustin tries to follow up, Rude gets his legs up. Already 10 minutes in, and it’s still tied. Dustin regains momentum, and attacks Rude’s leg. Now using a toe hold, Dustin now has to deal with a crossface by Rude. Rude uses an eye rake to take advantage. Rude uses a Rude Awakening to go 1-0. Rude goes off the top with a clothesline, but only gets two. Jesse says Nick Patrick stalled in his count. No, that’s 4 years from now. Halfway through the match, and things are picking up. Rude maintains his dominance with a headlock. Dustin tries to break the momentum, Rude however stops him. Rude goes for a tombstone, but Dustin reverses into one of his own. Rude is able to battle back, and send Dustin outside. Rude is the original resident of Minnesota to spam suplexes. Dustin reverses for two. Both men are up, but Rude remains on offense. Rude uses a chinlock, but Dustin gets out. Rude uses a sleeper to get Dustin to a knee. Dustin Will not quit, and is able to jawbreaker Dustin. Rude keeps knocking Dustin down with punches. Seems like ac shoot. Rude keeps sending Dustin into the turnbuckle. After all of this, Dustin starts firing back. After a bulldog, Dustin ties it 1-1. Three minute warning. Dustin comes off the buckle with an elbow. Both men brawl before an elbow to Rude for two. Battling with one minute left, Dustin uses a sleeper. Rude jawbreakers Dustin. Dustin DDT’s Rude and goes for a pin. The time expires before the three. A good match that suffered from too much repetition.

Tony and Jesse argue about the match, then talk about Flair vs. Windham. We see a video of them brawling at different points in this feud.

Flair vs. Windhamis the next match. Charlotte’s dad facing Bray Wyatt’s and Bo Dallas’ uncle. Flair is going for reign 10 or 12 depending on the WWF Championship being counted. Windham dominates early, but Flair sends Windham outside. After a shoulder tackle by Windham, he sends Flair outside. Windham comes out and clotheslines Flair. He then suplexes Flair inside the ring. Flair battles back with chops into a sleeper. Flair is sent into the buckle, and Flair flops. Windham Samoan drops Flair before legdropping him. Flair starts to battle with chops into a pin attempt. Windham recovers with a headbutt, but Flair sends Windham outside. When Flair pursues, Windham bodyslams him outside. Windham brings him in for a 10-punch, but Flair reverses into an inverted atomic drop. Flair goes to suplex Windham, but Windham gets him up to for a superplex. Windham goes for an elbow off the top, but Flair rolld out of the way. Windham attempts a suplex, but is rolled up for two. Both ben brawl before Windham’s power comes into play. A double shoulder tackle sends them down. Flair recovers first, and back suplexes Windham. When Flair goes for a figure-four twice, Windham gets out. Flair finally gets it in. And in a strange pin, Flair becomes NWA Champion once again. A good match. Not a great match, but good enough for the semi-main event spot. Jesse gives Flair his due. Flair gives respect to Windham, but says it’s time to style and profile. Flair then lets loose on the microphone when he says he lives and dies for the gold.

Bischoff and Missy hype the main event. Missy talks about taking pants off.

We sadly don’t get the mini movies for Sting and Davey Boy vs. Sid and Vader, but we get a man that wrestled with his eye out of the socket being lead to the ring by a man that was willing to fight Hell’s Angels. As in multiple. ¾ of this match either has been WCW Champion, or will go on to be. Davey Boy sadly never stayed in one place long enough. Sting starts by taking the fight straight on to Sid. Sid uses a chokeslam to cut him off. Sid gets Sting into the corner where he and Vader double team. Eventually, Sting and Davey Boy are able to send Sid and Vader outside. We get Davey Boy facing Vader. Vader uses his fists to get Davey Boy to the mat. Vader seems to want to fight the hard cameraman. Davey Boy battles back to suplex Vader, but Vader is too much. When Sid tags in, he kicks and stomps Davey Boy before using a reverse chinlock. Davey Boy tries to battle out, but Sid stops him and tags in Vader. Vader takes the mask off before starting to attack with elbows. Sid tags in and finds Davey Boy still has drive. Sid has to tag out. When Harley goes to help, Davey Boy rolls out of the way. This gives him time to tag in Sting. Sting brings energy, but a wrong corner causes Sid to tag back in. Sid presses his boot against Sting’s neck. Sid tags in Vader. Vader goes off the second rope and hit Sting. When Vader goes for a superplex, Sting bites him and sends him down. Sting isn’t able get to Davey Boy. Sid rolls out of the way of Sid’s elbow. Sting brings in Davey Boy. Sid battles and outpowers him. Vader tags in. Vader signals for the Vader bomb. He hits it, but Sting barges in. After Sting and Sid brawl up the ramp, Vader moonsaults Davey Boy. Sting jumps back in for a save. Sting’s battling back in helps Davey Boy get the crucifix to win. Vader walks to the table angry, and we end the broadcast.

Overall, the event is not a bad one, but it is too easily overshadowed by the mini-movie build-up WCW gave it. Well that ends this week. We promise that next week will bring us bikes.

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