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Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Impact Review 4/19/2016

Before we begin, our thoughts go out to the families of Blackjack Mulligan, and Balls Mahoney. A shame to lose both. And a Happy Birthday to “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. Still missed.


Between moving to a warehouse, we f---ing told boob Gaburick to make sure the TV was hooked up. Bastard. Well anyway, this is the mast show before we have to welcome the Harris Brothers. We need to save them before Lashley shows what he thinks.


After seeing Both Hardys separately proceed to enter the building, we get TNA Knockout Champion Gail Kim vs. Madison Rayne vs. Velvet Sky vs. Marti Bell vs. Rebel vs. Maria. Winner literally runs the Division. The Triple-H Invitational. The two remaining Dollhouse members run things while Maria waits to climb. Gail stops her before Jade takes the lead. Another quick sequence sees Gail stop Maria from leaving. Then The Decay assault Gail for some purpose. The Beautiful People use the ladder on the remaining three. After a return by Maria, Marti powerbombs Jade, then Maria hits Velvet with a kendo stick, and grabs the contract. Ok match with a meh end.


A recap of Bobby Lashley assaulting TNA World Heavyweight Champion Drew Galloway leads to Drew calling out Lashley tonight.


An ad for AJ Styles: WWE Star.


Maria seems high given how much she likes the paper.


After seeing Gail being carried by The Decay, Drew tries calling out Lashley, only to get here instead Rockstar Spud. Spud says Drew is so beaten up, he can become Champion. He then talks about Matt Hardy winning tonight. Drew interrupts, but coked-up Spud says Drew was warned. Finding Tyrus bringing himself down. Tyrus says Drew’s ribs are a target. He is glad to make sure he’s not in a King Hippo reference. After a goad by Tyrus, Drew will be defending next week he says. Drew says the fans are sick of the talking, and goes after Spud, resulting in Tyrus attacking. Josh Mathews again uses a phrase in a manner that it is not meant for as Tyrus splashes Drew.


Matt seems to have forgotten WW’s I & II when putting over his match tonight.


The Decay seem to have doped Gail to keep her out this long. We may need some.


TNA X-Division Champion Trevor Lee vs. Eddie Edwards vs. DJZ. Edwards running things early before Lee sends Edwards out, and is brutalizing DJZ like management did for his surgery. Despite his best attempts, DJZ is beaten down outside. Edwards gets Lee back in, and surges along against Lee. It is DJZ that aims to gain momentum, but Gregory Shane Helms stops him. As Edwards tries to end the match, Andrew Everett helps Lee end the match.


TNA This Belt Still Exists Here Champion and TNA Ghost Eric Young, with Bram Has Re-Signed, says he is going to be changing wrestling. It’s not by staying here.


Helms says he’s sparking the X-Division. We almost forgot we booked this.


After Young refers to people as idiots like it’s Twitter, he says he’s leaving TNA with his belt. Bram won’t leave with him. We’re turning Bram face, why, no one knows. Bram challenges him to a match. But Young low-blows him, and piledrives him. Then he grabs a chair and scissors, and trims the beard.


Jeff Hardy seems to be Commando-style ready tonight.


Mike Bennett belittles Ethan Carter III as he wears a shirt of Maria making several Japanese photographers feel like men. This brings out EC3, who says that he beat Bennett up. EC3 backhandedly talks about how he and Bennett are similar. Bennett basically tells EC3 they are done fighting. But EC3 says it’s not done. This is repeated a few more times before EC3 makes a challenge next week at Sacrifice in a no-DQ match. The match is on.


The Decay have Gail bound. Boy this is escalating quickly.


Advertising Styles again not being here.


Al Snow is yelling at fans about how wrestling used to be. Mahabali Shera emerges to wrestle. Snow assaults him while yelling no one can stop him. Shera starts to become enraged, and becomes a powerful force with several moves, and sends the match outside. Snow rolls under the ring, and emerges behind Shera, attacks him, and sends him out of the ring. As Snow punches Shera out of, and inside, the ring, he goes for a pin, but only gets two. Shera again delivers a dominant offense into several punches. Snow grabs a taped-up metal loop from his gear, and hits Shera when referee Earl Hebner isn’t looking, and gets a pin.


Rosemary talks about a sacrifice. If Only Steve Austin would stop this.


Eli Drake ready to name names next week in Fact of Life. Be careful, Mr. Anderson did an interview segment only once.


The Decay talk about pawns and TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money in the ring as Gail screams. TNA Ghost Bobby Roode says all The Decay had to do was ask. They only will let Gail safely leave if the match is something they say is the Valley of Shadows. Another overbooked wonder from us.


Next week is Drew vs. Tyrus, EC3 vs. Bennett, Young vs. Bram, and Beer Money vs. Decay.


Matt vs. Jeff. “I Quit”. Both men start by brawling. We get a quick yay/boo early. Jeff locks in a figure-four, but Matt won’t give up. Both men reverse before Spud attacks. But Jeff powerbombs him. Matt is able to punch Jeff to the outside. Matt slams Jeff’s face into the steps and apron. Jeff sends Matt into the ringpost, and clotheslines him over the rail. When Jeff is about to jump over, Matt hits him with a chair going into break. Back from break, and Matt chokes Jeff with the rail. Jeff reverses, and stretches Matt’s arm with it. They now fight off to the production guys. Matt blocks a pip using a ringbell, then uses a light as a weapon. Matt then uses yet another chair to choke Jeff, but Jeff won’t quit. Matt tries using it to assist his twist of fate, but Jeff bites Matt’s hand, and uses the chair to hit him several times. Jeff then flies from a staircase onto Matt. He then uses several rails as a table and sets up a ladder next to it. Jeff punces away after putting Matt on the rail. Jeff makes his way up, but Matt is able to get up and stop him. Matt then hits a side effect onto the rail. Jeff doesn’t quit. Matt lay Jeff onto tables. Jeff grabs him into a sleeper. Matt is not quitting. In fact, he seems to have passed out. Whether Jeff thinks that it’s a ploy, or wants to hear Matt say it, Jeff then looks to the staircase, where he swanton bombs from it. We see referees emerge followed by Gaburick. Jeff sits up, but Matt is getting stretchered, ending the show.


Tune in next week for inconclusive finishes and weird new bald guys.

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