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Thursday, July 23, 2015

Impact Review 7/22/2015

Last week saw Bully Ray become the boss. Guessing this puts him in charge of a few people and a copy machine. In any instance, we welcome you back for another edition of Impact.

Dixie walks out to announce the next inductee in the TNA Hall of Fame: GFW promoter, and future TNA co-owner Jeff Jarrett. He’s put over quite well for a man that saw a promotion he founded burning like it has. Josh Mathews says he will be inducted next week. Guess Slammiversary really is the last PPV event.

We join in progress Magnus vs. Bram, who as you know, signed a multi-year contract. After brawling to start, Magnus takes over with strikes and a superplex. Bram tries to escape, but Magnus stops him. Bram briefly comes back, and goes for a baseball slide, but Magnus traps him in the ring apron. After a brief struggle, Bram uses a few weapons to sway things his way. Each time someone uses a baking sheet or trashcan, we imagine someone highlights how stupid it looks. Bram misses with an elbo inside the ring, and Magnus is able to trap Bram in the can. Magnus swats him with a chair several times before going up top. After an elbow drop, Magnus gets two. Magnus tries to finish Bram, but Bram reverses and hits the referee. After another brawl, Bram uses a low-blow. Would’ve been legal no matter what, but he wins. After this, James Storm uses a cowbell on Magnus before saying he will reveal his partner later tonight.

An ad for Bound for Glory. What promotion will work with us?

When Eli Drake walks down, we see a recap of the most obvious swerve in recent memory. Drake says he has heard everyone ask why he did it. He basically says it was because of Drew Galloway’s campaign. That he used Drew for what he could. Drake says everyone has called in sick, used their friends, and are with their significant others because they pay the bills. When Drake says he will prevent Drew from reaching the TNA World Heavyweight Championship. Drew says he brought Drake in due to his instinct. Drew also says that despite all his injuries Drake hurt him more because he was a friend. Drew decides to ask the fans what to do to Drake. They all say “kick his ass.” Drew then channels Taker by saying he’ll make Drake famous. After a miss by Drake, Drew gets an early advantage. Drew tries to use the crutch, but almost gets hit with a future shock.

After a recap of Brooke winning the TNA Knockout Championship, we get a lame plug before Taryn Terrell knocks a grill over. Sadly, no fire. Taryn orders Jade and Marti Belle. Taryn demands Gail Kim comes out, then Brooke. She then screams in octaves dogs think is too much. Brooke says Taryn is not important. And says she and the fans are happy that Taryn hates when the fans say Brooke’s name. After Taryn says no man here is worthy of touching her, Drew chuckled. Brooke says if Taryn wants a shot, to go and get it. This leads to the UnderGail appearing and destroying Jade and Marti. Taryn, looking more like a hot mess, to run off while Gail finishes off the two in the ring.

