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Thursday, January 12, 2017

Impact Review 1/12/2017

We find the bastards that are helping are nuts. We suspect they had problems with the vacation they had implanted. This might be a dream.
After showing the win by TNA World Heavyweight Champion Eddie Edwards last week, we hear TNA World Tag Team Champions The Hardys talk about their intent on defeating both Edwards & Davey Richards later tonight. Fantastically bizarre, we’re glad these guys aren’t Gooker-nominated.
Ethan Carter III is here as we see Davey helping Edwards win on two nights. EC3 talks about wanting one match without interference. He then, as we see the new logo, he talks about the problem Davey started as he wants to see The Wolves. Bobby Lashley then emerges to mockingly ask EC3 about being interrupted. Lashley then says EC3 acting like a face is what cost EC3. Lashley says they both want the TNA Championship, he challenges EC3 to a Last Man Standing match. After they both mock Anthem’s All Seeing Owl, they brawl to possibly amuse it. The match begins before the break. Back from break, EC3 is on the stage while Lashley is in the ring.  Once EC3 enters, Lashley tries using the chair, but misses, leading to EC3 hitting a fast-paced assault. The brawl then heads outside, where Lashley uses punches, and the apron to daze EC3 enough to try a suplex through the table, but neither man does so. Instead, Lashley hits the running powerslam outside. EC3 is up at 5, leading to Lashley rolling him insid. As Lashley begins to climb the turnbuckle, EC3 sends him flying outside. A snap suplex by EC3 gives him time to get a second table. By 6, Lashley is up going into break #2. Back from break, EC3 sends Lashley down with both clotheslines and a splash before using a flapjack. EC3 tries the 1%er, but Lashley gets out and tries a spear. EC3 then gets out of the way and suplexes. This then sees EC3 hit a superplex. Lashley surges with adrenaline, and delivers a superplex of his own. When EC3 gets up, he is speared. He’s up at 5, and is speared again. Lashley brings a third table as EC3 is up at 9. Lashley sets it up in the corner. We get a yay/boo before Lashley hits the spinebuster. Lashley goes for one more spear, but is reversed into a 1%er, and speared through the table. Both respond before the count. EC3 inside, Lashley stumbling outside. EC3 follows and blasts with the chair. Lashley’s up at 7 thanks to the steps. EC3 then goes for a sleeper, which sends both men into the tables Lashley set up. Lashley barely is up at 9, but EC3 is up slightly too late. Both put on a great match, which is why we hope we don’t win the Gooker.
We see a man’s pinky-ring. This won’t do any good. Any bets on if it’s the infamous new gimmick everyone heard about are permitted.
Boy, Hulu doesn’t have any idea what they’re signing up for.
Feast or Fired with a new name.
Eli Drake seems to be Negan when he and Tyrus threaten someone to start reading a statement.
Rockstar Spud reads a statement before Aron Rex is introduced. Spud is dressed like his servant, Rex has a brutally white robe. Rex’s name is sung as he starts talking as stereotypically effeminate as possible. Basically, this reminds us of The Rainbow Express, a tag team that we had to book. Painful then, painful now. Robbie E mocks them and attacks, but they beat him down. Rex then beats him with his ring hand. We may hear everyone involved asking if Japan is an option.
The DCC talk about beating up The Decay. Bram remembers something other than his attorney’s number. Brilliant.
The Allie and Maria stuff keeps going and going and going and going.
The Decay vs. The DCC is next up. Both teams brawl to begin as Abyss works over Bram. Crazzy Steve attacks Eddie Kingston with his speed, but Bram has dealt with Abyss and uses the numbers to beat up Steve. Back to two, Bram slugs Steve before tagging in Kingston. Both use frequent tags before Steve tags in Abyss. After the hot tag, everyone brawls before they’re counted out. Despite this, they’re still brawling. Russo might be erect now.
The Wolves talk about teaming up. We think Davey is happy with Edwards’ success and will not be costing him the TNA Championship.
Returning KO you say? Who forgot her pay rate now? Guess.
TurboTax again after H&R Block. The Thursday Night Tax Wars.
Ok, it’s Brooke. No, not that one. She’s back to wrestling after having her kid. She hopes to be TNA Knockout Champion again.
Mike Bennett vs. Braxton Sutter is now up. Both lock-up to start before Sutter begins chopping, then clotheslining away. Sutter’s attack is not long, because Bennett sends him outside, and throws him between the rail and apron before trying a pin inside. Bennett’s chinlock is broken by Sutter, who uses right hands and a spinebuster. Sutter uses his agility to fly, but Maria’s distraction leads to Bennett hitting the MIP, then a piledriver at Maria’s orders. Allie then tries to tell her to stop, but she tries to have Allie see, but Bennett takes entirely too much time, as he’s pinned with a jackknife.
Bennett has given her an idea.
TNA Knockout Champion Rosemary is out to speak. She talks about being Champion, and who’s tried to stop her. Jade interrupts to say that the mist is why Jade doesn’t have the belt, now she wants a shot. Rosemary says it’s a death wish she is not denying, so long as it’s Monster’s Ball, to which Jade accepts. Afterwards, they brawl, which sends Rosemary running.
Next week is Race 4 The Case as it is now known.
The Hardys vs. The Wolves main events. Edwards starts battling Broken Matt Hardy. Both will swap working on the arm before Davey and “Brother Nero” Jeff Hardy tag in. They exchange holds before the double-team by The Wolves, leading Edwards tagging in. Edwards next is teamed up on by The Hardys keep tagging in and out going into break. Back from break, Edwards battles with Jeff, but needs to tag Davey in. Matt tags in and goes for a pin before Davey breaks it up. Edwards hits The Hardys with a hurricarana, and tags in Davey, who hits both with a suplex. Davey locks Matt in a figure-four. Jeff tries to stop it, but Davey additionally puts him in an ankle lock. Davey targets the leg of Matt before Edwards drags Matt into the post. Frequent tags bring both Wolves until settling on Davey. Matt brings Davey down, leading to Edwards and Jeff tagging in. Jeff hits a few of his Moves of Doom, but Davey breaks the pin attempt. Jeff uses the whisper in the wind on both before tagging in Matt, who tries a twist of fate before he is countered be Edwards. Jeff tries a Swanton bomb, but the knees of Edwards leads to an attempt to end the match, but Matt breaks up the pin. After a few near-finishes, Matt hits Davey with a twist of fate, bringing next the Swanton bomb. This does not end the match. Edwards goes after Matt, After this, Edwards tries to signal to Davey, but is caught by Matt, leading to a pin from Jeff to end the match.
Week 2 was not bad, unless you look at the bad repackaging, but that doesn’t even screw up the show now.

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