Our “Thanks for f---ing things up Hernandez” segment is the replay of the Slammiversary King of the Mountain match. Jeff Jarrett vs. Drew Galloway vs. Eric Young vs. Matt Hardy vs. Bobby Roode. Hearing the rules makes many heads hurt. Karen looks like an amazon out of a porn movie. When the match begins, all of the men involved start brawling along the ring area. Jarrett waits for someone to enter. First it’s Roode, who he takes care of, followed by Young, who’s disposed of. Roode gets the first pin against Jarrett. Drew and Young brawl before break, which then sees Roode going to set up a ladder, but is stopped by Matt. When Matt goes to run into Roode, Roode uses an elbow to take things over. When Drew dropkicks Matt, Roode then turns his attention to Drew. When Matt recovers, he and Roode double clothesline. When Jarrett goes to get back in the ring, Young attacks and gets a fall. Young tries climbing with the LegendsglobaltelevisionKingoftheMountain Championship belt. Young stops him. Matt uses the ladder as a weapon, until Drew is able to do a future shock on the ladder. Roode breaks it up. As the four men in the ring brawl, Jarrett waits for the door to open. Jarrett starts beating up whoever he sees before Young throws him out. Roode went for a Roode bomb, but ends up in a twist of fate. Matt pins Roode as Drew pins Young. Roode and Young decide to bring Team Canada back as Jarrett hits the stroke before Matt breaks it up. After a brief brawl, Jarrett again gets two. This time, Drew makes the save. When Drew goes to put the belt up, Roode and Young return from the big cage. After a team assault, the two men trie to taunt before Young tries a piledriver. Meanwhile, Matt tries going up to, but Drew tries to stop him After Jarrett brings both men down, Roode and Young pin them. Jarrett is left against both of them. Instead of a team, we see a brawl before the break. We see an ad for both a Jeff Hardy DVD and a HULK HOGAN DVD! He only damged the promotion. Back from break, and we see Karenm trying to stop Young from reaching a guitar. Jarrett low-blows Young, and hits Roode with it to get a pin. As Matt and Drew return to action, they brawl for the belt. They fall over though, and Jarrett aims to win before Young tries to powerbomb him. Both men brawl on the ring apron before Young piledrives him on the ladder. As Roode re-enters, Matt and Young brawl Drew jumps off the cage to take all three men out. Drew goes to win, but Matt goes up to stop him. Matt hits a twist of fate off the top of the ladder. Matt goes to win, but Roode brings him down. Roode is next to go for a win before Young stops him. Both men brawl on two ladders before Young tries next. Jarrett hits the stroke off the top of the ladder. Jarrett hangs the belt to win the match, and the new GFW World Heavyweight Championship belt.

Now we have Tigre Uno addressing the Donald Trump stuff. We do not get political, so all we’ll say is he refutes some of the claims, and says he invites Trump to the show. Guess we’ll have a lookalike ready.

A recap of Storm saying he will find a woman. Hope she doesn’t ride the rails. This leads Storm to say groups need leadership. He says that he gave Mickie James a shot to join before nearly killing her. Storm basically calls Mickie a lost cause. Storm reveals the newest member of his group is Serena Deeb. Good thing this group isn’t straight edge. Storm orders Serena to reaveal the truth about Mickie. Serena says she and Mickie were friends for years, until Mickie became a star. Serena says she had been lost for a while until finding Storm. Somewhere, a future MMA fighter says “Good thing I’m not there”. Storm then says to Magnus and Mickie’s son Donovan that this is the point where his parents made a mistake.

Josh then plugs another show on the network. We told him he doesn’t have to.

Rockstar Spud vs. Young in a chain match is next. When Spud is putting his chain on, Young assaults him. Young throws Spud throughout the ring. Young sees Spud trying to escape, and chokes him with the chain. When Young goes to wit Spud with the chain, he rolls out of the way. Spud is now dragging Young briefly before Young is able to bring Spud down and choke him with the chain. When Young gets Spud into the ring, the assault resumes. Josh says a slew of things are trends right now. Meanwhile, Spud battles back, and crotches Young on the rope. Spud now whips Young with the chain. Spud tries to go off the top, but Young uses Brian Stifler as a distraction. After a brief assault, a piledriver makes the difference for a win by Young.

Main event of Matt vs. Roode in a table match. Roode starts off by bringing the fight before Matt takes over, even hitting a side effect. When Matt sets up a table, Roobe battles back into the match. Once the match goes outside, Matt reverses, and tries to suplex Roode through the table, but Roode reverses with one on the steps. After sandwiching Matt with a table, Roode jumps on it. Roode gets Matt into the ring to resume the assault. When Roode sets up a table on the turnbuckle, Matt fights back, and tries for a bulldog through the table. Roode stops it, and spinebuster’s Matt. When Roode tries to attact Matt with a table, a low blow brings matt back in this Matt hits a twist of fate, and before he can moonsault, Roode stops him. Roode is thinking to Roode bomb. After several reversals, Matt back body drops Roode through a ladder outside the ring to become #1 Contender.

A decent night of action, but we still are not able to shake the realization this is the end months of this show, at least on this network. But will anyone else be stupid enough to give us a deal? We’ll find out soon. Until then, have a good weekend.

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